Youkai no Konseki
by heofon
Summary: This fic depicts how Rin grows and Sesshoumaru matures, and how their lives slowly unfold for them. It’s slow, with focus on character development, lots of history and OC’s, and zero action, at least so far.
1. Chapter 01

Disclaimer: I do not hold any rights to Inuyasha in any form or way, nor do I make any profit out of writing this fic.

**Note:** The beginning is intentionally vague, since I don't know yet how the manga will end. Inuyasha, Kagome and others will reappear at some point, but it won't be soon. First, Sesshoumaru has to solve some issues. ;) Oh, and since by now the anime ended and the manga reached chapter 385 or so, I take all the events shown in both as applicable, and thus the fic might contain spoilers.

Since I watch only the Japanese version and prefer to use the Japanese terminology, there are language notes at the end of the chapter.

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_Chapter 1_

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"So... what are we going to do about the Shikon no Tama?" asked Kagome, fingering the at long last complete jewel pensively.

The others sat around the fire in silence, watching her hold the shining pinkish ball. Earlier that day, after months of chase, after never-ending anguish and worry, they had finally managed to put a stop to Naraku's evil ways. The wicked hanyou was dead now, his soul destroyed by Kikyou's purifying arrow. But the Jewel remained, completed at the price of countless lives, and yet now looking so pure and benign that they could swear it had never been seen blood.

"Isn't it so that if a good wish is made, Shikon no Tama will disappear after granting it?" asked Miroku thoughtfully.

Kagome glanced at him briefly before turning her eyes back to the jewel again. A good wish, huh? Could the Shikon no Tama actually do a good deed? She thought back to all she had seen happen because of it. Not one thing could be described as even remotely good, not one involved something other than death and misery. Anger filled her as she was recalling all the lives extinguished because of one small pinkish ball.

"Then I wish it would finally do something good!" She said spitefully.

As if prompted by her words, the Jewel began glowing brightly, bathing them in light and plunging them into a bizarre, unreal void of shadows and pink lights. But before any had a chance to say even a word, the light stopped and they were gone form the clearing, leaving just one small kitsune and one even smaller flea behind.

"Guys...?" Shippou called out tentatively, looking around in confusion.

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"Sesshoumaru-sama, look!" He glanced down at the small child and at the bunch of dandelions she was holding up to him. He could never understand why she insisted on showing him every little thing. But at least she never really bothered him about an answer.

"They're so pretty! And smell so nice!" Rin buried her face happily in the yellow petals, inhaling their fresh scent deeply and running off to show her find to Jakken who was trotting on behind them.

Yes, he supposed that as far as sights and smells went, dandelions weren't that bad, but why squeal in delight just because they were there? Why pick them and weave them into wreaths? Sesshoumaru frowned inwardly as he walked on, reminding himself yet again not to waste his time thinking about it. If he hadn't understood it by now, after over a year of having Rin around, there was little chance he ever would. He had more important matters to attend to, although at the current moment it was nothing more than wandering around the country, following various rumors of ways to gain more power.

Sesshoumaru's frown deepened. There it was again, that feeling of... restlessness that had been permeating his thoughts so often during the last few months, ever since Naraku had been done away with. For the first time in his life he had no specified goal, nothing to guide him through the days that were all so unremarkably alike. Before, there was always some superior imperative, like finding his father's tomb and obtaining the Tetsusaiga, a task which kept him occupied for over 150 years. But now the fang was in the hands of his hanyou half-brother, and as much as Sesshoumaru loathed admitting it, the bastard had put it to a good use. Besides, without the Tetsusaiga to contain his youkai blood, Inuyasha would soon become a mindless, murderous beast, and although he was already a worthless hanyou, an utter imbecile and a pathetic swordsman, it was still better than being related to an animal.

"I'm hungry, I'll go find some food, kay?" Rin announced from behind him and run off into the forest to forage for any edible articles. As always, be it yesterday or a month ago, Jakken begun spluttering out his outrage at her lack of respect towards Sesshoumaru-sama, but the taiyoukai wasn't in the mood to listen to the nonsensical babble, not that he ever was.

"Jakken, knock it off."

You'd think the toad would've gotten used to it by now. After all, that was what Rin always did, unless she was told to stay put or they were in a hurry, either of which hardly ever happened nowadays. Sesshoumaru didn't mind, she did what she was supposed to in finding her own food, and he was well aware that forcing her to go hungry would only lead to greater inconvenience. Finding a suitable tree nearby, he sat down underneath it and allowed his thoughts to return to their previous course.

Perhaps he should finally kill Inuyasha? Since the hanyou's abilities seemed to have improved somewhat the last time Sesshoumaru had seen him, when Naraku had been finally taken appropriate care of, it could prove to be a task interesting enough to busy his mind and disperse that annoying feeling of misplacement. He scoffed at himself. As if he needed Inuyasha for anything. No, he should rather focus on the objective that guided him throughout his entire life, the objective of gaining enough power to surpass his father and establish himself as the strongest youkai.

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Shippou trudged on through the forest, looking around carefully in case there was something yummy to be found nearby. The area smelled of nuts and he was sure he could find some if he looked around carefully enough. He sighed to himself. Yummy or not, nuts could not compare to the delicious food Kagome used to have with her all the time. The lollipops, the chocolate, the ramen... His mouth watered at the memory of the strange yet tasty food. He hadn't eaten anything that good in quite a while. Actually he hadn't been eating that well at all since the others had disappeared.

When they disappeared, just like that one less, he at first thought it was some trick, that they were still nearby. He kept running around the clearing for hours but they were nowhere to be found and neither he nor Myouga-jiji had any ideas about what happened to them, although Myouga-jiji suggested that maybe since Shikon no Tama was what allowed Kagome to travel through time, it had taken them there to "do something good". At first he felt cheated. How could they go on an adventure without him?! Why was he left out?!

It wasn't until a few days later that he had fully realized his position. He was all alone, a small kitsune who lost all his friends and had nowhere to go, nobody to protect him – not that he needed to be protected, he huffed to himself. But... he missed them so much... He swallowed, struggling not to get all emotional, weepy and unmanly, and pushed his thoughts back to the past. When it became clear that the others were not coming back anytime soon, he and Myouga returned to Kaede-bachan's village, deciding to wait there and having nowhere else to go anyway, but... a few months later Kaede-bachan died. She was fine one day and then just got a small cold and plain _died_. And the next village miko was no too happy about having youkai running around the place. It's not fair, he decided angrily, why do people he cared for kept dying and disappearing? First his Tousan, then Kagome and the others and then even Kaede-bachan. He wiped off the tears that crept into his eyes, glancing down inconspicuously to see if Myouga saw his embarrassing moment. But the flea was still snoring contently, snuggled into the warmth of the kitsune's clothes.

Seeing it was safe, Shippou sniffed loudly, prepared to blame it on food searching, should Myouga wake up. But the pretense turned out truer than the actual cause since as soon as the air entered his nose, his senses informed him that he was much closer to the nuts now. Shippou frowned in concentration. There was something else there too, or rather somebody. A human... a human whose scent he had smelled before.

Advancing as stealthily between the trees as he could, he followed the scent and soon found its source. It was a small girl, crouched down and busy collecting nuts, a pile of which was already stocked nearby. Shippou looked her over carefully, his mind busy sorting through all the humans his memory held. It was – he sniffed again, this time to get more of her scent – the girl that used to hang around Sesshoumaru all the time, Rin!

Deciding it was safe, Shippou abandoned the tree he was hiding behind and walked towards the girl.

"Hey, Rin!" The girl looked startled at first, but a hint of recognition soon lit her face.

"It's Shippou, remember?" Shippou provided casually, noticing she had a hard time remembering his name.

"That's right! Shippou-chan! You were with Kagome-sama when Sesshoumaru-sama fought with that evil sword!"

The girl, Shippou decided, was clearly delusional. Sure, Sesshoumaru was there, but it was Inuyasha – and Shippou himself – who fought Sou'unga, not the 'pompous ass', as Inuyasha often referred to his older sibling.

"Hmmm? Is that Rin-chan that I see?" Myouga spoke up from Shippou shoulder, choosing the moment to wake up.

"Un," she confirmed and quickly recognized the small youkai. After all, it's not everyday one gets to see a tiny talking flea. "Myouga-sama!"

Myouga puffed his chest proudly. Finally somebody titled him properly! Sesshoumaru always struck him as a rather inattentive caretaker, but the child was evidently well educated on the respect due to her elders.

"Am I correct to assume that Sesshoumaru-sama is nearby?" he inquired.

"Un," Rin confirmed again, "right... there!" she added, pointing a finger to their left, clearly proud that she wasn't lost.

"Hmmm... Perhaps," said Myouga turning to Shippou, "we should pay him a visit."

"Feh! Why would I want to do that?" replied the kitsune arrogantly, and Myouga was once again reminded that Shippou had spent a lot of time with Inuyasha.

"Perhaps he would allow us to remain in his company," Myouga answered tentatively and continued before Shippou could object, "As... conversationally challenging as he might be, I'm quite sure you wouldn't have to worry about being eaten in your sleep anymore."

Shippou cringed. As much as he hated to admit it, he was still just a small, powerless kitsune, and although so far he managed to fend off all the youkai – and humans – that tried to either eat him or purify him, he knew well enough that all he had was his tricks and that sooner or later, his luck was bound to run out. Sesshoumaru was the last person he'd want to depend on, but... he was also the only one left.

He heaved a mighty sigh and shook his head. "Alright, let's give it a try, though I still don't think it's a good idea or that he'll agree. And you better pray he won't try to kill us!"

"I don't think he would," replied Myouga pensively," Sesshoumaru-sama is indeed quick to make his decisions regarding life and death, but," he glanced at Rin, "he too has changed greatly."

With that, Shippou helped Rin gather more nuts, hoping she would share some with him later, and they headed in the direction Rin had pointed to before.

For her part, Rin didn't mind the company nor the earlier than intended return. She was planning to go back as soon as she gathered the nuts anyway. It was much nicer to eat with her companions around and she was also hoping that maybe Sesshoumaru-sama would be in the mood to help her crack the nuts. He did it once before, when she couldn't find any good rocks to crack the resistant seeds. He just scooped them in his large hand, squeezed, and they were all cracked, with the insides still intact no less. She had been delighted, as always when he so effortlessly did something that she couldn't. Yes, she knew he was a youkai and could do all sorts of things that she couldn't, but it was still amazing.

She glanced to Shippou and Myouga. They too were youkai and probably also could do a lot of amazing things. Though probably not as amazing as the things Sesshoumaru-sama could do, she appended thoughtfully. From their conversation she understood that they might be staying around, at least for a while, and was looking forward to having more company. Sesshoumaru-sama, Jakken-sama and Aun were very good companions, and she felt very happy just traveling around with them, but... It would be nice to have somebody to talk to, like she talked to Kohaku-kun, although the memory seemed so far away now.

Glancing at the two again, she decided that it might be – what was the word Sesshoumaru-sama used to describe something practical...? – exe... expe... expedient, that's right, it might be expedient to start talking now, since they might not be staying around at all.

"So...," she started vaguely, "what are you doing here without the others?"

Shippou looked at her, surprised to realize that probably neither she nor Sesshoumaru knew about the Inu-tachi's disappearance, or about the full story behind the Shikon no Tama.

"Well... you remember Shikon no Tama, right?" he replied, and when she seemed to have no idea what it meant, he promptly launched into a story that was full of heroic deeds of a valiant kitsune and his friends.

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Sesshoumaru was still in the process of deciding whether the idea of pursuing Inuyasha to death only to fill up his days was too undignified to ever be endeavored – it was a very tempting concept after all – when the air brought to his nostrils a few familiar scents. He recognized Rin's scent of course, by now he knew it well enough to be able to sniff it out from miles away, but the other two scents, although familiar, were less easy to identify. He frowned, digging into the various recesses of his memory only to resurface with an image of a tiny flea youkai. Sesshoumaru remembered the flea well, he used to be a faithful follower of Chichi-ue's who after his Oyakata-sama's death so blatantly and disrespectfully decided to follow the blasted hanyou instead of himself, his father's only full blooded son. Not that he wanted to have the cowardly flea around to begin with, but it was still quite a misdemeanor.

The other scent was also loosely familiar, but since his mind was telling him its owner was somehow related to Inuyasha, he decided not to trail the thought any further, lest he stumbled across something that was better left forgotten, and waited to see the person with his eyes rather than nose.

And soon enough the bushes to his right rustled gently and released one little girl, one tiny flea and one small kitsune, all of whom were engrossed in animated conversation. Sesshoumaru remembered the kitsune, albeit vaguely. The fox child was one of Inuyasha's odd group of humans and youkai, and perhaps due to his earlier visions of killing his 'dear' brother, Sesshoumaru found he was actually looking forward to hearing why they were here. Surely they realized that if they followed Rin long enough, they were bound to come across him...?

"Ah! Sesshoumaru-sama!" Myouga noticed his former master's son and hopped onto a rock near the still sitting youkai.

Splat! The tiny flea floated to the ground in his flattened form.

"Myouga," said Sesshoumaru coldly, "have you decided to abandon the hanyou?"

Myouga quickly snapped back to his normal form and returned to the top of the rock, sensing where this was going.

"Ahh, well," he stammered, fidgeting, "Sesshoumaru-sama, I never followed Inuyasha-sama because I wanted to, it was your father's wish that should anything happen to him, I was to aid Inuyasha-sama with my knowledge and experience. Since," he added hastily, "he has neither and you have no need for my services."

A smart flea, decided Sesshoumaru, a coward of incomparable magnitude, but a smart one nevertheless.

"Then what brings you here?" Being done with the niceties, Sesshoumaru felt ready to indulge his curiosity.

Myouga then proceeded to explain the Inu-tachi's disappearance, and the predicament he – a servant without a master, and Shippou – a child without anyone to care for him, were currently in.

"And we were hoping you would honor us by allowing us to enter your service. " he finished, waving frantically behind his back for Shippou to stay quiet and not ruin everything, a hint that seemed to have gotten through as Shippou kept to himself his comments about the kind of service he would like to provide Sesshoumaru with.

Sesshoumaru took in the news in silence, relief that his decision regarding Inuyasha had been made for him briefly flashing through his thoughts. At least this way there was no chance he could disgrace himself by depending on Inuyasha for entertainment. Still, he had half a mind to squash Myouga again and then send them both to meet their maker, or at least over the top of the trees, but his eyes fell on Rin and his mind recalled the image of the three talking just a moment ago.

Overall, the child seemed happy enough to his eyes and she never expressed any unfulfilled desires, other than that he was more familiar with her, something he never knew what to do with. Yes, when he first chanced upon the girl, she reeked horribly of some of the foulest odors he associated with humans and the idea of touching such a creature had been revolting to him. He had allowed her to follow him mostly out of mild curiosity as to why would a human want to do such a thing, never expecting it to become a permanent arrangement. But now... she smelled more like a youkai than a human, he had gotten used to having her around and the time when she was abducted by Ongokuki only to be nearly taken away by those monks clearly proved that neither of them wanted her to leave his side. Nevertheless, he had no idea what was the proper way of taking care of a child. In his over three and half centuries of life he never had any experiences with children, human or otherwise, and the memories of his own childhood were too remote and too... inappropriate to be applied to a child as cheerful and open as Rin.

He looked back to the flea and the fox. Rin needed somebody to talk to, somebody other than Jakken that is, and somebody to teach her about the ways of humans. He had a distant feeling that when females of any species reached particular age, they needed to be properly educated on various issues related to their bodily processes and he was more than certain that neither he nor Jakken were up to the task. And there they were, a child companion to play with her and a knowledgeable elder to educate her in any way she required. He nodded to himself, satisfied with the prospect.

"You may stay for today," he said finally, getting up and ignoring another of Jakken's splutter fits. "I will make a more lasting decision tomorrow."

"Thank you, Sesshoumaru-sama!" Myouga released the breath he didn't know he was holding. He had been confident that Sesshoumaru would let them stay, or at least that he wouldn't hurt them in any way, but there was too much cowardice in his small body, and he knew too much about Sesshoumaru, to be completely void of fear.

But now, he reckoned, hopping back to Shippou's shoulder, their life style was certain to improve. No more running away from bloodthirsty youkai, no more cowering in trees in the cold of the night. Yep, he too was satisfied with the prospect of the future.

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**Language notes **(for those who watch the English version mostly)

_Shikon no Tama_ – The Jewel of Four Souls

_youkai _– It's translated as 'demon' in the English version, though it's a much more vague term in Japanese

_taiyoukai_ – "great youkai", it's how Inuyasha's father is often referred to, and by extension also Sesshoumaru

_hanyou_ – half-demon

_kitsune_ – fox, Shippou is a fox youkai

_Tousan_ – father; I couldn't remember how Shippou refers to his father so I used this.

_Chichi-ue_ – also 'father'; it's how Sesshoumaru refers to his father, it's actually quite polite even if familiar.

_Ongokuki_ – the youkai who kidnapped Rin in episode 162;

_Sou'unga_ – the evil sword 'starring' in Movie 3;

_Oyakata-sama_ – master, chief; it's how Myouga – and many others – referred to Inuyasha's father

**General notes:**

I made Sesshoumaru to be around 350 because of Movie 3, where it is shown that when Inuyasha was born Sesshoumaru was already grown up, but not fully. He appeared to be around the age Inuyasha is in the anime, and since Inuyasha is effectively 150 (plus 50 spent sealed away), then Sesshoumaru might've quite likely been around 150 when Inuyasha was born. And since that was 200 before the anime, then it adds up to 350.

-sama,-jiji, -kun, -chan, -bachan – these are Japanese suffixes added to names, and they indicate various things, such as politeness or familiarity. '-sama' is a very respectful ending, '-chan' is very familiar, '-kun' is semi-familiar, '-jiji' means just 'old man' - that's how Myouga is addressed usually and '-bachan' (actually, it's "baachan", but it's too long to be practical, so I left the often used 'bachan') is "grandma" and that's how Kaede is most often referred to by Inuyasha's group.


	2. Chapter 02

Disclaimer: I do not hold any rights to Inuyasha in any form or way, nor do I make any profit out of writing this fic.

**Note:** This fic will progress rather slowly, and it's not unintentional. I don't like fanfics in which Sesshoumaru goes from his normal persona to being all romantic and outspoken within one chapter, nor do I think he could ever become like that. Yes, it's clear from the manga/anime that he does care for Rin, but let's face it, Sesshoumaru has some serious issues with admitting – even to himself – that he cares for anyone, or anything for that matter. Moreover, I also wanted to focus some more on the youkai world, and Sesshoumaru's place in it, also in relation to his father, so it will still be a while before Rin grows up.

Since I watch only the Japanese version and prefer to use the Japanese terminology, there are language notes at the end of the chapter.

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_Chapter 2_

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They walked on until evening, crossing forests and fields in the leisurely manner customary for Sesshoumaru. Rin and Shippou continued chatting, or rather Shippou continued telling her about his adventures and she gasped and 'oooooh'ed in all the right places, while they were snacking on the nuts which – to Rin's delight – proved to be very easy for Shippou's sharp teeth to crack.

Myouga, having checked that Sesshoumaru wasn't looking, snuck a quick jab at the little girl's neck and discovered that her blood was indeed as delicious as it promised to be from afar. Shippou's blood wasn't bad either, and he was content to feed on it during the months of their aimless wandering, but nothing could compare with the blood of a female, even if this particular female was still too young to be considered anything more than a child. His appetite satisfied, he returned to the folds of Shippou's clothes and kept napping on and off, often snoring quite loudly.

Behind them, Jakken was trotting on in offended silence, often yanking Aun's reigns with excessive force to relieve some of his stress. Having the girl around was bad enough, but now Sesshoumaru-sama had to take in that annoying pair too! He was sure that they would somehow worm they way in by tomorrow, like the girl had done, and was equally convinced that nothing good could come out of it, nothing! He kept coming up with gloom scenarios in his mind, trying not to admit to himself that the true reason for his anxiousness was his fear of being rendered useless to his master.

As for Sesshoumaru, he was discovering that there were actually more benefits to having the two around than he had initially assumed. Although he looked as disinterested as possible, he kept a close ear on the conversation behind him and it was proving most informative. He had to listen to a number of boring stories about Inuyasha's adventures with his mismatched group to fish out the interesting bits, but even that wasn't too bad. The stories yet again confirmed his assumptions that Inuyasha was a blundering idiot who had problems telling left from right. What else he could be if he had such problems with so many low class youkai as the kitsune described? And he was retelling it as victorious battles, no less! Of course they were victorious, a moron and a hanyou as he was, Inuyasha was still a son of one of the most powerful youkai to ever walk the land, so those should've been minor skirmishes, at most, not bloody battles.

He refocused his attention on the conversation behind him. They were once again talking about that miko from Inuyasha's group and that was when the interesting bits would come up. And again, among the many side stories of various snacks and inventions, the words that captured his attention in the first place were brought up. Those were 'her time', 'well' and, most notably, 'time travel'. Sesshoumaru was no stranger to the concept of time travel, after all, all living creatures, even youkai, were bound by time and most had at least once in their lives wished that time could be turned back, which was more or less equivalent to the idea of time travel.

But being aware of the notion was not the same as hearing that such a feat was indeed possible, and that all it required was jumping into an old well with a piece of the Shikon no Tama. Since the jewel disappeared along with Inuyasha and his group, any thoughts of testing the story were pointless, although he had to admit he was curious. Still, from what the kitsune said, it seemed that only the miko – Kagome, his mind supplied – and Inuyasha could pass through the well while the fox child, despite holding a Shikon shard, could not. So a human and a hanyou could, but a youkai couldn't, he summed up and wondered briefly if any other human ever tried it. Not that it mattered; he was undoubtedly a youkai and had no Shikon shards, so his curiosity could only be satisfied by listening on.

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The evening was beginning to turn to night, and sensing that the others were getting tired, Sesshoumaru found a suitable clearing, and sat under a tree there, which, as Rin quickly informed Shippou, was a clear sign that that's where they were to stay for the night.

Rin and Shippou proved to be a very efficient combination of human-youkai power, as they bustled about setting up a fire, grazing Aun and getting some fish from a nearby stream, achieving all that in much shorter time than Rin and Jakken usually did. Perhaps, thought Sesshoumaru, watching them from a corner of his eye, it was due to a lack of the usual bickering between Rin and Jakken. He glanced at the toad, who was slumping dejectedly against a tree, obviously being the only one of the group who was not enjoying the new arrangement. Sesshoumaru was not interested in his emotional states. Like the others, Jakken followed him out of his free will, and could go wherever he wanted, whenever he wanted. If he chose to stay, he would soon get used to the new situation anyway.

He allowed his mind to go blank as he waited for Rin and the fox child to finally settle down and return to their talking. Soon enough, they did so indeed, and he caught a few more interesting pieces of information, including the news that Kagome was a reincarnation of the miko Inuyasha had once fallen for and who bound him to a tree called Goshinboku, and that it was Kagome who released him, on her very first day in the past.

After a while, they settled down for sleep, although the fox child and Myouga had the audacity to express they wonder at the fact that Rin didn't even have a blanket of any sorts to keep her warm at night. He silenced the comments quickly with a well directed glare. As if she was ever cold. She always had a fire and Aun to keep her warm, and on the nights when even that wasn't sufficient, he would let her sleep next to him and that was more than enough to keep her not only warm, but also very happy.

He could even remember that one night last winter, when the air was particularly cold, he was feeling particularly... amiable, and she kept shivering despite lying right next to him, he had taken off his armor and let the child sleep snuggled into him. He frowned at the memory of her tiny hands grasped onto his clothes and her breath reaching his skin through the folds of his clothes. It hadn't been objectionable per se, but... the proximity made him feel... oddly self-conscious. He was not used to touch, not unless it was in battle when it was simply a necessity, and on the night when the child was so close to him, he had found that he did not enjoy that particular sensation of incongruity, even if there was also something else there, something... engaging?

His frown deepened. He was not used to feeling self-conscious, or being interested in his emotions regarding others for that matter, but... He glanced at the child and the kitsune who were snuggled up together near the fire. To them, touch seemed a natural phenomenon, something one did without thinking about it. He felt strangely inadequate in his aversion to something so simple. And she had seemed aware of it too. He hadn't really given much thought to allowing her to sleep, well, basically on him, it was a simple necessity, a way of avoiding the trouble of having her fall ill. Yet, when she just sat there, looking at him quietly with her large eyes, visibly surprised at his offer before climbing cautiously into his lap, he realized that he had been expecting her to be as delighted as she always was when he did something for her.

But there were no squeals of joy that time, no gasps of delight. She seemed as ill at ease in the situation as he was, trying to make herself comfortable with as little squirming as possible. It didn't last for her, however. When she woke up next morning, she greeted him with her usual toothy grin, and – apparently having decided that it was okay to touch him freely now – hugged him quickly before skipping away to ready herself for the day. Ever since then she would exercise that liberty occasionally, in touching his hand or outright hugging him again when she felt particularly excitable. And every time he would remain motionless, uncertain what to do, uncertain what he felt and uncertain if there was something he was supposed to do and feel.

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When his companions awoke and made themselves ready to depart the next morning, Sesshoumaru informed them that Shippou and Myouga could stay, as long as they kept themselves out of his way, and out of trouble.

"Thank you, Sesshoumaru-sama!" bowed Myouga, "You will hardly even notice we're here!"

Doubtful, thought Sesshoumaru, hearing the cheerful and shrill display of emotions between Rin and the fox child, as they expressed their joy over being able to continue their growing comradeship.

Myouga took a cautious skip closer to his new master. "May I ask where to are we headed?"

But Sesshoumaru turned away and continued on his way.

"Baka!" chided Jakken, "Sesshoumaru-sama goes where he wants, and he doesn't have to say anything about it to the likes of you, useless flea!"

Oh well, decided Myouga, hopping back into Shippou's clothes as they followed Sesshoumaru's white form through the woods, it was just as good. He had nowhere he was supposed to be anyway, and as far as obligations went, serving his former masters' son and brother was the most fitting way of fulfilling his duties.

The day carried on very much like the previous afternoon. Rin and Shippou continued to chat, she wanting to know everything and Shippou obliging her gladly. Myouga went back to his naps and snoring, and even Jakken seemed in a better mood. Having spent a day observing the new additions to the group, he came to the conclusion that Myouga was a worthless old fool, too small and weak to be of any use, and Shippou was a scatter brain, also of no use. They seemed even more useless than the girl, despite her being a human and them being youkai, and his faithful heart of a servant found relief in knowing there was no way they could ever replace him.

But when morning turned to afternoon, and they made a short stop in a clearing, his feelings began to change yet again. Usually, the girl would run off to find some food, sometimes he would be sent after her, they would argue a little, she'd find something interesting and drag him over to see, or run over to show him and then they would eat in relative peace, thus completing the routine that had become so familiar to them over the last year. But now... the girl did it with the kitsune. It wasn't that he missed her attention, no, it was just that... that... The toad frowned. It was just that she should know what was best for her, and it was not gallivanting around with the annoying fox, that's for sure! Shaking his head and mumbling curses, Jakken never suspected that his master was experiencing similar sentiments.

Sesshoumaru sat on a large rock near the edge of the clearing and was keeping a casual, yet watchful eye – and ear – on the newly reacquainted pair of children. They had just returned from a food hunt, with some vegetables they 'swindled', as the fox child put it, from a nearby field. Now they sat in the clearing, eating and yet again chatting and he had an oddest urge to lob the kitsune back to that field. He frowned, thoroughly displeased with himself for feeling an emotion he thought he had gotten rid of long ago. He was being jealous, and not over Chichi-ue's attention this time, but over a small human child. Did her adoration actually mean that much to him? He had been convinced it was more annoying that anything else, but...

His thoughts suddenly snapped back into focus when he caught a particular piece of their conversation.

"And there are really no youkai in Kagome-sama's world?" Rin's voice was filled with astonishment.

"Nope. She said that over there youkai are only mentioned in legends and not many people believe in them anyway. Kagome's grandfather does, but Inuyasha said that her grandfather was a loony even though he's right. She 'sat' him for it." Shippou chuckled at the memory.

They carried on about the whole 'osuwari' issue, but Sesshoumaru's mind was too busy contemplating what he just heard to fully appreciate the vision of his brother being crashed into the ground every time the miko said one simple word. Rin and Shippou were just children, in their minds the place the miko came from was another world, unrelated to their own. But it was not a different world, it was this world, his world and their world, only a few centuries older. And apparently, within those few centuries youkai would in this way or another disappear.

It had never occurred to Sesshoumaru that something like that could happen. Although he could never be bothered to count how old exactly he was every time he thought about it, especially since it wasn't often, he was over 350 years old in any case. His father was almost as old as Bokusenou when he had died, and Sesshoumaru had always subconsciously assumed that he would live at least just as long. Truth be told, there was no known limit to how long he could live, no taiyoukai has ever been known to age, they all died in battle. Not many youkai aged in the first place, and those who did were usually low class mononoke or those who had too much human – or just generally weak – blood in their lineage.

He looked back to the two who were still talking. Even the kitsune, despite not being in any way a powerful youkai, could probably live those few centuries more, without any aging other than growing up, unless he managed to get himself killed by a stronger youkai. So could Myouga. The flea only looked old because that was his natural – or chosen – form, not out of any actual old age. Myouga was only two hundred or so years older than him and had always looked the same, getting neither older nor younger, for as long as Sesshoumaru could remember.

Then what could've happened to cause the youkai to disappear? Was the miko not from their future after all? Sesshoumaru was unsure what to think. The fox child could've made a mistake, but Myouga was no fool. His brow creased again. Perhaps he should talk to the flea about it.

A small hand touched his knee and he was startled, surprising both himself and Rin.

"Sesshoumaru-sama...?" Rin asked hesitantly but got no reply.

"Um, are we going to stay here for much longer? Because there's a flower field over there...." She wanted to go explore the flower field, just like she wanted to explore every flower field, or every stream.

"Iku zo." Sesshoumaru got up and walked away in the direction they were headed before.

He did it more out of surprise at being startled than an actual need to get going. He was in no hurry, nor was the destination that important. They were going to visit Chushihou, an old spider youkai who made the best quality youkai clothes, to get Rin a yukata that would last longer than those pathetic human clothes. When he had first decided to let her follow him, he told Jakken to get her new clothes, since her old yukata was too tattered, too small and too bloody to be ever cleaned. The toad got her a decent human yukata, large enough for her to grow a few inches and still fit into it. Unfortunately, it quickly turned out that humans always were so dirty, ragged and smelly not only due to their lack of personal hygiene, but also because human clothes were simply by far inferior to youkai clothing, just like humans were by far inferior to youkai. Rin's yukata would constantly get dirty or torn and even though he had made Jakken get her another new one during the year, he felt he had enough of watching the child scrub and repair her clothes all the time, as it seemed.

There was no point in getting her proper clothes before, she was not to stay with him. But now that it was obvious she was not going anywhere, as least for a while, and he preferred her clean and orderly, it was only fitting he got her clothing that could withstand their wandering life style. They were still at least a day's journey away from Chushihou's caves and he was set on solving the issue of the disappearing youkai before then.

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**Language notes:**

_Iku zo._ – basically just "We're going."; it's what Sesshoumaru often uses.

_miko_ – priestess, at least according to the English dub...

_Chushihou_ – a name I made up for the character, composed out of the characters for 'spider', 'seam' and 'master' if I remember right.

_yukata_ – the long robe like type of clothing Rin wears, to put it simply

**General notes:**

I have no idea how old Inuyasha's father was, of course, but if I assume Sesshoumaru must be around 350, then the comparison of his and his father's sizes in their true forms indicates that his father must've been indeed rather old, despite looking young. My estimate is around 1500 :P

As for aging youkai, the idea that a spiritual creature would age is ridiculous to the Western mind, since in the Western culture all demons are immortal. I don't think there's any indication in the anime that any youkai or mononoke would age, but still, I felt free to add my own version of the issue.

As for Myouga's age – he does seem older than Sesshoumaru and an old-term retainer of his father's, but I picked 200 years without any specific reasons for it. However, in Movie 3 Myouga is indeed shown to have looked exactly the same throughout the period of 200 years, so no, I don't think he's really 'aged'.


	3. Chapter 03

Disclaimer: I do not hold any rights to Inuyasha in any form or way, nor do I make any profit out of writing this fic.

**Reviews:** Thank you all amazingly wonderful people who decided to review, and in so much detail! Those were my first reviews ever, so I'm extremely grateful and excited, and also very glad that you found the fic to your liking! :D

And about the specifics of the reviews: This fic is actually a part of a greater story, which starts off with Inu-tachi's disappearance and will lead to a story about the Shikon no Tama and beyond. However, the newly assembled Sesshou-tachi's story has to happen first, and since it's quite a long one, Inu-tachi will not reappear for quite a while. I have thought about writing the overall story from Inu-tachi's point of view, retelling this story in flashbacks and such, but it was too confusing and difficult to structure. Plus, Sesshoumaru and Rin's story is not only a theme I'm quite fond of, but it will also influence the overall story greatly, so please pardon the abrupt beginning and rest assured that our favourite hanyou will make a come-back and that in time, all will become clear.

As for what happened to Inu-tachi – I have hinted at it, a bit, and if you're an avid fanfic reader you can probably guess where this might be headed, but if it's not in any way guessable, I can write some chapter that will foreshadow the overall direction, although I'm not sure whether it would add appeal to the story, or to the contrary.

And finally, Shippou and Rin – I do have some mischief planned for them, but there's only so much I can think of, so if you have any suggestions, or something you'd like to see at any point of the fic, please feel free to point it out!

**Note:** This chapter is a bit long and although the first part of it was necessary (even if it might be confusing at times), the second serves only to show that Rin or no Rin, Sesshoumaru's feelings about humans in general have not changed greatly, as I doubt they would. Also, it's another bit of an introduction on Sesshoumaru's past with his father, which is something that will keep reappearing, since I found it interesting how he is both respectful and fond of his father, and yet at the same time often detached and almost derisive.

Since I watch only the Japanese version and prefer to use the Japanese terminology, there are language notes at the end of the chapter.

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_Chapter 3_

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They stopped for the night in yet another clearing, this time in one close to an onsen. Rin and Shippou run off to soak in the warm waters and strangely enough, Jakken followed them. Sesshoumaru could only hope that the toad would bathe too. Although he had gotten used to his follower's natural stench throughout the years, the fact that Jakken actually preferred to be dirty, something that came with being a marsh toad, he supposed, did little to improve his image in his master's eyes.

Sesshoumaru had little need for bathing, himself. His body was a very efficient mechanism that needed little conservation. He was old enough to require food and sleep only occasionally, he didn't sweat, at least not often, and that oily, greasy substance that covered the skin of most humans was unknown to him. Naturally, he would bathe when he was dirty, but any dirt on him was due to the external world. If he sat down and did nothing, it would probably be years before he was in need of a bath.

Looking around the clearing, he noticed Myouga was still there, sipping tea from his tiny cup, in front of a tiny fire.

"Myouga," the flea was visibly startled by his voice, "what do you know about the miko that used to travel with Inuyasha?"

Myouga answered promptly. "Why, Kagome was a very good-natured young lady, and a very nicely shaped one, if I might add. I remember that one time, she was bathing in..."

"Myouga," Sesshoumaru cut him off dryly, he was not in the least interested in the miko's shapes, nice or otherwise, "What I'm asking about is, was she from the future?" Although he tried to conceal it, there was an obvious hint of curiosity in his voice.

"Oh," Myouga had a feeling he knew where this was going, "Yes, I believe she was."

Sesshoumaru fell silent for a moment. He knew enough about the old flea to know that when he believed something to be true, it most likely was true. Then that was one matter solved.

"And did you hear her say that there were no youkai in her time?" That was the crux of things.

"Yes, and Inuyasha-sama said the same thing." Myouga wasn't sure if he was doing the right thing in telling Sesshoumaru-sama about it. He himself had always been aware of the implications of such a simple fact. It didn't matter much to him though. Whatever happened to the youkai to make them disappear was indeed intriguing, but he was content to just wait and see it happen for himself. But Sesshoumaru-sama... what if Sesshoumaru-sama decided it was the humans' fault? Would his disregard for those he believed to be 'lowly creatures' develop into an outright hatred? Would he try to change the future and wage war on them, slaughtering every human being in sight...?

"However from what I heard, it is not that no youkai exist there, or rather, then." After battling with his thoughts, Myouga finally decided that coming clean about all he knew was worth the risk. Sesshoumaru-sama could force him to spill out everything anyway, and he was not particularly looking forward to such an option. "After all, Sou'unga awakened in Kagome-sama's times, Saya-dono was there and I recall a story about a mononoke concealed in a Noh mask, brought to life by a Shikon shard."

Sesshoumaru-sama cast him an inquiring glance and Myouga proceeded to tell him everything he could remember about those issues.

Once he was done, Sesshoumaru-sama fell silent for good and Myouga felt a slight pang of worry again, eyeing his new master thoughtfully. He had known Sesshoumaru-sama for centuries, seen him grow up, and never truly believed that he was as 'evil' as he was generally thought to be. Yes, he was cold, uninviting and often ruthless, but... Myouga shook his head. He just had to hope it was for the best.

Sesshoumaru spent the reminder of the evening and the following night thinking about the matter. He hardly even noticed when the others came back from the onsen or when they fell asleep. The issue in question was too important to get distracted. He kept mulling it over in his mind and every time came with only one answer. Youkai just... died out, killing one another and being killed by humans. After all, looking back he had to admit that the process was already in motion, there were less and less youkai and humans kept reaching for more and more land, all the time devising new ways to kill youkai, and each other as well. Usually, humans kept their population in check by constant warfare but... they bred so quickly. If they were to stop fighting each other, their numbers would multiply rapidly. Sesshoumaru had no doubts he could defeat even an army of humans, but a youkai such as the fox child would surely fall under their mere numbers, if not anything else.

To say that he was displeased by the prospect of the future was a major understatement. He didn't hate humans, he perceived them as something akin to insects and it would be absurd to hate insects. Yet they were annoying, vile and repugnant, and he preferred to avoid them as much as possible, or kill them, should they be in his way. The idea that they were to take over the world was... infuriating. But the question was, could it be changed? If the youkai stopped fighting each other too, both individually and in packs, could they last longer? And could they ever stop fighting each other in the first place...? Human domination was to be the natural development of time, but since he knew about it in advance, was it possible for him to alter it...?

But when he came to that point, he felt there was something nudging at his brain, something important that he knew he had missed in his considerations, but no matter how hard he tried and how many times he thought the matter over in his mind, he could not recall what it was. When the night turned to day, he had gone over the whole story a hundred times at least, and still couldn't shake off the feeling that he was missing the most important part.

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The next day, when they were continuing to walk on through the forests, Rin once again came to the conclusion that she was very pleased with her new companions, especially Shippou-chan. It was so nice to have somebody to talk to whenever she wanted, somebody who would play with her without grumbling about it and without being forced to. It's not that she liked her usual companions any less because of it, but... it was just nice.

Today, they spent the morning talking about Shippou-chan's friends again, and all the things that they have done and Rin decided that they must have been as nice as they seemed to be when she had met them, so long ago. She remembered that Inuyasha-sama was very scary then, but it was because of that evil sword, and Shippou-chan assured her many times that although Inuyasha was often grumpy, stubborn and hot-headed, he was overall a nice person and a good friend. Rin surmised that he must've been a lot like Jakken-sama then, only stronger, less cowardly and much better looking. Not as good looking as Sesshoumaru-sama though, she decided, watching her most important caretaker as he was walking in front of her.

But... there was something different about Sesshoumaru-sama today. Earlier on, she run up to him to show him the strange hairy caterpillar she and Shippou-chan found, and he didn't even look at her. Usually when he wouldn't notice her it meant that he was thinking about something important. But that wasn't all. He was also walking a little faster than normally and that usually meant that he was either in a hurry or angry. Since she knew they were not in a hurry, then he must've been angry. So, she finally decided, he must be thinking about something important and it was making him angry. Acting in anger was most often useless, and – as she had learnt from the story of Inuyasha and Kikyou – it could also be dangerous, not only to others, but to oneself too.

Having reached her conclusion, she run up to him and tugged on his empty sleeve.

"Sesshoumaru-sama, don't be angry!" She announced, flashing him a smile, when he finally looked down to her.

Sesshoumaru glanced down at the child with mild surprise. Yes, he was angry, angry at himself for not being able to recall that important thing that he knew he had missed, even though he had spent the whole night and morning thinking about it, but how did she know that...?

"When people are angry, bad things happen," Rin continued in the childish authoritative voice she often employed when stating some obvious truth of her 7 year old world, "you might end up like Inuyasha-sama, pinned to a tree!"

"Stupid child!" Jakken squealed in from behind, "Don't compare Sesshoumaru-sama to that wretched hanyou! And don't title him either!"

But Sesshoumaru just stared at her, eyes wide open in surprise. He knew now what he had missed and was so relieved and so glad to finally be over with it that he felt he could easily hug the child out of his own initiative, or at least let her hug him for as long as she wanted. Instead, he settled on patting her hazily on the head – she was delighted just the same – and turned back to the others.

"Myouga!" he called, but there was no response.

Seeing it was urgent, Shippou looked down at his chest, and slapped it lightly. And soon enough the still sleepy flea emerged from within his clothes, and quickly realizing who exactly was demanding his presence, jumped on Shippou's shoulder.

"Yes Sesshoumaru-sama?"

"The miko released Inuyasha from his binding when she came to this time, yes?" Sesshoumaru had no time for introductions.

"Yes..." Unlike on the previous evening, Myouga had no idea where this was going.

"And in her time, before she came here, was there a hanyou pinned to that tree?"

"I don't think so... Kagome would've probably noticed if there was..." Myouga was starting to feel confused and anxious, especially since Sesshoumaru-sama seemed unusually animated and there was a strange gleam in his eyes.

"Of course there wasn't," Shippou cut in. Unlike Myouga at the moment, he was beginning to feel much more confident in Sesshoumaru's presence, especially with Rin around. "She did release him after all."

Sesshoumaru looked at him in surprise and laughed lightly, neither evilly nor darkly, just in amusement. The fox child was right, she did release him. As much as he doubted the boy realized the full implications of what he just said, in his childish way of perceiving the world he hit the nail on the head. Inuyasha hadn't been still pinned to the tree, because Kagome had released him.

The others were staring on him, transfixed by the sight of his laughter. Rin was positively ecstatic, and very sure she wanted to hear more of it, while the others were wondering in terrified petrification whether it was the 'Time to die, any last words?" kind of laughter, or whether they still had a chance to see another day. Myouga was the first one to collect himself, as it finally hit him what Sesshoumaru-sama was thinking about.

"Well observed, Sesshoumaru-sama!" He exclaimed, amazed that he had missed it himself. "Inuyasha wasn't there, even before Kagome went back in time, so she didn't change anything by her actions in the past!"

"Yes, the consequence was there even before the action took place." Sesshoumaru was still feeling very satisfied with disentangling his mind form the problem.

"But," having comprehended the issue, Myouga quickly analyzed it, "isn't it possible that somebody else had released him later on and Kagome-sama changed that?"

Sesshoumaru run it over in his mind. Yes, that could've been true but... There was another important thought in the back of his head and he grabbed it quickly, before it too started eluding him. The Noh mask. It had a Shikon shard in it.

"And what about the Noh mask?" Myouga was obviously thinking along the same lines, "There was a Shikon shard in it even though the Shikon no Tama had been completed in the past."

"So the cause was there, yet neither the action nor the consequence were." Sesshoumaru had to admit, it was rather confusing.

Myouga was ahead of him on that one, though. "Still, it is strange that actions of such magnitude as reassembling the Shikon no Tama and defeating Naraku had no effect on the future whatsoever." He said thoughtfully.

"Did the miko ever say anything implying that her world changed, in any way, because of her actions in the past?" This time Sesshoumaru was addressing Shippou.

For most of the conversation, Shippou was just being used as a standing place for Myouga. He didn't really understand what they were talking about. What did it matter if anything changed in Kagome's world...? Still, he replied the best he could, sensing that it was important to the two youkai.

"No, Kagome never said anything like that. And I'm pretty sure she would've mentioned it if there was something strange going on in her world, she always told us about many things from there."

"So all in all," said Myouga, still deep in thought, "whether the things Kagome-sama did here happened even before she did them or not, and whether she did do them or not, it had no effect on the future."

"Moreover," added Sesshoumaru looking off into a distance, "since I know of the future only because the miko came here, and if the future was to be altered she would've probably never come here at all, then most likely there is no way for me to affect it in any way."

"So the youkai will cease to exist after all!" Myouga exclaimed, predominantly out of relief that Sesshoumaru-sama wouldn't be doing anything rash and... bloody.

"What?!" Shippou and Jakken cried out in unison. They might've been lost during the conversation but they definitely understood that! Even Aun's heads looked somewhat shocked, although that was probably due to the unexpected shout, rather than some astounding comprehension.

Sesshoumaru refrained from rolling his eyes, even though he felt tempted to. The fact that he and Myouga knew about it didn't mean that the others had to. It would take hours to explain the matter to them. And that, he decided, turning around and continuing on his way again, was going to be Myouga's punishment for his lack of self-restraint.

Myouga did indeed spend rest of the day explaining it to Shippou and Rin, and to Jakken who was trailing closely behind them and keeping a keen ear on everything Myouga said. In the end, they managed to get the gist of things, namely that in the time between now and Kagome's time the world as they knew it would change greatly and the youkai will disappear from it, just like Inuyasha-tachi, although probably in a different way.

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When the evening came, they finally arrived in the area where Chushihou's caves were and Sesshoumaru felt grimly satisfied that he had indeed solved the matter of the disappearing youkai before then. But solving it was one thing while coping with it was something different altogether. Youkai were bound to disappear from the world and there was nothing he could do to change it. Every time his thoughts returned to it, he felt so outright helpless and frustrated. And angry, furious actually. He felt like finding the nearest human settlement and tearing it down to the ground, obliterating it from the face of the earth only because it was a sign of the future, and he was already of the past. But it would've been... childish, not to mention utterly pointless. Even if he killed every human in every village he found, it wouldn't have changed anything.

"Rin, come with me." He announced when the group had made themselves comfortable in a small grassy clearing near the rocky hills of Chushihou. No matter how he felt, they came here for a reason, and no matter what exactly was to happen to the youkai, the girl wasn't going anywhere and still needed proper clothes.

Rin looked up to him, surprised. It wasn't often that Sesshoumaru-sama told her to do something other than stay put. In fact, this was the first time he ever told her to come while the others were to stay, usually it was the other way around. Nevertheless, she run up to him, and followed him through the forest.

Myouga looked after them briefly. He knew where they were going and why, he had been to Chushihou's caves a few times before, with Touga-sama. He had even been here when Touga-sama brought Sesshoumaru-sama there for the first time. Sesshoumaru-sama had been but a little boy then, around the same height Rin was now, and Myouga couldn't help but wonder about how mischievous of the fate it was that now Sesshoumaru-sama was bringing a child here himself, Rin no less.

Sesshoumaru was just thinking about the same memory, of the first time he had come here. He thought about it every time he visited the place, which was every decade or two, when he was in need of new clothes. He must've been around 50 – or was it 60? – the first time Chichi-ue had taken him to see the old spider youkai, after he decided that his son was old enough to be properly educated in the way of battle, and thus was in need of proper clothing, of the kind that only Chushihou could produce. Sesshoumaru still remembered clearly how large the hills seemed to him then, as they loomed above them against the starry sky. How long the steps to the caves were in his childish eyes and how vast and sinister the caves themselves appeared to him as he and Chichi-ue were making their way through the winding corridors and the shadows cast by distant torches were dancing around them. And now he was here with a child himself, although she wasn't his in any way, nor was she in need of battle clothes.

He didn't need to glance behind him to know that Rin was still there, trudging through the tall grass using his trail, nor to know that she was probably just as awed as he had been, centuries ago. They had just reached the steps to the caves, carved into the cold stone of the rocky formation that contained the caves, and she let out a small gasp of surprise. He wondered briefly what the child was thinking. He hadn't told her where they were going, she was just following him in blind trust, as she always did. Was she imagining there was some foul monster inside?

If she was, then she was right, he thought as they climbed the stairs and entered the caves. Chushihou was a spider taiyoukai, master of her craft, and of some other crafts he preferred not to think about. She was a foul old hag who usually chose to stay in her true form, smelled worse than Jakken and had a creaky, shrill voice, naturally associated with old hags.

Rin wasn't sure what to think about the situation. Why were they here? Why were the others left behind? There was nothing she could think of that would require only Sesshoumaru-sama's and her own presence, except... Maybe, she pondered, Sesshoumaru-sama was just going to speak with some youkai, like he often did, and he took her along because she always wanted to go with him everywhere and it wasn't dangerous for her here, and since the last few times she had to stay behind, Sesshoumaru-sama wanted to make it up to her. It didn't seem like a very convincing explanation to her, but it was the only one she could come up with. If that was the case, then it was awfully nice of Sesshoumaru-sama.

They walked through the long, dark corridors for a while and finally emerged into a large, well-lit cave. Rin gasped again. On the wall opposite from the entrance there was an enormous spider web, stretching to the full width and height of the cave, and in the middle of it sat suspended a hairy spider, twice the size as the entrance they just passed through. It had many red, beady eyes, round, fat body covered in thin dark hair, and long black legs, protruding in every direction, as it seemed. Rin instinctively moved closer to Sesshoumaru-sama, grasping his hakama lightly. Usually she didn't fear youkai, especially not with Sesshoumaru-sama nearby, but there was something so... wicked about this spider.

Sesshoumaru glanced down at the child grasping his clothes. Smart girl, he thought, Chushihou was not some harmless, 'nice' youkai, like Myouga or Jakken. She was one of the creatures that made him feel as if he was covered in filth, and he did not enjoy the sensation in the slightest. However, she was also the only seamstress he knew about who could produce self-repairable clothes, an invaluable asset. There were many spider youkai capable of making good quality youkai clothes, some also living in those caves, some in different parts of the land, but only Chushihou could produce threads that regenerated when filled with youki, although the ability would wear off after a number of years, the exact number depending on the batch, and on the quality of the owner's youki.

"Ah, Sesshoumaru-sama," the spider croaked in her squeaky voice, her red eyes flashing, "what a surprise, I haven't been expecting you."

There was a flare of light, and the large spider turned into a young looking woman. Rin suppressed another gasp. The spider was so... revolting and yet the woman was so pretty. She had reddish eyes, black, smooth hair, and a well-shaped body in a dark blue kimono. Her face was sharply featured, but good-looking. Rin wasn't sure what to think. One moment it was a spider and then it was a woman. She recalled that Jakken told her once that most of the higher class youkai had many forms, and only one of them was human. Then, she frowned, thinking intensively and looking up to her caretaker, did Sesshoumaru-sama have another form too...?

"Chushihou," Sesshoumaru acknowledged her greeting, "why such vanity?" He asked, referring to her taking a human form, since it was a rare sight.

The woman laughed leisurely. "It's not out of vanity. I just didn't want to further scare your..." her eyes fell on Rin, "payment."

"She's not a payment." Sesshoumaru replied coldly. "This is," he said raising his hand and flexing his claws, "as always."

Although most youkai usually didn't use money, not in the sense that the humans did, service was service and payment was required. Some youkai used gold pieces or precious stones, while others simply exchanged services. Chushihou was well aware of her uniqueness and she knew she could ask for much in return. Usually, she established the payment depending on the customer and in Sesshoumaru's case her preferred payment was some of his poison. He had no idea what she did with it, and it mattered to him little. Chushihou also had an appetite for human flesh, especially for children's flesh, and apparently many youkai paid her in such a fashion. The idea revolted Sesshoumaru. Feeding on humans was even more despicable than mating a human, since it made one dependant on them.

"Ah," cooed the woman, "then what brings you here in such company?"

"I want you to make clothes for the girl. A yukata, youki-absorbent and large enough for her to grow some into it." Sesshoumaru wanted to be done with it as quickly as possible, as always.

Chushihou regarded him for a moment pensively. "Very well," she said finally, keeping any comments about Sesshoumaru making such an odd request to herself, "what color do you want it to be?"

Sesshoumaru didn't reply, but looked down at Rin questioningly.

Rin wasn't sure what to make of the situation. Was that why they came here? To get her some youki-...something clothes? And what was it about a payment...? She frowned, deciding to think about it later and trying to focus since Sesshoumaru-sama was still looking at her. In the end she said she wanted it to be like the one she was wearing. It was very similar to the first one she got from Sesshoumaru-sama, the yellow and brown checkered one, and she liked it very much.

That matter settled, they left the caves. The yukata was to be ready on the next day and Rin wasn't exactly looking forward to going back to get it. There was something strange about the woman who was a spider and she didn't like it. That brought her back to her previous question. Did Sesshoumaru-sama have another form? She pondered the thought while following him along the gloomy corridors and down the long stairs. He _was_ a high level youkai, she was somehow sure he was, then he probably did have some other form. So what was it...? She frowned, trying to remember everything she had ever heard about Sesshoumaru-sama.

By the time they returned to the clearing, she remembered. Jakken once said that Sesshoumaru-sama was an inu youkai. So, was his other form that of a dog...? That wasn't so bad. She had been worried he might've been something like that woman. It's not that she would've liked him any less if he was, but... she just couldn't imagine Sesshoumaru-sama as some fat, ugly spider.

Rin knew Sesshoumaru-sama wasn't a nice, caring youkai who spent his days doing good deeds. If there even were such youkai. When she had once asked him about it, he did admit openly that he sometimes killed humans, just like he sometimes killed youkai. Even in her limited experience she knew enough of the world to know that that's just the way it was. Humans killed each other constantly, and killed youkai too. And there was always some war going on, she remembered the people in the village she used to live in often talked about wars. But... to her Sesshoumaru-sama had always been nothing but good and she knew that he would always be so. She was glad that he wasn't a disgusting spider, but a dog. Yet, she wondered, eying him secretly, what kind of a dog was he...?

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The next morning Sesshoumaru went back to Chushihou's caves for the yukata. He didn't take Rin with him, there was no need for it now. The clothes were indeed ready, and he was satisfied with them. However, Chushihou was not as reserved as she had been on the previous night. She was once again in her spider form, suspended on her web and bent on voicing her opinions while he was fulfilling his end of the deal in dripping some of his poison into the vial she used to store it. The vial was actually resistant enough to hold his poison in, instead of melting like most things did, and he suspected it was imbued with some protective spell.

"So," the spider screeched in something that was supposed to be a casual tone, "what do you intend to do with your little human?"

Nothing, he thought flatly. What was she expecting him to say, 'Eat her'?

"Finally deciding to test how... nutritious humans can be?" Apparently she _had_ been expecting him to say that. "Or do you keep her also for more... personal reasons?"

Was she actually implying that he kept Rin around to either eat her or mate her...? Or both...? He blinked, realizing that the spider woman probably did do both to humans. It somehow seemed even more wrong to him than doing just one of the actions. Humans were... Well, he suspected that to him humans were like animals were to humans. Some foul, filthy animals. He knew they ate animals, even some rather disgusting ones, but even humans didn't mate with animals, or at least didn't do both to the same animal.

Disgusted with those thoughts, he shook his head lightly, to rid himself of them, and turning to Chushihou, eyed her skeptically.

There she hung, so self-absorbed, so secure in her uniqueness, and so oblivious to the fact that her time, the time of the youkai, was already running short. He wondered briefly how would the fat old spider die. Would the creatures she both fed on and mated with flood into her caves, burning and slaughtering both her and her offspring?

He winced. He hadn't thought about it before, but he too was going to die within those few centuries. He was probably already in the middle of his life and the concept was unexpectedly and rather unpleasantly novel to him. He had somehow missed that realization in his previous considerations, perhaps being too engrossed in being angry. So how would he die...? Also killed by humans? He could kill an almost unlimited number of unarmed humans, but he did remember the fox child mentioning that the humans in the miko's time, in the future, had many rather effective weapons. Was that how he was going to die? Killed by some human invention? He frowned, displeased with the idea. If he was to die so soon, he'd rather it was by the hand of a youkai, not a human.

Picking up the yukata, Sesshoumaru left the caves, hardly even hearing Chushihou's chuckle behind him.

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**Language notes:**

_onsen_ – hot spring, they really are abundant in Japan, even though not every single one has to feature some interesting encounter...

_mononoke_ – "evil spirit/ghost/apparition"; all in all it's pretty similar to 'youkai' and in Inuyasha the both terms are often used interchangeably;

–_dono_ – just a polite form of address; unlike –sama, which implies no specific stature, -dono is often used in relation to lords, or generally guardians;

_Inuyasha-tachi/Inu-tachi_ – '-tachi' is one of the ways to indicate plurality of people in Japanese, and used like this means "Inuyasha's group";

_hakama_ – something like trousers in English; literally it means 'man's formal divided skirt'. In modern Japanese 'hakama' is used for old-fashioned type of trousers, usually pretty loose, while 'zubon' (written with the same character) is used for Western type of trousers;

_kimono_ – literally kimono means "a thing to wear"; kimono as we know it now did not appear until few centuries later but since I don't feel all that confident on the types of clothes worn in feudal Japan, I used this term (like most people do) to mean something more feminine and formal than a simple yukata;

**General notes:**

Sesshoumaru laughing – although the image might seem far-fetched, he does laugh in the anime, albeit pretty disdainfully, so I don't think he would have some particular dislike of the action, it's just not in his habit. Here I found it fitting for expressing the contrast of Shippou's words to Sesshoumaru's thoughts and just for general humor.

Chushihou and the youkai clothes – it's just a bit of a fan's creativity used to explain how come both Inuyasha's and Sesshoumaru's clothes always seem to repair themselves ;)

Disappearing youkai – it doesn't seem to be ever mentioned in the anime, and I doubt Inuyasha-tachi (except maybe Kagome) would ever think about it, simply because it didn't have much relation to them, but it seems to me that any older youkai, such as Myouga or Sesshoumaru, would notice the consequence of the fact easily.

I know that the whole issue of Inuyasha being released by Kagome and of the Noh mask can be confusing, and there's no clear answer no matter how long you think about it, but the important thing is what conclusion Sesshoumaru and Myouga would reach so I tried to cut down on any unnecessary observations.


	4. Chapter 04

Disclaimer: I do not hold any rights to Inuyasha in any form or way, nor do I make any profit out of writing this fic.

**Reviews:** Once again, thank you all wonderful people who reviewed the last chapter, you all probably know how great it feels to have your story reviewed, but let me say it again, it does! :D I'm very glad that so far the progress is to your liking, and I hope you will like the rest too!

And as for the specifics:

**VAB**: I agree, Sesshoumaru is very self-assured and arrogant, not to mention extremely egocentrical, but this is exactly why the knowledge would shake him. His conviction of his own superiority is to a significant extent based on the fact that he is a youkai, a powerful one at that, and thus above all others. He perceives the world as inhabited by youkai, and infested with humans, so naturally the idea that the youkai world – the world that lasted for as long as his knowledge can reach and one that to his eyes is the only right kind of world – was to just cease to exist before he could even leave his mark on it, would undoubtedly capture his attention.

Another thing here is that from his perspective a few centuries is not that long, after all, he spent over a century searching for a stupid sword ;) So imagine yourself being an egocentrical 20 year old who is told that he has only 10 more years to live and thus all his plans had just gone void. I'm pretty sure that there are not many beings who would take such news calmly.

As to why he accepts it as inevitable – I'm not really sure why, yet Sesshoumaru strikes me as a bit of a fatalist, not in relation to what he can and cannot do, but in relation to the general ways of the world and 'happy endings'. Moreover, he is undoubtedly of analytical mind, and usually seems to follow through with logic.

But overall, I do agree that the issue can be questionable, and the fic probably could've done without it. I just found it interesting when watching Inuyasha, and it will be useful later on in the fic.

**SusanneTJ:** I do know what you mean, the consequences of time travel are usually confusing, and even more so in Inuyasha since here it's mostly used as an excuse for an adventure, without any deep plot on time travel underneath. But since I indeed won't focus too much on that, and I think I solved most issues that will appear later on, this fic will hopefully manage to avoid any gross miscalculations. :)

**Note:** The first part of the fic and the 'hair issue' is just an attempt at some general humor, to be taken lightly. I was still trying to keep Sesshoumaru in character, so I hope it will be acceptable, but if not, just ignore it, it's not relevant to the story. As for Sesshoumaru's decision, it's a classic of Rin/Sess stories,and here tooit will mostly serve for introducing more of his past.

Since I watch only the Japanese version and prefer to use the Japanese terminology, there are language notes at the end of the chapter.

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_Chapter 4_

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"It's reaching the sash already!" Rin's cheerful voice carried through the woods.

"Nah, it only seems so coz he keeps moving his head," Shippou might've been smaller than Rin, but his eyes were without a doubt much keener.

"Sesshoumaru-sama, don't move your head!"

Sesshoumaru was not having a good day. There he was, walking on as usual, the sun was there as usual, the forest was there as usual, _everything_ was there as usual, so everything should've been just fine. But there were also two children, right behind him, almost tripping on him, and they were staring at him so intently that he could swear their eyes were burning holes through his back. And they also happened to be the children he wouldn't kill.

And yet the day started normally, nothing forecasted his impeding torture. Rin and Shippou laughed and run about as usual, Myouga snored as usual and Jakken grumbled as usual. And when midday came, they made a stop as usual, the young ones run off in search of food as usual, and when they came back, that was when the whole issue that led to his current situation had started.

They spotted some caves in the hills nearby and there were what they thought to be bear tracks and bear smell nearby. Since neither of them had ever seen a bear, which was not unexpected as the animals were rare in those parts, they both wanted to inspect the caves a bit closer. Fortunately, and quite surprisingly, they had enough brains to know that it might not be the best idea for two small children to enter a bear den. So they came back and asked him to go with them.

At first he had no intention to agree. Running around the forest with two children in search of bears was not high on is priorities list. And yet he agreed in the end, mostly because he approved of the direction Rin's development was taking ever since the fox child and Myouga chanced upon them. It had been a few months, five actually, since the two joined them and although he had assumed before that she was as alright as a child can be, he discovered that it had not been the case. Apparently children needed each other's company, they needed to play together in their childish games, to talk about their childish issues and to have 'friends'. It was a simple truth that he had forgotten, or perhaps had never known since his own childhood had been somewhat different. The company of two adult youkai was not the same, especially since neither had any experience with children.

And during the past five months Rin had become much more open, inquisitive and vivacious, although he had previously thought her to have enough of those qualities. Yet... it wasn't the same. Before, she would just observe the world, she wasn't a part of it. She accepted everything as it was, be it flowers or bugs, hardly ever reaching abroader perspective or displaying inquisitiveness, yet now she wanted to know and learn everything. She used to take care of herself, and tried to take care of others, but it wasn't because she wanted to be self-dependent, but rather because being alone was the only state of being she had known.

He had realized the change a few weeks prior, while watching the two play, and had been quite astounded that without paying it any particular attention he managed to perceive such subtle a difference. And he also realized then, that whatever was to happen to her in the future, whatever direction her life would take, those qualities would serve her well.

And thus, not wanting to discourage a child that was only trying to learn more about the world around her, he agreed to go to the bear den.

And it was an educational experience for the two. After entering the cave, they quickly spotted the bear that had probably chosen that particular niche for his upcoming winter sleep. It was not pleased with the visit, but a quick glare silenced it abruptly and the young ones spent some time observing every detail of the animal and exchanging comments. Yet, after that time, the bear had enough of the attention and rising to its hind legs, roared very loudly. As luck would have it, the animal had to be not of the most intelligent bears, because the cave it had chosen was not entirely stable. Which they found out when rocks, large and small, started to rain down on them.

That wasn't much of a problem however. He quickly grabbed the two and sped out of the cave before any lasting damage had been dealt. Unfortunately, be it because he had been too slow, or just because of bad luck, when he made his way out, he discovered he couldn't take another step without being yanked on the head, rather roughly. His hair had been very securely caught in between the falling rocks that covered the entrance, and he couldn't pull it out without feeling that the skin on his head would come off too. It had happened to him before, so he did what he would always do in such situations – after setting the two down, he reached back and cut off his hair close to his neck. After that, he was ready to leave the place, especially since the bear was still roaring inside and more rocks were threatening to fall, but a strange whimpering sound coming from the direction of his feet caught his ears.

Looking down, he realized that Rin was the source of the noises. She was sitting on the ground just as he had placed her and her bottom lip was wobbling. It was an odd sight, and something she had never done before so he was observing the phenomenon quietly until her eyes filled with tears, and that as always made him somewhatuncomfortable.

"Rin?", he asked hoping to resolve the matter quickly.

She just kept whimpering at first, but then pointed to his head and piped out, "Sesshoumaru-sama's hair...".

Yes, he cut off his hair. It was the only thing to be done in such a situation.

"What about it?" He really hoped she had some rational explanation for her behavior, rather than something he'd never understand.

But instead of replying at once, she got up, run towards the hair that was still caught in between the rocks and fingered it.

"Sesshoumaru-sama's pretty hair..." She said sadly.

And then he comprehended what was on her mind. She was sad because he cut off the hair that she happened to like for some reason, and because she didn't know about the true nature of his physical appearance.

"It will grow back," he informed her and realized it probably wasn't enough, "within hours."

She looked back to him, surprised. "It will...?"

That was what he just said, wasn't it?

"Really?"

"Yes," he confirmed since it seemed she really needed to be sure.

She broke into a wide happy smile and he was yet again surprised how easily she went from tears to joy. Considering the matter closed, he turned to leave, but the child was still not done with his hair. She was yanking on the strands caught in between the rocks, trying to pull them out. He felt slightly annoyed. Didn't she realize that pulling it out would most likely loosen the rocks, thus releasing the bear that was still inside and right in front of her?

"Rin." She had better let it go.

But she just gave him a sheepish grin and kept yanking. He considered telling her that he would cut off his hair again when it grew back, and give her a whole length of it since she wanted it bad enough to risk her life for it, but found there was a quicker method. He scooped the child up, told her to hold on, and pulled the hair out himself, an easy task now that it was no longer attached to his head.

After that he quickly made his way away from the cave, before the bear rampaged out. Rin promptly grabbed the strands from his grasp when he let her down, with an even wider smile than before, and they went back, on the way picking up the grinning kitsune who had been watching them from the edge of the forest. At least he had been smart enough to run away instead of worrying about somebody's hair.

And that brought him to his current position. The two were trailing right behind him, as close as can be, and were counting how fast his hair was growing. They would even tell him not to move his head too much, because it made them loose track of how far against his back his hair was reaching already. Not only was their constant proximity annoying, but he also kept feeling that he was about to trip on one of them, any moment now. And it had been going on for what seemed like an eternity. And he didn't know how to make them stop. Killing wasn't an option, neither was tossing and he wasn't sure if glaring would be enough, not to mention that glaring at Rin always seemed to him to be wrong by principle. He had even considered taking another stop somewhere, sitting down and allowing them to count all they wanted, but he was too annoyed for it.

In the end, when his patience reached its end, he did opt for glaring down at them, hoping it would indeedbe enough since it was the only non-violentplan he had. It seemed to have worked, for good he assumed, as they even took a step back.

"I warned you it wasn't a good idea." Myouga spoke up from somewhere on Shippou. "And it's half a foot every hour."

Great, so even Myouga was in for the fun. He wouldn't have been surprised if Jakken was counting too, especially since when he had returned to the clearing and Jakken saw that his master's hair was hardly reaching past his ears, he let out a strange squawk and Sesshoumaru half expected to see his bottom lip wobble too.

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Rin was lying on the grass and braiding the thick strands of Sesshoumaru-sama's white hair she managed to obtain that day. She was planning to keep it, she would stuck it on Aun's pack and that way, whenever Sesshoumaru-sama went away to somewhere, she would still have a part of him with her. And it was so pretty. She had always admired Sesshoumaru-sama's hair, it was so different from any other kind of hair she had ever seen. She remembered that once, she even ventured to touch it, when Sesshoumaru-sama was sitting down and seemed in a good mood. She wasn't sure how he would react to her doing that, so she moved closer to him cautiously and looking at him intently for any reaction reached for a loose strand of his hair that was resting on his shoulder. Sesshoumaru-sama didn't say anything, just looked at her strangely, so she took it to mean it was okay and inspected it fully. It was smooth and silky to touch, and yet surprisingly heavy. She wondered if Sesshoumaru-sama ever felt that it was weighting him down.

She finished the braid and inspected her work. She had tied the hair with some grass at the top and the bottom, and that seemed good enough, but the braid itself was a bit crooked in places and she regretted she had never learnt how to do it properly. Still, it had to do. She fingered the braid thoughtfully, remembering something she was supposed to find out but forgot. Some time ago, it was during summer, when Sesshoumaru-sama got her the new special kimono and they went to see the spider woman, she figured out that Sesshoumaru-sama had to have some other form too, and that it was probably that of a dog since he was an inu-youkai. She had wondered then what kind of a dog was he, and now, when she was holding some of his white hair, it occurred to her that maybe he was a white dog.

She glanced at him thoughtfully. He was sitting nearby, with his white hair already grown back and looking the same as it always did. She focused, trying to imagine him as a white dog and came up with many images of various dogs she had seen in her life, only white, yet none seemed satisfactory. She wondered if it would be okay if she asked him to change for her. But there was some vague memory in her mind, related to the spider woman. Rin frowned, remembering. That's right, the woman changed into a human form because of her. So maybe other forms of youkai were some kind of a private thing, and it shouldn't be shown to others. Then, she decided, she would ask Shippou-chan and Myouga-sama about it, they were youkai too so they should know. She would've asked Jakken, but he would probably just tell her off for asking stupid questions and wanting to bother Sesshoumaru-sama.

Sesshoumaru was eyeing Rin as she was first braiding his cut-off hair and then playing with it thoughtfully. He couldn't really understand what her attraction to his hair was. Yes, he supposed, he had fine hair in terms of hair quality, but to him it had always been more of an annoyance than anything else. It would so often become saturated with some foul smell, be it the smell of Rin's fried fish, Naraku's miasma or his brother's stench, and it was too heavy to be pulled back, whenever he tried it he always felt as if he was being yanked back all the time. He didn't mind it being traditionally long, but it could've been a bit shorter, as far as he was concerned. The best option then seemed to cut it, but since its length and shape were determined by his youki, cutting it was pointless, every time he did so, it would swiftly return to its previous state. With the speed of half a foot every hour, his mind appended grumpily.

He frowned, remembering how the two were trying to establish the speed of his hair's growth. They would measure it against his back and then ask Myouga how much time had passed. At first they also tried to count to measure time, but it quickly turned out that neither was an expert on counting, to say the very least. Rin could count to ten, but then she would jumble up the numbers and eventually start all over. He doubted if she even understood that counting was based on tens. Shippou was a little better, but not by much. He wondered whether it was because they were still too young to learn. But no, they had no problems with understanding that speed was related to distance and time. Then it could be only because they had never learnt.

"Rin," he asked, as a sudden thought occurred to him, "can you read and write?"

Rin looked at him, surprised. Read and write...? Her brow knitted in effort, as she was trying to understand what Sesshoumaru-sama meant. Some distant memory of her parents talking about asking somebody to write something for them stirred in her mind. She remembered asking her mother what it meant to write and her mother made some strange marks in the sand in front of the hut and said that it read 'Rin'. She also said that it was higarana... no, not like that, but it sounded similar, and then she added that they needed to have it written in... kanji?

"No," she answered tentatively.

Sesshoumaru already suspected that much from the long time it took her to answer. Did she even know what it meant...? Probably not, he thought, recalling what he had learnt about her life from listening on her talking to Jakken. She was an orphan, her parents and brother were killed by bandits a few years back and then she lived in a human village as a 'nobody's child'. She had been mute, ragged and filthy, and he if he remembered correctly, she had even gotten beaten up by the villagers because she tried to get him food, food he neither needed nor wanted.

He frowned. That was the world of the humans, wasn't it. And then they would dub _him_ as evil and try to purify him on sight. 'Purify', huh? As if he had been in some way 'dirty' or they were bearers of a 'light'. And yet they were after all the future while he was the past. He frowned again, displeased with himself for returning to that thought. It had been months since he had discovered that in the future, youkai would have disappeared giving place to humans. At first it played on his mind constantly, and he tussled around trapped within it, forever angry and frustrated. But he soon learnt how dangerous the knowledge truly was. From the perspective of the future, all his actions were meaningless, _he_ was meaningless. Whatever he did or didn't do, it would have no impact whatsoever on the future, it would mean nothing at all.

He sighed inwardly, looking up to the darkening skies above him. Even now, as the clouds above kept floating past him like sand grains in an hour-glass, he was still following his previous course, his life's objective. He was headed north, to check the rumors of a sword smith there, a sword-smith that could potentially provide him with a decent sword at last. It's not that Toukijin was not a good sword, he noted, glancing down and the cursed weapon, but, it was just an oni's fangs, as he had discovered many times. Yet... what did it matter whether he had a proper sword or not. Even if he obtained the best sword ever forged, it would not cut down the future. And no matter how hard he fought to obliterate the awareness of his fate from his mind, it was forever there, flaunting its certainty into his face, taunting him with its inevitability.

Gazing up again to the stars blooming around the pale moon he thought of his life and of all the unexpected turns it seemed to be taking lately.

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By the morning he had reached a decision, and instead of following his course north, he turned around to return to the south. Unsurprisingly, it did not pass unnoticed by the others.

"Sesshoumaru-sama?" Jakken began, as always forgetting his own lectures on not questioning the master, "Anou... why are we going back?"

Sesshoumaru glanced at them as they were all looking up to him expectantly. Yes, he supposed telling them of their destination in advance could save him many questions once they got there, since Myouga would undoubtedly inform them of all they needed to know.

"We are going to the Western Lands, to my Father's shiro." He announced evenly and went on his way again.

"Nani?" Jakken mumbled, his beak loose out of surprise. He had been there before, Sesshoumaru-sama usually returned to his father's lands every few decades, but Jakken clearly remembered that they had just been there some ten or so years ago. So why would Sesshoumaru-sama want to go back to the shiro so early...?

Shippou and Rin were equally surprised, although for other reasons, and promptly started prodding Myouga to tell them everything he knew about it. Seeing that he had little choice but to oblige them, and guessing that it was Sesshoumaru-sama's intent to begin with, Myouga set out to educate the two young ones on Sesshoumaru-sama and Inuyasha-sama's origin.

They were the sons of Touga-sama, the great taiyoukai of the West, who had united a part of the land in the west under his rule, defeating the local human daimyous and rouge youkai, many centuries ago. Touga-sama believed that youkai and humans should live in peace, as they were both equal parts of the world, and conducted his lands accordingly. To honor the human traditions, he had a shiro built in the land, even though it had not been in habit for most inu-youkai to dwell anywhere permanently. In time, the Western Lands became known as the land of the youkai, yet one where humans could still live peacefully, more peacefully than in other parts of the country that was forever torn by wars.

Touga-sama was not only a great taiyoukai and the daimyou of the Western Lands however, he was also the Inu no Taishou, the Leader of the Dogs, the Oyakata-sama of the inu-youkai pack. Although inu-youkai were not as territorial and close-knit as for example the wolf youkai, nevertheless they tended to form packs, linked together by chains of family relations and co-dependencies. And many inu-youkai chose to follow Touga-sama into the Western Lands and to settle there permanently, even if some did not agree with his views on humans.

Yet, the Western Lands under Touga-sama's rule lasted only for approximately 400 years. Around 200 years ago, Touga-sama had died, due to the wounds he received from his old enemy, the dragon taiyoukai Ryuukotsusei. Although it had been expected that his position would be taken over by his eldest son, Sesshoumaru, who – like his father before his birth – was the only inu taiyoukai of the lands, the only reminder of the line of youkai who for many generations, and thousands of years, had been considered to be the Inukami, Dog Gods, it did not happen so. Sesshoumaru-sama left his father's domain and had been wandering around the lands of Japan ever since.

But most of the inu-youkai remained in the Western Lands, in hope that Sesshoumaru-sama would return there one day, to accept his heritage. After all, he had been still a boy when his father died, and young ones often needed to test their youth against the world before they could settle down. Moreover, since Sesshoumaru-sama would regularly return to his father's domain, to battle off anyone who attempted to take over the lands, the hope seemed to be quite justified.

Rin and Shippou listened intently, their young minds trying to cope with all the information. Rin was having difficulties with understanding all those hundreds of years, since she wasn't all that sure how much a 'hundred' was. It seemed to be a lot though. And all those other things she just heard. She knew that Sesshoumaru-sama was important, and very strong, since Jakken always told her so and she had seen that most people feared Sesshoumaru-sama. But she didn't know he was the son of a daimyou, and such a great one at it too. She looked at Sesshoumaru-sama thoughtfully. She had been with him for so long and yet there was still so much she didn't know about him.

Sesshoumaru, who had been listening to Myouga's story, was thinking about his decision to return to his father's lands. When Chichi-ue died, he was indeed still a boy, in that precarious age when one is no longer a child and not fully an adult either, yet believes oneself to know everything. He had stayed at the shiro at first, but soon he could no longer stand the stability of that life. If he just followed in Chichi-ue's tracks, he would never prove his own worth, he'd always be just a copy of his father, and a feeble one at that. Just a tool in the hands of both Chichi-ue and the other hanshu's, born to serve their purposes. So he had left to do what he had been doing before Chichi-ue's death, to search for his own strength, and ultimately to one day surpass Chichi-ue.

Yet he felt a sense of obligation for the others. After all, the survival of the pack depended on their unity and on its strongest member, whom he was destined to be. So he would return there every few decades, making sure that things were still as he had left them and driving off any perpetrators. He couldn't be bothered with the human settlements that always seemed to multiply during his absence. They were like mushrooms after a rain, popping up the moment you turned your back on them. He planned to take care of that once he decided to return there, if ever, and apparently it was now.

He had thought about the matter long on previous night, as he sat under a star lit sky, in a middle of a sleeping world. During the last few months he had been continuing with his life as he had done for the past two centuries, as if nothing had changed. He pushed the knowledge of the future aside, or at least he tried, and still followed the same objectives that guided him throughout most of his life. Yet... it was pointless, wasn't it. No sword and no amount of power could change the course of fate that had already been set, and trying to avoid the issue in his thoughts only left him feeling like a fool who refuses to see the truth.

He wasn't entirely sure why he had thought of returning to the place that was supposed to be his home. Perhaps because it had always been something that he knew he'd have to address sooner or later, and in the current circumstances, when his time turned out to be so limited, 'sooner' was the only right option. Besides, the place was bound to keep his thoughts occupied for a while.

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**Language notes:**

_higarana_ – actually, it's 'hiragana', I made Rin mix it up. For explanations look at the general notes.

_shiro_ – 'castle'; I'm not sure if that's the most proper term, but hey, who cares;

_daimyou_ – Japanese feudal lord; there was a lot of them in the Warring States Era, since – as the name suggests – it was a very turbulent period;

_hanshu_ – another word to describe a feudal lord. I used this term to differentiate other daimyou youkai in the Western Lands from Touga.

_inu_ – dog, so 'inu-youkai' – "dog youkai";

_anou_ – "well, err";

_nani_ – 'what?'

_oni_ – ogre, demon; oni's are usually large, brutish and have horns;

**General notes:**

As most anime fans probably know, Japanese writing is based on three systems, two of which – hiragana and katakana, referred to collectively as 'kana' – are quite simple and based on similar principles as the alphabet we use, whereas the other system, based on kanji – the symbols usually associated with Japanese and Chinese – is partially ideographic (meaning that singular symbols are used to represent not only sounds but meaning too), quite complex and difficult to learn. So it is quite possible that Rin's mother might've known hiragana (it really is easy to learn), but not kanji.

Touga – Although it's not known for sure what the name of Inuyasha and Sesshoumaru's father is, there have been rumors that in the credits of Movie 3 he is listed as 'Touga' or 'Toga' and I decided to follow suit, even though as far as I could tell he was credited as just "Inu no Taishou" or something like that.

I know that Sesshoumaru is generally believed to have taken over from his father as the lord of the Western Lands, and that in the English Dub he is referred to by others as "Lord", but it's not implied anywhere, in any form, in the original. The impression that I got from the anime is exactly as I have described, that he both is and isn't, meaning he is supposed to be, but is slacking off on his job, so to speak ;) The rest is just my imagination. I couldn't decide on where exactly in Japan the Western lands could be, but I assume it that it's not all that far from Musashi (which is modern day Tokyo area).

And finally they're getting out of the woods! I've had it with all the clearings!


	5. Chapter 05

Disclaimer: I do not hold any rights to Inuyasha in any form or way, nor do I make any profit out of writing this fic.

**Reviews:** As always, I'm extremely grateful that you took the time to review, and again in such detail, and I hurry to address the questions!

**RabidAnimeGurl:** I do indeed update quickly, or at least did, but sadly, that was only because the beginning was very easy to write and it's getting much more attention demanding now, plus the Christmas are mixing up all my free time :(

And about Shippou and Rin – I agree, I can see Shippou trying to impress her and whatnot, but probably only later on. I think Rin is still too young for Shippou to take an interest in her, he seems to me to be around 10-11 in human terms, whereas Rin is only around 7. So I'll wait and see how will it fit in later on.

**AriKitten:** Sesshoumaru is just going back for no specific reason, only because it is something that he was supposed to do and it was a good enough reason not to continue a journey that kept unnerving him with its futility. Inuyasha-tachi's story is indeed very much related to the Shikon no Tama and I promise that they all will meet again, and there will even be some Inuyasha/Kagome later on, assuming I figure out how to write it.... But there's too much to that plot for it to be introduced just like that, it would just be a boring summary of explanations, not particularly enjoyable to read. And as for Sesshoumaru and the future of the youkai, it will also develop, like most sub-plots of this story ;)

**ele**: To be honest, I don't really remember the Noh mask episode, I thought I remembered that it had a Shikon shard in it _before_ it took some from Kagome, but I'm not all that sure of it now... 00 However, if I made a mistake there, then all the better, because that way the inevitability seems even more certain. I will check it again, and correct the chapters about it, if I got it wrong. I'm not entirely sure though what you mean about the future and past Shikon no Tamas, unless you mean that one of the shards traveled to Kagome's time on its own, in which case, yes, it would not necessarily imply that the shards were still around even though technically the tama had been completed.

**Vanessa St. Cloud:** Thank you, I'm very glad you liked it! Especially since I wasn't sure if it would be acceptable. :) And there will be more about the true from, even in this chapter, although she's not going to see it just yet!

**Note:** This chapter is atrociously long, mostly because I couldn't find any good way to divide it. Although there are still some issues that need to be taken care of before things can speed up, from now on you can expect regular jumps in time, sometimes by a few months, sometimes more.

Since I watch only the Japanese version and prefer to use the Japanese terminology, there are language notes at the end of the chapter.

Also, exceptionally, I need to include cultural notes at the beginning. This chapter contains some cultural and historical references, and it would be best to know them before reading on.

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**Cultural notes**

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**Time period:** "Inuyasha" is set in Sengoku Jidai (the Warring States Era) which lasted from 1467 to 1573. Moreover, one of the episodes mentions Oda Nobunaga, a guy who put an end to the period, as a person who is already alive and somewhat known. And since Oda Nobunaga lived in between 1534 and 1582, then I think the best date to set Inuyasha in is around 1560. Which means that Inuyasha was born around 1360, Sesshoumaru around 1200 and Touga in the BC's ;)

**Japanese writing:** Japanese writing originated from the Chinese writing, the Chinese characters had been borrowed and adapted to suit Japanese. However, the process completed only around 7th century AD, and if I assume that Touga was around 1500, then obviously when he was a child writing had not been known in Japan. Also, during the centuries after writing had been introduced, it underwent great changes to suit the Japanese language better, so something written in the 8th century, for example, would be very different from something written in 13th century. Which is not that surprising, same thing applies to English too. For those who want to know more, here is a useful link (spaced, just in case, so remove the spaces after pasting it into your browser, should you decide to check it out):

http :www .wsu. edu: 8080 / dee / ANCJAPAN / WRITING. HTM

**Bathing**: To this day, the bathing culture of the Japanese is different from what is customary in the West. To put it simply, you wash yourself outside of a tub (or hot spring) and use the hot water only to soak in it. Moreover, it is traditionally done in company, whole families bathe together often, and nudity is not considered to be as private and 'indecent' as in our culture (minus the gender division, which did not apply to children). It has begun to change, but only recently.

**Bronze mirrors:** Despite what many people seem to assume, mirrors as we know them did not appear in the East till something around 16th century, as a luxury import from the West. Before, people would use bronze mirrors (or mirrors made of other metals). They were oval, one side – the "reflection" side – was smooth and the other had various adorning carvings or inscriptions. Of course, the reflection was not as clear as it is with contemporary mirrors, but it was decent enough. As for the mirror mentioned here, there are actually mirrors that can "project" an image when you use them to reflect light, although it seems preposterous since the reflecting surface is perfectly smooth, without any marks on it. From what I read however, it's attributed to some internal erosion of the metal rather than somebody's intentional design. And despite their popularity, bronze mirrors were also a luxury item, so it's more than likely that Rin had never seen one.

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_Chapter 5_

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It took them two weeks to reach the border of the Western Lands. During the journey his companions at first kept their questions to themselves, or asked each other, but by then Jakken could no longer stand the uncertainty and approached him cautiously.

"Anou... Sesshoumaru-sama," Jakken was counting his prayers, "why are we going to the Western Lands? Is there some important matter that has to be taken care of there...?" For all he knew Sesshoumaru-sama could've heard of some youkai trying to take over the land. But, he would've told his most faithful servant about it, wouldn't he...?

"We are going to stay there." Sesshoumaru replied eying Jakken from the corner of an eye.

"S-stay...?" Jakken stuttered out and in his astonishment failed to notice a rock on his way, a nasty rock that had the nerve to trip him and made him land flat on his beak.

Yes, that was a good idea, Sesshoumaru decided, he was not even there yet and he was already amused. Indeed, during the weeks that passed since he had made his decision, his mood was steadily improving. The exact reason wasn't entirely clear to him, but it did not matter much.

Myouga glanced at the tall youkai from Shippou's shoulder, ignoring the excited comments of the two young ones. So it was as he had been suspecting, Sesshoumaru-sama could not stop thinking about the fate of the youkai and in the end it caused him to resign himself to whatever time would bring. Not that it was a bad thing, it was his own policy regarding the matter after all. Only that one could never know with Sesshoumaru-sama, thought Myouga shaking his head resignedly, he hardly ever did what you would expect him to. Still, time would tell. Having reached his conclusion, Myouga snuck into Shippou's clothes. There were still at least a day's travel away and a nap would do him good.

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Soon after they had entered the Western Lands, as Myouga had informed him, Shippou caught the smell of dogs. Not many, but enough to clearly mark the territory as a dogs' land. Well, it _was_ a dogs' land, or at least it used to be. It was different than smelling a wolves' or snakes' territory though, because all the time he would think about Inuyasha, wondering if his friend had ever been here, in his homeland. Probably not, not with a family like Sesshoumaru, he decided, eying his friend's brother thoughtfully.

He had to admit though, traveling with Sesshoumaru was not bad at all. It was just as the taiyoukai had told them, all they had to do was stay out of his way. But it was even clearer then before to Shippou that the brothers were as different as night and day. While Inuyasha was loud and restless, Sesshoumaru could go for an entire day without saying a word, or spend hours sitting in the same position, seemingly without any movement at all. While Inuyasha would complain and whine for hours before finally doing something he didn't want to, Sesshoumaru just did or didn't do it, either way not informing anyone about how he felt about it. Yet, Shippou chuckled to himself, they had at least one thing in common – they were both bound by spells, though in Sesshoumaru's case no rosary was needed.

Shippou discovered it the first time he and Rin got themselves in trouble, or rather trouble found them, in a form of a medium sized oni who decided to make a snack of them. Rin just had to shout "Sesshoumaru-sama", while trying to run away nevertheless, and the taiyoukai was there, killing the oni in a white blur of movement. And for some reason, Shippou got his head bonked for it, even though the oni was in no way his fault. But he quickly learnt that it was just the way it was – whoever happened to be with Rin when she got in trouble, be it him or Jakken, would get knuckled for it. Or hit with a stone if they tried to run away, like he often did. And, Shippou gritted his teeth, Sesshoumaru never missed, _never_, no matter how hard one would maneuver through trees to avoid the stone.

Still, it was a good life, and he was having a nice time. There was not much going on, but Rin was a good friend by now, even though she was still younger than him mentally, despite being taller. Yet, he often wondered what did happen to Kagome, Inuyasha, Miroku and Sango and if he would ever see them again.

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It was late night when they finally saw their destination. The terrain was hilly, ragged by knolls and mounds, and after reaching the top of one hill, they saw the shiro on the next hill before them. It looked simple and old, probably because it was indeed _old_, Shippou considered observing it from afar. Overall, the shiro looked like any other shiro of some small local daimyou, the only observable difference being that it had no outer walls, although Shippou supposed that if one was a great taiyoukai, protection of earth and stones was not exactly a necessity. Still, it looked much plainer than what he would expect of a man as renowned as Inuyasha and Sesshoumaru's father.

"Ah!" exclaimed Rin pointing her finger towards the distant lights of the shiro, "Is there somebody living there, Sesshoumaru-sama?"

"That's right, "Myouga perked up at the question, "Could it be Sae-sama and her honorable mother?"

"Sae-sama...?" Rin asked inquisitively, turning to Myouga who, seeing that Sesshoumaru-sama was not inclined to respond, launched into explanations.

Sae-sama was actually Sesshoumaru-sama's niece, once removed, even though she was a little older than him. She was the granddaughter of Touga-sama's beloved otouchan, Usumaru. Usumaru, despite being Touga-sama's brother, was a weak youkai with little power, and it was said to be due to an attempted purification of his mother when she had been expecting him. Nevertheless, Touga-sama loved his brother dearly, and always protected him and his family the best he could. Unfortunately, despite all his care, Usumaru was eventually killed along with his mate and son shortly after Sae-sama had been born. Ever since then she and her mother had been living under the protection of Touga-sama.

"And what kind of a person Sae-sama is? Is she also an inu-youkai?" Rin asked again, curious.

Myouga was glad she chose to ask about the woman she was about to meet rather than about the circumstances of Usumaru-sama's death. It was not a story he was fond of, despite understanding Touga-sama's reasons for acting the way he did. He was also very sure that Sesshoumaru-sama wouldn't enjoy listening to the story either.

"Sae-sama is a very kind and gentle person," Myouga answered, describing Sae-sama as he remembered her, from centuries prior, "and yet there is strength about her, although more of the heart than of the body." He concluded thoughtfully, mostly to himself.

"Are you sure she's related to Sesshoumaru then...?" Shippou whispered theatrically, but Sesshoumaru didn't feel like bonking the kitsune, especially since Jakken promptly did it for him.

He saw no point in talking about Sae or anyone else for that matter. They would soon see her for themselves and that was all there was to it. Sesshoumaru knew little about her himself, truth be told. He did remember that the very few times he would ever interact with other children during his own childhood were all related to Sae and her brightly smiling face. But ever since Chichi-ue deemed him old enough to be taken to battles, their ways separated and he knew little about her now. Sae had lived in the shiro all her life, now only with her mother and the few youkai who were still staying there, the only remainders of the past. Not that the shiro had ever been such a lively place to begin with. Despite his long life, Chichi-ue was a restless man, forever curious of the world and its developments. He always had something to do and somewhere else to be, and very rarely stayed in the shiro for extended periods of time.

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As they climbed the hill and finally reached the shiro, entering the external courtyard, the entrance shoji doors slid open promptly, releasing a female youkai dressed in a pale blue kimono. She advanced to them swiftly.

"Sesshoumaru-sama." She greeted him with a slight bow without any indication of being surprised by his arrival.

"Sae." He replied, and at the confirmation that it was indeed Sae, the eyes of the others turned to inspect her thoroughly.

Her resemblance to Sesshoumaru was undeniable, even though if inspected closely, she looked more like Inuyasha. She had silvery white hair, although without any bangs, it just fell evenly and gracefully around her face and down her back. Her eyes were of the same warm golden color as Inuyasha's and overall, most of her facial features resembled those of her distant cousin. Yet as nicely as such a face fit Inuyasha, looking at her it was obvious that he would never make a pretty woman. Sae was tall and graceful, but she could not be described as beautiful. The features looked too coarse and harsh on her, and even the gentle look in her warm eyes could not make up for it. And, as Myouga said before, despite the gentleness of her eyes, there was a distinctive firmness about her, so often present in those endowed with strong will and heart.

"I will be staying here from now on," Sesshoumaru informed her in his even voice. "I leave them to you," he indicated to the others and entered the house, considering the matter closed.

Sae turned to regard the odd group with a kind smile. She knew Jakken, he had been there before with Sesshoumaru, but the two young ones were a new addition and she couldn't help but wonder what exactly were they doing with him. Like the others, Sae had been expecting Sesshoumaru to return to his father's lands eventually, but she never imagined he would bring two children with him.

"Come along," she said finally, deciding that they probably needed rest and food more than questions.

Jakken left them to release Aun onto the grass nearby, and she led the two young ones through the shiro's corridors to have them sit down at a low table in one of the rooms, on the way replying to Myouga's greetings and inquiries about her mother. Making sure that they were indeed hungry, she brought them some food, mostly dried since there was little food in the house, as neither she nor her mother required that much sustenance and those of the lesser youkai who were still living there took care of their hunger on their own. It would have to change from now on, she noted, observing the children as they ate.

Rin was eying the older woman intently as she was leading them further into the corridors, once they were done eating. The woman seemed nice and kind, especially her eyes, so much like Sesshoumaru-sama's and yet so different at the same time.

"Are you an inu-youkai too?" Once they deposited Shippou, and Myouga with him, in one of the many rooms, Rin could no longer hold her curiosity.

"Yes." Replied Sae, looking down at the first human in centuries to set a foot inside the house. "However, I am not a taiyoukai, just an average dog mononoke."

Rin knew what a taiyoukai was, or at least she thought she did. It was a youkai that was much stronger than a normal youkai, like Sesshoumaru-sama. So maybe that's why Sesshoumaru-sama had those markings on his face while Sae-sama didn't. She looked up to the woman to observe her some more, but Sae stopped in front of a shoji door, and sliding it aside, let Rin into the room.

"This will be your room from now on, unless Sesshoumaru-sama decides otherwise," Sae informed the child and making sure the little one didn't need anything, left her to her thoughts.

Rin looked around the room in astonishment. Her room...? Her own room...? She blinked slowly, making her way to the futon on the floor to touch it cautiously. So soft.... Was she really going to be sleeping on a soft futon from now on...? She sat down on it experimentally. Somehow, it did not occur to her before that if Sesshoumaru-sama was to stay here, it would mean a great change for her too. She had been awed by the shiro, of course, but... there were so many amazing things she had seen and experienced around Sesshoumaru-sama that it somehow seemed natural. Yet, her own room... She looked around carefully. It was so large... There was only the futon, a clothes chest and a small table inside and the amount of free space overwhelmed her. How different it was from the small hut she used to live in with her family! And it wasn't so small a hut either, it had two whole rooms! But to have her own room...

She lied down on the futon carefully, testing the experience. It felt so odd, to be sleeping alone without anyone nearby, not even Jakken. She turned to her other side. It did feel comfortable, and warm, but... but... she'd rather have somebody else nearby, preferably Sesshoumaru-sama, than have a whole room to herself.

Reaching her decision, Rin got up quickly and quietly left the room. She was going to find Sesshoumaru-sama and sleep wherever he was. Unfortunately, she quickly discovered that she should've been paying more attention to her surroundings instead of Sae, because she had no idea where they had come from, where they had left Shippou, and even less of an idea where Sesshoumaru-sama could be. She walked down one of the dark corridors experimentally, trying to stay out of anybody's way and yet find Sesshoumaru-sama at the same time. But he didn't seem to be anywhere in sight, and she wasn't sure if it would be alright to check any rooms. And the further she went, the more sleepy she felt and the less she knew where she had come from and how was she to get back there.

In the morning Sae found a sleeping little girl curled up against a wall in one of the corridors and wondering what could've caused the child to end up like this, picked her up and returned her back to her assigned room.

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Sesshoumaru was standing in his father's quarters, inspecting it carefully. Nothing seemed to have changed in there since Chichi-ue had last been in the room, over 200 years ago. He glanced over to a small desk and picked up a silver comb lying there. Even his father's human woman's things, Izayoi was her name if he remembered right, were still there, from the brief period of time she had spent in the shiro. He turned the comb over in his hand. The silver had blackened over the years, loosing its shine, just like the sense of Chichi-ue's presence in the room.

Before, after his father's death, whenever he came here he felt that Chichi-ue was only temporarily away, and might come back any moment to tell his son off for entering the room without permission, like it sometimes happened when Sesshoumaru was a child. So intense and unsettling was the feeling that he remained in his own room, both directly after Chichi-ue's death and later, whenever he came to the shiro. But now... his father was no longer here, neither in flesh nor in spirit. He would not be coming back, no matter what was done to his former quarters or the house. Sesshoumaru felt strangely liberated by the discovery and experimentally flexed his claws, releasing his poison and melting the comb into a mist of green smoke.

He looked around the room again from his new perspective. Yes, he could stay here now, although any other objects belonging to his father's woman would have to share the comb's fate.

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"Arigatou!" Rin exclaimed gleefully, and promptly run away in the direction of Sesshoumaru's room while Sae remained in a moon-lit corridor, watching the child run and spread around an aura of such concentrated happiness that Sae was quite sure that the old house had never seen anything like it before.

It had been almost a month since Sesshoumaru returned to the shiro, bringing with him that little human girl, Rin, and although Sae was still clueless as to how he came to have the child around in the first place, something that interested her considerably, she was beginning to understand the simple facts of the odd relationship. Rin adored Sesshoumaru, as much as only a child could adore another person, and always wanted to be around him, no matter what he was doing at the time. She enjoyed the company of other people too, especially Shippou, and Sae too had soon become included into the list, yet it was obvious that her favorite was Sesshoumaru, without any contest. As for him, although it seemed at a first glance that the child meant nothing to him, Sae soon learnt that it was not true. He might've acted as distant with Rin as with everybody else, but there always was a different undertone to his voice whenever he addressed her, not to mention that no matter what Rin did – and that included crashing through a shoji screen twice within the first week – he would never scold her.

Sae smiled to herself, thinking back to how she had found Rin after her first night in the shiro. She knew now why the child left her room – to search for her Sesshoumaru-sama, because she didn't want to sleep alone in a large room, with nobody around. She felt slightly guilty for not having thought about it before she put Rin and Shippou in different rooms, even though they had to get used to it sooner or later. Rin had gotten used to it eventually, although her first question that morning was where Sesshoumaru was, and ever since she learnt the way to his room, she would sometimes sneak into it during some particularly lonely night, whether he was there or not.

And it so happened that tonight – for all Sae knew – Sesshoumaru was actually going to be not only there but also asleep. Rin broke into a smile so wide it almost reached her ears upon hearing it, and run there happily, no doubt to try to sneak up on the sleeping youkai.

Sae chuckled to herself imagining the scene, and letting her curiosity get the better of her, followed the little girl.

Rin was running swiftly through the corridors. By now she knew her way around the shiro, although it took her and Shippou quite some time, and a lot of questions to Myouga, to discover all there was to discover about the place. Yet the most important information was where Sesshoumaru-sama's room was, and she made sure to learn it as quickly as she only could.

Sliding the shoji door aside carefully – they were very tricky, those things – she slipped silently into the room and, trying to be as quiet as only possible in the dark, crept to where she knew the futon was, in the inner room. Her smiled widened even more when she got there, for Sesshoumaru-sama was indeed asleep. Rin had never seen him asleep before, he was always awake when she would fall asleep and just as awake in the morning. When she had first asked about it, Jakken told her not to be so stupid and that such powerful youkai as Sesshoumaru-sama didn't need much sleep. So knowing it was a rare thing, she edged closer to the futon and sat down on its edge. She could see Sesshoumaru-sama quite clearly in the moonlight, he had his eyes closed and his lips were slightly parted. He was also wearing something different than the clothes he wore usually and she was amazed how different it made him look. For as long as she had known him, he would always wear the same thing, and in her mind his white clothes were just as much a part of him as his white hair. She sat still for a few moments, marveling at the change, before she leaned in even closer, and seeing that he was not waking up, reached out and gently traced her finger along the lines on his cheek, confirming to herself that they didn't feel any different than the rest of his skin. Eying him intently she saw his nose twitch lightly but he was still not waking up. Rin stifled a laugh. Sesshoumaru-sama might not be sleeping often, but he sure slept soundly. Sighing contently she crawled onto the futon and made herself comfortable next to him, falling asleep quickly, and just as soundly.

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Sae reached the open door and stepping lightly inside, peered in the direction of the futon. She laughed to herself. Rin not only managed to find Sesshoumaru asleep, but she was actually able to sneak up on him without alerting him to her presence, quite an achievement indeed.

Watching them sleep, Sae realized that she hadn't seen Sesshoumaru asleep that many times herself either. She could remember only two instances, and both were from when the two of them were children. One was when she was sent to the writing room for her daily writing practice and getting there she found that Sesshoumaru, whose turn it was to practice before, instead of covering the stone board with countless strokes, had fallen asleep on the floor next to the low writing table, with his small hand still clasped tightly around the coal piece. She chuckled to herself. Those were memorable times, when the two of them started learning how to read and write. How old were they then...? Around 20, she supposed, looking intently at the sleeping two. And yet still smaller than Rin was now, which was not that surprising really, since youkai grew differently than humans. They sprouted up at first and learned to walk and talk almost as early as human children, but then their growth would slow down to a crawl, and the stronger the kind of youkai they belonged to, the slower the growth. Thus, even though they had been small, they were able to comprehend the rules of reading and writing.

Smiling gently in the darkness of the room, she allowed her thoughts to wander back to the time when Touga-sama returned to the shiro from one of his long journeys with a Buddhist monk and promptly announced that the two of them were to learn modern writing. Where exactly did he get the monk in the first place...? Her brow creased, as she was trying to recall everything she could remember about it, but the knowledge eluded her, maybe because she had never stopped to ask about it back then. Perhaps her mother would remember. Yet, however he came to know Touga-sama, the monk – whose name was Taira... no, that's the name of the samurai clan, Tairo, that's it – the monk named Tairo proved to be very educated on the subject of writing and very eager to bestow the knowledge on the two children. And thus soon the two of them were smearing coal all over the stone boards he made for them, although truth be told, it was Touga-sama himself who was the most diligent of Tairo-sensei's students. She chuckled again to herself at the memory of how eager the taiyoukai was to catch up with the new alphabet. When Touga-sama was a child, writing had been still unknown in Japan, and although – as she remembered her mother saying – he became interested in it as soon as he first heard of it, during one of his journeys to the continent, he learnt it properly only after it had been introduced in his homeland. Yet, during the centuries after, writing rules had changed greatly and kana had been introduced, so he found himself lacking in his abilities.

Sae smiled to herself again. Yes, that had been a good time for them all, filled with warm afternoons eagerly spent in the writing room or under the trees in the garden, full of diligent scribbling and carefree laughter. But soon Touga-sama had learnt all he wanted to learn and left the shiro again, and she and Sesshoumaru were not allowed to practice together anymore. Tairo-sensei stayed with them for many years however, but left on his way eventually, when he decided that despite their small size, the two children knew everything about writing they would ever need to know.

Rin curled up on the futon, shaking slightly from the cold that was steadily creeping into the shiro along with the budding winter, and Sae moved closer quietly, to pick her up and gently place her under the covers. The girl looked too comfortable here to be taken away, Sae decided with a mischievous smile, glancing at her sleeping companion, who looked just as peacefully as he did when she had seen him asleep for the first time. It had also been the first time she had seen him in general, she recalled, leaving the room and sliding the shoji behind her. She was seven then, and although most of her memories from the time were hazy in her mind, this one stood out clearly, probably because everybody was talking about Sesshoumaru then. He had been born just two weeks before and she and her mother went to finally see Touga-sama's newborn son. She remembered being held by her mother's arms as they looked down on the sleeping infant. He had white hair and stripes on his cheeks, just like Touga-sama, only in a different color, but what caught her attention at once was the half-moon on his forehead. Many youkai had various markings on their foreheads, but she had never seen any with a half-moon before. She even reached out to touch it, but her mother stopped her and told her not to bother him about it.

So much had changed since then, and yet so much remained the same, Sae thought, looking up into the starry skies as she walked through the inner courtyard and out to the garden for a midnight walk. Well over 300 years had passed since then, and she still didn't know why Sesshoumaru had a half-moon on his forehead. She knew now what Isei-sama, Sesshoumaru's mother, said about it, and why she was not to bother him about the marking, but Sae never believed it to be true. Still, she thought leaving the garden and entering the forest behind it, time would show.

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Sesshoumaru woke up hazily, squinting his eyes against the sun that was playing on his face and feeling some abnormal warmth on his shoulder. He turned his head to look at his side and inspect the sensation, and was greeted by the sight of Rin, curled up at his side and contently asleep. Her hands were grasped firmly onto the sleeve of his yukata, and even in her sleep she was smiling lightly. He felt surprised that she had managed to sneak into his bed without waking him up. Usually, he remained quite alert to any movement around him even when he slept, but he had to admit he had been tired this time, so perhaps that was the cause.

Although she would have probably sneaked up on him sooner or later, he thought, eying the child. She had come to his room at night a few times before, and at first, when he had found her sleeping in his bed as if that was the best place for a child like her to sleep, his first impulse was to wake her up and send her back to her room, but some distant memory of his own childhood made him remember why she had come there and he stopped, letting her stay. After all, what did it matter to him if she slept there when she felt in need of company? He hardly ever used the futon anyway, and if she found it to her liking, even when he was not in the room, there was no harm in her occasionally using it for her own.

Yet sleeping on his futon while he too was sleeping there was something altogether different and Sesshoumaru wasn't entirely sure how he felt about it. It wasn't that she had bothered him, after all he didn't even know she was there. But... he frowned inwardly, feeling that odd sensation of unease and incongruity creep into him again. It just... wasn't right. It wasn't right for her to feel so content in his presence and it wasn't right for him to let her. Yes, she had often slept next to him on colder nights, but it was a necessity and not... not like this. This just... wasn't right. He was about to get up and leave, but she woke up suddenly, yawning heartily and squinting her eyes, just like he did, before she fixed her eyes on his and a small smile grew on her face.

"Sesshoumaru-sama was asleep." She said confidentially and for a moment he felt as if he had inadvertently broken some important rule.

But she didn't dwell on it. After looking at him in silence for a moment longer, she sprung up abruptly and flashing him a bright smile announced that she was going to get a bath and so run out of the room, waving him a quick goodbye.

Sesshoumaru looked after her thoughtfully. Why was it that she acted so happy whenever he was around...? Why was it enough for him to just be there and she would brighten up like sun peeking out from behind the clouds? And why would it always make him feel so... oddly gratified?

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Rin carefully slid the doors closed behind her and walked slowly down the corridor. It wasn't that she was not intending to get a bath, she was, but... it wasn't why she left. She did not intend to sleep next to Sesshoumaru-sama, she just wanted to look at him sleep some more, and fell asleep without meaning to. And even though he didn't say anything, she could somehow sense that Sesshoumaru-sama wasn't pleased about it. She always knew that Sesshoumaru-sama didn't like to touch other people, he just seemed like somebody who doesn't like it. She remembered that night in winter when it was so cold and Sesshoumaru-sama took off his armor to let her sleep closer, she had been so surprised then, and it felt so strange to touch him at first, as if she was doing something she wasn't supposed to, even though he let her. But when she put her head on his chest and heard his heart-beat, it made everything different, it made Sesshoumaru-sama seem so close and so familiar and known. Rin smiled slyly to herself, it was so silly of her to be surprised that Sesshoumaru-sama had a heart, after all, everybody does, don't they? But he always seemed so different than everybody else, so maybe that's why.

Entering her room, she grabbed the bath supplies she got from Sae-sama – it made her smell so nice – and headed out of the shiro towards the inner courtyard, while wondering why was it that Sesshoumaru-sama didn't like to touch people. It was obvious to her that it was a good thing to touch others, so why wouldn't he want to? Frowning lightly, she decided to ask Sae-sama about it later, since Sae-sama always seemed to know a lot about Sesshoumaru-sama.

"Shippou-chan?" She shouted once she was outside. He preferred spending most of his time outside, but he was usually near enough for her to be able to get his attention this way.

And soon enough the small kitsune appeared from the direction of the forest that grew abundant behind the shiro. Rin didn't waste time in asking him if he wanted to go to the onsen with her, and since he did, they were soon borrowing Aun for their small excursion. Although there was a bathhouse in the shiro, Rin had quickly found that being a human was a major disadvantage when living mostly with youkai who neither needed to bathe that often nor got cold enough to appreciate the pleasure of soaking in hot water. It took her too long to heat the water and thus she preferred to use the onsen Sae-sama showed her. It wasn't that close nearby, but close enough to be worth the trip.

As they were flying on the back of the two-headed dragon, Shippou noticed that somebody else decided to join them.

"Oy, Myouga," he started, narrowing his eyes in suspicion, "are you going with us to perv on Rin?"

"How can you say such a thing!" Myouga gurgled with indignation, "I do not 'perv', as you phrase it, on any young ladies, and even if I did, Rin is still far too young!"

Shippou cast him a doubtful glance. He could clearly remember Miroku say that Myouga was a kindred spirit who could appreciate the beauty of the feminine shapes, and if Miroku said that Myouga was his kindred spirit, then obviously the flea must have been as much of a pervert as Miroku.

"I merely want to warm myself up, fleas don't like the cold, you know." Myouga huffed grudgingly to protect his impugned dignity.

Shippou wasn't entirely convinced, but he did recall from a conversation with Miroku that perving involved admiring 'full curves'. He leaned to the side to peer at the chest of the girl sitting in front of him. Nope, flat as a board. Then maybe Myouga was indeed just cold. Not that it mattered, they were almost there, so if Myouga wanted to perv, he would, either way.

Soon, they descended swiftly and landed near the onsen. After a quick scrub and lots of giggly water splashing – Myouga was ostensibly not looking – they lowered themselves into the hot waters and began savoring its warmth against the cold winter air.

"Say, Myouga-sama," Rin suddenly remembered something she had forgotten, again, "what kind of a dog Sesshoumaru-sama is?"

Myouga gazed up to her from the rock he was perched on, puzzled by the line of her thoughts. What kind of a dog Sesshoumaru-sama is? Vicious...?

"In his other form," Rin added quickly, seeing he didn't know what she was asking about. "He does have another form, right?"

Ah, so that's what she meant. Myouga regarded the child thoughtfully. How should he phrase it? And how much did she know about Sesshoumaru-sama in the first place? It was a question that had occurred to him before, and yet he still wasn't sure. From her conversations with Shippou he had surmised that Sesshoumaru-sama used Tenseiga to revive her, after she had been killed by wolves, and that she chose to follow him because he was the first person to be nice to her ever since her family died. Myouga sighed inwardly. He didn't know what was it that Sesshoumaru-sama did to be considered 'nice', other than reviving her, although he had to admit that during his stay with them Sesshoumaru-sama indeed acted different with her than with anybody else. But still... did she really know whom exactly she had chosen to follow...?

"I heard from Kagome that he's a very big white dog," Shippou cut in before Myouga could reach any decision. "With red scary eyes, lots of sharp teeth and poisonous saliva."

That was undoubtedly true, Myouga couldn't deny it. He eyed the girl intently, watching how she would take the news.

Rin frowned slightly in concentration. Scary...? Yes, Sesshoumaru-sama could be scary, although the only time she remembered being in any way scared of him was when she saw him for the first time and he intentionally tried to scare her off. But she had never been scared of him after that, she wasn't even that scared then. Other people were often scared of Sesshoumaru-sama though, that much she knew. And Shippou-chan told her about how much he had been afraid of Sesshoumaru-sama during the first few times Inuyasha-tachi fought with him. Yet even he said that he stopped being that afraid of Sesshoumaru-sama later on. Then... was Sesshoumaru-sama really scary or not? Was he like the spider woman? Pretty normally but frightening in his other form...? She sighed heavily, unable to decide.

"But Kagome said that he wasn't all that big in comparison to Inuyasha's father," Shippou continued his recollections, unaware of her dilemma. "Inuyasha's father was really huge though, I mean _really_ huge. Even his smallest teeth were so much larger than me!" he finished in awed wonder, remembering their visit to the youkai graveyard.

"That is true," Myouga confirmed the kitsune's assessment, "Touga-sama was indeed enormous in his true form." He paused, recalling the many times he had seen his former master transformed. "However Sesshoumaru-sama is still rather young, so it's not surprising that he is smaller. But should he live long enough, he will undoubtedly match his father's greatness."

Shippou shook his head thoughtfully, feeling grateful that Sesshoumaru was still young since otherwise Kagome and Inuyasha would've probably died before he met them. Yet Rin wasn't listening, too busy mulling over one particular thing Myouga said. True form...? Did it mean that Sesshoumaru-sama was really a dog who only looked like a human sometimes...? But he _always_ looked like a human! Her frown deepened as she remembered that when she saw Sesshoumaru-sama for the first time, his eyes were all red, and she was pretty sure that no human could have such eyes. And he did look a bit different when that monk was trying to take her away. How was it then...?

"Myouga-sama, what do you mean by 'true form'? Isn't Sesshoumaru-sama's normal form his true form...?" She asked a bit apprehensively, not really knowing what to think about it.

Myouga thought about his answer carefully. "In a sense, I suppose it is," he began slowly, "he can't really change how he looks in the human form, so it's a natural from for him, to an extent. But," she'd have to get used to it, sooner or later, "since he is an inu-youkai, his dog form is considered to be his true form, the true manifestation of his origin and power."

Rin fell silent after that, and remained silent even when they were already heading back to the shiro. She was too occupied with analyzing what she had heard to pay attention to Myouga and Shippou's continuing conversation. She had always known that youkai were somehow different than humans, yet she thought it was because they looked a bit different, lived longer, were usually stronger and faster, and could do a lot of things that a human couldn't. But she didn't think it was because they were _that_ different. Still, she pondered, did it really matter if Sesshoumaru-sama was really a dog, even a scary one...? He was still Sesshoumaru-sama, after all. Watching the ground fly past them underneath, she thought of all the things Sesshoumaru-sama did for her, of how he would always protect her, of how familiar his heart-beat was, and of how warm and safe she felt then. No, she decided finally, it didn't matter at all. Sesshoumaru-sama was Sesshoumaru-sama, that's the way it had always been and that's the way it would always be, nothing could change that.

And, her thoughts continued in their newly found certainty when they landed Aun at the shiro, youkai were not all that different from humans at all. They might be living in "a different world", as that monk had told her, but all in all they were the same. They wanted things, just like she did, they needed things, just like she did, and they felt things, just like she did. Without their unusual appearances and powers they were just like humans.

She frowned, remembering something else she was supposed to find out. Then why didn't Sesshoumaru-sama like to touch others? It couldn't be because he was a youkai, Shippou liked to snuggle up during cold nights just like she did. It also couldn't be because Sesshoumaru-sama was an inu-youkai, Sae-sama liked to touch others, or at least she didn't seem to dislike it. Then it must be that it was just because Sesshoumaru-sama didn't like it, not because he was a youkai of any kind, but just because he was Sesshoumaru-sama. And that meant he had to have some reason for it.

Determined to discover why was it that Sesshoumaru-sama didn't like to touch others while everybody else seemed to like it, Rin continued decidedly into the shiro and after a short search, found Sae-sama.

"Sae-sama, why doesn't Sesshoumaru-sama like to touch others?" Rin went straight to the point, since it was important.

Sae looked down to her in astonishment. Why doesn't Sesshoumaru like to touch others...? Didn't she mean why he dislikes it...? Although she supposed that from Rin's point of view her question was formed the correct way. In either case, she didn't know what to answer to the small girl that had somehow wandered into the world of somebody who didn't like to touch others. Sesshoumaru just was that way, for as long as she could remember him. No, Sae realized with surprise, as the distinction between the two ways to put it made itself clear in her mind, he didn't use to dislike it when they were children, he just didn't like it. He did not seek physical contact with others but did not object in any visible way to being touched. She looked down to Rin in contemplation, trying to find an answer that would be best for both the child and her protector.

"He's just not used to it," It_ was_ true, she supposed, hoping that her words would not lead the child into trouble.

Rin carefully weighted the words in her mind. Sesshoumaru-sama didn't like to touch others because he wasn't used to it...? Her brow wrinkled in confusion, how could he be not used to it if everybody was used to it, people touched each other all the time. But, she realized with a start, maybe Sesshoumaru-sama just never had anyone who would want to touch him? A smile grew quickly on her face as the answer seemed obvious to her now. If that was the case, then he just needed somebody to make him used to it.

"Arigatou!' She smiled brightly at Sae-sama in gratitude for her help.

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"Do they ever think ahead?" Sesshoumaru asked nobody in particular as the parchment crumbled in his fingers and rained to the floor.

He had never really paid any special attention to all the things that his father for this or another reason found interesting and decided to take with him during his many journeys, but this morning, when he was passing by the room that Chichi-ue managed to litter to the full with his various finds, he felt tempted to inspect the room's contents a bit closer, like he had done a few times during his childhood. So far he spotted a substantial amount of dusty books, a broken sword, human sword no less, a shabby old vase with some knotty imprints on it, a jar filled with some grayish, unidentifiable substance – he decided against inspecting it – and numerous scrolls and parchment pieces. There were so many of the last items in particular on one shelf that he felt as if he was in a hut of a wise-woman, in search of some mundane spell. Reaching for one of the parchment pieces he half expected it to contain something about fool moons, lizard tails and dragon blood but the paper crumbled in his hand the moment he touched it. Oh well, he wasn't all that interested in any obscure magic recipes anyway.

A sun ray caught one of the objects in the room and it shimmered brightly, bringing his attention to it. Picking it up absent-mindedly he felt some vague memories stir in the back of his mind. It was a bronze mirror, a Chinese one, judging from its back designs, and as he was holding it carefully he recalled playing with it many times when he was a child. Mirrors were interesting in general, you hardly ever saw what you would expect when looking in them, but this mirror had an additional, very unique appeal. When used to reflect light against a smooth dark surface it would show not only a round circle of light, which in itself was amusing enough for a child, but also a grey outline of a sitting person, some human deity actually, if he remembered right. When he was a small boy he used to play with it often, casting the reflection on various surfaces or testing how would it change if he placed his hand in front of it. How simple a child's world can be, he mused idly, experimentally casting the reflection on the wall.

A shuffling sound behind him interrupted his thoughts and he turned to see its source. It was Rin, she was peeking into the room, obviously searching for him since the moment she spotted him, she run over, surprisingly without bumping into anything, and promptly latched herself onto his leg, hugging it tightly.

"Sesshoumaru-sama!" She announced, looking up to him and smiling brightly.

Yes, that was his name, he was well aware of it, but what on earth was wrong with the child today? First she sneaks into his bed, then runs away without saying much about it and now attaches herself to him as if he had been away for weeks, at least.

"Ah! What is it?" Rin exclaimed, pointing to the unusual object in his hand and taking his thoughts away from whatever was out of order within her.

He glanced back to the mirror, feeling some of the childish pleasure he used to feel whenever he played with it as a child. Rin would probably be just as awed by the phenomenon as he was the first time he discovered it. But when he demonstrated to her what the mirror was and how it could make an image appear seemingly out of nowhere, he noticed that she was just as much awed by the very fact that it reflected her own face back at her. She had most likely never seen a mirror up close before, and used to rely on water to see her own appearance. In either case, she seemed to be enjoying herself, just as he suspected she would.

"Sesshoumaru-sama," she asked, tracing her finger along the intricate designs on the mirror's back, "can I play with it some more?"

"You can keep it," he replied. After all, it was of no use to him and she would undoubtedly utilize it properly, not only as a child, but also as a female.

She smiled brightly again, and just like before latched herself onto his leg, holding on so firmly that for a moment he felt tempted to try to shake her off, just to see if he'd even be able to. But she let go quickly, and thanking him with another of her smiles turned back to inspecting the mirror. He looked at her pensively. Whatever it was that made her so excitable today, he could only hope she'd fix herself soon enough.

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**Language notes:**

_otouchan_ – affectionate word for "little brother'"

_shoji_ – it's actually 'shouji' in Japanese, but it's mostly referred to as 'shoji' in English. Literally, it means just "paper sliding door", though in reality there are many various kinds of shoji. Some serve as doors, some as screens, some as room walls and some as house walls.

**General notes:**

Izayoi – Although from Movie 3 it seems as if Izayoi lived with her family, I don't think that her relationship with Touga was that 'fleeting', so to speak. It seems to me that he cared too much for her, and for Inuyasha, for it to be just a 'fling'. Moreover, Izayoi was expecting him to come for her, which implies that she should've been with him, but wasn't. Later on, I will include a more detailed story about it.

Touga – As most Inuyasha fans would probably agree, Touga seems to be a very interesting character, somewhat a mixture of Inuyasha and Sesshoumaru. I plan to add some more mentions of him, for the general feel of Sesshoumaru's past, and his relationship with his father, but that's about it.

Sae – She's an odd character that I hope the readers will like. She just appeared in my mind when I was thinking about the fic, and I couldn't shake her off from the story since then. She won't be having any serious role, but will be featured somewhat regularly I feel. If I remember right, her name (an actual Japanese name) means something like 'calm', or 'gentle'.

Usumaru – I think I have foreshadowed clearly enough that there's a story behind him, although he is just an episodic character. I named him mostly to avoid vagueness, in reality he could've remained nameless just as well. 'Usumaru' means "to become weak", which shows how out of ideas I was by then ;)

Isei – She'll be back too, as you have probably guessed, but again, just as a recollection.


	6. Chapter 06

Disclaimer: I do not hold any rights to Inuyasha in any form or way, nor do I make any profit out of writing this fic.

**Reviews:** Once again, thank you all wonderful people who decided to take the time to review, it really means a lot to me!

**Anonymous** (you know who you are ;)), **liberatedmysterygirl** – Thank you very much! My favourite kind of reviewers! ;)

**RabidAnimeGurl**, **Tarwen** – Unfortunately, the plan I had in mind for Rin's ploy to get Sesshoumaru used to being touched got moved to the next chapter, due to the sudden explosion in size of this one.

**Somebody – **Whether one spells "daimyou" or "daimyoo" depends on which romanization system (or which variation of the most common Hepburn romanization system) you decide to use to indicate a long "o" sound. Notice however that if you decide to follow through with the "oo" spelling, you would also have to spell Myooga, Shippoo and Sesshoomaru, if you wanted to remain true to the original pronunciation and not just cut out the long vowels.As for the plural of nouns – I have no idea what you are referring to, but I assume you are referring to my note on "-tachi", which is indeed a way to indicate plurality of people, or rather to mark a group of people, which in statements such as "kodomo-tachi" – "children", makes no difference. Japanese has many non-standard ways to indicate plurality, especially when it comes to people and "-tachi" just happens to be one of them.

And moreover, and this is a general notice, I never said I know Japanese well, in fact, my Japanese only allows me to hold a simple conversation or read a manga (with a heavy use of a dictionary) but the finer points of for example Inuyasha, when I watch it without subtitles, still elude me.

**hi** – I have to admit you got me there, "otouchan" is used to refer to "father" not "younger brother" and I had not checked it before. I was searching for a more affectionate term for "little brother" and just used it on the fly, assuming that it would be parallel to "neechan" or "niichan", since you can (supposedly) also use "oto" for "younger brother". But it seems it's not used like that, so thank you for pointing it out and if you know any less standard term for "otouto", please let me know!

**TamamoHitomi** – I assume you never got my email, or else you would've known ;) But you will find out nevertheless, oh you will! ::insert evil laughter::

**Kira** – I had no idea that 19 (20 thanks to you!) reviews is little, I had been very happy that so many people found it to their liking. Still, as long as there's at least one person who is enjoying it, then all is well! And it's also very nice to be able to answer to all reviews personally :D

**Note:** This chapter somehow turned out atrociously long too, it was supposed to be half this long and instead contain more developments, but alas, it just grew on its own. I'm not entirely happy with it either, there are parts where I feel I didn't exploit the potential of the situation as I should've, so perhaps I'll rewrite it someday, but those parts were taking forever to write and I felt I just had enough of them. Moreover, it's horridly slow, but I've already cut out some, so you'll have to pardon me here.

Moreover, upon re-reading the whole thing, I spotted a few mistakes and I'm surprised nobody pointed them out :P

1. Jaken is spelled "Jaken", not "Jakken" and I have no idea why I got fixed on the double 'k';

2. Touga, or whatever his name is supposed to be, had only one stripe each cheek, not two (at least according to Movie 3);

3. There had been a taiyoukai who aged – Housenki, but I am still to look into the matter in detail;

4. Myouga is called "Myouga-jijii", not "jiji" (at least according to Inuyasha no tsubo), although the latter is a valid ending too. And I think Shippou calls him "jii", which is another variation on the same meaning;

5. "full moon" is spelled with "full", not "fool" and it's a ghastly mistake I cringed at in horror.

There are some minor mistakes too, but a) I don't have a beta reader and b) I'd rather not have anyone know about them anyway. ::is planning to revise them quietly::

And btw. does anyone know how to insert for a example an asterix in here? It always gets deleted when uploading for me and it's seriously limiting my emotive range ;)

Since I watch only the Japanese version and prefer to use the Japanese terminology, there are language notes at the end of the chapter.

Again, I need to include some cultural notes at the beginning. It takes ages to research, but since I truly don't want to make some wristwatch blunder, I don't really have a choice but to find out as much as I can about the realities of life in 16th century Japan. 0.0

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**Cultural notes**

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**Heating**: As outrageous as it seems, traditional Japanese houses lack _any_ heating systems whatsoever, even nowadays. So naturally, it gets very cold inside during winter (even though the altitude of Tokyo doesn't get much snow) and the fact that traditional Japanese houses are supposed to "extend" to the garden and the outside in general, hence the large sliding doors and famous paper walls, does not help in the slightest. So the Japanese always had to find some other means of warming their houses up and the most standard means include a **hibachi**, which is a large (30-40cm in diameter) porcelain jar, half filled with sooth and sand in which you can have a fire going (it can be used for small cooking too) and the **kotatsu** – have some heat source under a table (or if you're wealthy enough have a special pit dug out in the floor for both your legs and the heat source), cover the table with a large **kakebuton** – a Japanese quilt – then press it down to the table with another table top and then slide your legs under the kakebuton. Of course, the rest of your body would still be cold but oh well, always something. I found out the most about it from here:

www . davidappleyard . com / japan / jp10 . htm

The article also includes information on the Korean _ondol_ – pipes with hot water or steam under the floor, and the Chinese _kang_ – basically a stove you can also sleep on.

**Kohaku**: "Kohaku" means "amber" and the character Kohaku's name is also written as amber. Japan does have amber deposits, somewhere around the Tokyo region, so it would be on the other coast of Honshuu from where I have located them at the moment. Moreover, I have no idea whether the Japanese amber gets washed up by the sea or does it have to be mined for, but in either case I think a randomly found amber piece would still have a mostly rough surface.

**Rice cooking**: Cooking rice Japanese style is a much more complicated matter than cooking parboiled or any pre-processed rice, but I decided to skip the unnecessary details, same with kitchen details, since it was also not as simple as one room called 'kitchen" ("Glad you skipped it", you probably say...)

**Makura no shoushi:** (or soshi if you'd rather) It's an authentic Japanese book, written by Sei Shounagon in the 10th/11th century and known in English as "The Pillow Book". She was a court lady to one of the Emperor's wives and her book is often called a "10th century blog" since it resembles such a diary a lot, although it also contains essays and various lists (for example of "Hateful things" from which the well-known quote included here was taken). It is full of contemplation of life in general and of biting witticisms at the expense of the court society, but also of very biased praises of the Empress Sei Shounagon was serving and of those whom she supported politically in general. Parts of the book had – accidentally – spread through the court during the author's life, but I have no idea whether it had ever been known to a more general public at the time. So the image of Sesshoumaru reading it is mostly intended as a joke.

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_Chapter 6_

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"Goodbye then, Sesshoumaru," said his guest and turned to leave.

Sesshoumaru left the room too, without caring much if he was being impolite towards the older youkai. Although he probably was, Hourou was the kind of man who always paid attention to the proper decorum of things, even if 'proper' from his point of view mostly. He was also a stern, uncompromising and austere kind of person, and Sesshoumaru never enjoyed his company much, not that he enjoyed the company of many to begin with. But Hourou happened to be one of the Western Lands' hanshu's and his visit was expectable and had to be endured. And since it was Hourou, the timing of the visit was also expectable – 3 months after Sesshoumaru's return, when it became apparent that it was not just a temporary stay. The conversation was just as unsurprising, whether he would remain here permanently and what were his plans in relation to the two human daimyou's that had established themselves in the lands. He replied quite truthfully that he had not made any decisions in regard to either of the issues, yet will inform him once he does, which concluded the visit as neither of them was fond of small talk.

Which was much more than could ever be said about the other hanshu, Kisho, who had visited him over a month earlier. Unlike Hourou, who had been Chichi-ue's ally from long ago, Kisho only inherited the position of his pack's leader from his father. He was weak, strong enough to retain his position but nothing more, and also very aware of it and hence groveling almost as badly as Jaken. Fortunately, unlike with Hourou, who also happened to be his grandfather, with Kisho Sesshoumaru didn't have to endure anything, and promptly told the sycophantic grey dog to get lost.

That left only Shuukatsu, the last of the hanshu's, of sorts. Unlike the other two, Shuukatsu was not an inu-youkai, but an eagle youkai. He had been Chichi-ue's long time friend, albeit Sesshoumaru always felt that it was a peculiar friendship, and did not dwell permanently in the Western Lands, or anywhere else. In terms of youki, he was not too strong, but his crafty mind, extreme speed and expertise in swordsmanship made him a formidable opponent and he was considered important in the lands. Sesshoumaru was expecting him to show up sooner or later.

An excited voice interrupted both his thoughts and his steps.

"Sesshoumaru-sama! Sesshoumaru-sama! Look!" He stopped when Rin's thrilled squeals reached his ears and he glanced to her as she sat at a small table in a room he was passing by, sighing inwardly when he realized that she had him in the full line of her view and there was no way he could leave and pretend he had never been there, she would just follow him anyway. Walking over to the table, he hoped with all his might that this time his clothes would not get stained by coal. It was quite difficult to get rid of such stains, even from youkai clothing.

Some time after they came to the shiro, three months ago, he remembered that Rin, and the fox child too for that matter, were in desperate need of education on reading, writing and counting. He asked Sae to take care of the problem, and she obliged gladly, pleased with the idea. And so the two young ones, just like he and Sae centuries before, began spending many hours scribbling diligently on the stone boards. Or at least in the fox child's case that's what they were supposed to be doing. From what he had surmised, Shippou often made himself scarce during practice time, opting to wander around the forests outside instead, even though winter was already fully upon the land and Myouga refused to go anywhere with him. Not that it mattered, if the boy preferred to remain a half literate moron, it was his right to do so and Sesshoumaru was not one to deny him the pleasure.

Rin however turned out to be more than satisfactorily conscientious in her efforts, and truth be told he found it somewhat surprising. Not that he thought the child to be stupid, despite the many incomprehensible things she was in habit of doing he believed her to be smart enough, especially for her age. Yet she always appeared to him to be rather rattle-headed in her approach to knowledge and logic and he did not expect her to enjoy the long hours of repetitive practice, even if she could understand that it was beneficial to her future. But she seemed to be enjoying it more than enough, as he had found a few days ago when she sought him out to show him that she had managed to write down all the hiragana symbols from memory. Unfortunately, in her excitement she failed to realize that her hands had been thoroughly dirtied in the process and thus, when she latched onto him as soon as he nodded his approval of her efforts, she left very neat imprints on his white clothes.

He frowned inwardly. That was another problem. He had assumed that the clinginess that started on the day she sneaked into his bed was due to some temporary excitement and that she would soon return to her normal self, but it did not happen so. Ever since then she kept latching herself onto him for the most insignificant reasons and he was unsure what to think about it. She somehow always managed to break the contact before he had a chance to say anything, although in all honesty he had no idea what to say. She was just a child after all, and he was aware that she did not mean anything wrong by it, but... it was just... inappropriate. He was not her father nor any close relative, he was just... His frown deepened, as he could not find any satisfactory word to describe his relation to the child and it was surprisingly unnerving.

"Sesshoumaru-sama, look! Look!" Rin had her hand stretched out towards him, wanting him to look at some piece of paper and he reached out to see what exactly had made her so agitated this time.

Rin was looking up to Sesshoumaru-sama expectantly, hoping he would be pleased, especially since it took her so much effort to be able to do it. At first, when Sae-sama started to teach her how to write, Rin found it quite interesting how some odd marks could be used to mean the words she said, but it quickly turned out that writing was not easy at all. It required a lot of practice and she soon established that she'd rather play outside with Shippou-chan than spend so much time repeatedly writing the same symbols only to discover on the next day that she had already forgotten half of them. But then Sae-sama told her that if she learned all hiragana, she would show her how to write Sesshoumaru-sama's name in kanji and Rin was instantly captured by the prospect. So she practiced as much as she could and finally today Sae-sama indeed showed her how to do it, and even gave her some paper and ink, instead of a stone board and coal, so that she could make it permanent. At first she couldn't copy it at all, the symbols were so complex, but Sae-sama told her to take her time and left her to the practice that for once was very enjoyable. It took her over two hours though to be able to write it properly.

Sesshoumaru was looking at the paper in disbelief and found himself in lack for words. Those were the most awkward, clumsy and unshapely kanji he had ever seen. The proportions were all wrong, the strokes were all shaky and overall the symbols looked as if they were about to fall apart any moment. It was his name alright, but it was looking so shabby that he was starting to feel shabby himself, just because he was looking at it. He glanced at the child, noticing that she was obviously very proud of her work and expecting him to say something about it. The only thing he could possibly say was that it was the most appalling piece of calligraphy he had ever seen, yet knowing how much effort she had put into her practice he did not wish to discourage her from further efforts. But he couldn't approve of such an atrocity committed on his name either.

Looking at the writing table he found his solution in the form of a blank piece of paper.

"Pick up your brush, Rin," he told her, placing the paper sheet before her.

When she complied, he moved to stand behind her and placing his hand over hers led it to write his name in a more acceptable manner. There, he thought inspecting the results, the perfect solution. It looked good enough and he didn't have to say anything about her writing.

Rin was looking at the paper in awe. Sesshoumaru-sama had such a beautiful writing style! Sae-sama had a very nice one too, but hers was more decisive and firm, while Sesshoumaru-sama's was so elegant and flowing. She glanced to what she had written before and cringed at the comparison. She thought she could write Sesshoumaru-sama's name, yet now it was obvious to her that she couldn't do it at all. But, she decided firmly, she was going to practice as much as it took to be able to write as prettily as Sesshoumaru-sama. To add flesh to her resolution, she took up the brush again and appended her own name in hiragana to the paper, smiling at the satisfactory results.

Sesshoumaru looked at the child in thought. He was dimly hoping that she would not decide to hug him, especially since her hands were stained with ink all over, but there was a more important thought on his mind. There was something different about the feel of her today, he decided, looking down at his hand that just held her own. He had many occasions to make himself familiar with her touch recently, and thus he was quite certain it was different today.

"Rin, show me your hands," he said promptly, wanting to test if his senses were correct.

She looked up to him surprised but obliged nevertheless, stretching her small hands out to him, and as he captured them both with his own, his suspicions were indeed confirmed. Her hands were much warmer than usual, and although he did not know what it meant, he was sure it had not happened before. Inspecting her carefully, he soon found that there were more odd factors about her today. Her eyes had a strange glow to them, her cheeks were slightly pinkish and her heart-beat was faster than usual. He frowned, displeased that he had none whatsoever idea whether it was to be expected of a human or not. Whatever it was, he decided finally, it would either disappear or make itself more identifiable soon enough.

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Yet when the evening came, Rin's strange state remained as mysterious as it had been, despite being more apparent. Sesshoumaru had just returned from a casual stroll around the snow covered forest, and when he run into the young ones who had just been to the onsen, he quickly noticed that Rin's cheeks were even redder now, her heart-beat was still too fast and she also begun making odd coughing sounds. The fox child seemed to have noticed it too and he stated that Rin probably 'got a cold', whatever that meant, and should keep herself warm. Not really knowing what else to do, Sesshoumaru took Rin to Sae, who, as far as he knew, had more experience with humans than him.

Sae confirmed Shippou's assertion of Rin's state. She didn't know all that much about humans, but she did remember quite clearly from the time when Izayoi-sama was staying in the shiro that cold was very detrimental to their health and should be avoided as much as possible, since otherwise they would often fall ill. Rin didn't seem that ill to her, yet she agreed with Shippou that she should keep herself warm. Thus, despite protests, Rin was sent to bed and Sae promised to bring her a snack and to keep checking up on her. Since Sae seemed to know what she was doing, Sesshoumaru left them to return to his quarters and continue reading a book he found among his father's things and which surprisingly proved to be quite entertaining.

However, after a few hours of peace his ears caught the familiar sound of small feet tottering along against the wooden floor and he was perfectly aware that it meant his futon was going to be occupied that night. Yet when Rin entered the room, there was none of her usual joy at the prospect of sleeping in there while he was in the room too. She only glanced to him hazily and trudged on to the futon, dropping onto it heavily and wrapping herself laboriously in the covers. Sesshoumaru frowned slightly. He was still unsure what exactly a 'cold' was, but whatever it was, it was obviously disadvantageous to Rin. Rising away from the table he was sitting at, he advanced to the futon and looked the child over carefully. Her heart-beat was even faster now, her face was very flushed, her breathing shallow and quick and there was an alien yet distinctive scent about her, a scent he was sure he had smelled before. Running through all the scents his memory held, he quickly found what he was looking for. It was a scent he sometimes smelled around human settlements, and it was often accompanied by the scent of pain and sometimes even death.

"She has gotten worse, hasn't she?" Sae asked from the door, walking over to the futon. She expected to find Rin here, after discovering that the child was missing from her room. Crouching down, she inspected the little girl carefully. Yes, she had undoubtedly gotten worse, Sae decided, observing how muted and unfocused Rin's eyes were, how shallow and labored her breathing was and how much warmth her little body seemed to radiate. She regretted not knowing more about humans and their illnesses. Youkai hardly ever got ill, they could get poisoned, injured or in some other way harmed externally, but she had not heard of, and even less so seen, many youkai who were ill due to some internal cause. She sighed heavily, wishing that her mother had not left to the south for the winter. Her mother knew much more about humans, but was also a firefly youkai and detested winter enough to leave the lands every year and return only with spring. As it was, Sae was sure she had no idea what to do to aid Rin, and was just as certain that nobody else in the shiro knew any more than her.

"I will go to the nearest human village and find somebody who can help her," she announced having reached her decision and rising to her feet. It was not a question, Sae was determined to go through with her plan no matter what Sesshoumaru thought about it. If he objected much to allowing any other human into the house, she would take Rin with her. The child was obviously ill and was not getting better in the slightest, and Sae had no desire to see the cheerful creature she had grown fond of die just because Sesshoumaru despised humans.

Sesshoumaru regarded her thoughtfully. He was not pleased with the idea of having some foul human running around the place, but... He glanced at the small child lying on his futon. Rin was undoubtedly a human and he was well aware that at the current moment she required one of her kind to aid her. He nodded his head in approval of Sae's decision, even though he knew his cousin would do so regardless of what he thought about it. It was her right however, since this was as much her home as his and she was in no way his subordinate.

Sae left quickly, on the way running into Shippou, who – apparently not really trusting Sae's interpersonal skills with humans – decided to go with her. He knew that Rin was ill, and he was aware of what an illness was, but he was just as clueless as the others on how to help her. He had spent a lot of time around humans, and had seen a lot of human medicines Kagome always had around with her, but he had no idea where to get them or what kind of a medicine exactly would help Rin.

Sesshoumaru was left still standing near the futon. How weak the humans are, he thought, looking at the unwell child. It was a thought that occurred to him often, whenever she would get herself in trouble, but it was even more apparent to him now, when she had succumbed to something as trivial as 'cold'. However, as much as she seemed to be addled, there was no scent of death on her and since Sae was to find somebody who could help her, it was unlikely that the scent would have any chance to appear. Reassured, he moved to return to the table and his previous activity but a small hand grasped his hakama weakly.

"Sesshoumaru-sama...," her voice was so feeble and ill-suited to her, "stay with Rin... please."

He looked down to her in surprise, knowing that she only referred to herself in the third person when she was being particularly emotional, a habit she must've picked up from Jaken. She was looking up to him with muddled and yet pleading eyes, and he felt something akin to pity stir within him. Yes, he thought, crossing his legs and sitting down on the futon, she probably felt confused and scared, and he could understand that. If he had the misfortune of being so pathetically weak, he too would've felt considerably concerned about his well-being.

Without saying anything more, she raised herself heavily and dragging the covers with her, crawled onto his crossed legs, fitting whole into the enclosed space between them and placing her head on his knee. She was being clingy again, but he felt now was not the time to reprimand her about it, especially since she was probably unable to understand much anyway in her current state.

Her proximity brought with it an even stronger wave of that alien scent – a scent of illness, as he had remembered – and his mind unconsciously recalled her words from many months before. 'Itsuka Rin ga shindemo, Rin ga koto wasurenaide itte kureru.' What a stupid, sentimental and human thing to say, he scoffed to himself, of course he would remember her, his memory was excellent. But... at that time, when she said it, her words pierced right through him. He had not thought her to be aware of how painfully limited both her lifespan and her abilities were and it was an issue that had been playing on his mind heavily that day.

Although he had allowed her to stay with him, it had always been his plan to return her to her kind when a suitable occasion arose. She was a human, even if she seemed to be considerably less foul and mentally limited than most of her breed, and her place was with humans, living a human life. And on that day, when the monks rescued her and the other children from Ongokuki, the time to return her to where she belonged finally came. Yet, as he stood hidden behind the trees, watching the situation unfold and listening to her desperate cries, he found himself unwilling to force her to it, to condemn her to a life that was frightening her so.

Sesshoumaru frowned, looking down at the slightly shivering child in his lap and remembering the odd sensation of urgency he experienced every time she was in danger. Yes, since he allowed the child to stay with him, it was only natural that he should keep her alive in the meantime, yet... why did it seem so... unbecoming for her to be hurt in any way? Was it because she was so weak and her life could be so easily extinguished? Or was it because she always trusted him to rescue her, for reasons he could never fathom?

The child stirred a little against his legs, whimpering slightly and bringing his thoughts back to their previous course. What was he going to do about her? He told her to do as she liked, but... she could not stay with him, not permanently. The only future that would most likely await her if she did was to share the fate of that human woman, Sara, in entering a hellish bargain that would not only fail to extend her life, but would also devour her soul, making her an empty vessel for mismatched scum youkai. He had never been more aware of the unsurpassable rift between the youkai and the humans than at that time, when he killed the creature the woman had become, freeing whatever was left of her soul. He had also realized a certain truth then, namely that humans could not help being humans, just as the rain could not help being wet, and those of them who were conscious of their limitations enough to try to fight against them, would succeed only in making their fate even worse.

He did not want for such a thing to happen to Rin. Yes, she was a human and thus her life was very limited from the start, but it was to end naturally, under the weight of time and after the full run of a normal human life, and not in a futile struggle against her own nature, brought about by a simple want to stay forever with her youkai companions. Her words back then made him realize that a child as she still was, she was probably already aware of that rift between them, of how different their worlds were. But if she was, why did she refuse to return to her own world? Was she already starting to succumb to the same destructive wishes as that Sara woman?

Would he have to kill her too?

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Sae and Shippou were swiftly making their way back to the shiro, maneuvering Aun through the starry skies. They had successfully managed to find the nearest human village, and although the villagers seemed to be wary and cautious of them, to Shippou's surprise many of them were also eager to help, in pointing out where the nearest miko, knowledgeable in the ways of healing, could be found. Just as surprisingly, the miko quickly agreed to go with them, despite the slight protests of her apprentice, and now the middle aged woman was flying with them to the shiro, still making no comments about the odd situation she was currently in.

Miyoko held on tightly to the two-headed dragon, hoping her decision to come with the odd pair was a right one. Like most people living in the area, she was well aware that the land they were living in belonged to the youkai, even if now human lords claimed ownership over it. Ever since she was a child she would hear stories about Touga-sama, the youkai daimyou who once ruled the land and yet protected humans and had his pack live with them in peace. Miyoko often felt that it had been better that way. Even if the inu-youkai had remained non-aggressive towards the humans in the area, the current daimyou who took over this part of the land demanded very high tribute from all the villages in the area and from what she had heard, Touga-sama had been much more lenient in that respect, to the point where he only accepted offerings as an expression of gratitude for his protection rather than as a mandatory payment. Yet now, even though two other youkai daimyou's remained in the Western Lands, they showed no interest in the affairs of humans, as long as no upstart lord threatened them, which – quite understandably – had not happened so far, and thus the human inhabitants had been left to care for themselves.

But she had also heard stories about Touga-sama's son, Sesshoumaru, who not only showed no inclinations towards following in his father's footsteps but actually despised humans. Like most children in the area, she had been told that if she ever came across a youkai with a half-moon on his forehead, she should turn back at once and not bother him in any way, since otherwise she'd be likely to end up dead. And yet, from what Sae-sama – of whom Miyoko had heard much more positive things – and the kitsune said, she gathered Sesshoumaru-sama had actually returned to the shiro, and, as unbelievable as it was, required the assistance of a human to help an ill human child. She could only hope that the story was true, that she'd be able to help sufficiently and to return home safely.

Soon they reached the shiro and Sae-sama and the kitsune boy led her through the corridors to a room of high-standing, and when she entered she could only stare in disbelief at the sight before her. In the dim light of the candle she could see the form of a white-haired youkai, whom she could easily identify as Sesshoumaru-sama, thanks to his markings, and yet the allegedly cold-hearted and human hating taiyoukai had a small human child curled up in his lap. The girl looked obviously unwell and ill, but at the same time so comfortable and trusting as she should be only in her mother's arms. Who was that child...? And why would he care for her so...?

Deciding that asking any questions would be most inappropriate, Miyoko collected herself and followed Sae-sama closer to the futon. Noticing them, Sesshoumaru swiftly slipped his hand under Rin and moved her onto the bedding, rising to his full height and looking at the woman half warily and half expectantly. He should've known it would be a miko, he thought, feeling very aware of how out of place she was here, but at least it meant she'd more likely to know what she was doing.

Miyoko knelt down on the bedding and inspected the child carefully, hoping even more than before that she'd be able to help. To her relief, she quickly found it was nothing serious. The girl just caught a cold and like most young children broke into high fever, but there was no sign of any rash on her and her lungs seemed clear, even if her breathing was labored. If appropriately taken care of, she would be back to full health in no time. But that was the problem, wasn't it, she thought, eyeing her hosts discretely. They were all youkai and had little knowledge about how to take care of a human child, even less so an ill human child. Just like they were oblivious to the fact that it was far too cold in the room for the girl's well-being.

"I will take care of her and she should be fine in a few days," she begun, "but she needs to be moved to a heated room." If there even was a room like that here, she wondered, noticing that they seemed perfectly fine in their light clothing.

Sae glanced to Sesshoumaru questioningly. The only room in the shiro that could be heated, other than the kitchen which was hardly ever used anyway, was Izayoi-sama's room, and she wondered how he would react to putting Rin in his "his father's woman's", as he usually referred to Izayoi-sama, former quarters. Wouldn't he object to the association thus suggested...?

Sesshoumaru narrowed his eyes disdainfully, but without saying a word leaned over and gathering the child up along with the covers, moved towards the door, feeling Rin's small fingers grasp firmly onto his clothes the moment her burning forehead touched his shoulder. He walked across the corridor and into the room just opposite from his own, while chewing over this new development. He was all too aware whose room it had been and why was it heated, and no, he did not enjoy the idea of moving Rin in there in the slightest. Keeping her around was one thing, and he cared little for what anyone thought about it, but keeping her in a manner suggesting that he was following in his father's footsteps was something entirely different. But after all, he was not his father and the situation was nothing like Chichi-ue's shameful liaison with that meek and weepy woman, so why should he care what anyone made of it...?

Placing Rin down on the somewhat dusty futon he felt that there was another reason why he disliked the situation. Rin was not like that woman; she was not like any other human he had ever met, which was perhaps why he could endure her company. But wasn't it simply because she hardly had the chance to live with humans...? Wasn't it just another reason why he should return her to her kind as quickly as possible...? His brow furrowed as his thoughts scattered around in his head confusingly. Was it good or bad that she was so different from other humans...? And that he could tolerate her while he detested the rest of her breed...? And should he send her away, somehow, as quickly as possible or wait to see if she would leave him on her own volition...?

His frown deepened as the confusion in his mind intensified, and he spun around to walk out of the room, leaving the matter of Rin's illness to the two women. This was getting him nowhere.

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Finding a suitably dry tree, Sae made a quick work of chopping it down with a swift strike of her claws. She was gathering wood to heat up Rin's new quarters, and although she was not too strong, her strength was enough to deal with a dead tree. While chopping the wood up into manageable pieces, she allowed her thoughts to wander back to the times the heating system in the room had been built. It had been the first – and only – autumn of Izayoi-sama's stay in the shiro, and when the first chills of the upcoming winter hit the land, it became apparent that Izayoi-sama would most likely freeze to death during the cold season, no matter how "warm" Touga-sama kept her. Sae smirked to herself. Yes, he definitely had kept her warm, and her growing stomach had been a living proof of it. But that had been another reason why she needed a warm room, and having researched the matter with his usual interest in human customs, and after spending long hours discussing it in earnest with Myouga while Izayoi-sama would politely hide her smile behind her long sleeves, Touga-sama decided that the best way to heat a room was not the traditional Japanese kotatsu but rather a combination of the Korean ondol and Chinese kang systems. And thus, the room's floor had been replaced with stone and an enclosed hearth had been built underneath it, with a latch in the floor enabling to fuel the fire from inside yet close off the fumes, should one so desire. The system was surprisingly efficient and Izayoi-sama enjoyed the warmth greatly as she undoubtedly would've for long years to come, had Touga-sama not died.

She felt a wave of sadness wash over her, as always when her mind recalled the joyful months of Izayoi-sama's stay in the shiro. She had made her peace with both Touga-sama and Izayoi-sama's deaths, but the fact that their happiness had been cut short so abruptly always filled her with sorrow. Izayoi-sama had not been Touga-sama's first love, not by far, but unlike with his first two mates, and numerous less serious "afflictions", of which Myouga kept a much more detailed record, it looked like with Izayoi-sama he had finally found true happiness. Despite their plentiful differences they seemed perfectly well suited for each other and the affection that shone in Izayoi-sama's eyes whenever Touga-sama was nearby always left Sae feeling warm inside. Her humanity was the only thing that marred their happiness for when Izayoi-sama found she was with child, her initial joy soon gave way to worry – their child, a son as Touga-sama determined by her scent only three months later, would be a hanyou, rejected and often even persecuted by both humans and youkai and she couldn't help but be apprehensive about his future. It was then that Touga-sama had Tetsusaiga and Tenseiga made, both to protect her and the boy, and for his strength to extend to both his sons even beyond his death, should anything ever happen to him. Sae laughed to herself softly, remembering Izayoi-sama's strangled cry of surprise when Touga-sama returned from commissioning the swords to Toutousai and she saw that he was missing most of his left fang and thus his smile was missing a lot of its charm. The tooth grew back within few hours, although – quite oddly – only in Touga-sama's human form, it never grew back in his true from, perhaps because the swords retained so much of his youki. And even though Izayoi-sama had been predominantly worried about more subtle aspects of their son's well-being, she was touched by his thoughtfulness and grateful for his care.

Walking back to the shiro with an armful of wood pieces, Sae thought about what had always worried her the most about Izayoi-sama's humanity, and it was the chilling limitations it imposed on her lifespan. Touga-sama wasn't too worried about it, he had been researching various ways to extend Izayoi-sama's life, preferably without any undesirable side-effects, and had been confident that he would manage to find some proper means. In the end, it turned out he was right in not allowing it to darken his mood – after all, she had outlived him, although undoubtedly from her perspective it was a feeble consolation. Sae sighted heavily, strengthening her hold on the wood. As much as humans always feared being harmed by youkai, in reality they were just as dangerous to youkai, only in a different way.

Entering Rin's room she dropped the wood onto a holder in the corner and adding a few pieces to the fire Shippou had already started in the hearth, turned to leave and stock up on more. She glanced in passing at the miko who was busy preparing some medicine for Rin, and at the child in question who was cuddled up on the futon, and her mind recalled the image of another little human girl she had once known, centuries ago. She had been a little girl herself at the time, when her mother took her to Urabe, the human town near the coastline that Touga-sama had always been very fond of. One of the previous lords accepted Touga-sama's sovereignty when the taiyoukai consolidated the Western Lands and his ancestors kept blessing him for it for centuries, when they discovered that in return they could live in peace that other parts of the country could only dream of. The once small settlement soon grew in size and prosperity and although she couldn't remember why she and her mother went there, she could clearly remember the bustling atmosphere of a seaside town. From her childish perspective she had quickly spotted a group of children playing in a square, in some game that involved throwing pebbles and lots of laughter, and her mother had somewhat reluctantly allowed her to join them. Back then, Touga-sama and the white inu-youkai pack had been known even to the smallest child of the town and she had no problems joining the group for a very enjoyable afternoon. She quickly made friends with one girl in particular, around her own age, as it seemed, and when they were done playing, Sakurako – a beautiful name Sae had felt very envious of – showed her around the town, even informing her of all the latest gossip.

It hadn't been that long after that – she had grown hardly by a foot – when they went to Urabe again, this time also with Touga-sama, to attend the funeral rites of the town's current governing lord, who had just passed away. Sesshoumaru had deftly refused to take part in such "human folly", but she had been very much looking forward to going to Urabe again. After the rites she asked her mother if she could go visit Sakurako and her mother agreed, although giving her the strangest of looks. Sae paused in collecting the chopped up wood, and brushing away a strand of hair that the cold winter wind had blown in her face, looked up to the night sky, watching it sparkle brightly with stars, as it always did this time of year. Her mother must have known what she would find upon going to Sakurako's house – that instead of the cheerful little girl she'd find completely unknown to her children who would inform her that Sakurako – Grandma – was already dead.

That was the way of the human life, wasn't it, Sae thought, absentmindedly picking at the bark of the wood with one of her claws. It could shine as brightly as the stars, but would always disappear just as quickly as the stars did when the dawn came. She did not care that much for Sakurako, after all, she had known her for only one afternoon, and yet, even though the pain she felt after Touga-sama's death, for example, had long since subsided leaving only cherished memories, the thought of that little girl's death had always been laced with bitterness in her mind and ever since then she had not been able to interact with any humans without thinking about it. Her mother was right when on their way back from Urabe she said that that was one of the main reasons why youkai should never allow themselves to care too much for a human, because it was like trying to hold water in your palms – no matter how tightly you pressed them together, it would always seep through your fingers and leave you empty handed.

She sighed heavily again, and hoisted herself up with another armload of wood to return to the room of another little girl that had recently appeared in her life, a little girl she was growing all too fond of. She could only hope that somehow the fate would turn out kinder this time around, both for herself and the little girl, but also for the man she had once perceived as her little brother.

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When Shippou's hand slapped her lightly across the face as he tossed around in his sleep, Rin decided that it was time to give up on trying to fall asleep and find something else to do. She had probably slept too much within those three days that passed since she had fallen ill, she decided, getting up and pulling on her tabi and zori. Sae-sama had gotten those for her, along with a warm hakama and haori and Rin was trying her best to get used to wearing such clothes, but the zori especially where proving most tricky, she kept feeling as if something got wedged in between her toes. But it was nice to feel so warm, even though she had been used to being cold and thought it was odd that she fell ill now that she was living in an actual house. When she had lived in the village, she would stay in a small abandoned hut for most of the two years that passed between her family's death and meeting Sesshoumaru-sama, but during winter it would get too cold in there and she would either ask one or another family if she could stay with them for the night or would sneak into the barn and bury herself in hay. It was still very cold, but it was bearable and not as troubling as finding food during winter. Winter was the only season when she couldn't find anything edible in the forest and had to depend on the kindness of the villagers. But they weren't _that_ bad really, they would always give her something, sometimes even a bowl of rice. Rice had been the only cooked food that she had been missing and when Sae-sama asked her yesterday if she felt like eating anything in particular – because she said she didn't want anything and Miyoko-sama insisted that she should eat – she said it was rice, but Sae-sama laughed and said that she had no idea how to cook rice, but would learn just for her. And then she leaned over and whispered in her ear that she shouldn't mention anything about it to Sesshoumaru-sama because he hated rice with a passion, after Touga-sama made him eat some, long ago, and Rin couldn't help but giggle at the thought.

Being dressed properly, she got up decidedly and moved through the room, careful not to step on Jaken-sama who sleeping in the foot of the bed or on Myouga-sama who was snoring away near the hearth, on his tiny futon and under his tiny kakebuton. Rin smiled to herself, happy with such numerous company. It was yet another benefit of that new room she found herself in when she came to on the next day after she had fallen ill. She couldn't remember being moved in here though, she remembered going to Sesshoumaru-sama's room, feeling lonely and scared, and how quickly those feelings went away when she could feel Sesshoumaru-sama underneath her. But when he picked her up her head spun so dazedly that that she felt like she was falling into some dark pit and woke up only on the next day, surprised to see a completely new room around her. It was even larger than her previous room, it was as large as Sesshoumaru-sama's room, but it also had a hearth under the inner bedroom. Sae-sama told her that the room used to belong to somebody called Izayoi-sama, and Rin felt she had heard the name somewhere before, but couldn't place it at all. When she came to, Sae-sama had been moving that lady's called Izayoi-sama things out of the room and bringing in the few things Rin had for her own. But Sae-sama left her one of Izayoi-sama's things, a small pretty chest for storing the things you wanted to keep safe and when Rin felt better that evening, she filled it with her treasured belongings – the mirror that Sesshoumaru-sama gave her, the braid made of his hair, the piece of paper on which he wrote his name and she had signed too, a red leaf that was just beautiful and a pretty yellowish stone with rough surface that she had found once in the garden. Sae-sama told her it was called "kohaku" and that she should treasure it because it was very unusual that it would end up in this part of the land, but Rin kept it also because it was named like the friend she had made long ago, and she wondered whether Kohaku knew he was named after such a pretty stone.

Sae-sama also brought in a hibachi, just for extra warmth, and entertained her by telling her how long it took to find it in the house. She searched every last place and couldn't find either of the two hibachi's that she knew were around. It was Ryouken-sama - one of the inu-youkai who also lived here and whom Rin liked a lot, not only because of the strange black patch in his white hair but also because he was very cheerful and would sometimes play with her, while the others were all nice but also somehow distant – who had found the hibachi's in the end. It turned out that Myouga-sama and Jaken-sama, both of whom detested the cold, had hogged them into a room they picked for spending the winter in, along with many kakebuton's. They were reluctant to give up on the precious heating at first but when they heard that Rin had been moved to Izayoi-sama's room they sneaked in there promptly and made themselves comfortable in the warmth, and Shippou-chan soon followed, mostly because he didn't want to be left out. Rin smiled to herself again, she was really enjoying the company, it was so much nicer to be all together than be alone in a large dark room. And this room was so much closer to Sesshoumaru-sama's room too, it was just on the opposite side of the corridor and she had been overjoyed when she discovered it first.

Reaching the door, she paused and bit her lip worriedly. She hadn't seen Sesshoumaru-sama since she had fallen ill. He didn't come to see her and when she peaked into his room yesterday, he wasn't there and she had no idea where he could be. Was he angry with her for falling ill...? But it wasn't her fault, it just happened, and besides, she was all better now! Sliding the door open she saw light in his room and felt both happy to know he was there and worried whether he was still angry with her, if he had been angry at all that is. She didn't like the idea at all, she decided, moving cautiously to open the door to his room and peak a bit inside. Sesshoumaru-sama was sitting at the low table and reading a book, just like he had been when she had seen him last. He didn't look at her at all, and she felt her worry double at once. Stepping inside, she moved cautiously towards the table, hoping that he would look at her and maybe even ask her if she was better. But he didn't move at all, even when she reached his side, he just kept reading. When sitting, he was the same height as her and she always found it odd to see him in that way. She looked at him carefully, and as her eyes slid past the stripes that she knew now were an integral part of his skin and towards his eyes that were the color of amber, as she had learnt, she tried to look past their polished surface and see if he was angry with her or not.

"What is it?" he asked without any warning, and still without looking at her, but she just shook her head, not knowing what to say. But she knew what she wanted to do, and did it promptly, even though it was probably a bad idea. Leaning closer and wrapping her arms around him she whispered a quiet "arigatou" into his ear. She knew Sesshoumaru-sama didn't like to be touched, but he never got angry about it and if he was already angry, she couldn't make it any worse either. And she wanted to thank him for staying with her back then. She doubted it meant much to him, but to her it had been very important and she had been very grateful.

Pulling back she saw he was looking at her now and her fears quickly dispersed because his eyes were not angry at all. But there was something strange in them too, something she couldn't recognize, and it wasn't just the light of the candle that was making the amber in his eyes flicker. It seemed as if Sesshoumaru-sama looked... unsure? She focused, trying to grasp onto that look, but it disappeared quickly when he blinked and turned his eyes away from hers, without saying anything at all. She kept looking at him for a few more moments, but it was clear to her Sesshoumaru-sama was not in the mood for her company, so she left, quietly sliding the doors shut behind her.

She felt glad that Sesshoumaru-sama was not angry with her, but... why did he look at her like that? Did she do something she wasn't supposed to...? She frowned in effort, trying to figure out what it could be, but nothing seemed to fit. Deciding to ask Sae-sama, as always when in doubt about Sesshoumaru-sama, she head out to search for her and although it took her quite a while, she finally found her in the kitchen. Sae-sama was standing there with a confused look on her face and with piece of paper in one hand and some grains in the other. She kept looking from one to the other, as if uncertain what exactly she was holding, but Rin had no problems recognizing the grains. It was rice! Sae-sama was true to her word and was learning how to cook rice! A smile spread on her face as she moved to help the youkai female with such a human task, and since Sae-sama accepted her help gladly they ended up having very nice time experimenting, even though the first pot turned out so thick that it was more of a rice paste than rice.

She had forgotten about Sesshoumaru-sama's strange look in the process, so when she was finally tired enough to go to sleep and had made herself comfortable for the night – having pushed Shippou-chan who had been sprawled on the very center of the large futon aside – she felt that everything was as it should be and nothing marred her contentment.

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When Rin went away, Sesshoumaru was left in the room only with the book to keep him company, but it was of little help in taking his mind away from Rin. Ever since she had fallen ill, his thoughts kept returning to the matter of the little girl, most specifically of what he should do with her, and somehow, every time he thought about it the image of her small form curled in his lap and the sensation of her tiny fingers grasping onto his clothes would return to him, as if bound to the issue by some imperceptible thread of importance. He frowned, displeased with his mind for being so uncooperative. He loathed not knowing why something was important, like for example every time Tenseiga would try to tell him something and he not only had no idea what was it, but was still as clueless as ever as to why Chichi-ue wanted him in particular to have the sword. But having his mind poke him constantly with some seemingly irrelevant factor in the matter was annoying beyond anything else and it was only adding to his frustration.

He tried to refocus his attention on the book, but it wasn't helping any. It was a book written by a human, for humans and about humans and since the only human he could say he knew in any way was Rin, his mind would associate her with what he was reading at least once a page. He probably shouldn't have started reading the damned thing in the first place, but it had somehow captured is attention when he was looking through Chichi-ue's "treasures" and opened the book on a statement he could relate to. "One is in a hurry to leave, but one's visitor keeps chattering away. If it is someone of no importance, one can get rid of him by saying, "You must tell me all about it next time"; but, should it be the sort of visitor whose presence commands one's best behavior, the situation is hateful indeed." Yes, he could definitely relate to that, although his means of getting rid of people were usually somewhat different. Intrigued by being able to agree with a human, he kept on reading and soon found the book to be one of the most bizarre things he had ever read and the woman who had written it to be full of inherent contradictions and he still couldn't decide what he thought of her. Even the title – Makura no soushi – was incomprehensible to him. What on earth was a "pillow notebook" supposed to mean? And, more importantly, were all humans so bizarre and unpredictable? He almost shuddered, imagining the future which was to be composed of only such creatures. It could've been an end of the world just as well.

He just could not understand humans, even though he had to admit he had never made any effort to do so and still didn't feel tempted to. Just one small human girl could fill him with frustration for three full days and that was already more than he was willing to handle. He sighed inwardly, sniffing at the air around him lightly. It was no wonder that his thoughts kept returning to her though, everything in here smelled of her, in fact, even _he_ smelled of her all over. Closing the book shut and getting up, Sesshoumaru decided that ridding himself of the smell was the best way to clear his head, and leaving the room and the shiro altogether headed towards the onsen.

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Leaning back and allowing the spring's water to rinse all alien smells from his hair, he looked up straight into the star-lit sky and felt better indeed. Stars always had a pacifying effect on him, their sparkling omnipresence and eternal beauty had always been able to wash away all doubts from his mind, whenever he had the misfortune to have any. People could die, mountains could crumble and rivers could dry out, but the stars were always there, extending quietly and subtly into infinity. And as he was lying in the water, covered in their glow, the issue that had been troubling him seemed so simple that he could almost laugh at himself. What did it matter what happened to Rin? If she wanted to throw her life away, it was her right and none of his business. Yes, since in a sense she was his responsibility, he should try to return her to her kind again, should a suitable occasion arise, but he should never have allowed it to bother him that much.

Reassured, he set himself straight and reached back to wring out his hair, feeling a slight pang of annoyance as always when he had to do it. It was possibly the only time when he would regret not having both of his arms. He had told Takemaru the truth, he did not need his arm back, not only because one was enough for him to do whatever he wanted, but also because it would eventually grow back on its own anyway, but wringing out his hair seemed to be more demanding than any other activity. Fortunately, unlike that oaf Takemaru, he was a youkai and thus the loss of a limb was in no way permanent for him. Unfortunately, his arm had been left in the border of the afterlife and since it retained its youki with it, growing a new one would take at least a few decades, as it seemed. But Sou'unga had been gracious enough to take his arm along to Hell and ever since then the growth sped up significantly. There was only one downside to it, it kept itching mercilessly and he was all too aware that it would get even worse once it reached the elbow joint. He frowned in the general direction of the limb, as if it was its fault that it was missing and not Inuyasha's. Or maybe it was rather his own fault for never suspecting that Inuyasha would indeed be able to transform Tetsusaiga. He should've seen it coming, after all, Chichi-ue left the sword to Inuyasha specifically, and Chichi-ue was usually prepared for all occasions, except perhaps for the misfortunate set of circumstances that had led to his death.

But itchy as it was, he thought as he stepped out of the onsen and pulled his clothes back on, leaving the matter to time was the only thing he could do. And the same was true with Rin, he concluded, heading back towards the shiro.

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**Language notes:**

_Itsuka Rin ga shindemo, Rin ga koto wasurenaide itte kureru_ – "If Rin should ever die, please don't forget about Rin." It's what she says to him in Episode 162;

_tabi_ – Japanese socks, the ones with a division between the big toe and the other toes;

_zori_ – Japanese sandals, Kikyou is the perfect example of somebody wearing a classic tabi and zori set (and hakama and haori too, for that matter);

_haori_ – the shirt to match the hakama ;)

**General notes:**

Shuukatsu – his name just means "eagle eagle" or something like that;

Ryouken – "hunting dog";

Sakurako – the child of Sakura, the child of cherry blossoms; a standard Japanese name;

Urabe – "seacoast"

Kisho and Miyoko are just standard Japanese names and sadly, I don't remember why I picked those, nor do I remember what I coined "Hourou" from, although I'm sure it did mean something...

Takemaru – the baddie from Movie 3 who had a crush on Izayoi and got possessed by Sou'unga.

Touga's fang – in Movie 3 it is shown that he had both his fangs alright, both in human and the true form, but in the anime it is shown that his skeleton is missing half of the left fang. Maybe there's some actual story behind it...

Rin's language – although it is often assumed that Rin always refers to herself in the third person, and I think it's dubbed like that in the English version, she actually uses a normal pronoun and I think it's either "atashi" (a female way of saying "I") or "watashi" (the mostly neutral way), but I still can't make it out clearly and haven't checked in the manga yet. She does use "Rin" occasionally and very often it's when she is being emotional. Jaken does the same, in Episode 35 you can clearly hear him announce "Jaken is so sad" ;)

On a more interesting note, although one would expect Rin to address Sesshoumaru using at least the standard polite mode, especially since she seems to "sama" everyone, actually she very often talks to him in the plain mode and the same when she is talking to Jaken (who, btw., stacks one politeness form on top of another when he talks to Sesshoumaru). Another odd observation – although Sesshoumaru addresses everybody as "kisama" (an extremely rude word for "you"), he refers to Rin using "omae" (not the most polite way, but a great improvement from "kisama"), which seems to be a form reserved for those he knows well, since he uses it only towards Jaken, Rin and occasionally – and surprisingly – Inuyasha. I don't know, maybe I'm missing something there, but it seems odd to me o.0

Sesshoumaru's missing arm – I don't think it would grow back, but it will save me a lot of problems, so what the hell!


	7. Chapter 07

Disclaimer: I do not hold any rights to Inuyasha in any form or way, nor do I make any profit out of writing this fic.

**Reviews: **As always, thank you all wonderful people who decided to review! I think I love reviews! ::is so shameless::

**HikoCassidy**, **Jennie-san:** Thank you very much and I hurry to oblige with this new and also long chapter!

**SessRin Fan:** I'm afraid you'll have to wait longer than that, but there will be many things happening between them on the way :). And I agree completely – emotional stupidity seems to be a family trait for Sesshoumaru and Inuyasha...

**Tarwen:** I usually write in bouts rather than continuously, so even if I happen to make longer pauses between chapters, it in no way would mean I'd give up on the fic! :)

**SusanneTJ:** I'm really glad to hear that the slow pace is not bad, since I like writing it like that. And if all goes well she will have the occasion in the next chapter ;)

**Anonymous: **Thank you! :D And I'm glad to know you don't mind the notes, even though I do think I often get way too long-winded... 0.0

**RabidAnimeGurl: **Good, good, then I won't worry about the length of the chapters so much anymore :) There are indeed many loose ends in the fic at the moment, and more will be added, but they all will join together at one point, that much I can promise ;)

**Note**: Another chapter that just exploded in size and pushed some of the material into further chapters, even though I cut out some already, which is why the ending might seem a bit abrupt.

Since I watch only the Japanese version and prefer to use the Japanese terminology, there are language notes at the end of the chapter.

And you should know by now what happens now...

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**Cultural notes**

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**Days of the week**: In Japanese, the days of the week were originally named after various celestial bodies (similarly as in English and many other languages I think), and thus **Nichiyoubi** is Sunday – the day of the Sun and **Getsuyoubi** is Monday – the day of the Moon. **Nichirin** is one of the words used for "the Sun", but since _nichi_ can be used to refer to both "day" and "sun", it can also be interpreted as "Sun's Rin/Rin of the Sun". Just a silly pun.

**Tanabata: **Tanabata is "The Festival of the Stars" or just "Star Festival", celebrated on July 7th (or in August, depending on the calendar used). It had been adapted from a Chinese tradition but the main idea is still the same – it is to celebrate the meeting of the star Altair and the star Vega that are separated by the Milky Way and meet only once a year. There's of course a whole legend of two lovers added to the basic facts, but I didn't reach for it in the fic. The main way of celebrating is to – apart from dressing up in colorful yukata's or kimonos and having general fun – write your wishes on a **tanzaku**, a small vertical piece of paper, and hang it on a leafy bamboo branch. The branches are then either thrown into a river or burned, to make Orihime (Vega) and Hikoboshi (Altair) fulfill your dreams. If you have ever read _Ranma_, you can probably remember it being used in one chapter. Many towns and cities have developed additional and unique ways of celebrating this occasion, so I felt free to add a marine accent and replace the person who fulfills the wishes with Umigami, a sea god. I'm not entirely sure when this festival first began being celebrated, but since it had been borrowed from the Chinese, it's quite likely it had been even before Sengoku Jidai.

**Tono and shiro**: **Shiro** is a "castle" meaning it's fortified and usually built on a hill, while **tono** is more a "mansion/palace" thing, meaning it's pretty and all that, but not as useful in case of a war. For example Naraku's castles were shiro's while the house from Episode 17 about the Hell Painter was – I think – a tono. I also think there are some other, more specific, names but sadly I have not been able to find out anything about it. The same goes for the proper ways of addressing – I know of the term **tono-sama** used for a lord of a mansion (or just generally a ruling noble) but I'm not entirely sure if he should be titled "–dono", like Moshimune-dono in this chapter. If anyone knows anything about it, please let me know.

**Chousen and Shina:** **Chousen **is an old name for Korea, still used but I think mostly for North Korea now. I'm not sure if that's how Korea was referred to in Japan in the 16th century, but since the word originates from a name of a Korean Dynasty, I think, then it's quite likely it was. **Shina** is an old name for China in Japanese. It had been in use for a long time but after the WWII the Chinese made the Japanese use Chuugoku instead, since they considered Shina to be pejorative. I'm also not sure whether **Nihon** was already used to refer to Japan, but it seems so to me. Similarly, I'm not sure whether **Nihonkai** had already been used to refer to the Sea of Japan, so again if anyone knows something about it, let me know.

**Bamboo shoots**: Bamboo shoots are called **takenoko** in Japanese, and have been eaten in Japan since really ancient times. Some of the types are somewhat poisonous and have to be cooked before eating, but I doubt whether it would mean much to a youkai ;) The shoots are up to 30 cm long (usually shorter) and should be harvested before they sprout up through the ground but already have husks and hardened base, which have to be removed for eating. And unlike canned bamboo shoots, the fresh ones are actually crisp and crunchy.

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_Chapter 7_

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The snow soon melted and the reminder of the winter passed quickly, swiftly giving way to spring, and everything seemed to be born anew, with fresh reserves of energy for sprouting, blooming, blossoming and procreating. Sesshoumaru felt much more alive too, he decided, having been woken up on one particularly bright morning by the gleeful chirps of some freshly hatched squealers outside. It was not that he disliked winter, not at all, he actually enjoyed the quiet peacefulness of the season and the ethereal beauty of the snow covered forest. But there was a reason why everything woke up to life in spring, and he did not remain unaffected by it either.

Perhaps, he thought, having made himself ready for the day and stepping out to the garden that was stretching towards his quarters, it was time to take care of the matter of those two human daimyou's that had established themselves in the lands during his absence. He had given them enough time to gather that he had returned, and to make the only appropriate move of formally accepting his sovereignty, but neither had, nor had the current lord of Urabe, and Sesshoumaru found it particularly offending. Still, they were human, and there was only so much that one could expect from a human.

Yes, that was definitely a good season for some general cleaning up, he concluded, and stepped back into the room to walk past it, and past the corridor, into what was now Rin's room. Entering the dimly lit room, he quickly spotted the green blob of a toad who happened to be his retainer, and who also happened to be blowing spit bubbles in his sleep at the moment, and nudged him unceremoniously with the tip of one of his black shoes. The winter chills have long since passed, but they all still remained squeezed into one room, as evidenced by Myouga's snores from somewhere nearby and the fox child's sprawled out form next to Rin. He couldn't understand their motives at all; there were more than enough empty rooms in the shiro for each of them to find privacy and yet they chose to stay crammed up in here, very often to his annoyance. The room was just opposite from his own and since the walls were rather thin – and his hearing was excellent – whenever he happened to be in his own quarters he had the misfortune of knowing exactly what was transpiring here, like for example a few days back, when they had been playing some bizarre game, which sounded to him as if they had been slaughtering each other, and he felt rather tempted to go over there and slaughter them himself, once and for all.

Jaken finally woke up, muttering some nonsense and grasping firmly onto the Nintoujou, but as soon as he noticed who exactly had woken him up, he dropped to all fours and began his usual ritual of humility and praise, and – also as usual – Sesshoumaru felt he was overdoing it somewhat. True, the difference in power and standing between them was overwhelming, but the toad's groveling went far beyond what Sesshoumaru considered to be the appropriate way of expressing one's respect and bordered on – no, _was_ – plain ridiculous. But Jaken was extremely useful when it came to disposing of hordes of inconsequential humans and Sesshoumaru was foreseeing some of that activity. Jaken had also an additional use – for some odd reason his often moronic babble made people tell them what he wanted to know, and he found that not having to bother himself with talking was a great advantage.

"Jaken," he cut off the display, "we're going." The toad gurgled something incomprehensible but nevertheless tottered after him dutifully in the direction of the settlement of the first of the daimyou's.

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Following his master back towards the shiro, Jaken was feeling very satisfied, both with his own work and that Sesshoumaru-sama's lands were finally free of those pesky, arrogant humans. As if any human could ever stand against his master's power, he humphed to himself. It had taken them less than two days to appropriately dispose of the daimyou's and it only added to his satisfaction. Good riddance, he thought, recalling the image of the many weaklings who fell under the fiery breath of his Nintoujou. Although in actuality, it happened so only with the first daimyou, who had been stupid enough to try to fight after Jaken informed his guards that Sesshoumaru-sama, the Lord of the Western Lands, demanded his presence. The foolish human sent his troops against them, but it bought him but a few minutes more to live before Sesshoumaru-sama's hand was gripping him tightly around the throat and his life was instantly extinguished.

The other daimyou had been much smarter, maybe because their slow pace had given him enough time to hear what had happened to his accomplice, and went out to meet them, showing Sesshoumaru-sama the proper respect in falling into a bow and apologizing profusely for his transgression on the taiyoukai's lands. Jaken had been all in favor of disposing of him too, just for a clean measure, but Sesshoumaru-sama only told him to leave the Western Lands immediately. He shook his head in disappointment; he could never understand why his master would spare those who were pleading for their lives. In his opinion, if somebody was stupid enough to go against Sesshoumaru-sama in the first place, they were just a waste of space in the world anyway. But since he himself was not stupid, he only yelled after the retreating humans that Sesshoumaru-sama didn't want to see them here ever again and hurried to catch up with his master who was already walking away.

Sesshoumaru was feeling somewhat satisfied too, although - as always when he fought humans - he also felt that he had debased himself. Maybe he should've just send Jaken instead of going himself. He frowned, thinking back to the image of the human woman who had been in the shiro of the first daimyou, holding an infant that he assumed was the son of the lord. She started pleading for the life of her son the moment he had killed the father, assuring him tearfully that they would leave the lands at once and would never oppose him again. Sesshoumaru grimaced with distaste; as if he would ever stoop as low as to kill an infant just to prevent himself from further inconvenience. He was aware that humans were in habit of doing such things frequently, but to him it was not expedience, it was plain cowardice. What kind of a victory was it when your opponent was not only far from the peak of his power, but could hardly even talk?

But wasn't it true also for any adult human who had the misfortune of being chanced upon by him, Sesshoumaru? Compared to him all humans were as weak as infants and that was probably the reason why he felt averse to fighting against them. It was analogous to Inuyasha whipping out Tetsusaiga to battle his lice, although truth be told he wouldn't put it past his moronic brother. But the humans they had just disposed of had to be disposed of, and since he wouldn't have minded letting them off alive, as long as they left that is, killing them was the only proper thing to do when they so blatantly rejected the other option.

The only other things to do as far as cleaning up the lands was concerned, were settling the matter of that human town, Urabe, and getting rid of any rouge youkai who had been stupid enough to claim possession of some part of the territory. He wasn't all too sure what to do about the town; after all, from what he knew humans needed some kind of human authority governing them, so it was either leaving the town as it was or cleaning out all the humans in the lands, and he was well aware that the latter option was entirely pointless since humans never learnt from their mistakes and would crawl back in within just a few years. It would be best for him, he decided finally, to be particularly lenient with the current lord of the town and see what the undoubtedly mentally limited human decided to do upon hearing of the fate of the two daimyou's.

But he had no doubts what to do about the rouge youkai and within the next few days he swiftly took care of the boar youkai pack that had claimed a part of the land near the eastern border for their own and had been boasting that no dog could make them leave – he had quickly proven them very wrong – and of a shady moth youkai who had been spouting something about how Inuyasha had killed his brothers and how he would have his revenge. Honestly, thought Sesshoumaru cutting up the deranged moth with little effort, how stupid one had to be to go against _him_ when even Inuyasha had been able to kill your siblings?

But it was of no matter; since he considered all other non-dog youkai in the lands to be a natural part of the territory, his lands had been properly taken care of – minus the town so far – and since after spending the winter in the shiro Sesshoumaru decided that he would hold on to his property for a while longer, he felt reasonably satisfied with his work, and his mood only improved upon returning to the shiro, when he managed to sidestep Rin's hug attempt and thus escape without having her smell smeared all over him.

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"Oooooh, he really looks lordly," Rin announced with awe laced through her voice, and Shippou couldn't help but agree.

It had been but a few days since Sesshoumaru had "cleaned" the lands - much to Jaken's smugness, Myouga's concern and Rin's indifference – and yet already the lord of Urabe, Moshimune was his family name as they had learnt from what his kaijo told Satoshi, who happened to be something like a kaijo to Sesshoumaru, had come with an impromptu visit and they were all peeking out from inside to watch him wait in the external courtyard for Sesshoumaru's reply to the "unexpected" call. He was dressed lavishly indeed, and although he wore no armor he had with him half a dozen or so of also lavishly armored guards, and it was significantly adding to his splendor.

"Hmph," Jaken replied to Rin's gasp of admiration, "he might look lordly all he wants, but he's still nothing compared to Sesshoumaru-sama and he knows it."

Shippou had to agree again, after all that was why that Moshimune-dono was here to begin with – because he was afraid of Sesshoumaru.

"He's a lot compared to you though, you know," he added mostly to tease Jaken in revenge for the rude awakening the toad had presented him with this morning, in bonking him heavily with his staff.

However, the remark had only earned him another bonk and soon they were engaged in their, by now customary, contest of insults and whacks, but Rin paid them no mind, too busy inspecting the lordly lord. She had never seen a daimyou or a tono-sama before, well, except for Sesshoumaru-sama, if he counted as one that is, and was curious to see if he was different from any other human. He wasn't, she decided when he was passing by them led by Satoshi-sama. True, he was very handsome, and very young for a lord in her opinion, his clothes were very rich and he had a lot of ornaments on him, even some in his hair, but compared to Sesshoumaru-sama he looked as human as can be.

Jaken hmphed again, bonking Shippou one last time. "I don't have the time for the likes of you!" he announced regally, and dusting himself off, stuck his nose up at them and followed after Moshimune-dono, his kaijo and Satoshi to meet with Sesshoumaru-sama.

Moshimune-dono, whose first name happened to be Takuya, was trying to calm his racing heart. He was _not_ looking forward to this, not by far. True, many stories of Touga-sama had survived in his family and he felt that had it been Touga-sama he was supposed to meet, he would've been much more intrigued and much less scared. But he was also very aware – like all of his ancestors since Touga-sama's death – that he was governing a land that in principle belonged to Touga-sama's son, a taiyoukai whose reputation of ruthlessness was well-established in the lands and whose recent act of easily laying waste to a daimyou stronghold within just a quarter of an hour only served to strengthen that reputation. Moshimune-dono felt that he was most unlucky indeed – he had inherited his position from his late father only three years ago and he wasn't even supposed to, it was his, unfortunately also late, older brother who had been destined and prepared to be the next in line, so he couldn't help but ask himself why did it have to be that of all the possible times, Sesshoumaru-sama would decide to return now and not a decade ago, or a century later, why, why?

He drew in a calming breath. He had been tense ever since they set out on this journey and the fact that the first thing he saw upon entering the shiro was a toad-like creature brawling with a fox-like creature, while next to them stood an odd little girl – with a flea on her shoulder no less – who was devouring him with her eyes, did not help his state in the slightest. But he was no idiot, he knew what it meant that Sesshoumaru-sama did not come to Urabe, despite disposing of the other two daimyou's. It was a very generous offer for him to make amends and he was prepared to do whatever it took for him, and for the town, to be spared. He had a young and beautiful wife, and a little daughter, and he badly wanted to be able to see them again. And when he finally looked into the cold golden eyes of his host, he could only hope that he would not make some horrid blunder that would render him dead before he even knew what happened.

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Since Sesshoumaru had been reasonably satisfied with him, as far as necessary evil went that is, Moshimune-dono had indeed been spared and managed to return to his family safely. But it had been hardly two months later that Sesshoumaru's thoughts wandered to the young lord again and oddly enough, it was once again after he had some sleep.

He had woken up that day with a strange sensation of being watched, and as soon as he opened his eyes and looked to his side he found that the sensation had been fully justified, since Rin was lying comfortably on her stomach next to him, her head propped up by her hands and her legs swooshing through the air leisurely, and was watching him with a very content look in her eyes.

He sighed inwardly and looked at her questioningly. Was there any particular reason why she found the activity enjoyable or was it perhaps better not to ask lest he was utterly confused?

"It's Rin's ninth birthday today," she announced happily and a wide smile grew on her face while he felt indeed confused. He could comprehend the idea of a birthday, but how it related to her watching him sleep eluded him completely.

"It's easy to tell," she continued, still smiling "because I was born on the day when the sun is in the sky the longest and Sae-sama said it was today!"

He was still lost, and raising himself up to rest on his elbow, blinked at her confusedly.

"Okaa sometimes called me 'nichirin' because I was also born on Nichiyoubi, the day of the Sun," she added, unfazed.

Sesshoumaru lowered himself back onto the bed, struck by the odd link between them. Nichirin, huh? How odd it was that he also happened to know on what day of the week he had been born, which was equally easy for him to remember as her birthday was for her. It was on Getsuyoubi, the day of the Moon, very suitably. It seemed fitting for him however that she should be of the Sun while he was of the Moon. They were definitely not of the same making, that's for sure. He focused, trying to remember the exact date of his own birth, but was surprised to discover he couldn't remember at all. It was sometime in autumn, that much he knew, but the date got somehow lost in his memory, perhaps because it was entirely inconsequential to him.

"Shippou-chan told me that in Kagome-sama's world on a birthday you have a paati, some celebration I think, and everybody is nice to you and you get a lot of pure... zento," she stumbled slightly on the odd word, "which is just a present. But Rin is happy as it is and doesn't need anything," she smiled an even wider smile than before.

He looked at her again, far beyond caring what nonsensical prattle the fox child had been feeding her. But the mention of a celebration reminded him of something the Urabe lord had said. Overall, the human – Moshimune, as bizarre as it sounded – was tolerable enough for a human and Sesshoumaru was not anticipating any problems in relation to him, yet he had made one quite moronic move, in inviting him to some human festival that was to be held in the beginning of July. Why he would ever want to attend a human gathering was something Sesshoumaru had never even contemplated before, but now, looking at her pensively, he found that such a festival could be not entirely without its uses after all.

Perhaps, he thought, she would be more willing to rejoin humans if she had some good memories of them to make her forget her fear of her own kind.

"There will soon be a festival held in the human town nearby," he informed her, deciding it could indeed be the occasion he was supposed to take, "Tanabata, I believe. You can attend it, if you like."

Rin glanced to him, her eyes wide in surprise. "With Sesshoumaru-sama?" she asked excitedly and he looked back at her in equal surprise. Of course not, he was not planning on going there himself, and it would've been best if she went by herself anyway. He would just have Moshimune ensure her safety, need be.

"Because if it's not with Sesshoumaru-sama then it's not worth going," she added, her face dropping a bit and he almost groaned in frustration, trapped between having to stand such a thing and letting slip what seemed like a perfect chance of solving his dilemma concerning her. But it _was_ the perfect chance, he felt, weighting the options carefully, and thus, very reluctantly, nodded his agreement.

She squealed delightedly and, as he had been expecting, latched herself onto him, before jumping up straight and running out, no doubt to spread the word of her happiness. He wondered whether she realized that within but a few moments she had managed to topple over his mental balance and cloud his mind yet again.

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Sae was tying a tsukehimo on Rin's new flowery kimono that she had gotten for the child recently. Rin was actually old enough to wear an obi, but Sae doubted Rin would've appreciated being thus constricted, since she seemed to enjoy the most wearing just a yukata and nothing more. Truth be told, she would've probably felt just as happy to go to the Tanabata celebration in her normal yukata – if you could call any clothing made by Chushihou "normal" for a human – but upon hearing of the rather unusual trip, Sae had consulted her newly acquired source of knowledge on humans, Miyoko, and found that dressing up was part of the appropriate custom. So she had Miyoko help her buy a suitably cheerful kimono for Rin, feeling once again glad that Touga-sama had sometimes accepted offerings from the nearby villages and that some of it had been human money. It was of no use to her, there was nothing she would need to buy from humans, but it turned out to be extremely useful when it came to taking care of a little human girl.

There, she thought, finishing the bow on Rin's back and looking the child over, cute as a button. Actually, Rin wasn't pretty as far as human standards went, since from what Sae knew, a pretty human girl was supposed to have smooth and sleek hair and eyes as round and even as possible, while Rin's hair was ostensibly bushy and unruly, and her eyes were visibly slanted upwards. But she had a strange charm about her, and Sae considered "adorable" to be the best word to describe it. She wondered whether it would remain when Rin grew up or would it give way to a more standard look. So far Rin had grown very little, only an inch or two, but Sae was expecting her to sprout up any moment now and was looking forward to seeing the changes.

"Take this," she said, handing Rin a small pouch with some of the human money. She knew well that Sesshoumaru would never have any, she doubted whether he had ever even touched human money, but according to Miyoko there were always various things sold at festivals, and she wanted Rin to be able to buy whatever she would want.

Rin thanked her for everything with a warm smile and, tying the pouch to her new tsukehimo, moved to leave the room, but paused in mid-way.

"Sae-sama," she asked, turning back, "are you sure you don't want to go too?" But Sae replied she was indeed very sure. As much as she was enjoying taking care of Rin, perhaps because so far she didn't have any children of her own, she had no desire to acquaint any other humans.

Watching her leave, Sae wondered what could be the cause of the surprisingly nice gesture on Sesshoumaru's part. He sometimes did nice things for others, usually when they least expected it, like when they were children and she somehow managed to break the porcelain doll Touga-sama gave her once upon returning from one of his many journeys. She must've been not even 20 then, which for her must've been equivalent to being 5 or 6 in human years, she supposed, and had been crying profusely despairing over the loss of her favorite toy, when Sesshoumaru, who had been even smaller, came over and handed her some resin to glue it back together, looking at her silently with eyes that seemed so large in his childish face.

But it couldn't be something like that this time, she decided, and not only because he had changed considerably when growing up and she doubted whether he would even be aware of a small detail like that anymore, but mostly because she knew he would never willingly agree to having to endure the company of humans, not without a higher goal that is. Yet she couldn't figure out what kind of a goal he was having in mind and had to admit that not knowing was quite irksome.

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Rin slid off Aun with practiced ease and informed the kind-hearted dragon that he was to wait for them here, and behave himself, too. It had taken them only a little while to get near Urabe, thanks to her riding Aun and Sesshoumaru-sama gliding through the air near her. Rin looked at him pensively. He looked all solid now, but when he was moving through the air – it wasn't really flying in her opinion, it was gliding – he seemed as if to dissolve and become one with the world around him. She had always found it a fascinating thing to watch and the time spent traveling seemed even shorter than it was when she was watching him do it.

Following Sesshoumaru-sama out of the forest, she wondered how did it feel to do something like that, but her thoughts were cut short when she saw the sight before her. They were standing on the edge of the forest, with some fields right in front of them, but what grasped her attention at once was a large village, a town it was called from what Sesshoumaru-sama had said, stretched over a river that was flowing into something infinitely blue and reaching as far as she could see. She wasn't sure what to look at first – the town or the blue thing. The town seemed amazing, she could see the tops of some of the buildings within the wall encircling it, and they looked more majestic than anything she had ever seen before. But the blue thing behind it easily matched the town's splendor and it was a very hard decision.

"Is that where we are going?" she asked, hoping that maybe Sesshoumaru-sama would be in a mood to talk.

He nodded in agreement. "The town is called Urabe," he said, and since she didn't ask about it and he said it on his own, she took it to mean he was indeed in a good mood for her to ask him more questions.

"And that blue thing behind it? Is that the sea?" she inquired promptly, not wanting to waste the opportunity. Sae-sama once mentioned the sea, and told her that it was basically like a large lake, avery large lake, but Rin wasn't sure if that was it.

"Yes," Sesshoumaru-sama confirmed, "that's Nihonkai, the Sea of Japan. It separates Japan from Chousen and Shina."

"Chousen and Shina?" she asked, dumbfounded by the unknown to her names.

"Countries, like Japan," he answered, and moved on towards the town. But she stood glued to the spot. There were other countries than just Japan...? It seemed unbelievable to her, wasn't Japan the world...? But she did remember the villagers mention some gaijin, outside people, before, though at the time she had assumed they were just talking about people from an outside _village_, not an outside _country_.

Sesshoumaru stopped, noticing she wasn't following him, and turned to see her stand there with her mouth wide open, looking rather unintelligent.

"What is it?" he asked, genuinely intrigued. Usually she had no problems coping with new things, be it tiny talking fleas or giant talking trees.

"There are other countries outside of Japan?" she mumbled quickly, shifting her astounded eyes to him, and he suddenly understood her odd state. After all, he had experienced similar sentiments the first time Chichi-ue showed him a map of the world – hardly accurate or complete but satisfactory enough, according to Chichi-ue – and he saw how small Japan was in comparison to the large chunk of land to the east.

"Yes, there are many," he replied patiently, remembering that it took a while to assimilate the information, "Japan is but a small part of the world."

She kept gaping at him, but he felt it was enough education for one day.

"We're going," he told her, turning back and reassuming his pace towards the town. She followed him this time, although still rather dazedly. And it seemed there was still something more she wanted to know.

"Has Sesshoumaru-sama ever been there?" she asked, catching up and looking up to him curiously, "In the other countries, I mean."

"No, but my father had," he replied. Truth be told, he saw no point in making such a journey just to "see" other places. Besides, although it could indeed be potentially interesting, there were still far too many things in Japan of which he knew too little in his opinion.

She fell silent after that, and followed him quietly towards the town.

As soon as they passed through the large town gate and entered Urabe, all thoughts about other countries and the world in general left Rin, replaced with astonishment at her surroundings. This was nothing like a village, she decided, observing how much larger and more elaborate the houses here were, and how closer together they were built, making the roads seem so much more clear-cut. She could also see a very complex and magnificent looking building nearby, which she assumed to be some kind of a temple, since there were monks outside of it. And the people seemed somehow different too, dressed better and overall just looking better, although she could also spot many who looked just like the villagers she used to live with, especially around the booths that were being set up near the temple. There were also many decorations hanging on the buildings, very colorful ones, and she wondered whether it was something normal or was it for the festival.

In her astonishment, she at first failed to notice that even though there were many people bustling about around them, the path in front of them seemed continuously clear and they didn't have to go around anyone. It was only when her attention shifted to her closer surroundings that she noticed it, and also that the people here seemed to look at them with strangely wide eyes and some even pointed to them, whispering among themselves in hushed voices. She found she didn't like being singled out like that at all. True, those people seemed nothing like bandits, or even like the villagers she used to know, but she would rather they stopped staring at her, even though she felt it was Sesshoumaru-sama that they were mostly looking at.

But just in case, she moved closer to Sesshoumaru-sama and grasped the folds of one of his flowing sleeves. He didn't seem to mind, she noticed, looking up to him. Nor did he seem to mind the people around them, although, she thought, squinting her eyes, there was a slight crease between his eyebrows, so maybe he did mind. She wondered why was it that the people here kept staring at them like that, although she had to admit that Sesshoumaru-sama really did stand out among them. Or maybe, she thought when they stepped on a bridge that connected the two sides of the town and a man who had been fishing from it dropped his fishing rod and gripped the railing fretfully the moment he saw them, those people were just afraid of Sesshoumaru-sama, like so many other people seemed to be. She waved to the man reassuringly, but he didn't seem reassured at all, he just grasped the left side of his chest nervously.

But the man too disappeared from her mind when they crossed the bridge and she saw that the town was even more magnificent on this side of the river. There was a large and very refined looking tono not far in front of them, and there were some other buildings like that near it, somewhat smaller but still very stylish. When they approached the gates to the tono, the guards outside seemed to go very tense, but let them through without a word. She looked up again to Sesshoumaru-sama, realizing how important he must've been to be let into a tono just like that. Feeling that perhaps it was not very becoming for somebody like him to have a child attached to his clothes, she let go of his sleeve promptly, wanting to behave her best.

They walked into the beautiful external courtyard and almost at once Moshimune-dono appeared at the entrance, welcoming Sesshoumaru-sama and expressing his joy that he decided to visit them.

"This is Rin," Sesshoumaru-sama interrupted him, gesturing down to her, "she has come to see the Tanabata festival."

Moshimune-dono looked a bit a surprised for a moment, but then smiled warmly at her. "I have a daughter around your age," he signaled a servant who was standing nearby and soon the man returned with a little girl, a bit smaller than her. "Her name is Haruko," Moshimune-dono continued, "Perhaps you would like to stay and play with her before the festival starts in the evening?"

Rin wasn't sure what to do. The girl looked very nice, Moshimune-dono seemed to be very nice too and Rin was actually curious to have a look around in the pretty tono, but... She looked up to Sesshoumaru-sama questioningly, not wanting to do something inappropriate.

"Suki ni shiro," he said, and she smiled brightly, as always when he left any decisions to her, and nodded in acceptance of Moshimune-dono's offer.

"I will come back for you in the evening," Sesshoumaru-sama told her and turned to leave, while she waved happily after him.

This was turning out much better than what he had been expecting, Sesshoumaru decided, heading to leave the town for the time being. Rin was spending time with other humans, while he didn't have to, and she didn't seem miserable about it either. Truth be told, he was somewhat surprised that she agreed to Moshimune's offer that easily. He couldn't understand her attitude to her own kind at all, not that there was much he could understand about her. On one hand she had clearly announced that she didn't want to return to humans and often acted as if she feared them, but on the other she accepted some of them without much doubt about it. And it was not just Moshimune, he could also remember that she seemed perfectly fine with Inuyasha's humans, during the whole Sou'unga affair. But it was all the better. Hopefully, he could have the issue of Rin closed and done with by the evening.

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She was having a very nice time indeed, Rin decided, stifling a laugh when the fortune-telling obaasan told her that she would find a handsome husband and have lots of children. It was funny because that obaasan was saying that thing to all young girls who came to her to have their fortunes told, as Rin had observed when she was waiting for her turn to come.

She had spent the afternoon with Haruko-chan, who was a very nice girl, and showed her the pretty toys she had and also showed Rin around the tono. Then they had something to eat with Fujita-sama, who was Moshimune-dono's wife and a very nice lady, Rin had decided when she was having trouble eating with chopsticks but Fujita-sama didn't say anything about it and just had some onigiri brought for her. But then it started to get dark and when Sesshoumaru-sama was still not coming for her, she figured that quite probably "evening" for him didn't exactly start when the sun went down, and since Fujita-sama agreed with her, she went with Moshimune-dono and his family to the temple, to write their wishes on the tanzaku and hang them on those little bamboo trees that were gathered there just for the occasion. She wrote the wish she always made when she would see a nagareboshi, to stay with Sesshoumaru-sama forever. Fujita-sama told her that at midnight the little trees with tanzaku on them will be set on the waters of the river, to be taken into the sea so that Umigami-sama could make them come true, and Rin hoped that the fact that her wish was written in hiragana – except Sesshoumaru-sama's name – would not offend Umigami-sama. But Haruko-chan also wrote hers in hiragana, so it was probably alright.

Then she wanted to go see the stalls, but Moshimune-dono was to return to the tono, along with Fujita-sama and Haruko-chan, so he had one of his guards – Shoichi-san - accompany her around for as long as she wanted. Shoichi-san was very nice too, although he seemed somehow too anxious about keeping her safe and had hinted her not to call him "sama" because it wasn't appropriate for somebody like her to call him that, whatever that meant. But he went everywhere she wanted with her, and even carried around the daifuku she bought for Shippou-chan after getting some for herself and deciding that he would probably like them too. She wished Shippou-chan had come here with her, but when she asked Sesshoumaru-sama if he could come too, Sesshoumaru-sama fixed him with a very decisive stare and Shippou-chan suddenly said he didn't want to go anyway. Still, she was having a very nice time indeed.

"Rin," she heard a very familiar voice say, and turned around to see Sesshoumaru-sama standing behind her. Soichi-san handed her the parcel with the daifuku, bowed to them and left, mumbling something mostly incoherent to Sesshoumaru-sama while Rin waved him a quick goodbye.

"Did you enjoy yourself?" Sesshoumaru-sama asked her.

"Un," she confirmed promptly and proceeded to tell him all about the things she had seen and done. "Haruko-chan showed me all around the tono, and even let me play with her toys, and then we had dinner with Fujita-sama, and went to the temple to write our wishes to Umigami-sama," she said in one breath and wished Sesshoumaru-sama had come sooner, since then he too could've written his wish on a tanzaku.

"You can stay with them, if you want," he said, looking at her strangely and she frowned slightly, trying to comprehend what he meant.

But when she did, she wished she hadn't, because suddenly she was no longer having a nice time at all, the daifuku she had eaten was not so delicious anymore and she wished she had not come here at all.

Sesshoumaru was observing the child intently, trying to discern how well his plan was faring. But instead of seeing her face lit up with joy as he hoped it would, he saw her smile suddenly fade, replaced by some odd, sullen look in her eyes that he couldn't quite recognize and the fact that she abruptly dropped her head down to look at the ground did not help him catch onto it.

"Rin doesn't want to," she said quietly and when he saw her posture grow tense and her tiny hands ball into fists at her sides, he knew his design had been thoroughly thwarted. He sighed inwardly. Why couldn't he just force her to go away? Or maybe scare her away?

But he knew neither was an option. Although he usually found that force removed most obstacles, it seemed unthinkable to use force against her. He was not in a habit of discriminating his opponents by age or gender, if they were dense enough to oppose him he saw it only fitting that they would face the consequences, regardless of who they were, but there was an colossal difference between killing an opponent, or just generally somebody too stupid to see that they had it coming, and harming Rin. She was just an innocent child whose world was full of flowers and smiles and who, unfortunately, had chosen to attach herself to him. Harming her intentionally seemed to him to be similar to killing somebody stealthily, without any warning, and he had always found such actions to be beneath what he deemed acceptable.

That was also one of the reasons for how he had ended up having her around in the first place, he thought, watching her as she still stood there in that oddly rigid and diminished pose. At first, when she kept following him despite any lack of encouragement on his part, he had contemplated just abandoning her right there and then, but all too soon realized that deserting the child in the middle of an unknown to her forest would've been equivalent to killing her with his own hands and that it was something he would not have himself stoop to. True, it was none of his business what she chose to do with her life, but... he did revive her, didn't he. So in a way, her life belonged to him, even though it had not been his intention in the slightest when he had chosen to test Tenseiga on her.

His lips thinned in frustration; why couldn't she just understand that it was for her own good? But perhaps she was just too young to be able to comprehend it, he thought, observing that she still didn't even reach his hip, although since she had started barely above his knee it was quite a growth already. Yes, he had been right in thinking that he should just leave the matter to time, he decided finally, turning to leave the town.

"Yuku zo, Rin," he told her, and she followed, even though he could see she still seemed somehow dull and sullen and remained so all the way to the shiro.

"Thank you for the nice time, Sesshoumaru-sama," she said when they finally got there, once again quietly and looking at the ground, and walked away to lead Aun to the grassy slope where the beast spent its time during summer, leaving Sesshoumaru rather confused as to what exactly had happened.

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He would tell him exactly what it was, Shippou thought, searching the shiro for any signs of Sesshoumaru on the bright morning after the taiyoukai and Rin had been to the festival. Last night, when he came to the room to catch some sleep, he found Rin curled up on the futon, looking more miserable than he had ever seen her look. Not that he had seen her sad many times to begin with, she always seemed so cheerful, and it was only making her seem more gloomy then. He asked at once what happened and in the end managed to piece the story together. He wasn't really sure why Rin was so upset about it, it wasn't like Sesshoumaru would force her to leave, Shippou was sure he wouldn't, and he told Rin so promptly. But it didn't cheer her up one bit, she just said that "It's not the same at all", and didn't want to talk about it anymore. And since her mood did not improve in the morning, Shippou felt it was his obligation as her friend to tell Sesshoumaru off for making her sad.

He wasn't worried about his safety, he had long since learnt that Sesshoumaru did not kill without a reason and that his opinions must've been well below the range of sufficient reasons since no matter what he said, he would at most get bonked, kicked or hit with a stone, but it wasn't even comparable to what Inuyasha used to do to him. Shippou shook up his fist heatedly, clenching his teeth in irritation. That Inuyasha! He might have been missing his friend, but he felt he had still not repaid the violent hanyou enough for all the times he had tortured him. Even the time when he had been "possessed" by that larva wasn't enough in his opinion!

Mumbling various curses at Inuyasha's expense, Shippou continued through the shiro and finally found Sesshoumaru sitting on the stone bench under the large maple tree that marked the center of the rather uncared for garden. Shippou paused in his tracks, surprised to see that Sesshoumaru was doing something he had never seen him do before and sometimes even doubted whether he did at all – he was actually eating. And not just any food, he was eating bamboo shoots! He felt his mouth water slightly, he loved bamboo shoots! Noticing that there was still quite a collection of the delicious sprouts lying on the bench next to Sesshoumaru, Shippou approached the older youkai quickly, hoping he would not turn out to be as stingy as Inuyasha when it came to food.

"Can I have some?" he asked, licking his lips in anticipation, and when Sesshoumaru told him to suit himself, hopped onto the bench and grabbed one of the shoots, noticing with pleasure that they had even been cleaned of the husks.

Sesshoumaru glanced down to the tiny fox, wondering why would anyone actually enjoy eating takenoko. He certainly did not enjoy it, well, not past satisfying his hunger for them. His staple food was meat, as raw as it got and preferably of a shika deer, unless he couldn't find any nearby, which did not happen often since it was rarely that he needed to eat anyway. But every once in a while he would feel irrational cravings for some very non-meaty victuals, usually takenoko or wild peaches, and the sensation wouldn't go away until he satisfied it. And since one of those silly urges had seized him last night, he had little choice but to go quite a way southwards and find some late shoots.

They ate in silence for a few moments, united by the crunching sounds of the takenoko being crushed by their sharp teeth, and it was perhaps that strange comradeship of mastication that had made Shippou feel less annoyed with Sesshoumaru for making Rin sad.

"You shouldn't have tried to send her away, you know," he said nevertheless, feeling that something had to be said about it.

Sesshoumaru's eyes slid down to him for a moment, but apparently he saw it fit not to reply since he made no comment on being thus chastised.

"You know what I think?" Shippou asked rhetorically in between bites, pointing the shoot he was holding at Sesshoumaru for added emphasis, "I think you care for her, but you're just scared to admit it!"

And that was the time when Shippou discovered that although Inuyasha was able to make bonking very painful, Sesshoumaru had made it into a higher art, and as his indignant yelps and outraged cries reverberated through the garden, he deeply regretted that Inuyasha had cut off only one of his brother's arms.

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He indeed had enough of this nonsense, Sesshoumaru thought, walking out of the shiro to see that Jaken had already managed to fetch Aun. It had been but two weeks since his unsuccessful attempt of making Rin rejoin her kind, and ever since then the atmosphere in the shiro seemed so thick that it was almost tangible. And it was not without a reason, since the fox child would constantly stick out his tongue at him in obvious resentment, Myouga would humph repeatedly and scornfully and even Sae seemed somehow angry with him and left his proximity whenever he happened to see her.

He frowned irritably, as his thoughts came to the point that was grating him the most. Although normally there would hardly be a day when he wouldn't see Rin at least once, ever since they came back from Urabe she seemed to have disappeared somewhere within the shiro. She would not come over to sleep on his futon, or just generally to be around him, she would not seek him out to show him some completely inconsequential find, and as for her clinginess, there wasn't even a trace left of it, as it seemed, since the only time he had chanced upon her in the corridor that led to both of their rooms, she quickly lowered her head and run off towards her quarters without saying even a word.

He felt then that he had enough of the whole thing, whatever it was, and needed to take his mind away from the issue of Rin altogether. And it wasn't just Rin, he generally felt he needed to have some goal again, something that could properly structure his actions. The lands had been appropriately taken care of and would remain so for quite some time, so there was nothing here left for him to do, nothing for him to occupy himself with. It was then that his thoughts returned to the journey he had cut short so abruptly last autumn, and to the issue that had caused him to do so, the future of the youkai. To his surprise, he found that his view on it had changed since then. True, he was just as certain as before that his logic was correct and that the youkai were bound to disappear within but a few centuries, but he found that he had been too hasty in forming the conclusion on his own future, since after all, that youkai would generally disappear did not mean that _all_ youkai had to die in the process.

Yes, the fact that the future didn't change no matter what the miko did or didn't do proved that - however it was possible - the final outcome had already been established and there was nothing he could do to change it. But, as Myouga's stipulation about the possibility that somebody else had released Inuyasha and the miko had changed that showed, it didn't mean that the path that led there was necessarily just as set. And in this case, the fact that he knew about it in advance meant that he could change his own future greatly, as long as he did not try to interfere with the overall future of the youkai that is. It had been a serious lapse in logic on his part to overlook this point before, although he felt that since the knowledge of the future had been rather astounding and otherwise completely unforeseeable he could pardon himself for his negligence.

But it meant that there was no reason why he should not follow his previously chosen life course. True, the goal of gaining power and surpassing his father seemed just as pointless and – as averse as he felt to admitting it – petty from the perspective of the future as it had last year, but he would rather not get killed in a fight against some reasonably powerful youkai only because he gave up on gaining power in anticipation of being killed anyway. That, he had concluded, would've been a grave irony indeed, and thus decided to pay that sword smith a visit after all.

Walking up to Aun, he registered some movement behind him and glancing back inconspicuously, noticed that Rin was watching him intently from the genkan, half hidden behind the door frame. She had not noticed yet that he was looking back and he took the opportunity to properly inspect that odd look in her eyes that he couldn't recognize before. Her eyes seemed somehow darkened and sullen and overall, she was looking at him as if... as if... He felt something bitter twinge within him suddenly, she was looking at him as if he had betrayed her somehow. He felt lost as to why would she look at him like that and yet somehow angry that she would. He had done _nothing_ towards her that would warrant reprimand, to the contrary, he had done far more to ensure her well-being than could ever be expected of him.

He turned back to Aun to pick up the beast's reigns, intent on leaving. But he couldn't shake off the knowledge that she was there, looking at him with those eyes that seemed so inappropriate in her face, eyes that she should never look at him with. Frowning angrily, he realized that if he left her this way now, she would keep looking like that at him in his mind for days to come.

"I'm leaving for a few months," he said finally in her general direction. "You can come with me if you want."

From a corner of his eye he saw her gasp in surprise at having been noticed at first, but then she just kept looking at him for a few moments, and that dark look in her eyes gradually disappeared until she finally broke out into her usual bright smile.

"I'll be right back!" she announced and ran further into the shiro.

Sesshoumaru followed her with his eyes, feeling both exasperated at the delay and yet also somehow relieved, although he was not able to say why.

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Rin was weaving the pretty flowers she had found into a pretty garland, sitting on the bank of the stream they had stopped at and splashing her feet contently in the water. She was waiting with Shippou-chan and Myouga-sama for Sesshoumaru-sama and Jaken-sama who had gone to see that sword making ojiisan a little further from here, but she didn't mind having to wait since it was much easier to do with Shippou-chan around. They had even caught some fish in the stream and the perspective of having a nice meal, which was currently sizzling cheerfully over the fire and spreading around a very tasty smell, was making her feel very satisfied, although rather hungry, too.

And it was nice to just sit around with friends and wait for your meal, watching the sun slowly lower itself into the forest. She felt very content that everything was as it should be again, that Sesshoumaru-sama didn't want her to leave after all. Because if he didn't want to have her around, he wouldn't have asked her to come along, she thought, forcing some particularly stubborn flower to fit into the wreath. At first, when she finally understood that Sesshoumaru-sama meant that she could leave him and live with Moshimune-dono, she felt that she must've done something horribly bad and that Sesshoumaru-sama didn't want her to be around him anymore because of it. She frowned slightly, remembering how scared she was that Sesshoumaru-sama would make her leave him even though she said she didn't want to. He didn't in the end, but she kept feeling afraid even when they returned home. She wanted to always stay with him, even if he didn't want her to, so she tried to avoid doing anything that could make him try to have her leave again.

She paused in her activity, biting on her lip lightly. It wasn't the same though, even if he never told her to leave again, because knowing that Sesshoumaru-sama didn't want her to be around made her feel sad all the time. It had never before crossed her mind that he might not want her to stay; after all, he not only revived her, but also took care of her and was always good to her, so it wouldn't leave her thoughts at all and she kept wondering how Sesshoumaru-sama really felt about her. But he must've had some other reason for telling her that she could stay with Moshimune-dono, other than not liking her that is, she had decided finally, because he did take her with him now, and she was sure that Sesshoumaru-sama wouldn't do it if he didn't like her.

She would find out sooner or later, she thought, getting up to take the ready fish from Shippou-chan. The only thing that mattered for now was that everything was as it was supposed to be, since Sesshoumaru-sama was acting towards her as he had always been, and she was happy with him like that.

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Entering the clearing in which he had left the others, Sesshoumaru felt that he had definitely been out of luck recently. He did not consider luck to be an important factor in one's life, to be honest he thought it to be something people used as an excuse to justify their failures, but it was the only fitting explanation for the recent developments in his life. He had barely managed to pacify the situation with Rin – he still felt angry about it – when it turned out that not only Rin, but also Myouga and the fox child would be joining him for the trip. Usually he did not mind their company, Myouga stayed out of his way and the fox child was good in keeping Rin busy, but this time they kept acting as if he had been forgiven, _forgiven_, and it kept unnerving him beyond any measure. They had enough brains though to keep any comments to themselves, but he still had to constrain himself from sending them on their final trip in life a bit earlier than they had been expecting.

It turned out to be only the beginning of his "bad luck" however, since once they reached their destination, he had found that the sword smith had been stupid enough to get himself killed, but a few months ago at that, meaning he would've found him still alive had he taken the trip last year. It seemed that even though he had been willing to pardon himself for his lapse in good judgment, whatever fate was governing his life was not as gracious.

But even that was not enough. On his way back to pick up Rin and the others, he had to run into some dim-witted youkai who had the misfortune of having heard of him and wanted to prove how much stronger than him he was. He was not, of course, but was actually crafty enough to land a lucky blow and crumble his armor, when Sesshoumaru gave him the time to display the full range of his abilities. The youkai's time quickly ran out after that, but his armor was in pieces, once more, and he would have to visit Hataki again, even though the ease with which any half-baked youkai – or hanyou – was able to destroy his creations clearly proved that the old fool was hardly a good armorer. He could hear Jaken blabber something in the same spirit from the direction of his shoes, but his screechy voice was only adding to his annoyance and he promptly released some of it in stepping on the suitably bouncy toad.

Sesshoumaru might've been not listening to Jaken, but Myouga actually was, and he quickly gathered that Sesshoumaru-sama's misfortunes with sword makers extended also to armorers. He in fact knew of a good armorer, and one that would agree to make something for Sesshoumaru-sama at that, but the man lived in Kyushu, so it would've been quite a trip. Myouga wouldn't it mind it at all however, quite to the contrary, he had fond memories of Kyushu from the time he had been there with Touga-sama, but it was already autumn and he felt that even if they hurried, they would not make it back before winter. He shuddered with displeasure; he detested winter with all his feeble might, and since he doubted Sesshoumaru-sama would be inclined to spend winter there and come back only with spring, he finally decided that spending the winter in the shiro rather than on the road and only then informing Sesshoumaru-sama of the armorer was the best plan in such circumstances.

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**Language notes:**

_kaijo_ – helper, assistant, second. I have no idea whether this term is the most appropriate one here, but it seemed best of all the words of this meaning that I could find;

_Okaa_ – one of the ways to say "mother"; I think Rin uses that one, since that's how she refers to her mother in Episode 162;

_paati_ – party; this is an example of "Engrish" being adapted into Japanese. Kagome sometimes used such – meaningless to them – terms, like "roketto" – "rocket" or "muudo" – "mood", if I remember right;

_purezento_ – present; same as above;

_tsukehimo_ – a simple sash to tie a child's kimono. Traditionally, only the girls above the age of 7 could use an _obi_ to tie their kimonos. I'm not sure when the tradition started, or when did _obi_ as such come into use, but I found a mention about the _Obi-toki_ (the ceremony for girls of 7 to be admitted to wearing an _obi_) originating from the Edo period (1603 – 1868) so it's possible it was already in practice some 50 years prior. Nowadays, _Obi-toki_ is celebrated as a part of a larger festival, _Shichi-Go-San_.

_gaijin_ – "foreigner"; literally "outside person"; it's a word that anyone who had seen _Shogun_ would know ;). It's not very polite to use nowadays, _gaikokujin_ is preferred, I believe, but in the 16th century countryside (foreigners only began to appear in the 16th century) _gaijin_ would be a standard term, I think, although it could probably be also used to describe just somebody from a different part of Japan;

_Suki ni shiro_ – "Do as you like"; another authentic Sesshoumaru line that can be heard in Episode 162 during their bizarre conversation of "Rin.", "Hai...?", "Suki ni shiro.", "Hai! :)"

_obaasan_ – "obaasan" means "grandmother", but is also used to refer to a "female senior citizen", although then it's written with different kanji;

_onigiri_ – rice balls, often seen in Inuyasha. I think they could also be called _omusubi_, but the difference between the two escapes my grasp so far;

_tanzaku_ – small vertical card (often for a poem);

_nagareboshi_ – shooting star;

_Umigami_ – sea god, not any specific sea god, just any;

_daifuku_ – soft rice cake stuffed with sweet filling;

_Yuku zo_ – a variation of _Iku zo_ – "We're going/Let's go". _Yuku_ is colloquial for _iku_ and is one of the very few colloquialisms Sesshoumaru uses in the series;

_takenoko_ – bamboo shoot. It can be written either with one symbol or – more often – as "child of the bamboo".

_shika deer_ – just the type of deer from Japan;

_genkan_ – entranceway, entry hall;

_ojiisan_ – like _obaasan_, this can be used either for "grandfather" or "male senior citizen", written differently for each meaning;

_Kyushu_ – (or Kyuushuu in Japanese spelling) the southernmost island of the four main islands of Japan.

**General notes**:

Moshimune – I made it up from the kanji for "young" and "delicious/skillful", so he's "young and delicious" :P But "mune" is more often associated with "chest, breast", so it could also be taken to mean "young breasts" and hence Sesshoumaru's puzzlement;

Satoshi – the nanori (name) reading of a kanji for "wise/intelligent". I had a bit more in mind to put in about Satoshi, but there was no good place in this chapter for it (without making it too boring) so maybe it will get bumped into some next one;

Takuya, Haruko, Fujita, Shoichi – standard Japanese names;

Hataki - just a juxtaposition of two symbols used in various words meaning "armorer".

Sesshoumaru's "honor" – he does seem to have some sort of standards for what's "honorable" and what's not, in for example first demanding something and only resorting to force when he's refused. It's also very noticeable in Episode 104, when he immediately stops in advancing towards Mukotsu when the latter starts pleading and apologizing (falsely).

"This Sesshoumaru" – similarly with Rin's speech, I've seen some people assume that he uses it on daily basis, and that it's because of the lack of standardized personal pronouns in Japanese, but he actually uses "watashi" – a rather neutral way of saying "I". Which is quite surprising in itself since I would've expected him to use "ore" (very male "I"), like for example Inuyasha, or "ore-sama" (a seriously boastful and masculine "I"). He uses "this Sesshoumaru" (kono Sesshoumaru) as a means of putting very smug emphasis on himself, as if he was saying "I, the superior being", sometimes even in his thoughts and sometimes alternating it with "this I" (kono watashi), used in the same fashion. It's something that seems to be a traditional way of swaggering and so far I've also spotted Naraku and Jaken doing the same thing.

Rin talking to Sesshoumaru – As I have mentioned last time, she doesn't really use any special politeness towards him, but it's still problematic what to do with her using "you" when talking to him. I've seen people go around it by using "my lord" or something like that, but it implies servility and she doesn't seem to be servile towards him at all. So I decided to make her sometimes use the standard Japanese way of avoiding using "you" by addressing people by their names. And I think that if she really had to use "you" she'd probably go for the same pronoun Jaken uses towards Sesshoumaru sometimes – "anata-sama", a very polite "you". The same applies to Rin talking to Sae or anyone else she considers a "sama".

The day when the sun is in the sky the longest – in the Northern hemisphere that's June 21st. I just picked it to make a contrast between her and Sesshoumaru.

Standards of prettiness – I have no idea what was considered pretty in Japan at the time, so it could be completely wrong.

Urabe – even though I made Rin all awed at the town, I meant it to be a rather small settlement for a town, as she will discover later in the fic. But I do think that Rin would indeed be awed – same with learning that the world is not just Japan – since if her parents died when she was 4 or 5 and were just simple villagers to begin with, she probably never had a chance to learn much of the world. Same with eating with chopsticks – she had probably forgotten much of how to do it, since I doubt Sesshoumaru would provide her with such utensils...

Sesshoumaru's thoughts on keeping Rin – like in most cases when I describe a situation through his eyes, it's what he "made up" in his mind to justify keeping her around rather than what I think really happened there.


	8. Chapter 08

Disclaimer: I do not hold any rights to Inuyasha in any form or way, nor do I make any profit out of writing this fic.

**Reviews: **Once again, thank you all wonderful people who took the time to review! I really love reviews, both long and detailed and simple and short :D

I'm really glad to know that so many of the readers found the characters to be true to their natures, I have indeed been very much trying to keep them as such, but it is quite difficult when growth and change is involved, and since all the characters in this fic grow and mature, it's beginning to be quite challenging... 0.0

**mystal:** Thank you very much! I'm glad to know the story's subtle progress is actually liked :D I do have to admit though that I see now why there are so many Adult Rin/Sess fics – it is very tempting to just jump ahead, but unfortunately it means that their relationship is in a way suspended for 10 or more years. There are many fanfics that can successfully pull it off, some are my favourites, but as you too agree there are also many in which the readers just have to "believe" that Rin has somehow changed (read: "mushified") Sesshoumaru during those years.

**Maore: **I'm really glad that you liked that scene, it's one of my favourites too! And I assure you that is very much my pleasure to be writing down this story :D

**animelava: **Thank you and I'm glad to oblige and update already! :)

Shippou and Myouga would indeed go back to Inuyasha (as this chapter describes) if they could. But unfortunately nobody knows what happened to Inuyasha-tachi and it will still be a while (Rin has to grow up and all) before the Inuyasha adventure can start.

**Ena: **Thank you very much, and I'm very happy to know that you liked the Sun-Moon contrast, and I too wouldn't be surprised if it really was the author's intention ;) I'm also very glad you liked the Shippou-Sesshoumaru scene, together they have a great potential for humour and I really enjoyed writing it! There will be some more too, after all, Shippou is a mischievous little fox ;)

**Note**: This is something of a filler chapter, even though important things happen in it. It actually covers two years of Rin's life – notice that she's 11 by the end of it, and I tried to indicate in the pattern of her thoughts that although she's still very much a child, her way of thinking is slowly beginning to change. However, that's the heart of the problem – it's easy to write Rin as a child, and it will be fun to write her as an adult, but what to do with the years in between...? I didn't want to skip it, and suddenly make her 16 or even older, especially since there are many things that have to happen on the way, but the fic would grow seriously boring if I just kept making up some filler adventures and tried to depict the actual changes of her. So instead I decided to cover only important episodes that either bring something to the plot (even if it doesn't seem so at this point) or develop the relationships between the characters, and hence the chapter is a bit "jumpy", in often jumping forward while completely omitting everything on the way, like for example the actual visit to the armorer. It would be rather boring to describe it since nothing happened there in my mind – they hopped over to Kyushu, Rin and Shippou splashed around in the sea and ate some previously unknown to them kinds of food, Jaken grumbled, Sesshoumaru got his armor and Myouga enjoyed the sun. See? Booooring. Then why did I make it Kyushu and not something closer? Beats me. They just keep doing things in my mind (seriously) and even though the main plot is clear in my mind, the minor "happenings" happen on their own.

This mid-stage of Rin will continue for the next 2 or 3 chapters, until she will finally get to the age that can be considered somewhat adult. There will of course be many important things happening between Rin and Sesshoumaru in the process, some probably already in the next chapter. End of rant. ;)

Oh, no, wait, one more thing – although it seems to be the standard to make Rin see Sesshoumaru's true form in some dramatic circumstances, I found it more appealing to make it as mundane as possible, perhaps because she's still a child. So it's very anti-climatic, yet – hopefully – still in the spirit of the relationship between them, as I'm depicting it at least.

Since I watch only the Japanese version and prefer to use the Japanese terminology, there are language notes at the end of the chapter. Very few this time however, and no cultural notes, although don't be relived yet – they will come back...

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_Chapter 8_

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Since the alleged sword maker turned out to be not alleged but instead very dead, Sesshoumaru decided to return to the shiro for the winter, as he had nothing else to do in the north and was now all too aware that the autumn, so fresh and new at the moment, would soon grow cold and very disadvantageous to Rin. And despite his recent "bad luck", they managed to return to the Western Lands without any further mishaps, unless one counted his visit to Hataki, who did make a new armor for him, but not without shaking his head in wonder and saying something about how strong the youkai he was in the habit of fighting had to be to destroy such magnificent armor. Yes, very 'strong youkai' indeed, Sesshoumaru thought mockingly, if you counted a human miko as one that is. But he knew of no one better who would be willing to make armor for him, so he decided against voicing his opinion of Hataki's skill.

"Sesshoumaru-sama, look!" he heard a thrilled voice exclaim and he looked down to see Rin pointing to the shiro that had just come into their view. "We're home!" She added, smiling broadly, and – for no reason, none whatsoever – latched herself onto his leg, hugging it tightly, and then bolted down the hill they paused on, sprinting towards the shiro. Shippou followed her, somewhat less animatedly, and even Jaken opted to go on ahead before him. If they were that glad to be back, why on earth did they leave in the first place...?

Sesshoumaru looked down at his leg that had just been so thoroughly cuddled. Although at first when they started out on this journey Rin acted somewhat cautious around him, sometimes looking at him in a strangely contemplative way for extended stretches of time, as the weeks and months rolled by she seemed to revert to her old self, with no trace left to evidence that she had ever looked at him with those dark and sullen eyes. And even though he still felt irritated at her for having done so in the first place, he had to admit that her usual manner suited her much better. But the downside to it was that her clinginess returned too, and she continued to latch onto him for the slightest of reasons, and sometimes without any at all. And as always, he just couldn't understand her and her motives – why did she keep doing it? What was it that appealed to her in hugging him...?

Yes, in some bizarre way he had grown to expect it from her, but it did not make it any less inappropriate than when she started doing it, nearly a year ago. Sadly, he had even less of an idea of how to make her aware of that inappropriateness now; after all, he had been unable to make her aware of a truth as obvious as the fact that it would be much better for her to return to her kind, and the issue of her clinginess and its inappropriateness was considerably subtler, to the point that even he didn't know how to phrase it.

It was only a few days later that he found his solution however, when she was approaching him fast with the intention written all over her face and he remembered sidestepping her once before. He had done it somewhat instinctively at the time, to avoid having her smell left clinging to him, and she hadn't even noticed that he had done so. But perhaps, he thought, carefully observing her advance towards him to find the perfect moment to move aside, if she _had_ noticed...

He stepped aside at the very last moment, leaving her to reach for empty space, and as she found nothing to balance herself against, she wobbled forward and fell onto her knees, supporting herself with her hands. She looked back to him, surprised, but instead of the slightly saddened comprehension that he had been expecting to see on her face, he saw her lips quirk upwards in a sly smirk and a mischievous gleam appear in her eyes. She said nothing about it however, only got up, dusted herself off and went on her way, still with that most unexpected expression and leaving him filled with a slight sense of foreboding.

Which, he found but a day later, had been a most justified sensation, since instead of disappearing, as he had hoped it would, her clinginess only doubled and he found himself nearly tackled by Rin's small form twice just within the few hours that passed since she had woken up. There was an additional change – instead of doing it openly, like she used to, she would try to sneak up on him, jumping at him from behind corners and screens, probably completely oblivious to the fact that he had been perfectly aware of her presence and only didn't move aside because it never crossed his mind that she would actually launch herself at him like that. But now that it hadcrossed his mind, he was able to sidestep the next few attacks easily, leaving her on the ground again, yet it seemed to be to no avail, once more. That oddly playful gleam in her eyes returned every time and she did not cease her folly.

The game continued for the next few days, with her creeping after him like some roguish imp and him pretending not to notice anything, until he felt he had enough of both the game and her inexplicable irrationality. If there was no way for him to make her stop, short of telling her so directly even though he still didn't know how to explain it to her sufficiently for her to comply, then at least he'd like to know what was making her behave in such an extraordinarily bizarre manner.

"Rin", he said warningly when the wind in the garden told him she was trying to sneak up on him from behind the tree he was sitting against. How could she expect to succeed while advancing with the wind was beyond him. Not that she would have succeeded even without the wind, he could also hear the beating of her heart and the puff of her breath, and since he was on constant alert against her attacks, he wouldn't have missed that either.

Rin stopped the moment Sesshoumaru-sama said her name, feeling a bit anxious. Was he angry with her for hugging him so much lately...? She did feel a few times that maybe it was too much but... She bit her lip guiltily. When Sesshoumaru-sama just moved aside for the first time, and she realized that he did it so that she wouldn't hug him, she felt that it was a challenge and that it would only make it more worth it when he did get used to it. She didn't feel discouraged that he moved away, after all, at first she hadn't liked flying on Aun, she kept feeling that she was about to fall, but in time she not only got used to it, but started liking it too. And it was probably the same with Sesshoumaru-sama and touching people, she felt, so it would take time, but it wasn't impossible.

But then she started enjoying the process of sneaking up on him and it was a lot of fun in itself, especially when she would manage to. Glancing to Sesshoumaru-sama, she wondered whether she hadn't overdone it simply because she had been enjoying the game so much.

"Why do you do that?" he asked her suddenly, turning his head slightly towards her. She frowned in effort, trying to understand what he meant. Why did she do what? Try to sneak up on him?

"Why do you insist on touching me?" he asked again, as if answering to her thoughts, and she blinked, unsure what to say and feeling that perhaps being honest about trying to get him used to being touched was not the best idea.

"What do you mean, Sesshoumaru-sama?" she finally chose to ask, moving closer and sitting down near him.

He remained silent for a few moments before finally replying. "Why do you _want_ to touch me?" he asked, looking off into the distance.

It was easy, that one. "Because it's nice," she answered, smiling at such an obvious question.

Sesshoumaru-sama looked down at her, and when she saw that he still didn't seem to understand, she decided to elaborate. "It's just nice to touch others," she said simply.

"Why?" he asked, astonishing her with such an odd question. Why...? It just was, she thought, surprised to discover that she couldn't find any words that would match the feeling. And why would Sesshoumaru-sama ask about it at all? Didn't he know how it felt...? Had he really never felt nice just touching somebody?

Looking at him pensively, she got up and moved a bit closer, to reach out and touch his cheek. He blinked in surprise, but didn't move or say anything and she stroked his smooth skin with the tips of her fingers for a few moments, carefully inspecting the feeling within her.

"It makes me feel that Sesshoumaru-sama is real and that I'm not alone," she said finally, still not fully satisfied with the explanation. But it was as close as she could get to describing it properly.

He blinked again, looking at her somewhat puzzled, before he turned his head away from her.

"I see," he said and she pulled back her hand that was no longer touching him.

He didn't seem angry or annoyed, but it was obvious to her now that he had not been enjoying their game and she wouldn't like to make him angry, no, not at all, she thought, suddenly remembering her fear of being sent away. But...

"Can I still do it, sometimes?" she asked tentatively, hoping that she could. Not just to make Sesshoumaru-sama used to it, no, it somehow didn't seem that important now, but because she felt she really wouldn't like not being able to touch Sesshoumaru-sama anymore.

But he didn't reply, just kept looking off into the distance, so she sat down again, watching the colorful leaves occasionally fall from the trees around them and wondering whether it was good that Sesshoumaru-sama didn't say no or was it bad that he didn't say yes either.

Sesshoumaru was watching the leaves too, although not very aware that he was doing it. He told her that he understood, but in fact he was as much lost as he had been as to why she found it enjoyable. It makes him real and she feels not alone? What was it supposed to mean...? The first thing that came to his mind when she said it was that her grasp on reality was so feeble that she needed to reassure herself by touching him, but it was a preposterous idea and he quickly discarded it. Yet even though he couldn't come up with anything better, he could somehow sense that it was important to her and her question only strengthened that impression.

And he also realized something that he should've realized long ago – she didn't attach herself to him just because she had nobody else and he was strong enough to provide her with protection, since if she wanted just that, she had others now who could do the same, be it Sae or Moshimune. No, she attached herself to him because of something more personal, something about him in particular, even though he had no idea what could it be that made him a desirable companion in the eyes of a child.

He should detach himself from her then, let her forget that he ever existed, have her leave on her way. But when he thought of telling her to never again touch him, to never again come near him, the image of her eyes from a few months ago appeared uninvited in his mind and he felt that something alien and bitter stir within him again. No, if he told her so and she looked at him like that, with her eyes so sullen and dark, he would've felt as if he had stricken her physically, and he knew that even if she did leave then, she would've remained in his mind constantly looking at him like that, making him feel as if he had... He blinked suddenly, stunned by the thought that appeared in his mind. It would make him feel as if he had betrayed her, betrayed the trust she had in him. Was that why she was looking at him so darkly back then...?

He felt suddenly irritated. He _never_ asked for her trust, _never_ asked to be the one she picked to attach herself to, _never_ wanted to be the one she smiled at for no reason at all. She did it all out of her own volition, and _she_ should face the consequences, not him. But... _he _revived her, _he_ let her follow him, _he_ protected her and rescued her, even when she didn't ask him to. He frowned, realizing that the actions he did so carelessly made him in fact partially responsible for the situation he was currently in. And that was probably why hurting her intentionally in any way always seemed so... wrong to him, he decided, glancing at her from the corner of an eye. Looking at her, he remembered her question and wondered what on earth he should reply. It was still just as inappropriate as it had been but... he knew now that it was also important to her, probably because _he_ was somehow important to her.

"Don't do it too often," Rin heard Sesshoumaru-sama say suddenly after the long silence. He was still looking at something away from her, but she smiled happily, knowing what he meant.

"'Kay!" she replied promptly and turned back to watching the leaves, feeling satisfied with his answer. It meant that she could still do it, only not as often as she had been lately, since if Sesshoumaru-sama wanted her to never touch him again, he would've told her so directly. So maybe he was getting used to it after all, she thought, smiling secretly to herself.

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The autumn soon turned to winter and life seemed to slow down for all of them. Jaken and Myouga fell into their usual winter stupor, Shippou and Rin continued their education, even if Shippou still preferred to approach the matter rather sloppily and often disappeared to seek his own adventures, although usually remaining in the vicinity of the shiro, just in case.

And Sesshoumaru had to admit that although he did not understand the whole of his conversation with Rin about touching him, she had in fact finally stopped her irrational clinginess. She would still latch herself onto him occasionally, but no longer for no reason whatsoever, only when she felt exceptionally excited or in some other way agitated. He found it to be a very welcomed change and since he had also finally understood that she would not leave until she was old enough to comprehend why she should, or perhaps found somebody more important to her that she'd like to attach herself to, as he believed human females were in habit of doing, she did not cloud his thoughts with frustration that often anymore. Although perhaps the fact that he had grown accustomed to expect the unexpected from her helped him keep his balance no matter what she did or said. It was actually months before she did something that astounded him again, even though in this case it was not her fault to begin with.

It was an evening of one particularly warm spring day and he had gone out just for a simple walk around the forest nearby, feeling yet again more alive, as he did almost every spring. Rin had decided to join him in the activity, but kept to herself, engaged in inspecting the spring changes of the forest. She had been busy jumping after some particularly large frog that was trying to escape the odd pursuit, when he noticed that they had wandered into the part of the forest he had not been in for centuries. He paused, surprised by a memory he had not thought of for almost just as long. He must've been not even 20 then, no, not even 15, but a tiny child, still awed by the wonders of life. Probably just as awed as Rin was now, he thought, glancing to her as she was still tailing the unlucky amphibian, and remembering that in his naive amazement that they existed he too used to chase various small animals, long ago.

But that time, when he had come here, it was not in a chase after some frog, no, it was more of an escape if anything, he remembered with distaste, recalling the image of himself toddling desolately down the hill the shiro stood on. He had enough that day, enough of living in the shiro, enough of everybody looking at him as if they expected him to grow an extra head any moment, enough of the disdainful looks from his mother and enough of always being told what he should and shouldn't do. He wasn't trying to run away, he might've been little, but definitely not stupid and knew he wouldn't survive in the wilderness on his own. But he just wanted them all to go away, to be alone, not alone with others around, but really alone. So he sneaked out, even falling from one of the shiro's elevated walkways in the process, if he remembered right, and somehow wandered here, just as he had now.

He turned to look at the narrow passage between the trees that had made him remember that day. To somebody who had never entered it, it looked like some random space between trees, but he knew there was a path behind it, even though it had not been a path made by youkai, humans, or animals. It just... existed, as nothing more but a continuous space between trees, leading towards the small stream that crossed the forest here and further, to that clearing he had found back then.

Pushing away some of the branches, he entered the path, feeling as if he was following himself from over three centuries ago. It had also been evening then, but it was during summer, and the forest was humid and mellow, full of faint buzzes and mysterious murmurs, and framed by the unearthly glow of the remaining raindrops on the leaves. He felt suddenly amused at his past self, remembering how he just stood there in childish fascination, feeling as if he had been spirited away to some bewitching magical realm. Yes, the world of a child is indeed simple, he thought, walking past the memory and down towards the stream.

He crossed it quickly and followed through the trees, wondering if they were even still there, those odd creations of the youkai world he had stumbled upon back then. Reaching to push away some more branches, he had to admit he was curious to see the phenomenon again, and... they were indeed still there, he found, reaching the edge of the clearing, and just as mystifying as they used to be.

"Oh! What is it? It's so pretty!" Rin announced from somewhere down, and he glanced to her, surprised to notice she must've been following him. She was pointing to the center of the small clearing, and her face clearly told him she was just as amazed as he had been.

"They are called Yourei, youkai souls," he told her, turning back to look at the puzzling entities. They were not round and even balls of light like human souls, not at all, Yourei were like stars that had fallen from the skies, sparkling and shimmering, and as if dancing within the white misty cloud that shrouded them.

"Youkai souls...?" Rin asked, wanting to know more, but he had no more information to offer. He didn't know if they really were youkai souls, he only heard that they were, long after he had first seen them here. It was doubtful if they really were, however, since from what he knew youkai didn't have souls. He didn't know what happened to the youkai who died, whether they continued into some kind of afterlife or just ceased to exist. True, all the youkai that brat Hakudoushi killed seemed to end up in the border between this life and the next, but what happened to them afterwards remained a mystery to him. Still, he had never heard of any youkai who would have his soul stolen, like it happened all the time with humans, so he was more inclined to believe that youkai had no souls, that they just vanished after death.

"They really are pretty," she concluded on her own, and before he had a chance to stop her, ran into the clearing and towards the Yourei, leaving him to watch her in amazement as she approached them freely, and they seemed to enclose her within their midst. He blinked, once again thoroughly perplexed. He had done the very same thing when he was a child, yet then the Yourei quickly dispersed the moment he rushed forward, as if scared away by his presence.

Curious, he took a tentative step onto the clearing, but as soon as his foot touched the ground the star-like souls fluttered and disappeared, leaving just the two of them within the suddenly darkened forest. He couldn't help but wonder why was it that they would run from him, yet stay with Rin. Was it because he was a youkai while Rin was a human...? But if those were really youkai souls, shouldn't it be the other way around...? Or maybe it was because she was just an innocent child? He knew that the factor of 'innocence' played an important role in many human legends, but it couldn't be something like that, since the first time he had been here he was half the size of Rin now and as innocent as he would ever get. Unless that wasn't enough, he thought, frowning when his mind recalled the various allegations about himself he had heard as a child.

In either case, he decided, leaving the clearing with Rin in tow, there were too many contrasting factors between him and Rin to draw any definite conclusions at this point.

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Thank goodness he finds me somehow useful, thought Myouga watching Sesshoumaru-sama walk on in front of them and thinking back to how he had informed his current master of Kanjin, a renowned armorer from Kyushu. Although he had said that he had only remembered about it on that day, and hurried to inform Sesshoumaru-sama of the fact instantly, Sesshoumaru-sama seemed to have seen through his screen at once. And when Sesshoumaru-sama leaned over towards the table Myouga was perched on, and, bringing his face far too close to his small form for his liking, narrowed his piercing eyes dangerously, Myouga felt his heart leap fretfully and his legs twitch to jump away as fast and far away as only possible. But, thank goodness yet again, Sesshoumaru-sama didn't do anything to him, only - after a few moments of inspecting his vassal in that blood chilling manner - moved back and said that Myouga was to accompany him to Kyushu, and that he better be right about the armorer.

The rest of their unusual group was eager to join the two of them, and since Sesshoumaru-sama didn't seem to mind, they were now traveling in their standard manner, very much to Myouga's relief. Although he had known Sesshoumaru-sama ever since the taiyoukai was born, he could not help feeling afraid of him on many occasions, and the company of two children whom Sesshoumaru-sama seemed to tolerate greatly helped to maintain the acceptable standards of personal safety Myouga always struggled to keep. It was very likely, Myouga thought, observing the deceptively gentle way in which Sesshoumaru-sama walked, that his fear originated from the time Sesshoumaru-sama had pounced on him as a child, displaying very predatory instincts for somebody who couldn't even talk properly yet. Myouga shuddered, remembering his terror from that day, when he had been warming up his bones in the summer sun of the shiro's garden and suddenly noticed a pair of narrow – and _very_ dangerous looking – golden eyes approaching him fast and a small – yet already _clawed_ – hand reaching out to grab him. To say that he had been frightened would be a serious understatement, he had nearly jumped out of his skin, trying to scramble away as fast as he only could and not stopping until he was deep within the shiro and very much out of the child's proximity.

It was not just because he had been afraid of young Sesshoumaru-sama that he had escaped so fearfully, however, it was also because it reminded him of how he had met Touga-sama, and it had been one of the most dangerous situations he had ever found himself in. He had been still a youngster then, no more than thirty, and in his youthful stupidity had decided to visit a human village and a festival held there, lured by the beauty of the village's young ladies dressed festively for the occasion. He had been so absorbed in admiring their fresh beauty that he had failed to notice a few young boys, around 10 years of age, who had spotted him and decided to capture such an odd looking youkai. He had been caught and put in a small bamboo cage, serving as an entertainment source to the rambunctious youths. They were just children, he knew that, but it soon turned out that their childish cruelty would be the end of him, since after they had been keeping him in the cage for over two weeks, he began weakening greatly and the various pokes and jabs he had received were not helping any.

They had even taken him to a river, wanting to test if he could swim or would he drown – he had assured them that he would indeed drown, which was probably not the best thing to tell them, but they just ignored him anyway – when they had run into Touga-sama, or rather Touga-sama ran into them, as they found out when they heard a very stern voice ask what did they think they were doing. Even now he could still remember Touga-sama as he stood there, behind the boys, when he saw him for the first time. He looked very youkai, very powerful and very authoritative, and the boys must've had the same impression since they scattered and ran away immediately, dropping the cage – and him with it – and screaming "youkai". He had been immensely relieved to see them go, but when his rescuer's feet approached the cage and he remembered how uncompromising the voice he had heard sounded, he wondered whether his already disastrous situation had not just gotten even worse.

But then the cage was lifted up and he saw that his rescuer's countenance, which had been so unyielding but a moment ago, had changed into an amused smile and he heard the not so uncompromising anymore voice say 'That's quite a predicament you got yourself in, little flea', and he knew that he had indeed been rescued. Touga-sama had easily released him from his prison after that, and even let him satisfy his hunger on him, and Myouga had soon established that his rescuer was not only the best protector imaginable but also a very pleasurable companion, and thus he had decided to repay his debt by entering Touga-sama's service.

Myouga shook his head to himself mournfully. It might have been over two hundred years since Touga-sama's death, but he still felt miserable whenever he thought of it. To him, Touga-sama was not just an Oyakata-sama, he had also been a friend, one of the most cherished friends Myouga ever had, and his death had been a great shock. He still couldn't believe that it had happened sometimes, that somebody as powerful as Touga-sama could've been defeated. But that's how life was, he thought, glancing once again at Sesshoumaru-sama, who looked so much like his father at times, no matter how powerful you were, there was no way to control everything and some things would always be able to overcome you, just like that. He could only hope that Sesshoumaru-sama was aware of that truth by now.

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Rin glanced up to Sesshoumaru-sama, to see if he was angry. He didn't seem so, even though there was that crease between his eyebrows again, she noted, and refrained from swinging her legs, waiting patiently while Sesshoumaru-sama was carrying her somewhere through the woods. It wasn't her fault that they were in this situation really, it just happened, she decided resolutely, thinking back to what had just transpired between them.

It had been a very nice and warm summer afternoon, and they had taken a stop near the apple trees Shippou-chan had spotted. She and Shippou-chan climbed the trees to pick up some of the fruit, but soon found that eating straight from the branches was much more fun, so they stayed up there, eating and chatting and just having a nice time. Until she lost her balance when reaching for one of the apples, and – even though she quickly tried to grab onto something – would've fallen to the ground, had Sesshoumaru-sama not caught her. It was really nice of him to do so, since the trees were fairly tall and the ground looked rather firm, so it would've hurt quite a bit. And she really wished she had eaten fewer apples, since then she probably wouldn't have felt sick on the impact and wouldn't have thrown up all over herself and Sesshoumaru-sama's armor. And it was the new armor, she sighed regretfully, the one he had made only a few days ago, and the one they had come all the way to Kyushu to get. It looked just like his old armor, but she knew it was much more durable, since Sesshoumaru-sama had been satisfied with it when he had tested it.

But Sesshoumaru-sama didn't say anything when she threw up on it, he just turned and walked back into the forest, still carrying her. And, she sighed again, he was carrying her using both his arms, even though his left arm had grown back only half way past the elbow and she knew it had to be rather uncomfortable for him. She had noticed that it was growing back some few months ago, although she had never really been aware that Sesshoumaru-sama didn't have it to begin with. She knew he didn't, but it just wasn't noticeable really, since she couldn't remember any time when Sesshoumaru-sama wouldn't be able to do something because of it. But it was still very intriguing, that it would grow back that is, so she kept trying to catch a glimpse of it, until Sesshoumaru-sama finally asked her what she was doing and she told him, feeling a little embarrassed since it wasn't very nice of her. But Sesshoumaru-sama didn't seem offended, he just confirmed that it was indeed growing back. She asked him if it hurt, to grow it back, yet he said that it didn't hurt, but itched a lot. She had been very surprised to learn that Sesshoumaru-sama would feel itchings like everybody else. He somehow didn't seem like somebody who would ever feel itchy. But if he said that it was itchy, then it had to be so, and she felt very conscious of it now when that arm was supporting her legs.

She glanced up to Sesshoumaru-sama again, but he was still just walking through the forest, without saying anything or looking at her. Where exactly were they going...? She pondered various options, but soon saw for herself. They were headed for a stream in the forest, probably the nearest one, and she had to admit it was a good idea, since they were both still covered by the rather smelly substance, with some small chunks of apples in it even.

She was about to thank Sesshoumaru-sama for having thought of it, but then they got to the stream and instead of setting her down as she was expecting him to, Sesshoumaru-sama just dumped her into the water, but she quickly found it was only deep enough to reach to her chest, when she resurfaced after being dumped in like that, that is. Looking up to Sesshoumaru-sama, she felt that perhaps he was angry after all, and was about to say she was sorry, since she really was, even though it wasn't her fault, but Sesshoumaru-sama just leaped into the stream after her, yet somehow without splashing the water as much as she had.

The stream didn't even reach up to his waist, so he sat down in it, to make it wash away her vomit off him – there was even some on his clothes too, she noticed somewhat guiltily – and flicked off some stubborn apple pieces that didn't want to leave the spikes of his armor. It was somehow so odd to see Sesshoumaru-sama like that, sitting in a stream and flicking off vomit pieces from himself, that she just had to giggle, wondering how Sesshoumaru-sama was going to dry himself off, since he wore so much and now even the fur he wore was all wet and clumped together.

She found out soon though, when Sesshoumaru-sama hopped out onto the bank, his clothes and hair as wet and clinging to him as she thought they would be, and suddenly the air around him swooshed and his eyes became all red, and when she blinked, surprised, instead of Sesshoumaru-sama she saw a giant white dog standing on the bank.

She felt her mouth drop; it was... huge! Even its single claw was larger than the whole of her body! And it reached even above the trees! But when her eyes slid up the animal past its red eyes and towards its head she noticed something that made her gasp. The dog had a blue half-moon on its forehead... She blinked again, more astonished than she had ever felt before. This dog, this huge, gigantic white dog was Sesshoumaru-sama...

Her thoughts stumbled in her mind. It had been so long since she had discovered that Sesshoumaru-sama was really a dog, and it mattered so little to her, that she had somehow completely forgotten about it. She refocused on the huge dog again. Was that _really_ Sesshoumaru-sama...? Was her Sesshoumaru-sama still somewhere inside...? The dog suddenly did a very dog-like thing and shook himself off, spraying water all over the area and making her feel as if it was raining. Somehow, it cleared her mind a little and when she looked at him again it seemed obvious to her that it really must be Sesshoumaru-sama. Not only because the dog was missing his left paw, had a moon on his head and stripes around his maw, but mostly because of the white fur, all dry and fluffed out now, that looked so much like Sesshoumaru-sama's pretty hair. And he even had some longer fur that looked like white flames over his right shoulder, just like Sesshoumaru-sama.

She felt suddenly very curious and somehow excited to see Sesshoumaru-sama like that, in his true form, and tried to observe as much as she only could of it, but the contours of the animal all of a sudden began to blur and in but a moment he shrank back into Sesshoumaru-sama, all dry now, no less. She let out a sigh of disappointment, regretting that she couldn't watch him as a dog some more. It was really amazing that Sesshoumaru-sama could change like that! She had seen him do many amazing things, but this one easily outdid everything else!

Sesshoumaru glanced to her curiously, watching her reaction. Truth be told he had completely forgotten that she had never seen his true form, perhaps because the rancid smell of vomit had been clouding his mind, or perhaps because it had never before crossed his mind that she hadn't. It was only when he had transformed and heard her gasp that it occurred to him, along with a brief thought that maybe that was the proper way to make her understand the true nature of the difference between them.

He waited patiently, curious to see if it had worked any, while she quickly washed off any remaining pieces of apples from her clothes, and clambered up the bank. She did not seem to have comprehended anything particular, since she was approaching him with one of the widest smiles he had ever seen on her.

"Nani ga ureshiii," he asked her, with a distant feeling that he had asked her the same question once before.

But her smile only widened, even though he would've doubted that it was possible.

"It was great!" she announced happily and promptly moved closer to latch herself onto him, nearly bumping her head against his armor in the process. She had grown quite a lot during the last year and that was probably why she had switched from latching onto just his leg to latching onto the whole of him, despite the fact that she still didn't even reach his waist yet, and that this novel technique usually made her collide, painfully, he assumed, with his armor.

"Thank you!" she added, letting go of him, still with that wide smile.

"For what...?" he asked, somewhat unsure what she meant. For having been puked on...?

"For letting me see it! Sesshoumaru-sama's true form!" she replied, all bright and cheerful and he knew at once that she had indeed missed the point entirely, even though she apparently knew that it was his true form, not just another form.

"Sesshoumaru-sama?" she inquired preliminarily, as was her habit when she wanted to ask something nonstandard.

"Nanda?" he replied, as always.

"How does it feel?" she asked, looking up to him, with curiosity all over her face. "To be that huge, I mean."

Huge? He was hardly large, certainly not huge. True, Chichi-ue had been enormous and in time he would grow to a comparable size, but at the current moment his true form clearly showed that he was still a youth. And it didn't have any particular feel, it was basically the same thing, even though the perspective of the world and the balance of his body were different. The greatest difference was probably the feel of his youki which flowed through him much more markedly in his true form.

"Strong," he answered simply, but she seemed satisfied with it, since she nodded to herself knowingly.

Yes, it probably did feel very strong to be like that, Rin thought, observing Sesshoumaru-sama when they were walking back to the others, and recalling the image of the huge dog in her mind. But why did Shippou-chan say that Sesshoumaru-sama was 'large' in his true form, she wondered, 'large' was very much _not_ the word in her opinion! If Sesshoumaru-sama was as large as a bear or horse then yes, but he was taller than the trees! She blinked once again, surprised to remember that Shippou-chan and Myouga-sama said that Sesshoumaru-sama was still small in comparison to his father. Then how gigantic his father had to be...? She struggled to picture a dog in comparison to which Sesshoumaru-sama would be small, but it was somehow beyond her imagination. But thinking about that time she talked to Myouga-sama and Shippou-chan about it made her remember something else the two of them had said back then. She could still remember clearly that they had said that Sesshoumaru-sama was scary in his true form, but... he wasn't scary at all! Well, yes, she frowned, straining her imagination again, if he _wanted_ to be scary he would probably be terrifying, but when he didn't, he was just as not scary as he was in his human form.

Satisfied with her thoughts, she glanced again to Sesshoumaru-sama. She had been right back then when she decided that it didn't matter at all whether Sesshoumaru-sama was really a dog or not, because she felt the same now, even though she had just seen his true form. He was still Sesshoumaru-sama and she was even more confident than before that nothing could ever change that.

But when they reached the others and her eyes fell on Shippou-chan, she felt there was something more that she wanted to know, and promptly set out to satisfy her curiosity.

"Shippou-chan," she asked, walking over to him, "if Sesshoumaru-sama is really a dog because he is an inu-youkai, then shouldn't you be a fox because you are a kitsune-youkai...?" She looked him over intently, somewhat expecting him to change into a fox any moment now.

Shippou looked back, surprised. "Well, I am a fox..." He always felt it was rather obvious, even if he often got mistaken for a tanuki.

"So you can change into a fox...? A real fox I mean?" She was still looking him over carefully, observing all the little things that marked him as a kitsune.

"Err... well, no, not yet, I'm too young, but wait till I'm grown!" he replied confidently. Shippou didn't like to be reminded that he was still a weak child, and the fact that he had hardly grown any while Rin seemed to have nearly doubled in height from the first time he had seen her only served to emphasize his small size. It was good to be small, in a way, since everybody ignored you in a fight and the like, but it would be much better to be stronger.

"Then you'll be able to change into a fox?" Rin asked again, even more curious.

"I think so," answered Shippou, tapping his cheek in thought. He should be able to do it when he's older, both of his parents could. But his father looked like a fox even in his 'human' form, while his mother had been a very humanly looking youkai, like himself for most part, who only could change into an actual fox. Which was why he looked like a human but had fox feet and a tail, his father had told him. Still, so far he had all the powers his parents had, so he couldn't see why he should turn out to be unable to turn into a fox too, in time.

After a moment of silence, Rin found there was something more that was nudging at her mind.

"Can Myouga-sama change into something too?" she asked Shippou while looking around to see where Myouga-sama could be.

"Hmmmm," Shippou pondered it for a moment, "I don't think so, I've never seen him change into anything." He said finally. "But he can really stretch, and I mean _really_ stretch. So much that he's the size of my head!" He shook his head in wonder, remembering how rotund and bouncy Myouga was when filled with something.

Rin pondered it too, trying to piece all the information together. So some youkai could change into something else while others could not...? She focused, trying to figure out what the difference between the two kinds of youkai could be, but no appropriate answer came to her mind and she had given up on it in the end, although the issue still played on her mind, enough to make her ask Jaken-sama if he could change into something too, but Jaken-sama only humphed and told her that she was a stupid girl and that he didn't need to change into anything. She assumed that meant he couldn't.

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It was only some days later that her thoughts have finally pieced together various bits of information, although instead of arriving at any conclusions, she only reached another question, much more important than the initial one. It still didn't seem clear to her why some youkai could change while others could not, but the whole issue of Sesshoumaru-sama's true form and being reminded of her conversation with Myouga-sama and Shippou-chan made her return to the matter that had occurred to her then too – how exactly did youkai differ from humans? Almost everybody she knew now was youkai, yet... she couldn't come up with anything that would link them together, except maybe that they could do many things that she couldn't.

But everybody seemed so certain that youkai and humans were different and somehow lived in different worlds, although she couldn't really see why. It seemed to be just one world to her, and youkai and humans weren't that different at all, just like she had concluded at that time. Then... how were they different? Was there any point when one was no longer a human but a youkai, or other way around...?

It seemed very important for her to learn that, especially since she was living in the 'youkai world', whatever that meant, and it wouldn't stop harassing her thoughts, so she finally decided to ask the best source of information she knew.

"Sesshoumaru-sama," she began, moving to sit down next to him, under the tree he had picked to sit under when they stopped near it for the night, "what makes a youkai a youkai?"

Sesshoumaru looked down to her inquisitive eyes, very much taken by a complete surprise. Yes, it had been quite some time since she had astounded him last, so he should've seen it coming. But... He frowned, thoroughly unable to find any answer. Not just any appropriate answer, _any_ answer. And it wasn't some silly question about something human, no, it was very much a valid question, one he should be able to answer easily. Yet... there was nothing he could think of that would make a youkai a youkai. In all the years of his life he had never stopped to ask such a question, and it seemed odd to him that she already had. Although considering that he had lived all his life among his kind while she had been uprooted from hers, it wasn't really that odd at all.

"Sesshoumaru-sama...?" Rin decided to ask again, even though she knew that even if Sesshoumaru-sama didn't answer at once, it didn't always mean he wasn't going to answer at all, but he sometimes seemed to forget that she had asked him something and then asking again was often very helpful.

"I don't know," he answered, looking somehow surprised, and she felt rather surprised too to learn that there was something Sesshoumaru-sama didn't know. He always seemed to know and notice everything, or at least much, much more than her, so it was strange that there was something neither of them knew. But if even he didn't know, then it was very likely that nobody did, she concluded, and decided to give the issue a rest.

But Sesshoumaru couldn't stop thinking about it, not only that night but during the rest of their trip, or even when they finally returned to the shiro, getting there only with the winter. It seemed so... inappropriate to him that he wouldn't know that, that there was nothing he could think of that would clearly mark a youkai as a youkai. And it wasn't only that; he had very quickly arrived at the underlying question – what was it that differentiated a youkai from a human...? True, youkai had youki, a very noticeable trait, but humans had life energies too, only much weaker. Was the difference marked only by the intensity of the energy then...? No, he could feel instinctively that the rift between them ran much deeper than that. Yet there was no satisfactory explanation he could come up with, no common characteristics that would link all humans or all youkai.

It couldn't be that youkai were immortal while humans aged so easily. No, some youkai aged, not as easily as humans, but nevertheless still aged, and he had a vague feeling that there were some humans who could live much longer than others, unless those were only myths.

It also couldn't be that humans were irrational and bizarre while youkai were not. Not only was the idea silly, but some youkai were just as absurd as humans, and some humans were surprisingly logical and collected.

It just as much couldn't be that, another silly idea, that humans were foul and repulsive while youkai were not, it was not so, as the simple examples of Chushihou and Rin showed.

Could it be then that it was the absence or presence of a soul...? Could it be that Yourei were not youkai souls after all, and that youkai simply didn't have souls...? But if that was so, then why...? Why didn't youkai have souls? To even out the balance between them and humans...? Was there really some governing entity, be it fate or whatever else, that had created them all and for some inexplicable reason decided that one kind should have souls while the other should not...? And what was a soul to begin with? What did it do for humans apart from making them liable to have it stolen...?

But when he came to that point, he felt that he had enough of this mental puzzle. It was getting him very much nowhere, except maybe into annoyed confusion. There was no apparent answer to the problem, so it would be best for him to give it a rest and occupy his thoughts more productively, he decided finally, not knowing that in the end he reached the same conclusion Rin had. Yet, as easy it was to do for her, for him it proved a much more difficult task and the issue kept sneaking up on him from time to time, entangling him again in the obscure web of how's and why's.

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One of those times happened hardly a few months later, during late spring. He had been reading another of Chichi-ue's bizarre books on humans, or rather for humans, feeling once again often perplexed by the various instances of human behavior described in it. It was less confounding than that Shounagon woman's book however, since it was some kind of an adventure story and he could much more easily relate to combat – very poorly executed as it was – than to the intricacies of the court life. He had to admit though that reading was not the worst way to spend his time when he had nothing better to do, as he had at the moment, although he would rather read something less... human. Yet overall, he was not in a bad mood and that was perhaps why he had not only listened but also agreed to Myouga's suggestion, when the flea came over to hop on the table and lay out his idea, the gist of which was that he and the fox child wanted to go to Musashi, to see if perhaps Inuyasha and his group had come back in the meantime.

It was actually not that bad of an idea at all, he found, since if they had, then perhaps he could learn more about the future of the youkai directly from the original source of the information – the miko. And thus they soon set out to Musashi, with Rin tagging along, as seemed to be the custom by now. It took over a month to get there, since her human needs and their childish antics – Myouga and Jaken included – slowed them down considerably, but Sesshoumaru didn't mind. They were as much not in a hurry as only possible, and had no fixed amount of time neither to get there nor to return. As long as they made it before winter that is, since he was very aware by now that if he even mentioned not returning to the shiro for winter, the resulting ruckus would probably deafen him for days.

But it was still summer and they had a lot of time to return to the Western Lands, he thought, looking over the lush green forest around him. A considerably more peaceful than usual forest, he noted, since Shippou and Myouga went to that human village Inuyasha and his group somehow considered as their own. He had no desire to go to any human settlement, whether any future mikos were to be found there or not, and for some reason Rin refused to go with them too, so they had been left with Jaken and Aun in a clearing nearby to wait for the two to come back.

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Shippou and Myouga were indeed in the village, asking anyone they could find if Inuyasha or Kagome had been seen in the area recently, but they soon found out that nobody had seen neither hide nor hair of their missing companions. Myouga was beginning to feel rather worried. He had assumed before that most likely Shikon no Tama had taken them to Kagome's time, but if that was the case why would they not use the well to come back? True, time travel was a mysterious concept and it was possible that even if they did use the well, they ended up in some other time, yet... Kagome, or Inuyasha-sama for that matter, never had any problems in returning to this exact point in time, and not only that, it had always also been as if time was flowing with the same speed on both sides of the well. Then where were they? It had been almost four years and he considered that to be a rather long time for a human, so why would they not come back? Were they not in the future after all...?

When they were returning to the others, Myouga felt his anxiety double. He had also always assumed that it was the will of Midoriko-sama to take Inuyasha-tachi somewhere to "do something good", but... it didn't have to be like that at all, he realized, since after all Shikon no Tama contained both the soul of Midoriko-sama and of the youkai who had dealt her the mortal wound, and thus could be either good or evil, depending on who held it. If it had been Midoriko-sama's will that had taken Inuyasha-tachi somewhere, he would've felt certain of their safety even if they did not come back for fifty years, but... what if it had been the evil side of Shikon no Tama that had triggered the jewel's unexpected powers...?

He shook his head sadly; there was no way for him to know that now, he could only wait and hope that perhaps one day they would come back. But he had grown rather fond of Inuyasha-sama, perhaps because the boy's strong-willed and – when the push came to a shove – kind-hearted nature often reminded him of Touga-sama, and although Sesshoumaru-sama was not that bad a master either, apart from being somewhat frightening on occasion, he still preferred Inuyasha-sama.

"So? Are they back?" Rin asked as soon as they returned to the clearing. She didn't really know Inuyasha-tachi that much, but thanks to Shippou-chan stories they all seemed like friends to her now, so she was looking forward to getting to know them better in person.

But Shippou shook his head. "No, nobody has seen them or even heard anything about them..." It was quite a disappointment for him, he really somehow felt that they'd be back by now. True, he was having a nice time with his current lifestyle, but Inuyasha-tachi always stayed in his mind, in a way, and he really would've liked to see them again. He sighed heavily; were on earth were they? Did they really just leave him behind...? No, he was certain Kagome wouldn't do that, even if Inuyasha would tell her so, which he doubted too. Inuyasha was definitely an ahou, but he wouldn't abandon his friend like that.

"Where is the well that allowed the miko to time travel?" Sesshoumaru said suddenly, getting up, and they stared at him, surprised.

"That way," Shippou said finally, pointing towards Inuyasha's forest on the hill next to the one they were on, "but it ain't gonna work for you, you know. It worked only for Kagome and Inuyasha."

But Sesshoumaru didn't reply and just left in the direction Shippou pointed to, and after looking at each other in puzzlement, the others followed after him, curious as to what he might be having in mind.

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"See? Told ya it wouldn't work!" Shippou shouted down the well, after Sesshoumaru jumped into it. He _did_ tell him it wouldn't but he's as stubborn as Inuyasha, Shippou thought, watching the taiyoukai. Yet Sesshoumaru didn't seem in any way surprised that it indeed didn't work, and just stood at the bottom, seemingly in thought. Curious, Shippou jumped in after him, or rather lowered himself down the ivy, thank you very much, leaving Rin and Jaken to peer down over the well's rail, like he had been doing.

"So...?" he asked, hopping over some bones to walk over to Sesshoumaru, who crouched down and picked up some of the earth from the bottom, inspecting it carefully. "Digging ain't gonna work either, I tried it once." Shippou informed him, just in case he didn't know.

But Sesshoumaru ignored him again. He was to busy tuning his senses onto the subtle fluctuations of energy in the well. True, it didn't take him to the future, not that he expected it would, but... there was a very distinctive feel to the well, something alien, something he had never felt before. It was probably some residue energy of whatever it was that made the well link to the future, but it somehow felt murky, as if it had last appeared here quite a while ago. Yet if it had been employed last four years ago, when the miko was still using it to time travel, the residue would've been much fainter, just like the miko's scent that was still present here, although so faintly that even he could only detect it more as intuition than knowledge.

Frowning, he got up, feeling annoyed at not being able to come to any decisive conclusions yet again, despite being at the very place that connected this world, his world, to the world where there would be no youkai. The future seemed somehow even more explicit now and yet so... unbelievable, he thought, looking around the well that seemed so shabby yet would outlive the youkai. Would the youkai really just die out...? Or perhaps, he wondered, thinking back to Rin's unanswerable question, there was something in the future that would no longer allow their very existence...?

"Do you think they'll ever come back...?" The fox child's oddly solemn voice interrupted his thoughts and he glanced down to see the little kitsune stand in front of him with a surprisingly serious and adult expression on his face.

"I don't know," he answered truthfully, feeling even more annoyed at not knowing. It was actually grating him so much to know virtually nothing about such vital issues that if he could somehow travel to the future, to that inexplicably human future, he would use the opportunity at once, just to see what the hell happened.

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**Language notes:**

_Nani ga ureshii_ – What are you so happy about? It's what Sesshoumaru says to Rin in Episode 35 when she smiles at him for the first time;

_Nanda_ – what?; a Sesshoumaru classic;

_Tanuki_ – racoon dog; like Hachi;

_ahou­_ – fool, simpleton, idiot; Shippou often calls Inuyasha that, especially when Inuyasha gets himself repeatedly 'sat' by Kagome;

**General notes:**

Yourei – this is my own creation, not some actual word. I made it up out of a combination of 'youkai' and 'soul';

Kanjin – means simply 'armorer'

Shippou's speech: Shippou actually speaks in a dialect, or maybe it's just a colloquial way of speaking, and replaces the copula "da" with "ja" as in "Kitsune ja!" – "I'm a kitsune!". I tried to reflect it by using English colloquialisms, but if it seems off, then I'll stop.


	9. Chapter 09

Disclaimer: I do not hold any rights to Inuyasha in any form or way, nor do I make any profit out of writing this fic.

**Reviews:** :blushes profusely: I'm overwhelmed by the many praises the fanfic has received so far! It really feels great to know that there are people who enjoy reading it and even more so to know that many like the exact same things I find important while writing – the slow pace, the broader scope of the world portrayed and the attempt to stay true both to the character's natures and to the realities of both the series and history as such.

One of the things that appeared in the reviews most often is Sesshoumaru's character, and although most reviewers seem to be satisfied with how I portray him, I nevertheless decided to rant a bit on the subject in the general notes, so that's where responses to the finer details of the reviews on the topic can be found.

**AriKitten:** Haha, I'm glad to hear the notes are of any use ;) And as for the well being used – I made a bit of a mistake there, hopefully only because I was tired writing it, and just forgot to somehow explain how come the well's energy feels fresher than Kagome's scent. There's nothing mysterious to it, it's just that the well is named "Bone Eating/gobbling well" because the bones thrown into it would disappear after a while, so it seems to me that the well has to 'flush' itself, so to speak, from time to time. The issue of the well and time travel will reappear, but only much later in the fic and hopefully without unnecessary details...

**SakuyaTsuki:** I'm sorry, but if you're looking for a mushy romance of people falling in love in the manner of a lightning from a blue sky, then this is not a fic for you. There will be no melodramatic scenes of unbridled passions here and most certainly no mushie as such.

**Anonymous: **Thank you very much! I'm glad the speeding up went okay, I was a bit worried that the sudden change might seem a bit off. And I'm also glad to know that you think the chapters are getting better, since after all I'm a very non-experienced writer and am only now learning all those little things that make a story enjoyable to read ;)

**Sexysaxist:** Haha, I loved the idea of Sesshoumaru vs. everyday joys of having a child around too! And I'm also happy that you enjoy the speed, since the idea of growing together was generally very important to me when I first thought of the fic, and not only in relation to Rin and Sesshoumaru but also with all the other characters featured.

**Tarwen: **:blushes profusely again under so many compliments: Thank you very much! Receiving such reviews is the best thing that can happen to a fresh author:D And I wish I could write faster not only to supply those who like the fic with new chapters quicker, but generally because a story feels better when read continuously, but alas, I'm really slow when it comes to the difficult parts . I think though that I have pictured their relationship in such a way that it will be acceptably realistic, at least in the realities I have set them in. But, how can you want Sesshoumaru to get that stick out of his ass, he wouldn't be himself without it! ;)

**Maore: **The Yourei will be featured again, although their true nature and significance will only become important in the latter part of the fic, when it gets to the adventure with Inuyasha-tachi. And I'm not sure if a flea – or specifically Myouga – can swim or not, I just thought of his past and somehow came up with that story ;)

**Carmen: **Thank you! And as for your questions: I'm not sure how many chapters it will take, I never plan more than two ahead. I have the story ready in my mind, but I cut chapters out of it only when I write. But I'm afraid it will still be at least ten, if not more 0.0 And what happened to them? That's the mystery! ;)

**puppet-cat: **Unfortunately, I don't speak Spanish, but from what I gathered you are surprised to learn that Inuyasha is 150, in which case I agree, that's indeed old! ;)

**mystal: **Thank you very much and I'm very glad to hear the idea was appreciated. I too agree he doesn't really do things dramatically on purpose, although it often comes off like that, but I think he cares too little for others to actually make an effort to be dramatic ;) And you should watch the episodes as soon as possible! ;)

**DPM: **:blushes profusely yet again: Thank you very much! I do hope to keep Sesshoumaru – and generally the fic as such - in this style, so hopefully you will enjoy the rest of the story too :) And as for my take on his character, I replied in more detail in the general notes at the end of the chapter.

**Note: **This chapter is a bit strange, in that it comprises of three separate issues. The fist one – the Sesshoumaru-Shippou feud – is just a joke, nothing more than another attempt of humour on my part, and also a practice in writing something of an action sequence, since I will need to learn that for future use. The other issues are that of, how to put it, 'Adolescence: fresh and revisited' and probably many readers won't agree with my take on Sesshoumaru's 'sexual past', so to speak, but that's how I see it and the matter would have to be touched upon sooner or later. (Btw. I do intend to include some 'lemons', but nothing overly descriptive and detailed, but rather with the emphasis on the personal perspectives and not on the action as such.) The last thing is the issue that had been featured in Movie 3 – that of Sesshoumaru versus protecting somebody, and hence the torture I put him through in this chapter. ;) It is 'one small step for man, but one giant leap for Sesshoumaru' kind of thing, although he of course restructures it to be insignificant ;)

And some more ranting: Overall, this story is mammoth in size – I'm already at over 70 000 words and yet am only at the very beginning of the story! Moreover, it comprises of two stories, although they are inseparably linked together and remain predominantly a Rin/Sess story throughout. This inseparability is the reason for all those rumblings from Sesshoumaru's perspective on the nature of youkai and the like, since it will be something of a central issue in the second story and Sesshoumaru will play a vital part in it, and it will be for him to be 'the brains' of it ;)

**Warning**: This chapter contains a few choice swear words, when Shippou reaches into the depths of his vocabulary, and although I very much doubt anyone would be offended by such mild terms, I felt obliged to mention it ;) And if you don't know what 'ass spelunker' is, I advise you to check the meaning of 'spelunker' and all will become clear...

Since I watch only the Japanese version and prefer to use the Japanese terminology, there are language notes at the end of the chapter.

And yes, they are back!

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**Cultural notes**

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**Kinds of youkai:** Although most of the kinds of youkai in _Inuyasha_ – including Sesshoumaru – are only the author's imagination, not a part of the popular folklore, the actual youkai stories really feature a very wide variety of various kinds of youkai. The differences between them are often so subtle and the divisions introduced by different authors so varied, that it's often hard to say what kind of a youkai a given youkai is. However, the four most prominent kinds are: **youkai** (the name is also often used for all ghost/demons/monsters etc) – monsters that are born monsters, in this case like Sesshoumaru or Shippou; they are not 'ghosts' as such, but simply more like animals with some super powers ;); **obake** or **bakemono:** something that transformed from something else, for example a deceased infant who becomes sort of a demon/monster; I think that in _Inuyasha_ that would actually be Naraku ;); **oni**: creatures that inhabit the Buddhist Hell, featured frequently in art of other animes, like Dragonball Z; usually have horns, carry clubs and have varying number of eyes; **yuurei:** more like ghosts proper, like spirits of the dead and also the Yuki Onna, snow woman. Additionally, there is a category of **henge**: animals capable of shape changing (usually into something attractive and often using leaves), and Hachi and Kanta are I think the best representatives. All the terms are used rather loosely though, so for example Inuyasha sometimes gets called a 'bakemono'. Also, often the term **mononoke** is used instead, although it just means evil spirit/monster and so on, so any youkai is a mononoke.

Moreover, although in the West ghosts and demons are usually scary and ugly, in Japan youkai are usually depicted as beautiful and hence the name **youkai**, which comprises of two characters, one: 'attractive, bewitching, calamity' and the other: 'suspicious, mystery, apparition'. And thus, as Sesshoumaru notices in this chapter, the name 'youkai' is a name given to creatures like him by humans, it is not a rather empty descriptive term such as 'ningen' – human, which does not really carry any deeper meaning with it.

**Menstrual issues in Sengoku Jidai: **Although it's a bit of a spoiler, yes, in this chapter Rin faces the tragic fate of all females and learns the true meaning of 'uncomfortable'. Naturally, a dedicated researcher such as myself would not be satisfied just with saying "somebody gave her something to take care of it" and instead I tried to find out what exactly the Japanese women in Sengoku Jidai did during that time of the month. And here comes the first interesting bit: Japanese women started wearing underwear only after WWII, before they would just wear a kimono or a yukata and nothing underneath it. This led to various humorous issues and I found a phenomenal article about it here:

http:jbe. la. psu. Edu / textbooks / MJ / ch4 . htm

I do **warn** everyone reading it though: although it's a study article, it contains links to many images of nudity, so if you are easily offended by such things, you can read the article without worries, but do not click on the links! It also describes how different the Japanese culture used to be in its approach to 'shame' in relation to nudity. People simply didn't have it, and being naked, even totally naked, was not in any way an embarrassment, nor was it necessarily associated with sex. Women often were seen topless and men often wore nothing more but a loincloth and everybody bathed together anyway. This however applied to a lesser degree to the upper classes, who followed the principle mentioned in the article of 'being seen incompletely dressed is being seen imperfect', yet still did not consider nudity to be offensive or personal. However, this principle of immaculate dress would apply to Sesshoumaru, since he is a 'terrifying young noble' (that's the actual title of Episode 5, not 'aristocratic assassin', hmph!).

Then what did the Japanese women do about their periods? For this occasion they would wear **uma**, which was something of an underwear – a thin material belt that would hold up a strap of material that ran between the legs, the simplest solution ;). There were some more advanced types that looked better and were more efficient, but the general idea was the same – for those few days of the month a Japanese woman would wear a kind of underwear.

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_Chapter 9_

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The trip back took them just as long and soon after their return to the shiro the leaves once again turned red and began to fall, burying the lands under their brittle carpet. The days quickly grew shorter and colder, forcing Rin to stay inside more often, instead of wandering around with Shippou and Myouga. Her cold hating companions soon followed and the room that centuries ago belonged to a sophisticated lady was once again filled with stories, games and laughter... and sometimes also with the smell of roasting chestnuts.

Evenings thus spent passed quickly and soon they found the winter chills dispersing and giving way to spring again. And it was around the beginning of spring that Shippou accidentally found the perfect means of getting even with Sesshoumaru for bonking him so unscrupulously when he had only said the truth about him and Rin. He had been near a human village when he smelled a familiar scent, one that he immediately associated with Sango. Creeping into the village, he quickly found that his senses were correct – there were some taijia in there, currently engaged in smoking out a minor weasel youkai from one of the huts, and right next to one of them was lying a pouch full of a substance Shippou knew well – smoke pellets.

He swindled them easily when the taijia were busy killing the weasel and within the next few days concocted the perfect plan. And thus, on one crisp spring morning, he was sitting over the exit to the internal courtyard of the shiro, perched on the roof and waiting for the sound of Sesshoumaru's footsteps below. Shippou stifled a satisfied snigger; that'll show him! Yes, he had gotten used to being bonked, both by Inuyasha and Sesshoumaru, but that didn't make it right at all! How could they abuse a cute little kitsune like him!

His ears twitched as he heard the characteristic sound of Sesshoumaru's footsteps below. Oh yes, he was gonna show him, he hummed to himself , taking out a handful of smoke pellets and feeling that somehow he would have his revenge not only on Sesshoumaru but also on Inuyasha, in a way. Transforming promptly with a light pop, he chew on the pellets for a moment and, when the right instant came, leaned over the edge of the roof and belched a cloud of the extremely smelly gas smack onto Sesshoumaru.

It was only in that moment, when Sesshoumaru went strangely rigid for a split second and then collapsed onto the steps below with a loud thud, that Shippou's mind finally linked together various pieces of information he should've linked much sooner. When he had done the same thing to Inuyasha, the hanyou got almost knocked out and was very ill for a day. But... even Inuyasha admitted that Sesshoumaru had a much better sense of smell than him. Shippou peeked down to the unmoving body below in terror. Did he somehow manage to kill Sesshoumaru...? He felt his insides churn in fear; if he did, the dogs here would shred him into pieces so small that even he wouldn't be able to recognize them!

"Kyaaa! Sesshoumaru-sama!" He glanced down again to see Rin run over to the still motionless form of her protector to try to shake him awake. Shippou jumped down cautiously, feeling suddenly very remorseful. If he killed Sesshoumaru, Rin would never forgive him!

"I'm sorry! Very sorry! I really didn't mean to..." he started his frantic explanations but a low noncommittal grunt from Sesshoumaru interrupted him. Shippou breathed a sigh of relief. So he didn't kill him after all!

But, he realized, and his fear returned to him quickly, if he didn't kill Sesshoumaru, then Sesshoumaru was going to kill _him_! So far he only got repeatedly bonked at most, but there was no way Sesshoumaru would just 'forgive' him for something like that! He took a tentative step back.

"Shippou-chan, I think you better run," Rin was obviously thinking the same thing, and when Sesshoumaru started coming to and was collecting himself heavily from the ground, Shippou could only gulp and run away so fast that he left a trail of dust behind him.

Sesshoumaru sat up slowly, trying to avoid moving his head too much. His vision was foggy, he felt nauseous and there was a million Jaken's screeching loudly in his head. It was the worst headache he had in... ever, actually, and he would rather not make it even worse.

"Sesshoumaru-sama," a familiar voice reached his ears from behind the fog around him, "please don't kill Shippou-chan..."

The fox child? What did he have to do with... His eyes suddenly snapped much more open when his mind recalled sensing a scent of kitsune right before he had been assaulted by that foul stench. That hellish brat! That hellish, ungrateful, spoiled rotten, _dead_ brat! He was going to...

"Please, Sesshoumaru-sama...?"

...not kill him. But, he decided, getting up and drawing in a few mind-cleansing breaths, he _was_ going to make the brat pay, oh yes, he was. And as the best method made itself clear in his mind, he smirked to himself with satisfaction, and followed the still very fresh scent of the damned hellion.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Would Sesshoumaru fall for the jizou trick? It was a very important question, and Shippou considered the option carefully as he hung limply from Sesshoumaru's hand, held firmly by the tail. Or maybe biting was the way...? If only he had run further away from the shiro, he thought, shaking his head regretfully and reflecting back on how he had gotten into such a position.

After running away, he had hidden up on a tree branch in the forest that grew at the foot of the hill the shiro stood on. He had been watching the shiro for quite a while, but nobody was after him, so he was beginning to relax. Maybe Rin managed to calm Sesshoumaru down somehow, he wondered, glancing up to the sky. He had seen it work before, when just the fact that she was there was able to placate Sesshoumaru, well, at least enough that he was no longer furious but just angry. So maybe he was going to be spared after all...

A quiet swoosh behind him caught his ears and he turned around quickly.

"Yipes!" he yelped when he found himself staring straight into the eyes of Sesshoumaru, the _angry, cold, merciless_ eyes of Sesshoumaru. He leaped back at once, but a large hand instantly caught his tail and he was pulled up to once again stare into that pair of very angry golden eyes.

"Suman...?" he offered, blinking innocently, not feeling that sorry at all. But those eyes...!

Yet Sesshoumaru did not accept the half-hearted apology and carried him somewhere to the north, all the time having him hung like that by his tail. Glancing up ahead, Shippou suddenly sniffed out where they were going. A bog! There was a large foul bog up there! He, Shippou, was going to get dumped into a smelly, stinking, reeking bog!

"You jerk!" he yelled, twisting violently to get himself free, too angry to be afraid anymore, "you're _not_ gonna do it to me! You git! Bastard! Ass spelunker!"

Sesshoumaru paused, quite astounded. Ass spelunker...? What the...? He pondered the meaning for a moment, but quickly found that it was something he would rather _not_ ponder. But where on earth did the brat learn such an expression? And did he even know what it meant...? He raised the kitsune up to ask, although it was probably better not to, but the hellion was the first one to speak.

"You heard me!" Shippou yelled angrily, pointing his small finger to Sesshoumaru's face, "Ass spelunker!"

The brat was _definitely_ asking for it, Sesshoumaru decided, and resuming his pace quickly arrived at the bog and, finding a sufficiently smelly and rotten pothole, dumped the violently resisting fox into it. Zama miro, he thought vindictively, pushing the little monster deeper in with his foot.

"Bluergh!" Shippou announced when he finally resurfaced and grabbed onto some firmer part of the pothole's edge. He got a mouthful of the moldy water and was covered head to toe with rotting pieces of wood and leaves, and it was _not_ something he'd like to ever do again.

"You...!" he pointed again after the already leaving Sesshoumaru, but failed to find any words that would express the true depths of his contempt.

"If you ever do it again," Sesshoumaru turned back to him and a strangely frozen smile appeared on his face, "korosu zo."

"Eeep!" Shippou instinctively twitched back and fell again into the watery mash, finally understanding why Jaken would get so frantic whenever Sesshoumaru did it to him. It was one thing to watch it done to somebody else, but when it was _you_ on the receiving end...!

But, he thought, resurfacing again, _he_ had knocked out _Sesshoumaru_.

"Hehehe," he let out a snicker of satisfaction, "wait till you hear about it, Inuyasha!"

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

It really was amazing how much one detail could change everything, Sesshoumaru thought, sitting against the frame of the external screens of his room and watching the lands stretching down the hill and beyond, towards the knolls and rivers. He had been sitting there for many hours now, just watching the scenery change with the passage of time. It was something he always enjoyed doing, just observing nature. Not only it somehow never got old, but it always made his thoughts flow more easily, peacefully. And sitting thus he had first seen fireflies dancing in the darkness near the river, bathed in moonlight, then, when the first smudges of dawn arrived, he saw mist appear above the ground, raised by the early morning chill, and when the sun finally rose above the tress, he saw everything become so incredibly lush, vivid and thriving. Just because the sun was there, he thought again.

A soft laughter from the room opposite to his own caught his ears and he suddenly made the connection between the brightly shining sun and this particular day. Yes, he thought, today is _the_ day, and when he heard the shuffle of the door on the other side of the corridor being opened, he already knew what was about to happen. In but a moment, the door to his room would be just as energetically opened, a small child would nearly materialize next to him and a cheerful voice would announce 'Rin is twelve today!'. After all, she did it every year ever since she had first announced something like that to him.

The door behind him soon opened indeed, and Rin stepped inside, but instead of running over to him, as he had been expecting her to, she stopped mid-way and pointed at nothing in particular.

"I'm finally twelve!" she said in a satisfied tone and with a strangely victorious expression on her face.

Sesshoumaru looked her over carefully, surprised. Was there something important about being twelve that he didn't know about...? He couldn't remember anything special about his own twelfth birthday, but perhaps it was something very human that made this particular age important to her. Or maybe he had just forgotten. He considered the options, somehow intrigued by her unusual satisfaction, while she dropped out of it and came over to sit down next to him, smiling her usual bright and cheerful smile. But when she sat down and looked at him, suddenly her smile was replaced by a look of curiosity.

"And how old is Sesshoumaru-sama?" she asked, inspecting him carefully with an oddly scrutinizing gaze.

Significantly older than twelve, Sesshoumaru thought, bewildered by her odd behavior. Was that what happened when humans turned twelve...? They became even more inexplicable than before? She was still scrutinizing him thoroughly, as if she expected to be able to tell by his looks alone. Feeling somewhat amused, he counted the years that have passed since the last time he checked his age.

"Three hundred and sixty one." He replied finally.

Rin stared at Sesshoumaru-sama, feeling her mouth drop open slightly. Three hundred and sixty one...? Three _hundred_ and sixty one...? She blinked, stupefied by such a number, a number her mind was just unable to comprehend in relation to age. She knew that youkai lived longer than humans, yes, but... Sesshoumaru-sama looked young! Well, he was an adult, so he looked old like any adult, but he didn't look _old_ old like for example the fire-breathing ojiisan she remembered from the time Sesshoumaru-sama fought with that possessed sword. She focused her eyes on his face to inspect him thoroughly again, while considering the information carefully. No, Sesshoumaru-sama didn't have even a smallest wrinkle, or anything else to show that he was as old as three hundred and sixty one, but... she could remember Myouga-sama mentioning a few times that Touga-sama, Sesshoumaru-sama's father, died over two hundred years ago. Frowning slightly, she wondered how could've she not made the connection before. If his father died two hundred years ago, then obviously Sesshoumaru-sama had to be older than that.

She blinked again, suddenly remembering something else. Sae-sama sometimes mentioned Touga-sama too, so... had she known him in person too...? Was she also so old like Sesshoumaru-sama...?

Getting up, she set out to find out and finding Sae-sama quickly learnt that Sae-sama was actually even older than Sesshoumaru-sama, by seven years. Curious, she asked the others too and found that Shippou-chan, who looked younger than her, was actually fifteen; that Jaken-sama was nearing two hundred; that Myouga-sama was well over five hundred. And asking Myouga-sama about others she learnt that Kagerou-sama, Sae-sama's mother, was almost six hundred and that Satoshi-sama was even older than that. Even Ryouken-sama, who looked not that much older than her, as she had realized recently, turned out to be old, he was around sixty.

Needing to think it over, she left the others to sit down on the steps that led down to the internal courtyard. So that's what Jaken-sama meant when he had told her that a hundred years was nothing to a youkai. Well, maybe it wasn't 'nothing', but... it was still not much to them while it was more than the whole of her life. She sighed heavily, remembering how she had asked Sesshoumaru-sama to not forget her if she ever died. Back then she didn't really know how much a hundred was, but Jaken-sama told her clearly that in a hundred years she'd be dead and she didn't like the idea of having to leave Sesshoumaru-sama, not ever, and felt that somehow, if he remembered her, she would still be with him. But... she didn't know then how easy it was to forget. She was twelve now and already couldn't remember a lot of the things that happened when she was seven. Was it even possible for Sesshoumaru-sama to remember her a hundred years after she had died...?

She sighed heavily, feeling somehow weighted down by the knowledge. And it wasn't just Sesshoumaru-sama, she realized, looking around the courtyard and the shiro. In a hundred years everything here would be just the same, her friends would still be here, still laughing, playing and eating roasted chestnuts, while she would just... not be there anymore.

"What's wrong, little one?" Sae-sama asked from behind her and moved to sit down on the steps next to her.

Rin wanted to tell her about what she just learnt, and have Sae-sama assure her that it wouldn't be like that, but... it wasn't possible, was it. She was a human, something that Jaken-sama always kept reminding her of, and she couldn't stay with them forever. She suddenly remembered her question to Sesshoumaru-sama from the previous summer. Was that why humans and youkai were different...? Was that why everybody seemed to think they lived in different worlds...? Because youkai could live for hundreds and hundreds of years, while humans would just... die?

Sighing again, and leaned over to put her head on Sae-sama's knees. "I wish I didn't have to leave," she said quietly, looking at the trees in the garden that as they swung gently with the wind.

Sae looked down to her in surprise. She wished she didn't have to leave...? What did she meant by that? There was only one thing Sae could think of - that Sesshoumaru told her that she had to. She sighed too, remembering how he had taken Rin to Urabe. She had been angry with him then, yes, but... she was also aware that it would've indeed been best for Rin. And he had done it, or rather had tried to do it, in a surprisingly subtle way, she thought, remembering how she had finally understood why Sesshoumaru would ever agree to go to a human festival. It was actually subtle enough that it could've worked, if he had given Rin more time to grow re-accustomed to her own kind instead of just dumping the idea on the child like that that is. But she never told him why his plan had failed, knowing that if she did, he would use the information to try anew.

She sighed again and reached out to stroke the unruly hair of the child leaning against her knees. She had grown attached to Rin, even if she shouldn't have. But... it was hard to remain unaffected by those bright eyes and cheerful smiles, and by the open and easy way with which Rin showed her emotions. This one little human child, she thought, smiling lightly, had brought back life to the old shiro that had been dark and stagnant for the past two centuries, ever since Touga-sama had died, and she didn't want to see the smiles and giggles fade away from within the old walls.

"Did... did Sesshoumaru-sama say something to you about it?" she asked Rin finally, not really sure if she wanted to know or not.

Rin raised her head from her knees, looking surprised. "No," she answered, with a face that told Sae that she must've somewhat forgotten about her visit to Urabe and Sesshoumaru's words.

"Then why would you have to leave, little one?" Sae asked, reaching out to pinch the child's little nose with her knuckles and hoping to make a smile grow in those large brown eyes.

But Rin didn't feel like smiling, even though she usually did when Sae-sama would pinch her nose like that. Looking at Sae-sama, she suddenly felt that somebody like Sae-sama, somebody who would still be here long after she was gone, wouldn't understand how sad it felt to be... human.

"Never mind," she replied and pulled up her legs to rest her chin on her knees.

Observing the swaying trees, she recalled Sae-sama's question from just a moment ago. Why did Sae-sama ask her if Sesshoumaru-sama said anything about it to her? Frowning, she focused to grasp some stubborn thought that was eluding her and finally remembered. It was because back then, when they went to see the Tanabata, Sesshoumaru-sama wanted her to leave, to go live with Moshimune-dono. Then, she thought, glancing to Sae-sama, did Sae-sama think that Sesshoumaru-sama would still want her to leave...? She felt suddenly afraid that her time with Sesshoumaru-sama, with all of them, would be even shorter than she had just learnt it would. But... why would Sesshoumaru-sama want her to leave? She was still sure that he didn't ask her that back then because he didn't like her, but if Sae-sama thought that he would want her to leave... Her frown deepened as she remembered how she kept wondering how Sesshoumaru-sama really felt about her. Did he really like her...? He revived her, protected her, never got angry with her, and never said anything that would mean he didn't like her, but... why did he want her to leave? Was it because Sesshoumaru-sama too thought that youkai and humans lived in different worlds? Would... would he want her to leave again?

"You know," Sae-sama said with a small smile, interrupting her thoughts, "how about you have your bath now and then I'll show you something you'll like?"

Rin glanced to her curiously, tempted by the words. Something she'd like...? Whenever Sae-sama said something like that, it always turned out that it was indeed something she liked.

"What something...?" she asked innocently, but Sae-sama only laughed and told her to have her bath first. Then, Rin thought, getting up to go to the bathhouse, the sooner she started, the sooner she'd be done.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Well, maybe that would cheer her up, Sae thought, picking up a small haori from her room and heading back outside. It was actually Sesshoumaru's old haori, from the time they were still children, and since Rin was always curious to know everything about Sesshoumaru and always wanted to hear any story that Sae could remember, chances were she'd be overjoyed to have something like that and hear that particular story. She had stumbled upon it recently, while searching for an old shogi set after Shippou had chewed up some pieces of her mother's set, supposedly because the game she and her mother were playing was so 'thrilling', and finding the haori had been actually surprised that the clothing had somehow survived for so long. Of course, it was youkai clothing, so it was durable enough to last, but she couldn't think of anyone who would've purposefully kept it after Sesshoumaru had outgrown it.

She looked down to the haori in her hand, tracing her finger along the three flowers on the white collar. It was the same style Sesshoumaru wore now, white only with flowers near the collar and on the sleeves, even if the flowers were slightly different, and holding it like that she could still clearly remember how he came to have flowers on his clothes in the first place. It had been winter then, and they had been playing in the snow behind her mother's room. Or rather she was playing, rolling the snow into balls and such, while Sesshoumaru seemed to be inspecting various aspects of the white powder, Sae remembered with a smile. Isei-sama didn't like it when they played together, but Sesshoumaru would nevertheless often go where he wanted, and in such cases they would usually end up doing something together, even if it was something as stupid as eating suspicious looking berries, she recalled, laughing inwardly.

It was then, when they had been enjoying the snow, each in their own way, that she had suddenly caught a strong smell of fresh spring flowers, and looking around in amazement she discovered that the smell was coming from Sesshoumaru, who was standing in the snow and looking at his hand with a surprised expression on his face. He seemed to focus then and something green appeared on the tips of his fingers, something that made the smell even stronger. She didn't know then that it was in fact poison, but had been so ecstatic that he could make such a smell appear in the middle of winter that she ran to her mother, shouting happily 'Haha-ue, Sesshoumaru just made everything smell like flowers!'.

Smiling lightly, she fingered the haori again. Yes, she had no idea then that in the future the scent would become the last thing many beings smelled before they died, but her mother must've been very aware of that detail, and also of what Isei-sama would make of her son being a poison user, and a few days later she brought a new haori for Sesshoumaru, the first one with the pattern of flowers, and told him that if he can make everything smell like flowers, he should always have flowers on him.

She wasn't all that sure now if that had been a good idea on her mother's part, since Sesshoumaru had enough markings as it was, but he must've liked it since he always had flowers on his clothes since then. The patterns would change, but it was always flowers nevertheless.

"Sae-sama?" Rin asked from behind her, and she turned to the now clean and fresh child. Showing her the little haori and telling her how Sesshoumaru-sama can make everything smell like flowers, she found that she had indeed been right. Rin was very happy to hear the story, although also a bit amazed, since Sesshoumaru apparently had never used his poison when she was around. She also seemed amazed that he had ever been small enough to fit into the clothing, and Sae could see how it could be amazing, since after all, right now he was indeed very tall.

But soon the look on the little girl's face changed, and her eyes became as gloomy as they were earlier that morning, when Sae had found her sitting on the steps.

"How many centuries ago was it that Sesshoumaru-sama was so small?" she asked quietly and somehow sadly, and suddenly Sae realized what exactly Rin was talking about when she talked about having to leave. She didn't mean having to leave because Sesshoumaru wanted her to, but about having to leave because she would die.

Sighing inwardly, she looked down to the little girl who was growing up so fast. To her it had been but a moment since Rin had first come here and she had found her curled up in one of the corridors, yet to Rin those four and a half years had been long enough not only to double in size but to become mature enough to feel the weight of her humanity. But... what could she possible tell her? She was just as aware that Rin's lifespan was painfully short, although she had learnt not to think about it, to push the knowledge into some deep recess of her mind where it could no longer bother her. It would've been best for Rin to do the same, although she suspected that telling her something like that directly and thus justifying her sorrow wouldn't really work.

Watching Rin still look gloomily at the small haori, she suddenly remembered what Shuukatsu-sama told Isei-sama, long ago, while she herself had been looking at the flowers on Sesshoumaru's haori.

"Future is never set in stone, Rin," she said, crouching down to the girl's eye-level. Rin looked at her, surprised, and didn't seem to understand what Sae meant.

"Yes, you are a human and your life is short," Sae added, watching the flicker of comprehension appear in Rin's eyes, "but you can't know what will happen in the future." Rin was about to protest, but Sae wasn't finished yet.

"And if you keep worrying about it, you will only end up wasting time instead of gaining it," she said, hoping that this time Rin would understand.

Rin kept looking at Sae-sama, mulling over her words. Yes, when Jaken-sama told her that in a hundred years she'd be long dead, she too felt that there was no way he could know that for sure, that she would somehow manage to stay with Sesshoumaru-sama forever. But... everybody seemed so sure that she couldn't, that she wouldn't. She bit her lip lightly, feeling once again weighted down by the knowledge. She didn't want to leave Sesshoumaru-sama, or Sae-sama, or Shippou-chan or anybody else, she just wanted to stay with them forever, to always be here like she was now. But, she realized, refocusing on Sae-sama who was still looking at her so seriously, Sae-sama was right. Not only in that she couldn't know what would happen in the future, her future, not that distant future Myouga-sama once told them about, but mostly in that if she kept worrying about it, she would just waste her time.

So, she decided, feeling a little better, she would just have to make her own future, and find some way to stay with Sesshoumaru-sama forever, this way or another. And, she thought, looking back at the small haori in her hand, she might not have centuries to do so, true, but she still had a lot of time left, so she should better use it well.

"I understand," she said, smiling again, and when Sae-sama once more reached out to pinch her nose, she smiled even more. Yes, there were too many important things to be enjoyed and learnt for her to be so 'unproductively idle', as Sesshoumaru-sama would sometimes say.

Shuukatsu-sama might've been right back then, Sae thought watching Rin as the child went on her way, but Isei-sama was not as open to the issue as Rin. 'But the past is,' she had shouted and started shoving Shuukatsu-sama out of the room, until he fell through the external shoji screens and down on the grass. She smiled to herself, remembering how in her childish naivety she watched the scene half hidden behind the door and wondered how somebody like Shuukatsu-sama could ever be pushed through a shoji screen like that. It was rather obvious to her now that it was because he had let her, she thought, glancing towards the part of the shiro where the unlucky screens used to be, so that Isei-sama would find an outlet for the storm that had been raging within her.

But, she thought, sitting down on the steps again to watch sunlight dance on leaves, they had both been right. Future is never set in stone, but the past is.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Even though Rin realized the truth in Sae-sama's words, the issue of her humanity still bothered her from time to time, especially during the first few days after she had comprehended the matter with such clarity. But the cheerfulness of her nature and times spent with her friends soon diminished the effects of the knowledge on her mood, and even though the plan of somehow finding a way to stay with them forever remained explicit in her mind she was able to enjoy their company without being constantly reminded of that painful difference between them.

It was during one of those times, when on one warm summer evening she, Shippou-chan and Ryouken-sama had just been having a nice time playing Kemari with the ball that Kagerou-sama had brought for them from one of her journeys - or rather sort of playing since not only there were too few of them to play Kemari, but also they weren't entirely sure if they were doing it right - that she had inadvertently said something that made Sesshoumaru-sama, who had been sitting under a tree not far away from the courtyard, look at her with such a surprised expression on his face that she felt even more surprised and let the ball fall, making Ryouken-sama tell her she had to be less clumsy than that to play Kemari, which was not a very nice thing to say, really. But all she did was reply to Jaken-sama who had been watching them play and said something about how they're wasting their time instead of making themselves useful to Sesshoumaru-sama. So she reminded him that the last time _he_ tried to be useful and used Muotoko to steal Tetsusaiga, _she_ had to rescue him. And then suddenly Sesshoumaru-sama's head turned to her with unusual speed and he looked at her with that strangely surprised expression.

"Sesshoumaru-sama...?" she asked tentatively, but he just turned away, still looking somehow surprised. She knew that when Sesshoumaru-sama purposefully didn't reply like that it meant that he just had nothing to say, in a way, so she didn't ask again and returned to playing, but it really was intriguing what had it been that made him so surprised.

Sesshoumaru was staring ahead with somewhat unseeing eyes as he tried to reassemble his thoughts anew and accommodate into them what he had just realized. When he had been sitting here like that, his thoughts had somehow wandered again to Rin's unanswerable question and he had been entangled into the problem once more, watching the young ones play and wondering what exactly was it that made them different, what was it that made a youkai a youkai. But when Rin mentioned Muotoko he had suddenly realized that he had somehow managed to make a grave miscalculation in his previous thoughts on the matter. Whenever he thought about the difference between humans and youkai he thought of youkai like himself, or the fox child, or Jaken and so on, but he had somehow completely omitted various bakemono, yuurei and the like during his musings.

But youkai like that, youkai such as Muotoko, Muonna or hundreds of other youkai like them, were different from him or from all other inhabitants of the shiro. He himself was a youkai, yes, but he had been born in the same way as any human – from the union of a male and a female. But yuurei such as Muotoko were different, they were somehow created from various emotions, ideas or beliefs of humans...

He blinked, astounded by another realization. He had always thought of himself as a 'youkai', but... the name was not the same as 'ningen', humans, no, 'ningen' meant nothing, it was just an empty term, while 'youkai' was clearly a word created to describe beings such as himself _from the perspective of the humans..._

He got up abruptly, feeling that he needed to clear his mind and that the excited shouts of the children were severely disrupting his thoughts. And as he walked on past the garden and down to the forest, his mind kept twisting and turning around the impossible that was lurking within it.

Because it was _not_ possible that he too had in some way originated from humans, that _he_, Sesshoumaru, was in some way derived from them. _He_ was as different from humans as only possible!

But, he realized and stopped in his steps abruptly, raising his hand to his face and watching it carefully in bafflement, he had a _human_ form... Yes, his true form was that of a dog, but he also had this form, _human_ form...

He kept staring at his palm in confusion, feeling as if he was seeing it for the first time. How could it even be possible that he was somehow related to humans...? Not only he had been born the natural way - and had not just 'sprung up' suddenly, created from _human_ things in a way that now that he thought about it was actually inexplicable – but so had been his father before him. And so had been his father's mother, the previous taiyoukai in their line, so far back in time that not many beings could still remember it. They, the inu-youkai, had always just existed, they did not originate from humans!

Yet... he did not know much about those times; not only was he but three hundred years old, but he had never before wanted to know anything about it. Past was past, things that happened, happened, and he always looked ahead rather than back. But... what if somewhere in that past, the past so distant that it was ancient even for a youkai, inu-youkai too just 'sprung up', created by something human...?

He frowned, feeling both infuriated and insulted by such a possibility, by that new perspective that had always been right there in front of him yet he had never noticed it. But it was a preposterous, impossible, _moronic_ perspective, and he had only arrived at it because he had spent too much time thinking about things that he shouldn't have been thinking about. He had spent too much time thinking about _humans_, that's what it was, he decided firmly, reassuming his pace and pushing the issue as far away from his mind as he could.

Yet as much as he tried to focus on something else, something _not_ human, this new, this _absurd_ perspective was all the time there, somewhere in the back of his mind, taunting him so constantly and so infuriatingly that he could almost hear a mocking snigger ringing in his ears.

And when the night turned to day and the morning turned to afternoon, he felt that he had to solve the matter, that he _needed_ to know that he was not in any way an _offshoot_ of humans. What he should do, he decided finally, was address the problem to someone who had lived longer and should know more of such things than him.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Yes, Kagerou-sama was without a doubt a very nice person, Rin decided, watching the lady in question and biting into the yummy - even if a bit unshapely - onigiri she and Sae-sama had made earlier that day, after Kagerou-sama had returned to the shiro, bringing some omusubi nori and takuan for her. She and Sae-sama had long since learnt how to cook rice properly, yet had never before tried making any omusubi, but Kagerou-sama had some knowledge on that matter and gave them pointers, so they spent the early afternoon experimenting once more and now the three of them and Shippou-chan were having a nice meal in the sun room.

Chewing on the rice, she looked around the room pensively. It was a very nice room, probably her favorite room in the shiro, maybe because it overlooked the garden and since it didn't have a front wall, they could enjoy a nice meal inside while being practically in the garden. Sae-sama told her that it was Izayoi-sama's favorite room too and that it was Izayoi-sama who called it the 'sun room' because it faced the west and you could always enjoy the sunlight playing almost at your feet while still being comfortably shaded from the summer heat by the roof.

Rin wasn't even entirely sure if it could be called a room as such, since even though it was elevated and roofed like the rest of the shiro, it didn't have not only the front wall but the side walls either, only the hanging bamboo screens that always made the sunlight creep inside and dance around when the wind would swing them. In the evenings, Sae-sama would often pull the screens up so that they would feel the cooling evening breeze and then it wasn't a room at all, just a roof and a floor. Still, either during the day or in the evening it was her favorite room, and she would often make Sae-sama come here instead of the writing room for her practice.

Looking back to the others who were all like her seated around the low table, she turned her attention again to Kagerou-sama. Kagerou-sama was nice not only because she would often bring something for her, like the Kemari ball or the takuan, but also because she was a very cheerful and easy-going person, and it was always nice to watch her eyes sparkle when she laughed.

It was odd though, she thought, observing Kagerou-sama carefully, how different she was from Sae-sama, despite being her mother. Sae-sama looked more like Sesshoumaru-sama, she had smooth white hair and golden eyes like him, and was also very tall, only half a head shorter than Sesshoumaru-sama, while Kagerou-sama had dark, almost black hair, interspersed with light colored patterns, and eyes the color of water in a forest lake, also dotted with light bits here and there, and was much shorter than Sae-sama. Sae-sama told her that they differed so much because her mother was a dragonfly youkai while she was an inu-youkai, and Rin found it rather amazing that they belonged to different kinds of youkai even though they were so closely related. But Sae-sama only laughed and said that with youkai you can never know what the child would be only by looking at the parents, which was another rather amazing bit of information.

She was just in the process of pondering the matter while taking another bite of the onigiri, when she suddenly noticed that Sesshoumaru-sama was standing in the entrance to the room and was looking at them all with an odd expression on his face, an expression that made her stop in the middle of the bite as she remembered that Sesshoumaru-sama _really_ didn't like rice. Or any human food for that matter. True, he had found out already that she and Sae-sama would often cook rice, but...

Glancing to her side she noticed that the others seemed to be having similar doubts, since Shippou-chan stopped chewing on the rice that was puffing out his cheeks and was watching Sesshoumaru-sama while still holding his two onigiri's, one in each hand, and even Sae-sama stopped in the middle of taking a sip of her green tea. Only Kagerou-sama didn't seem worried that Sesshoumaru-sama could be displeased that they feasted on human food like that, although she turned her head away with a strained expression on her face, as if she was trying not to laugh.

Rin glanced back to Sesshoumaru-sama. Would he really mind it that they were eating human food...?

Sesshoumaru observed the scene carefully. He had been aware that Sae often brought rice and some other types of human food for Rin, and as much as he disliked rice he considered it a necessary evil, since Rin was very much a human and had the same needs as every human. But... when he had chanced upon them here like this, to see them talking and laughing, he found himself suddenly thinking of his childhood, of the rare times when all of the wandering inhabitants of the shiro would be here together, of how he would watch them. Whenever Chichi-ue – and Myouga with him – and Kagerou and Shuukatsu were all in the shiro at the same time, they would often spend their evenings like this, in the very same room, playing shogi or go, talking and laughing, and constantly trying to outwit one another. He could still remember it so vividly, how he was peeking out from behind the door to watch them and listening how Chichi-ue complained about them drinking the 'stinking sake' and how they laughed at Chichi-ue for having such a sensitive sense of smell. Yet even though Sae had been there too, laying on the floor engrossed in her own childish world, he felt that he couldn't step into the flickering light of the lamp, that he didn't belong with them.

Bakana koto, he frowned to himself, shaking the thoughts off from his mind. He had more important things to busy his mind with than some trifle memories.

"I'm leaving for some time," he told the still motionless group, and since they just kept looking at him expectantly, decided to elaborate, "to go see Bokusenou."

The fox child finally swallowed the rice he had been keeping in his mouth. "Great! A summer trip!" he announced with obvious pleasure, and Sesshoumaru felt somewhat surprised. A summer trip...? Well, yes, ever since they came to the shiro they would somehow end up going somewhere during summer, but how did that constitute as a tradition already? And when did he say the little hellion was to go with him to begin with?

"Can we come too?" Rin asked, as if answering to his thoughts, and looking at him even more expectantly than before.

"Do as you want," he told her and turned to leave. It mattered to him little if they went with him or not. Curious as he was about what would be Bokusenou's take on the problem, he was most certainly not going to hurry because of it.

"Sesshoumaru-sama, when are we leaving?" Rin's voice reached him when he was already half way out of the room.

"Now," he replied. At least he was leaving now, what they did was their business.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

"Sesshoumaru," the giant tree swayed lightly as the face of Bokusenou formed on its bark, "what brings you here this time?"

Sesshoumaru regarded the old tree spirit before him pensively. Would that old jijii really know...?

"Bokusenou," he said in response to the tree's greeting and didn't waste anymore time on idle chat, "what do you know about the origin of the youkai?"

Bokusenou seemed somewhat taken by surprise. "The origin of the youkai...?" he repeated, prompting Sesshoumaru to elaborate, but Sesshoumaru wasn't entirely sure how to phrase the matter. Asking directly would probably be best, yet he felt that voicing the idea that he was in any way, direct or not, derived from humans would in some strange way add flesh to the idiotic notion.

"What marks the difference between the youkai and the humans?" he chose to ask instead. It was still a rather silly question, but it mattered to him little what Bokusenou thought of him, as long as he replied.

"Why, that's rather easy," the tree shook lightly, as if indeed amused by the silliness of the question, "youkai are of the spiritual and humans are of the material." He replied as if it was the most obvious thing, and Sesshoumaru felt his eyebrows rise slightly in disbelief. How was _that_ supposed to explain anything...? Youkai are of the spiritual and humans are of the material? He was just as material as any human, he thought, but quickly realized that it wasn't exactly so. Not only could he change his form, but also was not enslaved by bodily needs like humans, who had to constantly eat, sleep and generally take care of their bodies all the time, as it seemed to him from the example of Rin. No, he was the master of his body, while humans were slaves to theirs. But... he frowned, feeling that somehow it was not the root of the problem.

"The spiritual and the material?" he prompted Bokusenou to clarify. Yes, of course he knew there was a difference between that which was spiritual and that which was material, but... what was the difference exactly?

"The union of the spiritual and the material is what allows this world to exist," Bokusenou answered rather cryptically and Sesshoumaru raised an eyebrow at him again, but apparently the tree had nothing more to say on the subject.

"Then, Bokusenou-sama," Rin suddenly asked, peeking out cautiously from behind him, "could a human become a youkai?" Sesshoumaru looked down to her quickly, once more remembering what she had asked him after the whole Ongokuki affair. Was she already entertaining those destructive wishes after all...?

"Of course," Bokusenou answered, surprising them both, "there are many ways in which a human can become a youkai" he said, and Rin felt her hopes grow significantly. If she could become a youkai, then she could not only stay with Sesshoumaru-sama forever, but also wouldn't have to constantly listen to Jaken-sama reminding her she was a human. "But," the tree spirit added, "there is no way for a human to _change_ into a youkai."

"Eh?" she asked somewhat inarticulately, yet Bokusenou replied nevertheless.

"Humans can become youkai, but only at the cost of their souls." he said, trying to be as clear as possible for the sake of the child's future. "A human who becomes a youkai, be it a vengeful spirit or an assembly of minor youkai who devoured him, loses the sense of self and is no longer what he used to be."

"What does it mean...?" Rin asked with her brows knitted in effort. Loses the sense of self...?

"It's as if you weren't there, you wouldn't know anything," Shippou answered from behind them, where he was sitting comfortably on Aun and watching that strange youkai who was supposedly two thousand years old, which was quite an achievement even for a youkai.

Sesshoumaru glanced back to him in mild surprise. So the brat was not a pea-brain after all, huh? But he swiftly turned back to Bokusenou, as the mention of souls reminded him of his own doubts concerning Yourei.

"Do youkai have souls?" he asked directly, hoping to resolve at least that issue.

"No," Bokusenou's voice sounded low among the merry chirping of the birds, "youkai do not have souls."

"Then," Sesshoumaru frowned, "what are Yourei? Are they not youkai souls?"

"They are," Bokusenou answered light-heartedly and they all looked at him as if he had gone senile, but the tree spirit's leaves only rustled lightly with laughter. "That's all I know myself. Youkai don't have souls, yet Yourei are youkai souls."

"And what happens to the youkai who die?" Sesshoumaru asked, somehow knowing already what the answer would be.

"That's not a matter I could answer with certainty, but... no youkai had ever been reincarnated." Yes, Sesshoumaru thought, it was just as he had always believed it to be – whatever happened to the youkai after death, it was not the same thing that happened to the humans.

"Could it be, Sesshoumaru," Bokusenou added with a tint of amusement in his rumbling voice, "that you have finally felt yourself to be a part of the world?"

"Hmph," was all Sesshoumaru had to say. Part of the world indeed, he thought condescendingly, turning back to leave the tree spirit and the old forest altogether, he did not 'feel' anything like that, he only wanted to find answers to the bizarre questions that had been annoying his mind lately.

And as he walked back through the narrow forest path while the others scrambled after him, he considered what he had learnt. As vague and rather unhelpful as Bokusenou turned out to be, one thing seemed obvious to him – youkai and humans were indeed very much different. They did not live the same way, did not die the same way, and – as the tree spirit had put it – the youkai were of the spiritual and the humans of the material. It didn't seem clear to him where the youkai such as Muotoko belonged – they were clearly not human, even he was in a way more human than them, he noted with disdain, yet... they came to exist because of human things, while he – and he was quite certain of it now – was not any offshoot of the humans. Then... what was it that linked him and a youkai such as Muotoko together? How come they were both 'of the spiritual' while being so fundamentally different?

In either case, he concluded firmly, it was of no matter. What mattered was that _he_ was not in any way _human_; he emphasized the point in his mind and continued on his way, followed by the already arguing fox child and Jaken, and a running Rin, who apparently felt obliged to thank Bokusenou for his time and to say her goodbyes.

Myouga stayed behind for a while; it was rarely that he had a chance to visit Bokusenou and the last time must've been a few decades prior, so he decided to use the occasion to converse a little more with his old time friend. They talked for some time, catching up on this and that, since although Bokusenou was always well informed of the happenings of the world by the wind and the rustle of the trees, there were certain details that only a personal account could convey. Myouga had an additional purpose in the chat – he wanted to ask Bokusenou about his opinion on the disappearance and current whereabouts of the Inuyasha-tachi, but unfortunately it turned out that the old tree spirit was as much at a loss as he himself was. What he did know however, was that he had not heard any whispers of any of the group reappearing since then, and Myouga felt both more worried and yet somehow reassured. It was upsetting that they were still missing, yet it was good to know that they had not returned only to have gotten themselves killed somehow.

"Time is a mysterious entity," Bokusenou noted pensively, "and it does not flow the same way for all." Myouga had to agree; time was indeed a mysterious concept and in a way it eased his worry when he thought about it. Wherever it was that Inuyasha-tachi were, time didn't have to necessarily flow with the same speed for them.

"But it looks like time is flowing for the other of Inu no Taishou's sons," Bokusenou added, changing the subject, "The boy seems to have grown up some, finally."

"Hmmmm," Myouga replied ponderingly. He wasn't entirely sure why Sesshoumaru-sama had come here; it was generally difficult to understand him and his motives, but the peculiar nature of the questions he had asked confounded Myouga even more. He himself agreed with Bokusenou – the humans were of the material while the youkai were of the spiritual, yet both were an essential part of the world and that's all there was to it. Touga-sama had always agreed with the view and it was one of the things Myouga admired in him greatly. It was one thing to understand it when you yourself were but a tiny insignificant speckle, but to be powerful enough to be able to triumph over almost anyone and yet to choose to live in harmony with the world rather than to conquer it was something different altogether. Sesshoumaru-sama was not like that however; he did not consider himself a part of the world, but rather above the world, and it was a worrisome feature in somebody as powerful as him. Yes, Sesshoumaru-sama seemed to have changed indeed, after all, he had even – in a way – accepted Inuyasha-sama as a brother. True, he kept slating Inuyasha-sama as much as always, but he _had_ cooperated with him against Sou'unga – although both brothers would probably disagree with that – and even seemed to have protected Inuyasha-sama then. It had been a joyous occasion indeed, especially since Touga-sama had wished for his sons to be brothers, not enemies, and Myouga hoped to see them as such one day, as phantasmagorical as it was.

Oh well, he thought, bidding Bokusenou goodbye and ransacking a bird from a nearby tree to catch up with the others, it's always nice to dream.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Leaving Bokusenou in his forest, they set out to return to the shiro, and Rin hopped onto Aun to carefully analyze what she had just learnt. She still wasn't entirely sure what it meant to 'lose the sense of self' but what Shippou-chan said made clear for her that becoming a youkai would be pointless, since she would not know anything, and that was not a nice prospect. But it didn't necessarily mean that there was no way for her to stay with Sesshoumaru-sama forever, it just meant that becoming a youkai was not _the_ way, and as much as it was a disappointment that she couldn't become a youkai, she was still confident that she'd find some way eventually. But... what if that wouldn't be enough? She glanced to Sesshoumaru-sama in a sudden worry. Sesshoumaru-sama wanted her to leave him because she was human, as she had established recently, so what if he would still want her to leave even if she could stay forever somehow...?

And when she was observing Sesshoumaru-sama like that, as he walked on ahead, as always calm and composed, the question that had troubled her after they had been to Urabe returned to her mind. How did Sesshoumaru-sama really feel about her...? She was still sure he didn't dislike her, but... did he like her? Did he enjoy it when she was around? Would he miss her if she was gone?

Than night, when they stopped for the night in a small clearing near a stream, she decided to just ask Sesshoumaru-sama about it, since after all, it would be the easiest way to learn. But when she sat down next to him, as he sat under a large maple tree watching the starlit sky, and opened her mouth to ask the simple question, for the first time she realized that asking such questions was not that simple at all. Yes, she _could_ ask him, but... what if Sesshoumaru-sama told her he didn't like her...? What if he said that he wanted her to leave...?

And as she watched him as he watched the stars, he suddenly seemed so distant to her, so far away. She was sitting right next to him, watching him, yet he didn't seem to notice her at all, as if she wasn't there at all. She turned her head away abruptly, feeling unhappy with what she saw. No, she realized suddenly, Sesshoumaru-sama probably wouldn't miss her if she was gone... Would he even _notice_ it though? If she got up now and left, would he notice that she was gone...?

Pulling up her knees and resting her chin on them, she kept staring into the flickering light of the fire, not wanting to look again at Sesshoumaru-sama and see him seem so distant again. But, she thought, biting her lip lightly, if Sesshoumaru-sama really wouldn't miss her if she was gone, why did he keep her with him for so long...? Why did he let her stay with him? Why did he always protect her when she was in danger? Wasn't it because he liked her...? Or maybe he had some other reasons for it... And sitting thus and watching the fire dance against the darkness, she felt more confused and lost than she had ever been before. It had never bothered her that Sesshoumaru-sama wasn't talkative like Shippou-chan, or cheerful like Kagerou-sama, or somehow warm like Sae-sama, no, Sesshoumaru-sama was Sesshoumaru-sama and she had always been happy with him like that. But... if only she could know that she somehow mattered to him, that he _would_ miss her if she was gone...

Sighing heavily, she got up to get closer to the fire and make herself comfortable for the night, trying not to think about how distant Sesshoumaru-sama had seemed to her but a moment before, and focusing instead on how he had always been nice to her, in his own way. It didn't matter, she told her mind forcefully, closing her eyes, it didn't matter that Sesshoumaru-sama never said that he wanted her to stay, it didn't matter at all. What mattered was that he had always been nice to her, never got angry with her, never told her to go away.

But even though she kept trying not think such bad things about Sesshoumaru-sama, the issue remained somewhere on the edge of her mind, resurfacing occasionally, not only during the journey back, but even long after summer turned to winter and winter to spring again. And in some strange way it somehow disrupted the relationship between them, it somehow changed something that had always been there before. She realized it clearly on one spring night, when she came over to sleep on Sesshoumaru-sama's futon, as she still did sometimes. Yes, she hardly ever felt alone in her room, there was almost always somebody with her, but... it just felt nice to go sleep on Sesshoumaru-sama's futon, especially when he was in the room too. It didn't matter that they never talked then, or that sometimes he wouldn't even look at her when she entered the room, but just continued what he had been doing, usually either watching the outside through the opened external screens or sometimes reading something. It just felt... nice to know that he was nearby, and whenever such an occasion would happen, which was not that often since Sesshoumaru-sama often was not in his room during night time, she would fall asleep feeling somehow calm and peaceful and always woke up still with that feeling, even if Sesshoumaru-sama was no longer in the room.

She could still remember clearly how about a year ago she came to his room to sleep, while Sesshoumaru-sama was reading some book. She had made herself comfortable under the kakebuton and just kept watching him for a while, from across the room, as he sat at the low table with his head inclined slightly forward. Sesshoumaru-sama did something surprising then; although he always would read sitting up straight, with his legs crossed and his hands at his sides or holding down the book, at that time he leaned forward to prop up his elbow against the table and rest his chin in his palm. It was something that she often did during her practice with Sae-sama, and somehow, when she watched him sit like that in the warm light of the candle, he felt so familiar and known again, so... usual to have around, just like the time when she had first heard his heartbeat.

But now when she would come sleep on his futon, he didn't feel like that at all. He seemed so distant again, so far away, and she didn't feel comfortable on his futon at all, and her mind constantly circled around the same question – would Sesshoumaru-sama miss her if she was gone...?

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

"Ohhh, that's really a nice view!" Rin announced when they reached the top of the grassy ledge. It was a nice, warm summer evening, and when she and Shippou-chan spotted Sesshoumaru-sama going out of the shiro towards the forest, they decided to go with him, although he was just going to walk around and probably sit down somewhere, just to watch things nearby, as he sometimes did. But it felt better to have Sesshoumaru-sama around, much safer. Not that it wasn't safe for them to go wander around on their own, no, it was pretty safe, especially if they stayed in a reasonable vicinity of the shiro. There were not many oni's or other aggressive youkai around here, the inu-youkai roaming the area usually kept them away, just with their presence. And they didn't have to fear the inu-youkai, because – as Shippou-chan told her once, when they run into a group of inu-youkai who had hunted down a boar and were, rather bloodily, devouring it – they both smelled of Sesshoumaru-sama, and supposedly, as Sae-sama told them, the inu-youkai here knew that the human child and the kitsune child who smelled of Sesshoumaru-sama were to be left alone no matter what they did. So even though the inu-youkai they had run into then looked rather scary – some actually looked like dogs, even if they were shaped like humans, and some were just dogs, only with red eyes – they didn't have to fear them at all.

But there were still many wild animals around, and sometimes even some vicious youkai too, so it was safer to follow Sesshoumaru-sama instead of wandering too far away on their own, and so they went after Sesshoumaru-sama all the way to a nice grassy meadow, where Sesshoumaru-sama just sat down, and they set out to explore the hill nearby. It was a bit rocky and jagged, but also tall and grassy here and there, and they could see some wild berries growing on the slopes. And when they reached the top – after cleaning out a few patches of the wild berries that is – they found a grassy ledge there, and the view was really amazing. They could even see the bluish shadow of the sea on the horizon to the west, between the other hills. And, she took a tentative step closer to the edge, it was so high up too! The rocks below seemed so small from up here! She leaned over a bit to get a better view, but before she even knew what happened, something under her foot went loose, and she was no longer standing on the ledge but falling down towards those rocks.

"Kyaaaaaaaaaaa!' she screamed instinctively, feeling her insides churn in fear and waving her arms to catch onto something, to stop falling.

Sesshoumaru's head snapped to them the moment he heard the scream and in an instant he was already running towards it, and soon saw both the hill and the small figure falling helplessly towards the ground. But, he noticed at once, he might _not_ make it there in time; she was falling too fast and he was too far away. That odd feeling of urgency suddenly intensified within him, everything around seemed to blur into smudges of green and brown, his eyes wouldn't leave the small falling form, she was almost at the ground, almost...

He leapt forward even faster and caught her but a foot above the rocks, and the force of his speed thrust them forward and they would've tumbled down the slope, but he pushed himself off with his hand, suddenly grateful that his other arm was almost entirely grown back and he could still hold on to her, and landed safely on the rocky ground, with the child still securely in his grasp.

He looked down to her and she looked back at him, shaken, her eyes wide and scared, and suddenly in those large eyes he saw his reflection and he seemed just as scared as she was. He blinked, surprised by seeing himself like that. Was he scared...?

She smiled suddenly, dropping out of her fear, and he felt strangely angry. Didn't she know how close she had been to crashing onto those rocks? To dying...?

"Wow, that was close!" The fox child's voice reached them as he descended towards them as that bizarre pink blob and transformed back with a pop. "You shouldn't have leaned out so much!"

Sesshoumaru glanced down to her again. She fell because she leaned out? He felt somehow even angrier with her, annoyed with such idiocy and with her carefree smile. How could she not realize how close she had been to being splattered on the rocks, to being smeared across them so evenly that probably even Tenseiga wouldn't be able to put her back together...?

"Rin," he said, setting her down and not caring how harsh his voice sounded, "if you ever do something as stupid again, I will _not_ catch you." She looked up to him, her mouth slightly open and her eyes wide again, but he walked past her, not caring how she looked at him. Stupid child, he thought, walking back into the forest, and still feeling angry, stupid, foolish child.

Rin kept looking after Sesshoumaru-sama, feeling somehow worse than when she was falling. Sesshoumaru-sama was angry with her... She felt a strange lump appear somewhere in her throat; Sesshoumaru-sama had never been angry with her before, he just... _never_ was. Why was he angry with her...? What did she do...?

"He has a point," Shippou-chan said next to her, "you really should've been more careful."

She blinked, looking after Sesshoumaru-sama again, and suddenly thought back to how he looked at her when he caught her, to how his eyes looked then. Sesshoumaru-sama wasn't angry with her, well, he _was_ angry with her, but he was angry with her because he was worried about her! She felt something unclench inside her, making that strange lump disappear, and before she knew it she was smiling again while running into the forest after him.

"Sesshoumaru-sama!" Rin shouted after him, but he did not feel like stopping. He had nothing more to say to her; if she wanted to waste her life like that, it was her problem.

"Sesshoumaru-sama!" she repeated, catching up and appearing in front of him to latch onto him firmly, pressing her cheek against the bow of his sash.

"I'm really sorry," she said in a surprisingly serious tone, "I'll never do something stupid like that again, I promise!" At least she got that much, he thought, yet still felt somehow annoyed with her.

"I don't want to make Sesshoumaru-sama angry with me ever again," she confessed quietly and he felt her arms tighten around his waist.

"But," she added, looking up to him, and smiling brightly once more, "I'm also glad, because it means Sesshoumaru-sama cares for me!" She let go of him after that, and ran forward ahead of him, yet he remained motionless in that spot. He... cared for her...? 'Cared'?

He stared after her, stupefied by the notion. He did _not_ 'care' for her! He didn't give a damn what she did with herself! If she wanted to kill herself like that, he couldn't care less! He just caught her because... because... He blinked, incapable of finding any justification for his actions, and suddenly seeing his own reflection again, that oddly scared look in his eyes, and feeling that odd sensation of urgency, of _necessity_...

He... The world seemed to grow dull around him, and he stared ahead unable to structure himself coherently. He... he really had been scared... he had been scared because of that irrational human child... because she had been in danger...

He blinked again, and his thoughts suddenly rushed forward, but only to piece together dozens of little pebbles of memories, forming them into a pattern so palpable that he had no idea how he could've not seen it before. All that time, all the time she had been with him he always felt that odd sensation of urgency whenever she was in danger, and he always found it so _unbecoming_ for her to be hurt in any way. But... it was not that it had been unbecoming _for her_ to be hurt, he realized now and felt even more stupefied, it had been unbecoming _to him_ that she should be hurt. There was nothing _in her_ that made him protect her, no, she was just an ordinary human child, there was nothing of any merit in her. But... there was something _in him_ that made him protect her, something _in him_ that made him feel that he _had_ to protect her...

And as he kept staring into the empty space of the darkening forest, the image of his father standing with his back to him appeared uninvited before his eyes and the words said then replayed in his mind; 'Omae ni mamoru mono wa aru ka?'

No, he replied instantly, just like before, no! He had nothing to protect, he did not protect, he, Sesshoumaru, protected nothing! But even though he repeated it once more, the words sounded so false and the image of his scared eyes was so vivid in his mind that he swiped angrily at the nearest tree, infuriated by the knowledge that he was lying to himself.

The tree fall forward and landed heavily on the ground with a loud thud that reverberated through the forest. The sound somehow brought his mind back into focus, chased away the angry fog shrouding it. How childish, he thought, looking down on his claws that had just acted almost on their own, how... silly. He was acting as childish as Inuyasha, he snorted to himself. He had nearly lost control of himself only because of some human girl.

So what, he thought, resuming his walk back towards the shiro and after the young ones who were somewhere ahead, so what if he protected her, so what if he... He grimaced disdainfully and skipped that part. It didn't mean anything. It was only natural that he would feel obligated to protect her since after all he had – however inadvertently – made her his responsibility. But sooner or later she would leave on her way and that would be the end of the story. Shaking the thoughts off from his mind, he sped up his pace slightly to get back to the shiro and out of their company quicker.

But even though he considered the matter closed, some stubborn pieces of it kept clinging to him, and he kept seeing both hers and his own eyes in his mind, kept returning to that moment and to all the other moments when her eyes were wide and scared. And it was not just when she was scared, he realized finally, watching the sunrise one morning, it was not only when she was in danger that he felt that urgency, that necessity, that... willingness. No, he thought, remembering her desperate cries when the monks wanted to take her back to a human village, and her dark and sullen eyes when he wanted to send her away, it was not only that he didn't want to see her hurt, he didn't want to see her unhappy either. And it was not because it was 'unbecoming' for her, as he had always felt it was, it was because he... he wanted to see her safe and happy.

He frowned, irritated both by the knowledge and by the odd feeling of relief the realization brought with it. Why...? Why was there something in him that did not want to see her hurt in any way? What was it in the first place...? She meant nothing to him, she was just a strange child, a _human_ child that had attached herself to him. If she wasn't there he would hardly even notice it, and most certainly wouldn't miss all the irrationality and oddity she brought with her. But... if she had died... His frown deepened as his mind suddenly supplied him with an image of what would've happened had he been but a moment slower in catching her, of how she would've smashed against the rocks, her blood splattering over the ground. No, he thought, feeling something tighten inside of him, no, he didn't want to see her like that.

And when but a few days later she came over to announce with a happy smile 'I'm finally thirteen!', and he watched her eyes sparkle, the knowledge reached clarity in his mind. Yes, whatever was the reason for this inexplicable, this bizarre, irrational, idiotic, ridiculous, useless, _unwanted_ sensation inside him, he somehow wanted to see her safe and happy.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

As the summer days rolled by – without any summer trip, much to the young ones' disappointment – Sesshoumaru discovered that his newly found knowledge was not as... unsettling as he had initially thought it to be. It still seemed bizarre, ridiculous and inexplicable to him that he had somehow came to be keeping safe an insignificant human child, but the knowledge turned out to be rather irrelevant when he had given it more thought. Her stay with him was only temporary, sooner or later she'd be old enough to realize for herself that her place was among her own kind, and, as he found watching her from a corner of an eye one day, if she was to realize it now, to get up and announce that she's leaving and that she'd never be back again, he'd deliver her promptly to wherever she wanted to go and be actually relieved to have that whole bizarre matter closed.

Whatever it was that made him unwilling to see her hurt in any way, he learnt, watching her as she was lying on the grass in the garden near him, it did not extend past that unwillingness. He was in no way 'attached' to her; he did not desire her company and hardly even noticed it when she wasn't around. Feeling somehow reassured by this assessment, he turned back to watching the trees sway gently in the breeze. No, the child meant nothing to him, and although he knew now that even if she did repeat her stupid act of falling from some tall hill he would still catch her, despite his words, but that was all there was to it.

However, he wondered, when another mighty sigh from her reached his ears, what on earth was wrong with her again? Glancing back to her slightly, he took in the scene before him. She was lying on her stomach a few feet away from him, and was absentmindedly doodling in a small patch of barren earth in the grass, while watching intently something in the shiro and occasionally sighing. Curious, he followed the line of her eyes. What exactly was she watching? There was nothing there but Senchi and Ryouken sitting on the external walkway that ran around the courtyard.

"Sesshoumaru-sama," she spoke suddenly, heaving another sigh, "what does it mean to be in love?" she asked and he blinked in astonishment. What...? He had been expecting the unexpected, yes, but... What...? How the hell was he supposed to know, he snorted mentally, he had never entertained such moronic sentiments. Having no knowledge to offer her on the matter, he turned back to watching the sun play on the leaves.

But her silly question somehow made him ponder the issue himself and his mind recalled the days of his own youth. Younger youth. He had never been much interested in females as such, and could never really comprehend why so many youkai chose to waste their time on the matter. But when he reached the age of adolescence, his body quite forcefully announced to him that there was a particular reason for the variety in gender, and he found himself having various odd... desires, especially around attractive females. He might've been rather disinterested in the matter back then, just as he was now, but was perfectly aware of what mating was and quickly put two and two together, learning that he was simply entering maturity and the strange urges he experienced were to be expected.

He frowned irritably, displeased with being reminded of the issue. He never enjoyed being forced to adhere to his bodily needs, and it didn't matter whether it was eating or mating. But he had learnt then that just as it was with eating, the best way to make the odd sensations leave him was to simply give in to the need and just be done with it. If he remembered right, it had been a water spirit that he had first mated with, mostly because she seemed to be very keen on it and offered herself to him quite openly and he had had it with being distracted by females. He found that indeed it was the right method to regain full control of himself, since the urges subsides satisfactorily for quite some time. They did return occasionally, as annoying as it was, and there had been some other females, although he could only recall the names of two, but since the last time had been over seven decades prior, he assumed he was finally out of that bothersome stage of maturation.

His frown deepened, as he stumbled across a memory of one of the females he could remember very clearly. Although it never really mattered to him who the female he was with was, and never really had to make an effort to gain the attention of a female, opting instead to use the occasion of having one of them offer herself to him, as they sometimes did, there had been a time when he had been... infatuated, as he supposed was the best way to put it, with one particular female. He couldn't really understand even now what it was that made him attracted to her, or what the exact nature of the attraction had been. It didn't matter really, she had been eager to mate with him the moment he had given her the slightest indication that he was in any way interested in her, and he had found that this odd state of attraction disappeared right after the deed. But, he grimaced, it had been quite distasteful of him to be attracted to her like that, especially to the point where he would feel somehow dissatisfied with the idea of mating with any other female. It was one thing to have natural urges related to adolescence, but allowing it to cloud his mind in such a manner was something different altogether, and he had firmly decided then to not have something like that happen ever again.

And while Sesshoumaru was somewhat irritably reminiscing his experiences related to the matter, Rin was trying to carefully analyze hers. She wasn't entirely sure what it was to be in love, although she had some vague associations with the concept and they seemed to be related to the human couples she could see sometimes around the village not too far away from the shiro, whenever she and Shippou-chan would somehow end up in the area. The couples did various things, sometimes they were sitting together, embracing each other, sometimes they would be kissing – Shippou-chan explained what it was to her – and always they seemed to be enjoying each other's company.

She sighed again, observing the sight before her. It was not long ago when she had first felt that she really liked being around Ryouken-sama, not just liked, but _really_ liked. She liked to watch him laugh, and to hear him talk, and to play with him, and to... just be around him. But, she sighed once more, she also started feeling somehow embarrassed when he was near, while before she always liked him, but never felt... awkward like that when she would touch him. But it wasn't a bad feeling, it was a bit embarrassing, but she felt she would like to touch him some more. She felt her cheeks heat up a bit, would she like to kiss him...? Well, _maybe_... she thought, feeling that nice embarrassment again.

But, she sighed yet again, Ryouken-sama didn't seem to notice her like that at all. He still treated her like a little girl, even though she was already thirteen! Sighing again, she rested her chin in her palms and started visualizing how it would be if Ryouken-sama noticed her finally. Maybe he would tell her he liked her, she wondered, smiling coyly to herself and watching him some more. She really wasn't that little anymore, so maybe he would notice her soon, she hoped, feeling her cheeks heat up again.

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It wasn't until some months later, when the winter chills were once again growing weak and slowly giving way to spring – and Ryouken-sama still wouldn't notice her! – that Rin learnt more details on the nature of male-female relationships.

And it all started when she and Sae-sama were about to have a bath one day. It was still rather cold, so they didn't go to the onsen, but to the bathhouse instead. When she had first come to the shiro, she learnt that bathing in the bathhouse was quite troublesome, since it would take so long to heat the water just for her, but sometime later – when she had been ill, if she remembered right – she learnt that there was a much easier way to do it, and that was to use Sae-sama. She smiled playfully, watching Sae-sama disrobe near her; Sae-sama might've been an inu-youkai, but she had inherited one important trait from Kagerou-sama – the ability to manipulate water, to an extent. She could make it collect itself into a puddle when it was spilled, just by touching it, and could also change the temperature of any liquid quite effortlessly, so it was very easy for her to heat up the water for a bath. Sae-sama would sometimes laugh at her, saying that the only reason Rin liked bathing together was using her as a 'water heater', but Rin knew those were just jokes and only laughed too.

Taking off her yukata, she felt that strange clenching sensation inside her. Although she was feeling fine in general, for the past few days her stomach had been somehow swollen and yet clenched at the same time, and she didn't like the feeling at all. She had probably just eaten something bad, she thought, but when she folded her clothes and put them away, she felt something wet on her legs, and looking down she saw a small line of blood trickling down her inner thigh. She stared at it intently, but somehow didn't feel scared or worried; she didn't feel any pain, apart from that odd sensation in her stomach, and she also had a vague feeling that it was something that was supposed to happen, some distant memory related to her mother seemed to be telling her so. But... what exactly was going on with her?

Smelling blood, Sae quickly turned to Rin and easily comprehended what was going on. It was as she had been expecting for quite some time now, ever since she noticed that Rin's scent was beginning to change. She was not an expert on the matter, especially since she did not suffer from periodical bleedings herself, but her knowledge was extensive enough. Yet it was not the same for youkai as for humans though, so some additional help was necessary.

"Put your clothes back on, Rin," she said, smiling lightly and wrapping her own kimono around herself again, "and don't worry about the blood for now, it will wash off."

"Eh...?" Rin asked, looking up to her with a rather puzzled expression and Sae laughed at the adorable image.

"We'll go to Miyoko-sama and she'll tell you all you need to know about your body," she replied, handing Rin's yukata to her.

Rin quickly pulled it on, wondering about what Sae-sama said. Miyoko-sama...? Yes, as far as humans went, Miyoko-sama was very nice, she had met her with Sae-sama before, but... What exactly was it that Miyoko-sama was going to tell her...? And why couldn't Sae-sama tell her...?

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Ah, so that's how it was, Rin thought as they were flying Aun back to the shiro. They had just been to Miyoko-sama's and the miko had told her what – as she could see now – she really needed to know. Miyoko-sama told her that such bleeding was a natural thing for a woman, and that she was going to be having those once every month. That, Rin decided, shifting uncomfortably on Aun, was definitely _not_ good news. Not only was it somehow painful now around her lower belly, but Miyoko-sama also gave her strange underclothing, called 'uma', which was supposedly used by women to prevent having the blood smear all over their clothes, and Rin was feeling quite odd wearing something like that. And not only she had to wear it, she would have to keep washing the strips of fabric used to soak up the blood too! And it was going to continue for up to seven days!

She sighed heavily, once again wishing she was a youkai. After they left Miyoko-sama, she asked Sae-sama if she had such bleedings too, and Sae-sama told her that no, she did not, even though many youkai females did, although it varied on the kind of youkai, or the kind of the animal they were based on, if it was an animal youkai. But Sae-sama was – as she had put it – a relatively pure blood youkai and her body was not as animalistic as those of the lower class youkai, so she didn't need to go through the process to have children.

Rin paused in her thought, biting on her lip pensively. That was another thing Miyoko-sama had told her – that the first bleeding was a sign that she was becoming a woman and that soon she'd be able to have children. She did know where children came from – from the belly of the mother, but... how did the child get in there in the first place...? So she asked Miyoko-sama and Miyoko-sama explained to her, in sufficient detail. True, Rin thought, collecting various images in her mind, she had seen many men without clothes, most often Shippou-chan, and they were indeed built differently than her. And she had seen animals do the 'corporeal union' - as Miyoko-sama had put it, although Sae-sama laughed at such an expression – and they always seemed to be enjoying it, but... if she was to do something like that with Ryouken-sama, she thought, feeling her face redden to an extent it never had before, she would be more embarrassed than ever! She was already feeling so embarrassed just thinking about it! And, she frowned slightly, the whole thing seemed somehow... icky, and truth be told she didn't feel like doing it at all!

And there was another thing that seemed to be different for humans and youkai, at least youkai such as Sae-sama. Miyoko-sama told her that when she'd be sixteen or seventeen, she'd find herself a husband and only then do that thing and have his children, but when she asked Sae-sama, she learnt that it was different with youkai. Sae-sama told her that youkai didn't marry, at least not in any official ceremony, and that even though some would remain with the same partner for a long time, sometimes for their whole lives, some never entered such relationships at all and just mated for pleasure, or specifically to have children, only for a short time. And that was yet another difference, she learnt, while Miyoko-sama would call it 'corporeal union' or 'marital obligations', Sae-sama called it 'mating' and it seemed to Rin that for Sae-sama it was more related to pleasure while to Miyoko-sama to having children.

Either way, she decided, when they landed and Sae-sama told her to make herself comfortable in the sun room and that she'd bring her something good to eat, she was still too young for such things, and would probably learn all the more subtle details in due time anyway.

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Humans really were stupid beyond any measure, Sesshoumaru thought, landing in the shiro's inner courtyard. He just had been to the eastern border of the lands, after Satoshi informed him that some bandits appeared there recently. He didn't care much what humans did among themselves, truth be told, but he would not have any half-witted humans think that they could come here as they please, so he did the only sensible thing and killed off most of them, allowing the remaining few to escape so that they would have a chance to retell the experience to any other equally stupid humans. Because they really had to be severely on the moronic side to had come here in the first place. Not only because those were his lands, but mostly because – from what he knew – the area was still known among humans as the 'youkai land' and even if he did not kill them, they would've soon met their end in the jaws and claws of the many inu-youkai here.

Really, human or not, even a child should be able to understand the futility of such actions, he thought, heading towards the bathhouse to wash off any lingering scent of the foul – even more foul than most – humans from his hands.

But almost instantly the wind brought another scent to him, and he turned to walk closer to the edge of the garden that faced the open-walled room of the shiro, Rin's favorite room, from what he knew. And when the room came into his view, his senses were proven right; Rin was sitting there, reclining against on of the pillars and there was a distinctive scent of blood on her. But... it wasn't the fresh scent of a blood from a wound, he noted, frowning in surprise, it was the heavy, somehow sweeter scent of feminine blood.

He blinked in astonishment, trying to fit the news into his mind. Rin was already old enough...? But... he looked her over carefully, she still looked like nothing more than a child! True, she had gone through another growth sprout last year and was reaching half-way up his chest now, but... her body was still that of a child, there were no external signs of maturity on her. And he was more than certain that her mind was still that of a child!

But... he blinked again, once more astonished, when he remembered her odd question from last summer and suddenly linked it with what she had been looking at then. Rin was already feeling attracted to males... To Ryouken, no less! He stood there, watching her absentmindedly, and somehow expecting her to transform into a grown female any moment now, while his thoughts were busy trying to analyze the news. So she was that mature already and yet still showed no signs of wanting to return to humans... He had somehow assumed that it would be a natural thing for her, that it would just happen on its own, but... Not only nothing like that happened so far, but she was actually being attracted to a youkai!

She still sat there, currently laughing at something Sae said, and he was suddenly surprised by a somehow new thought. What if she never wanted to leave? What if she grew and matured and still felt no need to be with her kind? What if she mated some youkai? That, he decided, turning back to head towards the bathhouse again, would be none of his business. He was quite sure that Ryouken would not take her as a mate, but even if he did, or if there was be some other youkai dim-witted enough to do so, it would be of no concern to him.

But... what if she didn't mate, neither a human nor a youkai, and yet still wanted to stay here? Would he force her to go away...? He suddenly remembered her initially smiling face when Bokusenou said that there were many ways for a human to become a youkai, and felt something recoil within him. If she stayed here, if he allowed her to, then sooner or later she would fall into that trap, she would realize how feeble and short-lived she was and tried to change it, killing herself in the process.

It was none of his business either, true, but... He frowned, washing his hands carefully while his mind returned to what he had learnt last spring. No, he did not want to see her die like that. But, he thought, feeling somehow frustrated and trapped, he didn't want to see her eyes grow dark and sullen when he would force her to go away either.

Sighing inwardly, he turned to leave the bathhouse. It was no use to think about it now, she was still but a child, of that he was sure, and allowing such thoughts to obscure his mind like that would still be useless for quite some time. He should rather wait and see what would happen once she reached mental maturity, not just physical maturity.

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**Language notes:**

_taijia_ – a demon slayer, what Sango is;

_jizou _– a small statue of a deity; what Shippou uses in Episode 9 to pin Inuyasha;

_suman_ – a colloquial way of saying 'sorry';

_zama miro_ – an idiom: 'serves you right!', 'you'll get what you deserve'; Jaken (and I think Shippou too) are fond of it;

_korosu zo_ – here: 'I'll kill you'; what Sesshoumaru often uses towards Jaken; it's not really threatening or offensive, it's more just a statement of what will happen, which I think in Sesshoumaru's case makes it more unsettling;

_shogi_ – the Japanese chess; the principles are a bit different but the general idea is similar;

_kemari_ – the Japanese version of soccer, sort of; this is what the people in Inuyasha's memories of his mother are playing; the game was more about keeping the ball in the air by kicking it up than about scoring goals; usually played by 8 people;

_omusubi nori_ – dried seaweed strips used to wrap rice balls;

_takuan_ – pickled daikon radish. Daikon radish is the carrot like (but even larger than a carrot) white vegetable that for example Inuyasha and Kagome are eating in Episode 2 or 3.

_Go_ – a territory surrounding game played with stones on a board.

_bakana koto_ – 'stupid thing'; that's also what Sesshoumaru replied to Rin in Episode 162 when she asks him to remember her;

_Omae ni mamoru mono wa aru ka_ – 'Do you have things you protect?' or 'Is there something you want to protect?'; It's what Sesshoumaru's father says to him at the beginning of Movie 3 and it also reappears in Sesshoumaru's thoughts later in the movie.

**General notes:**

**Movie 3 senza spoilers:** Without giving away any serious plot spoilers, in Movie 3 (which is a must-see for all Sesshoumaru fans), there are two interesting scenes between Inuyasha and Sesshoumaru. One is an image of them fighting back to back against a horde of zombies and another is when Inuyasha is about to get hit by a blast and Sesshoumaru pushes him away and gets hit instead, prompting the onlookers to say – in understandably astonished voices – that it looked as if Sesshoumaru protected Inuyasha. What he did in his mind is of course a mystery, so everybody is free to make what they want of it. And in case anybody is interested, Sesshoumaru's final answer to his father's question about protecting things is "I, Sesshoumaru, protect nothing!". Unfortunately, he says it while protecting people, a disturbed individual as he is.

**Sesshoumaru getting 'knocked out' by Shippou: **That may seem rather improbable, but considering how easily Inuyasha is affected by smells, I think that if Sesshoumaru was not expecting to be attacked the way Shippou attacked him – and he had no reason to expect it – then he'd really be knocked out on the spot. He does seem to have an even better sense of smell than Inuyasha, and anybody who ever had a cat or a dog and used a deodorant or perfume near them would know how much of an impairment a sensitive sense of smell can be.

**Kagerou:** I made a mistake in Chapter 6 and wrote that she's a firefly youkai, while I actually meant dragonfly. 'Kagerou' means dragonfly.

**My rant on Sesshoumaru's character:** Sesshoumaru's character is indeed very difficult to write and I think it's not only because he's uncommunicative and unemotional, but mostly because out of the all _Inuyasha_ cast, Sesshoumaru is the character that had been – however accidentally – portrayed with greatest depth and also is the one who matures the most throughout the story. During his first two appearances (Episodes 5-7 and 18-19) he's pretty much linear – a stuck-up, arrogant, cold and merciless ass, who – most notably – had absolutely no doubts about either his actions or his views on the world. And as hilarious as his 'classic villainy' lines were (especially in the manga) there would be nothing more to it. But from Episode 34 onwards there's an obvious change (in Episodes 3435 he acts as if he had gone temporarily insane and actually taunts Inuyasha into hitting him with Kaze no Kizu) and the change – or rather changes – continue throughout the rest of the series. Sesshoumaru becomes much more hesitant about the righteousness of his views, which is most noticeable in Episodes 5152 when he seems to be contemplating Inuyasha's transformation in an oddly non-angry manner. He's also generally more – even more – quiet and distant, and does seem to question a lot of things. But he's still an arrogant arse and generally a very self-centered being when it comes to dealing with people, so it's quite difficult to show those both sides, especially in interactions with Rin.

That is also another source of problems – that he clearly acts different towards Rin than towards anyone else, which is most obvious in three glimpses: one in Episode 52 when he comes back and asks her "Did you behave yourself?" (a very odd question coming from him, if you think about it), then in Episode 96, after Hakkaku and Ginta ran off and he tells her: "Weren't you going to fish?" in an obvious meaning of "There's no need to be afraid" and lastly in Movie 3 when he first tells – rather harshly – Rin and Kagome to get lost because they're in the way of the fight, but when Rin wants to give Tenseiga back to him, his tone very noticeably softens. But in all those cases it's quite clear to me that he has no idea what to do with her, and how he is supposed to act around a child like that, but rather, as **DPM** has very aptly put it in the review, he constantly wrestles with the emotional barrage Rin throws his way.

To be quite frank, I'm not a particular fan of Sesshoumaru as such (I'm a fan of the manga Sesshoumaru, but it's a different character altogether), it's only in combination with Rin that his presence in the _Inuyasha_ anime began to interest me, perhaps because of the charm of such a non-standard relationship. "A baddie changed by a female" is a classic theme in many manga or anime, but usually the element of attraction is sex, whereas here – hopefully clearly for all – there's nothing like that, he has no 'baser motives' for keeping her around, and the question why was it a small innocent child, a child that obviously accepted him just as he was, that somehow got to him, is in my opinion a central issue of this unexpectedly deep subpart of _Inuyasha_.

Well, end of rant ;)


	10. Chapter 10 edited

Disclaimer: I do not hold any rights to Inuyasha in any form or way, nor do I make any profit out of writing this fic.

**Reviews**: Thank you once again all the wonderful people who took the time to review, especially those who review regularly and in great detail:D I'm really glad that the Shippou-Sesshoumaru feud was found humorous, and the adventures of the mischievous fox will return in the next chapter, although this time with less input from Sesshoumaru.

**Sexysaxist**: Hahaha, I agree completely – 'phantasmagorical' is without a doubt an incredible word and the moment I somehow thought of it in relation to the vision of Inuyasha and Sesshoumaru as loving brothers, I felt that no other word could ever possibly describe the idea as aptly ;)

**Ena**: Thank you! And I agree – the relationship between Rin and Sesshoumaru is very fascinating and I very much enjoy delving into it :)

**sesshomaruhasafluffytail**: Hahaha, thank you, a review that warms up the heart of every author!

**DarkestNite:** Thank you very much and indeed he is a serious bastard to write, I always have to spend the most time on his thoughts, grrrr. And you should definitely write your own fic, especially if it's a SessRin (and with lemons!) ;)

**RabidAnimeGurl:** :blushes profusely: Thank you very much for so many kind words:D And I'm glad you'd still read it even if it would not develop into a romance, since it will still take a bit before it does get to that point, and I suspect I've lost a lot of readers already because of the slow pace of the fic o.o

And I couldn't agree more about the English version, I know some people like it, but I find it to be an atrocity committed on the fantastic original voice acting – the voices sound horridly artificial, every other character seems to have a speech impairment and keeps pausing in the least expected moments and the translation often quite substantially diverges from the original! But, I have to confess I don't own the manga either, I downloaded it (minus two or so volumes) and only check the original version on the Sengoku o-Togi Zoushi site. I'm planning to buy all the almost 40 volumes as soon as I have that much 'spare change' :shakes fist in determination: ;)

**silenzstarz: **Thank you very much and he is indeed as difficult to write as he is undoubtedly difficult for people to live with ;)

**Oni-kun6553:** Thank you:) I am planning to have him grow, but quite understandably it won't be an easy process...

**Jen**: Thank you :)

**picara71:** Thank you very much:updates promptly yet locks the door nevertheless: ;)

**Jesse.the.girl**: Thank you and don't mind if I do ;)

**Menoma-Minx:** Actually, miko's didn't have to be virgins, they were just generally unmarried, but it's not the same. And indeed it's not just a 'priestess', as evidenced by the fact that Kagome is called a miko only on the basis of having spiritual powers, but that's how it was translated in the English dub, at least as far as I know.

**Maore:** Thank you :) Turning Rin into a youkai is indeed an easy solution, and in my opinion it takes away a great deal of the depth of their relationship and it is generally too unrealistic, even in the context of the by definition unrealistic story of _Inuyasha_. I'm also very happy to know that you still like the slow pace, since I very much enjoy writing it slow yet constantly worry that people will get fed up with so much 'rumblings'...

**mystal: **Thank you very much! And if it is my privilege to rant, I'll abuse it some more ;) I'm very glad that you noticed the undertones of the Sess-Shippou fight, since it was indeed my intention to show that even for Sesshoumaru it's not possible to constantly be around somebody and yet remain unaffected by it. (Hence for example he uses Shippou's expression while Shippou adopts the "I, Sesshoumaru" one).

And I agree with your view on Sesshoumaru – he does seem to do a lot of things just because, not offering any explanations either to himself or to others, but – as you have noted too – it doesn't seem to apply to emotions of, in any way, caring for somebody, like for example in relation to sparing Kohaku in Episode 80 or helping out Kagome and others in Episode 104 – both times he states "I just –insert explanation–, that's all." Poor confused thing ;)

And as for the abrupt change, I agree once more, it does seem sudden, both in the manga and in the anime, nothing seems to forecast it in his earlier appearances. I think though that it might just be that the author didn't intend to give him any deeper role in the story and it only occurred to her later on, but who knows.

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**Edit:** This chapter had been edited and Kagura had been cut out. Not for good, only temporarily. Why? Because I found that I had inserted her too early into the story, while doing it only later would allow me to exploit the possibility more. Most notably, it's related to the fun of intertwining this story with Jiyuu na Kaze. It's not very doable to do it for a long time at the moment, because this story will still keep 'speeding' through years for a bit longer, while the other story would progress more slowly. So I will just push it in time, to the period of this story when time will be passing more slowly for Rin and Sesshoumaru.

This also means that Jiyuu na Kaze has been deleted for now, although the good parts of it (if there were any to begin with...) will be kept for later use. I have also copied Shuukatsu's perspective on Rin from there into this chapter, and had to edit out some minor mentions of Kagura.

Moreover, I'm undergoing a serious creative crisis at the moment, since I have recently discovered how really crappy I am with writing. Not only in content structuring, although that seems to be the least of my worries, but mostly when it comes to dialogue, action sequences and the control over the reader's attention. I simply can't pull it off, and have realized that this fic is only semi-popular because it's a Sess/Rin story, not because it's a _good_ story, if you catch my drift.

And so, I began worrying about what the readers would like to read and found that I can't write even a simplest sentence anymore without constantly thinking about it. Most notably, I kept worrying about the length of the 'stream of consciousness' pieces and the general pace of the story. Basically, I kept feeling that what the readers want is the romance part, and I kept trying to speed up, speed up, into some sick spiral of writing and deleting until nothing made sense anymore. But the original point of the story was not the romance as such, but rather the presentation of the world that grew in my mind. And playing with the juxtapositions between people, showing how people who have seemingly nothing in common can influence each other (and I don't mean just Rin and Sesshoumaru). Sadly, a lot of it had been cut out already. So the story by no means ends with a lemon, like it happens with many stories, although I can never understand why, since going to bed with somebody really doesn't solve all your life problems, and is in fact only the true beginning of togetherness.

So to wrap it up (at the long last), I'm not so sure when I will write some more, since right now whenever I write a paragraph I feel that the readers will skip it anyway and only search for the Rin/Sess bits.

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_Chapter 10_

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When the season changed to winter and then summer arrived once more, Sesshoumaru found himself sensing an incoming 'house guest' and grimaced in displeasure, even though he had been expecting the man to show up ever since he had returned to the shiro. Shuukatsu, he thought, walking towards the genkan after sensing that the man in question was – for once – approaching on foot, instead of just unceremoniously dropping down from the skies in the inner courtyard. Took him long enough, Sesshoumaru noted, observing that it had already been years since he had returned here.

Although it wasn't really that surprising that the annoying washi showed up only now, after all it was in his habit to just disappear to somewhere for unspecified periods of time, often to return when least expected. Sesshoumaru never could understand how Chichi-ue could not only tolerate something like that, but actually always seemed somehow joyful whenever Shuukatsu would show up again. Although, Shuukatsu was in no way Chichi-ue's subordinate, they were 'friends', and it had been like that not only for as long as Sesshoumaru could remember, but for as long as almost anyone who had known Chichi-ue could remember.

How exactly they could be friends in the first place was another thing Sesshoumaru could never understand, since the two of them were so diametrically different in character. While Chichi-ue was serious and to the point, Shuukatsu was laughing and needlessly talkative, while Chichi-ue was reasonable and composed, Shuukatsu was irrational and childish, and while Chichi-ue was moderate and restrained, Shuukatsu was wanton and unstructured.

And yet, Shuukatsu was the only person Sesshoumaru knew of who could whack Chichi-ue in the back of the head and call him 'an old fart', as distasteful as it was, and not only get away with it but actually make Chichi-ue join him in such childish antics, or in same frivolous adventure that usually led them into more trouble than they had bargained for. He frowned among his steps, displeased with remembering the two decades of his early adolescence he had spent much closer to Chichi-ue than during the rest of his life. It had been after Chichi-ue had deemed him old enough to be properly trained, and, after he had spent another decade gaining control of his powers, would often take him along for one of his journeys. And whenever they were just together, Chichi-ue was serious and somehow... distant, while if Shuukatsu would join them, Chichi-ue seemed cheerful and relaxed.

It was of no matter however and Sesshoumaru pushed the thoughts aside, arriving at the genkan, where the washi was standing already, looking as annoying as ever. It was probably the fact that he seemed to constantly mock and laugh at the world that made him so particularly annoying, Sesshoumaru thought when the man in question came into his view. Shuukatsu was a strong yet agile man, forever dressed in black - something Sesshoumaru could never understand - and a bird apparent from appearance, since he had black hair shaped like long feathers with brown tips and piercing yellow eyes. And, he noted not without satisfaction, was also slightly shorter than him, thus allowing Sesshoumaru to counter his annoying smirk with a condescending look.

"Shuukatsu," he greeted the man, and the washi's response was as always not what it ought to be.

"Indeed," he answered poignantly, as if confirming a child's speculation, "On the bosom of the Western Lands once more."

"What you do with yourself is none of my business," Sesshoumaru informed him evenly, "although undoubtedly you have your reasons in coming here."

"Undoubtedly," Shuukatsu agreed in mock solemnity and Sesshoumaru felt the same urge he usually felt when the man was around – to punch him squarely between his yellow eyes.

However, he thought, turning around to go to the room he – like his father before him – used for talking to people he had no desire to talk to, knowing that Shuukatsu would follow him, as annoying as the man was, he had to be tolerated. Not only because he was Chichi-ue's long time friend who had helped Chichi-ue consolidate the Western Lands and the three inu-youkai packs, but also – as... irritating as it was – he was undefeatable for Sesshoumaru at this particular moment in time. Frowning slightly, he recalled how he had learnt the unexpected to him at the time truth that power was not everything. Shuukatsu was not strong in youki, he was weaker even than Inuyasha, and yet defeating him was still unattainable for Sesshoumaru, simply because the man could move faster than Sesshoumaru's eyes could see and was competent enough to make the path of his movements unpredictable.

He had been but a youngster then, when he had asked Chichi-ue how come Shuukatsu was considered a frightful enemy when he was actually weak. Chichi-ue gave him a peculiar look and told him to ask Shuukatsu to show him. Which he did, and when the washi told him to attack with his best, he had swung his sword at him, releasing a considerable amount of youryoku, sufficient to at least severely injure Shuukatsu. And yet as soon as he finished the swing, he felt the edge of Shuukatsu's katana against his throat, even though the man had been standing at least thirty feet away, in the way of the blast, and he did not see him move at all. Later on, when he had been better trained, during a similar exercise he was able to see a shadow of the washi's path and smell the wind caused by his speed, yet it was equally useless, since as soon as he would register those signs, Shuukatsu's katana was already at his throat.

It was only then that Chichi-ue told him that he doubted whether he himself could defeat Shuukatsu, although it was hard to say since they had never fought against each other, and Sesshoumaru still remembered feeling annoyed at Chichi-ue for not mentioning it sooner. And even though he had made sure to remember the lesson well, he still believed it to be an indisputably underhanded method of fighting.

Behind him, and still in the genkan, Rin was looking after the two men in contemplation. She had often heard Sae-sama and Kagerou-sama mention Shuukatsu-sama and had been curious to meet him, so she was glad she had followed Sesshoumaru-sama to the genkan. Sae-sama told her that Shuukatsu-sama was generally a very likeable and kind person, although Kagerou-sama laughed then and added that a likeable person as he was, he was an insufferable man, and that any sensible woman who valued her sanity should stay away from him, but Rin wasn't exactly sure what that was supposed to mean. Still, she thought, recalling that he seemed to be smiling even when he wasn't, he seemed to be likeable to her.

Yet, she wondered, thinking back to his conversation with Sesshoumaru-sama just now, it seemed to her as if they didn't like each other much, and she couldn't really see why, since if they were both nice then she would expect them to like each other. Still, she thought, leaving on her way, the more the merrier.

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How atrocious of the fates, Shuukatsu thought, watching Sesshoumaru pace 'dignifiedly' ahead of him towards the room Touga too had often used for 'serious talks', that the boy looked so much like Touga on the outside, yet differed so fundamentally on the inside. Yes, Touga had often been a stern man too, but it was something altogether different; it was poise, not guard, centeredness, not emptiness. And, he glanced again at the back of the boy walking ahead of him, feeling an inane urge to tickle him, the same urge he used to sometimes feel around Touga when his friend would act too serious for his own good, Touga actually laughed when tickled, while Sesshoumaru would probably only look at him as if he had gone insane.

Sesshoumaru entered the room and, coming to a stop near the open external screens, turned to him, raising a questioning eyebrow, and Shuukatsu felt amused to see that the boy actually expected this method to work, and raised his own eyebrow in reply, giving the boy, whom he could still clearly remember as a toddler he had once stopped – much to the child's disappointment – from eating a mud covered earth worm, the time to structure himself properly in front of his father's 'annoying' friend.

And so they stood there like that in silence, with their eyebrows raised. Shuukatsu could swear his had gone numb, and was idly trying to remember if he had ever felt it like that before, until even Sesshoumaru's patience waned thin.

"Any particular reason for your visit?" Sesshoumaru asked evenly, and Shuukatsu allowed his eyebrow to finally rest.

"Just dropping by, nothing more," he replied, wondering briefly if the boy really did expect him to have some fiendish motives, although admittedly, the last few times they met, even civility had been lacking in the air, "Or do you perhaps object to my presence here...?" he questioned, raising his abused eyebrow again.

"What you do is none of my business," Sesshoumaru repeated himself, perhaps unconsciously. Or not, it was always hard to say with him.

"I'll take it as a cordial invitation and will make myself at 'home'." Shuukatsu moved to leave, but turned back to fire the parting shot, one that he had been particularly looking forward to fire at Sesshoumaru.

"I see your arm has grown back," he pointed out casually, perfectly aware that Sesshoumaru had to be seething inside to know that the man he had never been able to outdo in sword mastery had been informed that his arm had been cut off by the 'filthy, lowly hanyou', as he had once so lovingly named his brother, when they had been discussing the future of the somewhat dirty and practically gone wild child, "then perhaps later on you will show me whether you have improved any."

"With pleasure," Sesshoumaru answered somewhat coldly, confirming Shuukatsu's assessment of his emotional state.

Yes, it really was atrocious of the fates, Shuukatsu thought again, leaving the room and walking down the corridors towards the room he used to consider his, that the son of a man who had so much natural warmth and kindness had turned out like this, so... frozen, unable to reach out to the world around him. Would you be happy, Isei, Shuukatsu asked a memory that was still lingering within the walls he himself had helped to build, to know that the glove fits?

Although, he wondered, glancing to the courtyard he was passing by, and watching the young girl whose astounding story he had already heard from Kagerou, having ran into her on Okinawa during winter, and smiling back when she flashed him a phenomenally innocent and bright smile upon noticing that he was looking at her, if the boy could still feel compassion, then perhaps it might grow too small one day after all.

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How... annoying, Sesshoumaru thought, returning to the shiro after he had once again lost to Shuukatsu in a sword spar in the clearing at the hill's foot. The washi was not only impossibly fast, but was also an outstanding swordsman, and ever since Sesshoumaru began learning how to use a sword, he would take every opportunity available to spar against him – Shuukatsu was 'kind' enough to remain at Sesshoumaru's speed level on such occasions - knowing that if he could defeat Shuukatsu, he would have undoubtedly reached mastery himself. Yet, so far he had not managed it, and even the fact that Shuukatsu had centuries of an advantage in practice was not a redeeming factor in Sesshoumaru's eyes. He _was_ excellent as it was, and he ought to be able to do it, and yet...

"Sesshoumaru-sama was great!" Rin announced, catching up to him. She and the others had watched the match and she felt very impressed seeing Sesshoumaru-sama like that. She had seen him fight before, true, but those were usually short and often dangerous to her occasions, and so she had never before realized how fast and agile Sesshoumaru-sama really was. But now, seeing him move so quickly that she could see and afterimage of him, and change positions so effortlessly, she could fully understand why Jaken would so often emphasize how great Sesshoumaru-sama was when it came to fighting.

And, she glanced up to him, recalling the image of him during the fight, with his eyes narrowed and his white hair scattered on the air, Sesshoumaru-sama looked very pretty then, which wasn't really that surprising since Sesshoumaru-sama was generally very pretty to look at. But he looked somehow different then, somehow... She focused, trying to pinpoint the exact nature of the difference, but found that it would not yield itself to words, other than that Sesshoumaru-sama looked somehow both incredibly graceful and yet strong at the same time. Yet it wasn't really it, since the same applied to Shuukatsu-sama, especially since during the fight he moved somehow differently than anything she had seen before in a fight, but... She frowned, trying to come up with an apt description for how watching Sesshoumaru-sama made her feel, but Sesshoumaru-sama's words interrupted her thoughts.

"If this had been a real fight, I would've been decapitated," he said, somehow resentfully, but Rin frowned once more.

"Decapitated...?" she asked, not knowing the word.

"It means I would've chopped off his head!" Shuukatsu-sama's cheerful yell reached them, and Rin glanced back, only to feel her mouth drop in surprise. Shuukatsu-sama and the others were still at the foot of the hill, while they were almost at the top...

"Shuukatsu-sama can hear from that far away...?" She asked Sesshoumaru-sama, vaguely needing a confirmation. Yes, youkai generally could do a lot of astounding things, but... it was seriously far!

Sesshoumaru glanced down to her in surprise. She had lived among youkai for years and yet still didn't know that youkai had much better senses than humans? True, he noted, glancing behind him, that was far, even for most youkai, but it was not remarkably far. He himself could hear fine from greater distances.

"Yes, so can I," he informed her, wondering briefly what else she had somehow managed to miss in her knowledge on youkai.

Definitely an interesting day, Rin thought casually, accommodating her newly found knowledge – along with the knowledge of how great Sesshoumaru-sama was in a fight – into what she knew of youkai already. It actually explained many things, for example how come Sesshoumaru-sama always seemed to know everything, even if nobody specifically told him about it. Very interesting indeed.

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Yet interesting as it was, Rin's thoughts soon returned to the issue that had been bothering her the most lately – whether she should tell Ryouken-sama how she felt about him. She had been satisfied before with just liking him from afar and spending as much time as she could around him while hoping that even if he didn't notice her now, he would, sooner or later, but ever since she first thought of the possibility of making him see, the option kept growing more and more prominent in her mind. Though, she sighed, he really should be able to see she was no longer a child, not only she would soon be fifteen, but also her breasts finally began to grow. True, she noted, glancing down to herself, they were still rather small, but... it was an obvious sign that she was no longer a child! And, she appended with a sigh, recently she began feeling so... yearning when she was near him, as if there was something inside of her that kept wanting to touch him, to... kiss him, and maybe even do something more, even though she still felt that the whole idea of 'corporeal union' was somewhat... icky.

And it wouldn't leave her mind, even in her dreams, often making her stay awake for hours or wake up too early, and she would keep circling around the problem, unsure what she felt, what she should do and even what she would want to do. Sometimes, she would have enough of it, feeling that somehow, this uncertainty and yearning didn't belong with a feeling as nice as liking somebody, and would get up early, just to walk around, trying to occupy herself with something else.

It was on a morning like that, but a few days later, when she was walking through the, full of the still fresh sunlight, corridors, that she heard a sound of a flute and following it, quickly found that it was Shuukatsu-sama. He was sitting on the steps that led down to the internal courtyard and was playing a yokobue. The melody was strange, very pretty but somehow sad without being sad; 'nostalgic', she supposed was the best word out of those she knew, and it somehow didn't suit Shuukatsu-sama, who seemed generally cheerful. It had already been a few days since Shuukatsu-sama arrived at the shiro and she found that Sae-sama had indeed been right in that he was a very likeable person. She especially enjoyed it when he and Kagerou-sama would play shogi – Sae-sama told her that they had been playing against each other for centuries, and yet still kept a score, which reached into thousands by now – and the two of them would constantly joke around, teasing each other, even when they were talking about something more serious. It was really nice to just sit around and listen to them, feeling somehow cheerful herself just because they were cheerful, even if she sometimes didn't understand what exactly they were talking about, and their explanations often didn't help any.

Shuukatsu-sama finished the melody, breaking her reverie, and she moved to sit down on the steps next to him.

"Shuukatsu-sama can play very nicely," she complimented him, smiling.

"Why thank you little lady," he replied, smiling back, and she felt pleased as always when he would call her 'little lady'. At least _somebody_ noticed she was not a child anymore!

"Want to try?" Shuukatsu-sama asked, offering her the flute, and she accepted it happily. It would be nice to be able to play like that too, to be able to create something pretty. Yet lifting the flute to her lips and drawing a tentative sound, she found that it wasn't as easy as that, even though the sound itself was still nice.

"You know," Shuukatsu-sama said casually, leaning back on the steps, "that could be considered an indirect kiss," he pointed to the flute that had just passed between their lips, and she felt herself grow red, but quickly noticed that his eyes were laughing, so he was just teasing her.

"A kiss is not a kiss if it's not direct," she replied, pretending to be scornful, and Shuukatsu-sama laughed.

"Wise words, little lady, although the shadow can be sometimes prettier than the object itself," he said, yet she wasn't entirely sure what he meant, even though she could understand the comparison.

"You can keep it," Shuukatsu-sama added, standing up, "the purity of its sound suits your eyes."

"Won't Shuukatsu-sama miss it?" Rin felt obliged to ask, although she would very much like to keep it.

"Don't worry about it, little lady, I have more of them. You see," he leaned towards her with a playful glint in his yellow eyes, "it's always nice to have more of that which brings you pleasure," he said, and Rin knew that he wasn't talking just about flutes, but this time she had a vague idea of what he was alluding to, having heard Kagerou-sama call him a 'sukebe', although Shuukatsu-sama dismissed it saying that he was 'but a humble admirer of the perfection that is female'.

"Arigatou," she smiled, choosing to ignore the sukebe comment, since she didn't want to talk about something she still had so little knowledge of.

"But," she added when Shuukatsu-sama was already walking away, "could Shuukatsu-sama teach me the melody he was playing? It was very pretty."

"I could," Shuukatsu-sama replied, turning back to her, "but it's my melody, and you should find your own."

"Find my own melody...?" Rin prompted, unsure how exactly she was supposed to do that.

Shuukatsu-sama laughed again, "Just keep playing until you find it," he said and left her to her thoughts.

'A kiss is not a kiss if it's not direct', Shuukatsu thought, laughing to himself as he was leaving Rin to enjoy her new yokobue. She had so effortlessly thwarted the logic of every other poet with that statement! To be that young again, he mused, shaking his head as he walked through the garden.

She was absolutely adorable, he summed up, an incredible embodiment of innocence and purity. He could see now that anyone who still had at least one bit of compassion left in him wouldn't be able to remain unaffected by seeing her randomly killed by wolves. Hopefully, she would stay with Sesshoumaru for some more time, her presence had undoubtedly done the boy some good already.

When Sesshoumaru had been a child, he had been sure that, as retreated as the boy had been nearly from birth, he had a fine enough heart, and that he would grow into the world, in time. But Touga's death changed his view on him; he must've had rooted out every single last bit of compassion from himself to be able to abandon his own kin to death like that. Which was why it seemed unthinkable to him at first that Sesshoumaru could ever feel for a meaningless and useless to him child, a human child no less. But he had no reason to doubt Kagerou's words and had decided to come back to the shiro after all, despite having previously decided not to return here again should Sesshoumaru ever do so.

And he found that even though the boy was still as frozen as had been for most of his life, there was also something different about him. For the first time in centuries, Sesshoumaru seemed to him to be... He scrunched his eyes slightly, trying to pin point the subtle impression. 'No longer so unshakably bent on power and control', was probably the best estimate, he found. It was always a start, even though it was still a far cry from what he would expect from a son of Touga. And this cold-heartedness of the boy was the reason why he was now on his way south to visit that twat Hourou. He had found that some of Hourou's pack had begun attacking humans recently, and Sesshoumaru took no action against it, perhaps because he never agreed with Touga's view on the matter of humans to begin with. However, he himself happened to more than just agree with it, and unfortunately for the arrogant and snobbish black dog named Hourou, was also capable of 'convincing' others to see things his way. Surely, he thought, changing into his eagle form and flying south, Hourou must've had seen it coming.

'Keep playing until you find it', Rin repeated in her mind, still on the steps to the courtyard. And as she tried drawing various sounds, her thoughts somehow wondered back to the fact that Sesshoumaru-sama didn't like Shuukatsu-sama. She had asked Sae-sama why, and she told her that many people felt uneasy around Shuukatsu-sama because they thought that he was laughing at them. But it seemed to her that he was laughing _with_ people, not _at_ people, and that it was a very important difference.

Yet, she wondered, perhaps it depended on whether you yourself wanted to laugh with him to begin with. Was that why Sesshoumaru-sama didn't like Shuukatsu-sama? Because he didn't feel like laughing? She frowned, vaguely knowing that she had seen Sesshoumaru-sama laugh before, but she couldn't recall the image of him laughing. Or even smiling actually. Yes, he would smile sometimes, but only as a sort of threat, and his eyes weren't smiling then at all. She couldn't remember even one time when Sesshoumaru-sama would have smiling eyes.

Didn't Sesshoumaru-sama know how nice it was to smile and have your smile returned, she wondered, leaning back on the steps to look at the blue sky above her, didn't he ever feel like smiling? No, it was not possible that he never did, everybody did. Nor was it possible that he didn't know how, it was just as silly an idea, since it was something as natural as breathing, something that happened on its own.

Letting out a sigh and playing with the flute some more, she decided that she'd like to see Sesshoumaru-sama smiling or laughing, not knowing that her wish was soon to be granted.

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It had already been a few days since he had lost to Shuukatsu, and yet Sesshoumaru kept feeling annoyed by such a simple thing. It was annoying to know that as well-trained as he already was, he was still not a master of the discipline, still had more to learn. True, unlike the washi, he had more youryoku than he needed to defeat an enemy, and did not have to depend on such secondary factors as speed and skill, but he was also aware that sometimes such secondary factors could be _the_ factors in a battle, and he'd rather not be overcome because he failed to see that truth. However, he reminded himself, considering his age it was only to be expected that he'd still require more time to reach complete mastery, just as he still required more time to reach Chichi-ue's level of power.

He frowned, feeling even more annoyed, and at nothing more than the simple fact that he was still a youngster at that, but his thoughts, and his pace through the shiro, were suddenly interrupted by angry yells coming from nearby.

"How is it my fault that I'm a human!" It was Rin, he determined, and felt his eyebrows rise in surprise. He couldn't remember ever hearing Rin yell angrily, no matter how he tried, and feeling intrigued, followed the voice towards the 'sun room', as Rin called it, where she was currently with Sae, but upon walking into it, he spotted something dashing through the air towards him and his hand shot up to catch the object, a ceramic plate, as he soon found.

Rin stared at Sesshoumaru-sama, her mouth wide open as she realized that she had just thrown a plate at Sesshoumaru-sama. Her anger quickly evaporated, and she suddenly felt very childish and silly for getting angry like that. But, she remembered, with a painful ache in her heart, she had good reasons for it... But an hour ago, she had finally told Ryouken-sama what she felt about him, and... She bit on her lip, trying not to cry, at first Ryouken-sama only laughed, saying 'You can't be serious, Rin-chan', but when she had assured him that she was, feeling herself grow even redder than she had already been, he became serious too, and told her that he could never consider her a girl, because she was a human. She couldn't understand it at first, but he made it clear for her by saying that he'd have to be very stupid to take a human mate. Stupid? It was stupid to reject people because of something like that, that's what, Rin fumed inside, feeling her ire rise again. It was even beyond stupid!

In the mean time, Sesshoumaru was observing the plate he had caught, trying to remember why it seemed somehow familiar. It was... he focused, grasping the memory, that's right, it was the exact same plate he had eaten from when he had the misfortune of trying out human food. It was when he had been around seventy or eighty, and some humans came to see Chichi-ue, although he couldn't really recall why. He wanted none of their company, but Chichi-ue made him join them for a human meal, and he could still very vividly remember his revulsion upon discovering how horrid rice was. It felt sticky and clammy in his mouth, both tasteless and suffocating, and he kept feeling that taste in his mouth for two days straight afterwards. He had very firmly decided then to _never_ try something like that again, under _no_ circumstances.

"Hmph," he bid a contemptuous goodbye to the plate and let it fall to the floor and shatter against the wood, shifting his attention back to Rin who was looking at him with a surprised and inquisitive expression, no doubt curious as to why he would let the plate fall like that.

"I had been... made to eat from it as a child," he offered offhandedly.

"It was _that_ old...?" she asked with her voice full of incredulity, her mouth wide agape, and Sesshoumaru was struck by the ridiculousness of the comment and found himself laughing lightly, somehow bemused by the bizarre clash in their perspectives on his age – there he was, annoyed at being but a youngster, while to her he was _that_ old!

Rin felt her mouth drop even more at the sight. Sesshoumaru-sama was laughing! True, it was more of a chuckle than a full-blown laugh, but his eyes were actually amused and laughing! And, she noted, taking in as much of the sight as she could, Sesshoumaru-sama looked utterly beautiful when he laughed! Yes, he always looked pretty, but now he looked so radiant, so... perfect. But he stopped laughing all too soon, and, growing serious once more, walked over towards her.

"Rin, what is this about?" he asked, and she suddenly felt very embarrassed that she had acted so childishly and gotten so angry when Sae-sama tried to console her and told her that it was just the way things were. But... even so, it was still not fair! It wasn't fair that Ryouken-sama would reject her because of something like that and it wasn't fair that she had to be a human!

"I don't want to be a human," she confessed stubbornly, feeling horribly weighted down by the unfairness of it all, and Sesshoumaru-sama raised a questioning eyebrow at her.

"I want to be a youkai and I don't care what it takes!" she added rebelliously, looking down with her jaw tight.

Sesshoumaru felt something inside of him twinge alarmingly. Had she really succumbed to such disastrous desires...? Would she really try something as ludicrous as willingly discarding her consciousness...? Could she really be so blind as to not see what it meant?

"If you do that," he said sternly, his own jaw clenching as he felt it was _imperative_ for her to understand, "I would have to kill you."

Rin glanced up to Sesshoumaru-sama in shock. He would have to kill her...?

"You would become but a vile hybrid feeding on the remnants of your soul," Sesshoumaru added just as sternly, fixing his eyes on hers. She was still a child, yes, but her mind should be mature enough already to understand a truth as obvious as that.

Rin kept staring at Sesshoumaru-sama, speechless. He would have to kill her...? Was it really something so bad...? A vile hybrid...? Her thoughts circled in her mind confusedly, but when she kept looking at Sesshoumaru-sama like that, while he was looking at her so sternly, she suddenly felt that he was looking at her in a different way than normally, that what he was saying was very important and that he expected her to be able to understand it. She felt strangely grown-up when he was looking at her like that, and felt that she would not want to disappoint him.

"I understand," she replied seriously and in earnest, "I will never do anything like that," she promised, even though she still felt that there had to be some way for her to at least stay with them forever as a human, even if she couldn't become a youkai, and that it was just a matter of finding it.

Sesshoumaru-sama nodded, satisfied with her answer, and left on his way, leaving her still feeling somehow adult. Rin glanced to Sae-sama, who had been standing nearby and observing them, and smiled apologetically at her, feeling once more very embarrassed for having acted so... childishly, but Sae-sama only smiled back and said that it was alright, as long as she kept her promise to never attempt to become a youkai. Rin confirmed once more, and moved to clean up the broken – and _old_ – plate.

"Sesshoumaru-sama should laugh more often," she said pensively, picking up the broken pieces and thinking back to how amazing Sesshoumaru-sama looked when his eyes were smiling.

Sae-sama laughed herself, agreeing wholeheartedly, "He should indeed."

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Although seeing Sesshoumaru-sama laugh was undoubtedly a memorable and amazing thing, Rin still felt very downtrodden by having had her feelings rejected so callously and her mood wilted considerably for many summer days, including her fifteen birthday, which somehow seemed much less pleasurable than her previous birthdays.

But after a month of moping around sulkily and constantly trying to avoid Ryouken-sama, Rin discovered something that she felt she should've seen much sooner. If Ryouken-sama thought that he would have to be stupid to take a human mate, then, she found in a spark of resolute insolence, he had to be stupid as it was, and thus she should most definitely not waste her time feeling sad because of him! True, it was easier said than done, but repeatedly calling him 'baka' in her mind whenever she would see him sure helped a lot, and soon after she discovered the technique her mood began improving.

She had also realized that she should not worry about such trifle things as the stupid Ryouken-sama, that there was still so much in the world for her to experience, and her mood improved even more. And when the summer began declining into autumn, Shuukatsu-sama returned again, after having disappeared to somewhere even before she had confessed to Ryouken-sama, and – having quickly pieced the story together - made her feel even better by saying that Ryouken was indeed beyond stupid to have rejected a lady as lovely as herself. And, she recalled with a pang of vindictive satisfaction towards Ryouken-sama and gratitude towards Shuukatsu-sama, Shuukatsu-sama said it when Ryouken-sama was around and could hear him, and she saw Ryouken-sama's cheeks grow red at being called stupid by Shuukatsu-sama, whom, as she had gathered, he admired a lot.

Next time she would be more careful about whom she liked, she decided finally on one warm evening, sitting against a pillar of the opened sun room, while searching for her melody on the flute and vaguely listening to Kagerou-sama and Shuukatsu-sama's banter as they were trying to overcome one another in shogi and wit yet again.

"Really, Sae," she heard Shuukatsu-sama say after Sae-sama said something to him, "how many times do I have to tell you that you're too old to title me? Being called 'sama' by you makes me feel like I'm some thousand year old ghoul," he shook his head in mock scorn.

"You _are_ over a thousand, Shuu," Kagerou-sama cut in dryly, making her move on the board.

Shuukatsu-sama gasped in feigned outrage. "Foul slander! I am but two hundred," he assured them firmly, and Rin eyed him doubtfully along with the others. Honestly, Shuukatsu-sama might've not looked old in any way, but it was too easy to count that he had to be much older than that, so he could've picked some more believable number.

"I _feel_ but two hundred," he emphasized indignantly in reply to their dubious looks.

"Oh, I can easily believe that," Kagerou-sama countered lightly, and Rin could sense that she was about to deliver the finishing blow, "after all, I remember you saying that you had been 'an absurd oaf' at that age."

Shuukatsu-sama laughed, admitting her victory, "Defeated by my own words! So cruel, Kagerou!" Rin laughed to herself too. Yes, it really was nice to sit here like this, not doing anything in particular but just enjoying the warm evening and the cheerful company, she concluded once more, turning her attention back to the flute while they continued their duel behind her, this time about some 'underhanded methods' Kagerou-sama had sometimes used to push her shogi score against Shuukatsu-sama ahead, and – Rin tuned in into their words again – apparently it involved challenging Shuukatsu-sama while they were bathing somewhere, but - as Kagerou-sama stated in her counter – that 'his lecherous nature' kept distracting him was 'hardly her fault' and it was only 'fair play'. Rin laughed again; yes, that was only fair play indeed.

Soon, Shippou-chan too appeared from among the trees, and hopped on into the room, joining in the jokes and laughter that grew even more abundant with his help. But, Rin noted, somehow both surprised and not, she had never seen Sesshoumaru-sama join them, not only now, but ever really. True, he wasn't a laughing person, even though he could indeed laugh, she remembered with a sly smile, but didn't he find it nice to just be around people? Didn't he enjoy an evening spent like that?

She peeked out towards the rest of the shiro, wondering were he might be at the moment, and – deciding to find out – jumped down from the room almost straight into the garden. Walking through it, still bathed in the soft light and laughter from behind her, she quickly found Sesshoumaru-sama. He was sitting under the large willow tree in the corner of the garden, which seemed to be his favorite spot since he often sat there, and his whiteness was standing out clearly among the darkening garden. She could easily see why he would like the place, since it was one of the few places in the garden from which one could see past the trees that grew around it and on the slopes, and far towards the lands ahead. And, she noted with a smile, glancing sideways, it was also close to her favorite tree in the garden, a lonely cherry tree. It was her favorite even though throughout most of the year it looked less impressive than most others, because when it bloomed, even though it was just for a week, it outshone all other trees easily.

Sitting down under the willow too, she glanced to Sesshoumaru-sama pensively. He was looking ahead, although he did seem to notice her when she approached him, but didn't say anything about it.

"Does Sesshoumaru-sama like being around people?" she asked tentatively, her thoughts returning to the issue that made her come here in the first place.

Sesshoumaru glanced to her, once again taken unprepared by a question of hers. Did he like being around people...? What exactly was she asking about, he wondered, unable to come up with an apt explanation right off the bat, but when a faint laughter from the shiro caught his ears, he realized what she meant.

"No," he answered truthfully. He did not find pleasure in such inane tomfoolery, never had.

Rin took in the answer without much surprise, somehow knowing that Sesshoumaru-sama didn't like being around people. Or maybe she should've asked whether he _disliked_ being around others... Sighing, she absentmindedly raised the flute to her lips to practice playing again, but another thought occurred to her.

"Does Sesshoumaru-sama mind it that I'm here?" she asked again, this time not having any premonitions about his answer. Yes, Sesshoumaru-sama never told her to go away or not to bother him – unless she was making a real ruckus, which had not happened in years – but on the other hand, he often just... didn't notice that she was there.

Sesshoumaru found himself once again unable to come up with any definitive reply. He did not mind Rin being around, unless she was being noisy, although it seemed she had stopped that somewhat recently, but it wasn't that he somehow enjoyed her company, she just... was there. But as he once more heard a faint laughter – the washi's laughter – the picture became much clearer in his mind. What he would mind was having to spend time in the company of the annoying man, and it didn't even matter in what form or manner. The washi seemed to contaminate the air around him with irritating and disordered jauntiness and it only added to how annoying he was in acting as if he knew more about others than they did themselves. And, he thought glancing to Rin, the sheer contrast clearly proved that she did not bother him in the slightest.

"No," Sesshoumaru-sama replied once more and Rin felt herself smile happily. It felt good to know that even though Sesshoumaru-sama didn't like being around other people, he didn't mind her being around. Yes, she emphasized, making herself comfortable against the bark next to Sesshoumaru-sama and returning to searching for her own melody, it definitely felt very nice.

And as they sat under the streaming branches of the willow, teased by the soft hums of her flute, Rin felt that there was something about being around Sesshoumaru-sama that was not there about being around anyone else. It didn't matter that Sesshoumaru-sama would laugh only once in a blue moon – or even less often actually – or that he would hardly even talk to her. There was something about being around Sesshoumaru-sama that made her feel... right, as if it was just... _right_ for her to sit here with him like this, watching the stars bloom on the night sky above, knowing that Sesshoumaru-sama did not mind her company.

And, she felt, glancing towards the shiro and where her previous companions were, in some way it felt better than being around them, as if there was something here that only Sesshoumaru-sama could offer her, and that only she could accept.

Yes, it definitely felt nice.

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**Language notes:**

_youryoku_ – 'youkai power'; this term is often used in _Inuyasha_ for describing the energy that for example Inuyasha emits with Tetsusaiga or with his claws; the difference between this and 'youki' is quite subtle, but it seems to me that 'youki' refers more to 'youkai spirit, essence' and it's often used when sensing a youkai, and seems to be somehow a defining feature of a youkai, though I'm still unclear on the subtleties of the distinction;

_washi_ – eagle;

_yokobue_ – transverse flute, 'side' flute; like that one Sara played in Episodes 133 and 134; in case anyone is interested, Shuukatsu's melody is in my mind an actual melody taken from the _Inuyasha_ _OST1_, from the middle of track 15 'Mura no Ichinichi';

_sukebe_ – lecher; that's how Miroku is very often referred to ;)

**General notes:**

**Sesshoumaru's age**: Although at first glance it might seem that Sesshoumaru was intended to be an adult as such, Rumiko Takahashi has stated that Sesshoumaru is to correspond mentally to the age of 19, which makes him a person only entering the final stages of mental maturation, not one already there. And since 19 is in my opinion the age when one begins to consolidate oneself in character, while making the last minute – and often the most important - corrections and asking oneself many uncomfortable questions, I think that it's pretty much accurate.

**Shuukatsu:** I found it interesting to introduce a character who still sees Sesshoumaru as a child and has a different perspective. Notice that so far all the characters are either children or youngsters, minus Myouga, who somehow doesn't strike me as so mature himself, and all still have many issues to solve. Shuukatsu – who has a story and some issues of his own nevertheless – is more of an adult, so he can be structured as somebody around 30 I suppose. I also found it interesting to present Sesshoumaru in confrontation with somebody from a generation above him, so to speak, since in the whole span of the anime/manga the only such person is Bokusenou and the tree obviously laughs at Sesshoumaru and is not all that polite (Bokusenou does not title Sesshoumaru in any way), yet Sesshoumaru more or less holds his tongue. Furthermore, Touga is presented in the series as somebody who often helped others and was generally a likeable, even if a bit uptight at times person, so I would assume he had to have some friends ;)


	11. Chapter 11

Disclaimer: I do not hold any rights to Inuyasha in any form or way, nor do I make any profit out of writing this fic.

**Reviews**: As always, red-hot thanks and tons of gratitude towards everyone who decided to review! Most notably to **Sexysaxist**, who (as I have noted in Jiyuu na kaze, but it got deleted now) has showered me with very detailed, and greatly appreciated, reviews recently!

Now, first thing's first – many people have replied to my edit note to Chapter 10 and I feel that I have inadvertently offended some readers, so I strive to clarify. It's not that I think that people who read this story skip everything and only keep waiting for Rin/Sess romance – after all, not only many of the wonderful people who had reviewed had mentioned that they like the slow pace and the amount of detail I insert into the story, but also people seem to continue reading even though it's been over 80 000 words already and still no Sess/Rin! So I do know that there are people who enjoy the story as it is, and I think those people were my exact target audience when I started writing it. Meaning people who enjoy the slow presentation, the focus on characters and emotions rather than action and lemons, and the background stories to OC's.

So let me explain how did my crisis come about. It all started when I began writing Jiyuu na Kaze as a separate piece and felt that, as **Snowlock** has put it, it needed something to immediately captivate the readers' attention and keep it. And thus I kept wondering how to make people read a story they don't want to read and in the end changed the whole story beyond recognition, because it was not supposed to go like it did at all at first (most notably, at first Kagura and Shuukatsu were to have slept with each other within a week, without any romantic attachment whatsoever, naturally, but I admit that it's hardly 'captivating' when there's no build up to sex). And since, as once again **Snowlock** put it, most readers are interested in action, humour or fluff, I kept deleting everything that was not so and kept trying to speed up as much as I only could, which led to the story being pretty much butchered. Because that's not the point of my writing at all, and if I wanted to target the audience who is looking for mainly action, humour and fluff, I would do the traditional and just skip the ten or so years of Rin's life, and then dressed it all in some adventure and then maybe even reached for clichés and added as many 'osuwari's' as I could fit into it (or maybe even would move the action to high school. Or made it Sess/Kagome which seems to be more popular, despite the complete lack of plausibility, minus a FEW stories).

But as I think many readers noticed (and some have explicitly mentioned they like it) this story covers the parts that are most often than not cut out from other stories, and it is not only Rin's growing up, but it will be so later on too (so no techniques of skipping the years between Rin/Sess 'get-together' and then jumping to them having children, although yes, eventually they will have some offspring and if I don't get thoroughly pumped out by then, the said offspring will give them (read Sesshoumaru) many headaches). Some years will have to be skipped on the way, of course, simply because otherwise I'd end up with a 40 volume library of my rumblings, but in moderation and without making the readers just 'believe' that the characters have changed during those cut-out years.

So in short (as if), the struggle and self-awareness that got to me when I kept trying to make Jiyuu na Kaze appealing to readers, grew like cancer and spread out to here too, making me squirm uncomfortably whenever I tried to write something. Unfortunately, the problem of the side story remained, and I don't want to give up on writing it because it is to be about issues that are important to me personally and which I cannot insert into this story and between Sess/Rin, not without some MAJOR OCC-ness. So instead I decided to follow the advice of so many reviewers and just write as I see fit, meaning that you can expect some introductions to the side story in this one, although I think I will at some point split it in two again, because of the dual-perspectives options and to offer a continuity of reading for both stories. Not to mention more Shippou POV!

Lastly, although I have written some already, the remains of the self-awareness continue in my writing, and I think it shows in this, short, chapter. Moreover (and this I think might be the true reason for my recent disgruntlement) my neighbors have been drilling and hammering _constantly_ for the last two weeks. So it's very likely that I will never finish this story because I will be in prison for murder...

**Review replies:** Since I've taken up so much space above already, this time the personal replies to reviews are at the end of the chapter.

**Note**: This chapter is short, for two reasons. One, I recently re-read the whole thing and found even my own attention span waning with the longest chapters (mostly Chapter 9), and two, this in a way marks an end of an era in their lives, even though they don't know it yet. I was planning to add it to what will be the next chapter, but it would end up too long and not so prominent then. So the Adult Rin/Sess has gotten moved away, alas. I would like to make a point on Sesshoumaru here – note that in the last two chapters (or so) he didn't really have any struggles, simply because once he had admitted to himself that he does, in a way, care for Rin, enough to want to see her safe and happy, the years that followed would naturally be peaceful for him, at least in regard to her. Here he has minor struggles, which will sometimes return, but of course, the most gigantic struggle for him will be once he realizes that he had grown some feelings for her ;)

Lastly, as **mystal** has noted, Rin isn't aware of how much attention she pays to Sesshoumaru, and this is because I agree with **Sexysaxist** on this one – people who are adult when we are children are in a way 'untouchable' when we grow up, so even though she is already developing feelings for him (as emphasized a few times in this chapter), she's simply not aware of it yet, because in her mind he's not 'a boy'. It's not that I disagree with fics that have Rin fall for Sesshoumaru the moment she hits puberty, not at all, actually, I think that within a story that has only Rin, Sesshoumaru and Jaken wandering around forests, that would've been a natural development since her only other choices would be Jaken or Aun, ehm... But in this fic she has a wide range of candidates before her and also a clear-cut boundary between the world of adults and her own (notice though that it is beginning to slowly diminish, hence Ryouken is no longer a 'sama' for her). So yes, she will have to deal with that, but I won't torture her too much, I think.

And also, a plea to the reviewers – if anyone out there has the time to be more critical and tell me whether the scenes felt 'real' for them, and whether it was possible to feel with the characters, I would be very grateful! It is important to me, because once time begins to slow down (which is pretty much very soon), there will naturally have to be more conversations between Rin and Sesshoumaru, and also generally between characters. And since I don't feel good at that at all, I'd rather hear some pointers and criticism before I get to the parts that I would like to make as enjoyable as possible for the readers.

**Language notes:**

_sukebe bouzu_ – 'perverted monk'; 'bouzu' is a rather offensive term for monk, hence Miroku in some episode corrects people that he is a 'houshi', not a 'bouzu';

_baka_ – 'stupid'

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**Extra note**: Since, as **mystal** has pointed out, it's hard to imagine Rin as an adult, I have added **a picture** in my profile to show how I see her. It's taken from a doujinshi (and I hope I haven't infringed any important rights by cutting that image out of the original page), and is a very nice image of Rin. I see her look like that at the age of 16-18, although with a bit more playfulness in her eyes (and it will grow some more in time too). Sesshoumaru is not very realistic on it though, so pay him no mind ;) Moreover, this pic inspired the 'monks scene' in this chapter, although with a twist.

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_Chapter 11_

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The winter was particularly pretty this year, Rin decided while enjoying a walk around the snow covered forest with Sesshoumaru-sama. The trees were covered with a soft layer of pristine snow, and she felt that it made them seem so amazingly delicate and ethereal. Usually the snow wouldn't linger on like that, instead melting quickly into a grey watery pulp that was neither pretty nor pleasurable, and would quickly disappear anyway. But this year it had remained so shining and white on the trees for quite a few days now and she was very much enjoying the amazingly spotless scenery.

Still, she felt, absentmindedly reaching out to shake a low branch and make the snow on it shimmer down to the ground, even though winter could be pretty, her favorite season was still spring, when everything was so green and alive and yet it wasn't too hot and rainy, like during summer. Glancing towards Sesshoumaru-sama, who was unhurriedly walking ahead nearby, leaving soft imprints of his feet on the snow, she wondered which season he liked the most. It could very well be winter, she thought, tilting her head to the side and observing him pensively, since Sesshoumaru-sama somehow looked like winter, being so white and graceful and fitting so well into the snow coated scenery.

"Sesshoumaru-sama," she set out to find out, walking over to him through the snow in her fully covered shoes that she had gotten from Kagerou-sama, "which season Sesshoumaru-sama likes the most?" she asked, gazing up to him, and noting how easier doing so had gotten now that she was tall enough to reach above the edge of his armor.

Her voice rippled through the slow peacefulness of his thoughts and Sesshoumaru glanced down to her. Which season he liked the most...? He had no ready answer, he found, since he had never really thought about it before. Yet now, as he was walking around a quiet forest that was so blissfully void of any of the heavy smells that the summer was abundant with, observing the unsoiled trees, the answer seemed quite clear to him.

"Winter," he replied and she smiled instantly, undoubtedly for reasons he wouldn't be able to understand no matter how much he tried.

"I knew it would be winter," she said and he raised a dubious eyebrow at her. He hadn't known that before now, so how would she have known? But he decided against asking, lest he gave himself a headache thinking about her answer.

"I like spring the most," she added, still smiling. Somehow, it was the answer he hadn't asked for, since he found that spring suited her in some way. So perhaps winter suited him in her eyes in the same manner. Which would not be all that surprising, he thought dryly, glancing towards his white clothes.

Rin kept smiling to herself as she walked on next to Sesshoumaru-sama, feeling pleased that she had been right about which season he liked the most. It really did suit Sesshoumaru-sama well, she thought, glancing to his face again and noting how delicate and soft it seemed, somehow just like the snow covered trees.

Turning her eyes to look ahead again, since she didn't want to trip and fall into the snow – which was hardly pleasurable, as she had learnt long ago - she wondered which seasons the others liked the most. Shippou-chan liked the autumn the most, he had said so once, although that was because of all the nuts, acorns and chestnuts that were abundant during the season. She somehow felt that also Sae-sama liked the autumn the most, since she would often take long walks then. And Kagerou-sama and Shuukatsu-sama probably liked the summer the most, she decided, since they left for the south during winter. It remained a mystery to her though which season Jaken could possibly like the most, since he complained equally about all of them. She could partially understand why in relation to winter, she thought, shaking off more snow from another low branch. True, winter could be incredibly pretty when it was like that, but usually it was cold and dark, forcing her to stay indoors so much.

But, she added, glancing to Sesshoumaru-sama again and abandoning the branches to catch up to him, this winter she was having a very nice time indoors actually. She was finally able to read books on her own, without having to ask Sae-sama for help when she would stumble over a less frequent or old kanji, so now she would often spend a nice evening in Sesshoumaru-sama's room, reading under the warmth of his kakebuton. And just as it was with sleeping on his futon, it was the nicest when he too would be in the room, especially when he would be reading too, and they would spend their time reading like that, in the peace and quiet of his room, while the wind and snow would beat against the walls.

Still, she added, thinking again of her favorite season, it would be nice if spring could hurry up and get here, and make everything so lush and lively.

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But when the spring did come and then turned into summer, so quickly that she had almost missed her sixteenth birthday, it had been made much less nice than usual due to an incident that made her feel... annoyed at humans in general.

It happened when she was sitting in a flower field in the vicinity of the shiro, picking out the best ones to be weaved together and thinking that no matter how much older she had gotten, she still loved flowers just as much. True, they had no value or merit to them, but... they were simply pretty and pleasing.

Something rustled at the edge of the field and she looked up, roused from her thoughts. It was a group of monks, she found with a slight feeling of unease, watching them approach her. She remained where she was, curious as to what they could want. Were they lost, perhaps...?

The monk who seemed to be the leader of the group and the highest in rank stepped forward towards her when they reached her.

"Girl," he said, somehow firmly, "are you the one that is being kept by a youkai?" She frowned lightly, not really sure what he could possibly mean.

"We have heard your story and came to free you from his clutches," the man added and she frowned even more. What clutches...?

"Come," he said, walking over to her and grasping her arm firmly, "we will take you to your kind."

He... they... her thoughts swirled in her head when she finally remembered the same scene from years before and realized what he meant. They wanted to take her away! To make her leave Sesshoumaru-sama!

"I don't want to go anywhere," she objected at once, trying to wriggle her arm out of his grasp. But he held on firmly and only said to the others that she was obviously under the 'monster's' spell. They wouldn't listen, she realized in a sudden surge of panic, they didn't care what she wanted, they would just take her away!

She would _not_ let them, she felt in alarmed determination, she would _not_ leave Sesshoumaru-sama!

So while the monk was still half turned to the others, she got up quickly and did the first thing that came to her mind that could make him let go – kicked his shin as hard as she only could.

It worked, she found in relief when his hold on her lessened, and she jerked away at once, running back and towards the shiro as fast as she only could, not caring that she was trampling the flowers. And when the monks took off after her and she sped up even more, her heart pounding, only one thought kept ringing in her mind - to reach Sesshoumaru-sama, she _had to_ reach Sesshoumaru-sama!

Sesshoumaru, with a slight frown of displeasure, was walking in the direction of a distinctive smell of monks, wanting to find out what could've prompted monks to come so near the shiro. True, there were some monks in general in the lands, and sometimes even taijia, but they never bothered him or any other inu-youkai, preferring to avoid trouble, he assumed, so he was reasonably curious. But when the wind also told him that Rin was running fast towards him and away from the monks, the picture became much clearer in his mind and he picked up his pace slightly.

She reached him soon enough though, emerging from the bushy undergrowth, disheveled and panting.

"Sesshoumaru-sama!" she called at once and sprinted towards him to latch herself onto him, nearly stabbing her face with a spike of his armor in the process. He could clearly see that she was scared, her eyes were wide open, her heart was racing and she held onto him with surprising strength.

He was about to tell her to let go, he had some monks to deal with, but the monks in question, who seemed to be from outside of his lands, he noted, reached them before he had a chance to say anything.

"Youkai," their leader hollered upon spotting them stand thus, in what was undoubtedly supposed to be an imposing voice, Sesshoumaru thought sarcastically, "have you seduced the girl!"

Sesshoumaru blinked, stupefied and ousted out of any sarcasm. What...? Had he done _what_...? _Seduced...?_ The monk, he felt, no longer just irritated but suddenly angered, clearly desired to be killed. And, he added, his lips curling, he would gladly fulfill his wish.

'Seduce'...? Rin frowned, unsure what the monk meant at first. But when the word finally made itself clear in her mind and she finally grasped that the monk was implying that she... that Sesshoumaru-sama... she felt a blush creep onto her face, how dared he say something like that! That... that...

She let go of Sesshoumaru-sama abruptly, feeling somehow embarrassed about having been holding onto him like that. But her embarrassment soon gave way to anger, when she saw the monks nod to each other, as if confirming the man's speculation. And when the word 'depravity' reached her ears, she felt she had enough of them.

"You sukebe bouzu!" she told the monk off angrily, taking a step closer to the group to glare at them, "that you have dirty thoughts like that doesn't mean everybody does!"

Sesshoumaru blinked again, thoroughly surprised by Rin's behavior. Of course, he fully agreed with her words, but he would've never expected her to be so bold and collected in her opinions. And, the back of his mind noted idly, she had definitely spent too much time with the fox child if she knew expressions like that.

"And how dare you call Sesshoumaru-sama a monster, you... you jerkl!" Rin continued as she suddenly remembered what the monk had said earlier on. But it still didn't express her anger enough for her, and so she grabbed the first suitable thing in the vicinity, a springy withe lying on the ground.

"Go away!" she swiped at the group with it, while the monks were staring at her in surprise. One of them began spouting the nonsense about spells again and then about 'naive maidens'. "I'm under no spell and what I do with myself is none of your business!" She glared at them indomitably and they seemed to have finally understood her point and left, although not before launching a series of haughty glances at Sesshoumaru-sama, the bakas.

Hmph, Sesshoumaru thought, feeling somehow amused by the sight of Rin huffing like that, even more so when she turned to him again with a suddenly sheepish and bashful grin, obviously out of her, quite justified, anger. He had never thought her to be meek, he could clearly remember too many times when she'd contradict others, or even him, to ever think her so. But would've never expected her to be so... feisty, in a way. Although, he mused, perhaps it was due to the peculiar period of maturation she was still in. After all, he could still remember that he himself had given into various odd outburst when he had been that young.

But, he frowned, turning around to go back to the shiro while Rin scuttled after him, how vile the humans had to be to entertain such ideas about a child like Rin. Yes, he added, glancing towards her, she had grown even more recently and he could see that she had also began developing as a woman, but it was clear to him that she was still not an adult in her perception of the world, not matter what outburst and quirks she displayed. That the humans could ever harbor an idea of 'seducing' a child like her, he humphed indignantly at the memory, was an even further proof of how sordid they were.

Still, he considered, thinking back to the main reason of their 'visit' and reluctantly agreeing with the sentiment, it would indeed be better for Rin to return to her kind. Yes, she had promised to never attempt to become a youkai, but it would've still been better for her to live among humans. He frowned once more as he walked on, and his thoughts clouded over in a mist of confusion he had not felt in quite some time, swarming around the issue of Rin's future. She was obviously still not in the least inclined to return to her kind, and although she was still young and childish, he couldn't help but return to the question of what if she never desired to do so, what if she chose to remain here even after reaching maturity.

Would he force her to leave then...? He frowned yet again, unable to come up with a clear answer. It was not a pressing matter, she was still young, but... His frown deepened as he walked on with her next to him, and he finally decided to allow time to sift his thoughts out of the confusion and supply him with the answer he required. It was a technique that worked with most other difficulties, so, surely, it would work with this one just as well.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

When the autumn came once more, Sesshoumaru's thoughts, which he had cleared of the matter of Rin for the time being, were clouded yet again, although with a different issue. He had been walking through the corridors when a conversation in a room nearby caught his ears and his mind. It was the fox child and the washi, he found, they were chatting casually while having a meal. Of human food no less, as he could plainly smell. The fox child, as effusive as always, was telling the washi about the future and about the matter of the disappearing youkai. His own name fell from the kistune's lips too, when the boy mentioned his opinion that the youkai would die out, something he must've heard from Myouga, Sesshoumaru supposed.

He paused then near the open door to the room, interested in what the washi's reply would be. Shuukatsu was generally annoying and irrational, true, but Sesshoumaru would not deny him extensive knowledge on various subjects. He was not only probably as old as Chichi-ue, although how old exactly was something Sesshoumaru never knew, but would also constantly wander around the world, so his opinion on the subject might prove worth the time.

"Really, Sesshoumaru, how did you ever come up with an idea like that?" Shuukatsu said in his general direction and Sesshoumaru's lips pursed in annoyance. Unfortunately, the washi was also very skilled in sensing his surroundings, he noted wryly and made himself visible to the two.

"And you perhaps have a better one...?" he asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Not at the moment," Shuukatsu replied, seemingly untroubled by the fact, "but it's not possible for youkai to just die out. Youkai are not animals, killing every last one wouldn't ensure that no new ones appear."

Sesshoumaru frowned, considering the information, but the fox child disrupted his thoughts, for once with something worthwhile.

"Because youkai are of the spiritual while humans and animals are of the material?" Shippou didn't really feel all that confident on the somewhat mind-numbing subject, but he could still clearly remember the visit to Bokusenou and the answer that didn't really answer much.

Shuukatsu chose to only nod in agreement while munching on the onigiri in his hand and enjoying himself at Sesshoumaru's expense.

"But what does it really mean?" Shippou asked curiously. "That youkai are of the spiritual and the humans of the material, I mean. It never made much sense to me." It didn't, after all, he felt just as material as any human, and he was pretty sure that Kagome was more 'spiritual' than him.

An interesting question, Shuukatsu mused, observing the attention in Sesshoumaru's eyes and trying to come up with an answer that the boy would be willing to accept. "It means that humans originate from the bodily, while youkai from the spirit. 'The spirit' as in the energy that enables the life itself and permeates everything around us."

Shippou felt his mind boggle slightly, and, shaking his head to clear the confusion away, decided against analyzing the information. But Sesshoumaru frowned in concentration, trying to fit it into what he knew already.

"But humans have souls," he pointed out at length, raising an eyebrow again. It seemed quite contradictory to the idea that they were not spiritual.

Shuukatsu didn't seem to see a problem with that, however, and only looked at his amusedly. "It's their own creation," he replied, "their own energy that they had created on their own. In a way just like the youkai had become material on their own."

Sesshoumaru eyed him dubiously. "Explain."

"Explain what?" Shuukatsu blinked innocently and Sesshoumaru felt that the informative value of the conversation was not worth the annoyance after all. Frowning, he turned around and left the room. What he had learnt was enough to occupy his thoughts for quite some time, and he could always ask the washi again later anyway, when he felt more inclined to put up with him.

Shippou watched him go in relief, since the conversation was becoming a serious strain on his mind. True, it was interesting in general, but it was just like when Miroku told them about the 'Shikon', 'Four Souls' - interesting but too heavy for his mind to cooperate. However, he noted, glancing to Shuukatsu, the benefit was that the washi seemed to be thinking about it still, looking off into the distance beyond the opened external screens, and thus not paying attention to the food. Without further delay, Shippou inconspicuously edged Shuukatsu's plate to himself.

Amazing, Shuukatsu thought, watching the insatiable kitsune in the corner of his peripheral vision. The boy was stuffing the food into his mouth so fast that it seemed unbelievable he actually had the time to swallow. Not that he minded having his own part of the meal devoured thus, he didn't really need to eat and only did it for pleasure, while Shippou obviously still needed nourishment to grow.

Leaving the boy to his fun, he turned his attention back to the issue that had grasped Sesshoumaru's interest. No, it didn't seem possible to him that youkai could just 'die out'. They were a natural phenomenon in the world, and were in this or another form present in every culture he had encountered so far. He had lived for long centuries now and youkai, and also spirits, ghosts, deities, demons and whatnot, had always been there. True, some old ones had disappeared, some new ones appeared, but they were so diverse in their natures that it was only to be expected. But if what he had learnt from Shippou about the future was true, then something indeed had to have happened on the way, or rather would have to happen, although at the moment he was not entirely sure what could it be.

Yet, he appended, frowning slightly, the world was indeed changing greatly, especially in the West. He had visited it again lately, returning only a few months before he had come back here, and the changes that happened during the century or so when he had not gone there astounded him. Before, no matter how infrequently he'd travel to the West, the changes he would find were only minor. Yes, kings and armies rose and fell, but overall, it was always the same place. This time however, the changes were so sudden and abrupt that he was left feeling as if the world had picked up its pace and began speeding towards something, something it had never reached before.

Well, he noted, leaving the topic alone for the time being, it was only a few centuries more, he'd find soon enough what would happen.

And, he added, returning to the other issue at hand, he told the boy the truth about the difference between the youkai and the humans. Both were birthed out of the union of that which was material with that which was not, the union that allowed everything to exist, only that both leaned towards a different end of the continuum. Humans originated from the material, but developed their own spiritual energy, an energy that gave them souls and protection against the youkai, while the youkai originated from the non-material, yet have achieved material manifestations.

He did not tell Sesshoumaru the whole truth, true, but it would've been useless to do so right now, since the boy still thought himself so high above humans. Not to mention that there were some things he'd rather not have the boy know.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

This place was no good either, Rin decided, and paused in playing her flute on the edge of a forest near a village, among the blossoms of the spring. She had gotten much better at playing it in general, yes, but still couldn't find her melody. And even though she had prodded Shuukatsu-sama many times to give her some pointers, he would always only laugh and refuse. The most he had ever told her was that to find a melody you'd like to keep, you need to play in many places. So she played here and there, but it didn't seem to be helping.

It's not like she _needed_ to have a melody of her own, she countered pensively, she knew many now, even Shuukatsu-sama's melody, but that was exactly the point. She too would like to find one particular piece that she'd like to keep for good with her, to create something she'd always like. But so far she could only come up with tunes that would remain entertaining for but a few weeks. However, she thought, her face slightly dropping, Shuukatsu-sama told her that it took him centuries of playing to find his melody. She had pointed out to him then, somewhat sourly, that she wasn't all that sure whether she'd have that much time, but only heard in a laughing reply that for her it would only be years, since she was human. That, she felt, sounded more feasible, but it was still a long time.

Sighing, she glanced to Shippou who was sprawled out on his stomach nearby, busy drawing something on a sheet of paper. He seemed very used by now to drawing with a piece of coal, she noted, remembering how he used to complain about not having 'crayons' anymore. She was never all that sure what exactly crayons were, but he told her that they were just colorful sticks that Kagome would bring him from her world, and that using them he could easily draw all the colors of the rainbow. But he had ran out of the ones he had years ago, not long after Inuyasha-tachi disappeared, and was forced to use just charcoal. However, she noted, tilting her head slightly and observing the image of the village that he had drawn, he seemed not only used to charcoal by now, but was actually getting quite good with it.

Yet the picture of the village he had drawn made her think of the reason why they were here and she sighed again, turning back to the scenery before her. They had come here so that she could look out for the boy she liked, who lived in this village. She had first noticed him around a few months ago, during late autumn, when she and Shippou were stocking up on chestnuts and acorns for winter and had spotted some humans doing the same not far away. The boy, Hiroshi as she had gathered, was tall and handsome, a few years older than her, as it seemed. He looked somehow serious from afar, but he would sometimes smile when talking to others and she found his smile to be _very_ pretty. So when the spring came again, she set out to find some more about him.

Frowning, she thought back to how Shippou asked her at first why wouldn't she just go acquaint herself with him. It _did_ sound appealing, yes, but... She frowned again, biting on her lip and remembering the monks from last summer. It's not that she was afraid of humans as such, it was just that... she didn't really feel all that comfortable around them, without Sesshoumaru-sama nearby. True, Sae-sama and Kagerou-sama told her that the monks must've been from outside the lands and that here nobody would entertain such silly ideas as 'rescuing the maiden', as Kagerou-sama had put it, but...

She sighed again, absentmindedly playing with the flute in her hands. It was just that she sometimes felt as if everybody in the shiro thought that sooner or later she'd go back to humans. They had never really said anything like that, but... she just felt as if they did sometimes. And the fact that she could still remember how Sesshoumaru-sama took her to the Tanabata didn't help either. She knew now that Sesshoumaru-sama cared for her, and that he did like having her around, in a way, but... she somehow also felt that he thought that humans and youkai lived in different worlds, and thus that it would be better for her to live with humans. But she just... didn't want to, she thought, her fingers sliding over the holes of the flute. She wanted to stay here with them all forever, just like she was now.

But, she considered, glancing back towards the village, it _would_ be nice to find out more about why boys could be so appealing, in a way. She was nearing seventeen now and yet her only experiences with boys were limited to having had a crush on Ryouken. Her cheeks blushed slightly, it had been rather... silly of her to have been infatuated with him like that, she thought in embarrassment. He didn't seem appealing to her anymore at all, actually, he seemed quite... childish to her now, and she preferred not to return to the issue. But... it would be nice to like somebody like that again, somebody who would be worth it.

Sighing again, she raised the flute to her lips again, this time to search for another melody she recently thought of finding. She wanted to find a melody that would be good for Sesshoumaru-sama, and although it was still very much not ready, she felt she was having more luck with it than with her own melody.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Although Sesshoumaru had cast the issue of Rin's future out of his mind after the encounter with the sordid monks, when the autumn came once more, he was made to think about it again, quite forcefully at that. It had happened when he had accidentally wandered too close to a human village and nearly walked onto two young human females who were sitting at the edge of the forest around the village, engaged in conversation.

He was about to turn around and walk away, having no desire for the company of humans, but the words of one of them made him stop abruptly. 'Seriously, I'm already 16, if I don't get married soon, I'm going to be an old maid!'.

'Old maid', his mind repeated the words incredulously. Old maid at the age of sixteen...? Rin was seventeen now, he thought in stunned realization. Slowly, he moved closer towards the two females, wanting to assess if they looked somehow any older than Rin.

No, he found when they came into his view, they looked just as young as Rin. Which meant, he realized, once more incredulously, that according to the human standards, Rin was already of maritable age...

He blinked slowly in surprise. It somehow had never occurred to him before; yes, he could remember plainly that she used to feel some sort of an attraction towards Ryouken, but he was quite sure that it was nothing more than just a childish urge induced by puberty. And she still seemed very immature to him, very much not yet of age.

Turning around and leaving the two human females to their issues, he pondered the somewhat astounding problem. To him, Rin was still a child, a child on the verge of maturity, yes, but nevertheless still a child. Yet according to human standards, she was not only grown enough to take a mate, but would be an 'old maid' if she didn't do so soon.

Logically, it would've been best to return her to the humans as soon as possible, since as he had once concluded, finding a human mate would've been best for her. But... he frowned again, thinking about her childishness, it seemed ridiculous to him that she could possibly be old enough for it. She smiled and laughed just as she always did, doing the same things she would always do. And although he did perceive a certain maturation of her language and thoughts, she did not seem mentally grown to him yet, not enough to understand the benefits that reuniting with her kind would provide her with.

What should he do about it then, he considered, displeased to feel his thoughts grow muddled again. Should he make her rejoin her kind now or just let her make her own decisions, even though she was still too young to be able to comprehend the entirety of the situation...? Yes, her life was her own, and what she did with it was none of his business, but... But...

Entangled in the problem, he returned to shiro and began observing Rin carefully, weighting his options. She did seem fully grown, he observed, at least physically. She had grown to what he assumed to be her full height, reaching to his neck, which seemed to be a standard height for a human female. Her body had also developed into its full, or at least nearly full, growth, as he had observed when he had spotted her dressed only in a light inner clothing as she was returning from the bathhouse. And although she smiled and laughed as much as always, it occurred to him that perhaps what he considered to be childishness on her part, was only light-heartedness, being a natural feature of her character. Which meant she would not become any more mature no matter how much more time he gave her.

And on one still warm late autumn evening, when he was sitting against a tree in the garden, among the thickening night, and Rin was lying on her back nearby, watching the stars, he had reached his decision.

How dazzling, Rin thought, staring up into the starry skies above. The stars were spread out beautifully over the dark blue velvet of the evening sky, forming clusters and paths, twinkling and sparkling. It was a very pleasurable thing to do, she found, to just lie like that and watch the stars. The evening was still warm and somehow lazy, and the smells of autumn, of fallen leaves and nuts, were only adding to the pleasure.

"Rin," she heard Sesshoumaru-sama's voice among the soft rustling of the leaves and turned her head to look at him. "Tomorrow you will go to Urabe."

Rin observed him quietly, unsure what that was supposed to mean. She could remember Urabe, vaguely, but could, yet she had no reason to go there.

"You will live with Moshimune from now on." She blinked, feeling something cold creep suddenly inside her. Was Sesshoumaru-sama... was he... was he saying that she would have to leave him...? To go live with the humans...?

"You are human and your place is with humans," he added, looking at her impassively.

She sat up abruptly, her heart suddenly racing as she was looking at him with wide eyes. Was he really telling her to leave him...? But... She didn't want to go _anywhere_, she was happy here and she most certainly did _not_ want to live with humans, especially if they had thoughts like those monks!

"I don't want to live with humans," she told Sesshoumaru-sama, looking at him intently.

Sesshoumaru-sama turned his eyes away from hers to look at the autumn garden around them. "You will go live with them," he said, his voice somehow stern, as if he had made his decision and he would not be turned back from it.

She rose dazedly to her feet and moved to sit down right next to him. She _had_ to make him understand, she _had_ to make him see.

"I _don't_ want to," she repeated, her throat somehow constricted as she was looking at Sesshoumaru-sama's calm face.

Sesshoumaru felt his lips grow thin. He didn't need to look at her to know that the dark and sullen look he could still remember so clearly from years before was beginning to creep into her eyes. He didn't want to see her like that, it was as ill-suited to her as can be, he knew that. But... he was not trying to hurt her, he was not trying to betray her trust that he had never asked for, he was only trying to offer her a life among her kind, to prevent her from the sorrow of having no other choice but to live among youkai.

"You cannot know that," he told her, still watching the autumn trees, "you have never really lived among humans."

Rin watched him in desperation that was quickly growing frantic. She _didn't_ want to go live with humans, she _never_ did, and she was certain she _never_ would. There was no point in trying it if she already knew she wouldn't like it, she thought defiantly, her brow knitting as her mind was frantically searching for some way out of it.

"And if I try it, and still don't like it," she asked finally, finding the ray of hope she was looking for, "would I have to stay with them then...?"

Sesshoumaru considered her words. If she felt unhappy with humans, even when she would have learnt how it was to live with her kind, would he make her stay with them...? Well, he thought, frowning, it _was_ better for her to stay with her kind, either way... No, he realized suddenly, turning his eyes to her again as she was sitting on her knees next to him, the important thing was not making her stay with her kind at all costs. What mattered was ensuring that she would remain as happy as she was, even after years of living. He blinked, surprised to feel that it was and indeed important thing to him, that the idea of her living a dark and a sullen life was somehow... not acceptable.

"No," he replied, and her eyes brightened up at once.

Rin felt as if some heavy weight had been suddenly lifted off her shoulders. If it was only for some time, then she could do it, although she still saw no point in it. "So for how long will I have to stay there?" she asked, hoping it would be as short as possible. "A month?"

Sesshoumaru raised a dubious eyebrow. Really, a month was hardly any time at all, even for her.

"A year," he said and when her eyes clearly told him she was about to object, he got up to leave. The matter was settled, there was nothing more to it.

Rin's eyes followed Sesshoumaru-sama incredulously as he got up and then began walking away. A year...? A _year_...? That was so long! She did not want to stay away for so long at all! Not only because it wouldn't be fun at all to have to stay with the humans for so long, but also because she would miss everybody so much!

But, she realized suddenly, her eyes still following Sesshoumaru-sama as he was walking slowly through the shadowy garden, it could turn out not so bad after all. True, it was long, but... if it meant that she would never have to worry about leaving again, then it might be worth it...

Getting up swiftly, she ran after Sesshoumaru-sama to make sure that it would indeed be the case.

"Sesshoumaru-sama," she began, stopping in front of him and looking up to him intently, "If I go there, and yet don't like it and come back, will Sesshoumaru-sama... never make me go away again...?

Sesshoumaru looked down to her, noticing that her eyes were not dark anymore, nor bright, but somehow... pleading...? He frowned, feeling that his reply would be very important to her and therefore considering her question carefully. If she tried living with humans, and still found it not to her liking at all, would he ever try to make her leave again...? Would he still consider her judgment inadequate then...? No, he felt, looking into her somehow pleading eyes, he would not try to make her leave again. She would know her choices then and it would be up to her and her alone which one she chose.

"I would not," he replied finally and she smiled brightly at once. "Be ready tomorrow then," he added and left her in the garden.

Rin kept smiling happily as she watched Sesshoumaru-sama walk towards the shiro. If Sesshoumaru-sama said he wouldn't, then it most certainly meant he indeed wouldn't. Which meant she would most certainly not have to worry about it ever again, since she was more than sure that she would _not_ want to stay with humans, no matter how long she had to live with them.

So, even though a year did seem rather long, she thought, walking towards the shiro after Sesshoumaru-sama, it was very much worth it.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

"You're really going to be away for a whole year..?" Shippou-chan asked amazedly, while snacking on some acorns. They were in their room, and she had just informed her companions of her departure that was to happen on the morrow.

"Hmph, it's only long for you, baka," Jaken huffed, as always jumping at an occasion to slant Shippou-chan. It seemed to be a hobby of theirs, she noted lightly when Shippou-chan retorted that it took a baka to know a baka, something he didn't seem to have thought through really.

She would really miss everybody, she felt, watching them continue the squabble and move onto handiwork in no time. She would miss Shippou-chan's liveliness, Jaken's grumbles, Myouga-sama's snores and Sae-sama's warm smile. And, she noted pensively, she couldn't even say goodbye to Kagerou-sama and Shuukatsu-sama since they had already left for the winter. But she could say goodbye to the others and she promptly did so, assuring them that she would most certainly be back in a year, and repeating the process in the morning, when she woke up and made herself ready for her departure.

She then picked up Aun and went to join Sesshoumaru-sama who had been waiting for her in the courtyard. When she saw him stand and wait for her to be ready, she suddenly realized that she would miss Sesshoumaru-sama the most. Sesshoumaru-sama had always been there, she couldn't even remember anymore a time when he was not around. And as he stood in the courtyard, among the fresh sunlight, he seemed to her to be as if a warranty of her happiness, as if as long as he was around, she would always be happy.

Yes, she would very much miss him, she felt when they took off into the air, she would miss the quiet presence of Sesshoumaru-sama when they would spend time together, and the sense of security she felt when she would join him for a walk. But, she countered resolutely, it was only for a year. And when she would come back, he would still be here, same as before, and everything would be just as it ought to be again.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

**General notes:**

Snow symbols – naturally, the 'winter scene' at the beginning of the chapter was to be symbolic, since Rin admires winter and yet shakes off the snow off the branches ;) I'm not very good with symbols yet, but I had some practice recently while writing Jiyuu na Kaze, so I think I'll get there in time, I hope...

Renaissance – note that the reason why Shuukatsu was surprised after going to the West was that he had missed the beginning of Renaissance, and thus also, for example, the 'discovery' of America, and so on and on. After all the time frame here is circa 1570 by now, so a lot had happened in the Western civilizations within the century (or maybe rather two) prior to that. I think that I should've made it two centuries, not one, but I'm not sure yet how will the background story of Mari go (only 10 or so people know who Mari is, hahaha).

I also forgot to mention in the last chapter that in the Japanese culture musical instruments, just like swords, are treated very personally, often being given names and being kept in the family for long years. Which is why Rin felt obliged to ask Shuukatsu whether he wouldn't miss it. Of course, the fact that he had more than one was intentionally symbolic, cough. Also, as some people have noticed, the flute and the theme of finding her own melody is also symbolic, somewhat coarsely symbolic, but it will get 'desymbolized' later on.

**Review replies:**

**RabidAnimeGurl:** Thank you! I once more agree about the voices, it's a serious let down, especially since the example of Goldenboy (out of the anime I know) shows that it is possible to do a good English dub for Japanese anime. As for the manga I would recommend the shop I buy manga from (www. aclimatesolution. com), but it is a bit expensive (I don't have a choice since it's the cheapest to deliver to where I live).

And although Kagura has been removed for now, I think with the later-on insertion, I will make her have some 'scenes' with Sesshoumaru, mwahahaha, cough, splutter...

**mystal: **Thank you! I'm very glad you liked the ending, since I liked the image too, and I somehow felt it suited Rin/Sess well. And for a pic of Rin, see my profile and for my view on Rin's attitude towards Sesshoumaru – the chapter note ;) And yes, I agree that there is something there between Kagura and Sesshoumaru, but I think the exact reason why fics with them end up OCC is the fact that they are just ill-suited for each other. So to make the pairing work in a long run, either their characters have to be changed, or they have to placed in particular circumstances, when they would have to spend a lot of time with each other (but even then I don't think it would've worked for good).

**LadyOfTheWestLands**: Thank you and I do know what you mean about seeing events, and hence am very glad that it works for you with this fic:D

**DominicShade**: Thank you, hahaha:D I don't think I will have Shippou impress Rin, because it would complicate things a lot and stretch the story out even further, so maybe I'll insert some other 'manly' interaction between them. And I haven't thought about making Sesshoumaru jealous over Shuukatsu before, but you actually have a fantastic point there and I think I'll use it once Rin is a bit older (since Shuukatsu is a womanizer, but even he wouldn't consider a 15 year old girl. At least not anymore, ehm)

**DPM:** 'Liberally sprinkled', hahaha, a very kind way to put it! And thank you very much:D

**Shadowkeepre:** Thank you, especially since I had been going for that effect, not only because Sesshoumaru is an adult while Rin is a child, but also because it's something that is often omitted in Inuyasha fanfics, and I think that it is interesting to explore the rift between humans and youkai beyond just powers and origin.

**Anonymous: **Thank you and I'm very glad that you liked (and laughed at!) the scenes you mentioned, since those were exactly the effects I was going for:D

**MyFirstreviewever**: –blushes profusely– Thank you very much for such praise! And I'm also very glad that you spent your first review ever on this particular fic! ;)

**Sexysaxist:** Thank you, as always! I think you can be safely called my most appreciated reviewer:D But first thing's first – we do get to see Sesshoumaru laugh, in Episode 18 when Inuyasha dugs himself out from underneath the rubble of the ogre Sesshoumaru had laid waste to! It's a sort of a dark chuckle, but it counts nevertheless, haha. As for Rin's feelings for Sesshoumaru, I have rumbled about it in the note, to the spirit that I agree with you, it's not all that easy at all.

And about your very detailed and greatly satisfying other reviews – I am extremely grateful for you taking the time to review like that, because the things you mentioned were the exact things I was going for, so needless to say I'm overjoyed that somebody noticed them:D I'm not entirely fluent on the control over where I insert what bit on his character, so if I ever have the time (and skill) I think I'll edit the whole thing to be more logical in those insertions. Right now I still do it pretty much on impulse – if something can be fit into the consciousness stream of a character, then I do it, and although the method seems to be working for now, it is a bit haphazardous, hmmm...

On a lighter note, I have to honestly admit that I don't have much experience with children, being an only child and not having any of my own yet (I feel definitely too young for that!), so I was reaching mostly to my own surviving memories of that age, and am very glad to hear that it sounds believable:D

Also, I would like to thank you for the wonderful review for Jiyuu na Kaze (I have actually saved all reviews :)). I particularly appreciate the fact that you also make critical remarks, especially because you make them in a way that is not hurtful but constructive and _very_ appreciated. Most people prefer to just review on the points they liked, not wanting to discourage the author (and so do I, most often, since it does not feel nice to get a critical review) but without criticism it's very hard to improve. True, your advice on being more concise had given me _a lot_ of hard time recently, but it's for the best, since I really do need to improve on that. Therefore, should you ever feel like reviewing my fics again (please do!) I would be more than obliged if you would continue pointing out things that demand more attention! And thank you again:D

**I have a name:** Thank you:)

**Maore:** Thank you! And I'm glad to hear you liked the flute scene, since it will be coming back, as I have mentioned in the general notes.

**SusanneTJ:** I do know what you mean about the lighter bits, and I usually do try to insert some lighter parts in between the heavier stuff, but sometimes I rush too much and just concentrate the 'necessary', so to speak, content, thus making it too heavy, like Chapter 9, I think, which needs some editing. And thank you for reviewing:D

**The Cynical Rust:** Thank you! It was a very uplifting review, and I did indeed need to hear that there are people who don't want just romance or the like and who like the things that you have listed (which happen to be on my 'like and dislike' list too). And I will try to follow through with the greatly appreciated advice to just write as I see fit (although I do feel that my style when it comes to dialogue and action needs serious improvement). And don't save space on reviews, after all, if saving space was the thing, this fic would've been only 8000 not 80000 words long and they would be having grandchildren by now! ;)

**Ena:** Thank you for the encouragement! I do have to say though that the idea of Jaken is quite intriguing, hmmmm -–pictures the whole scenario of Rin waking in on Sesshoumaru and Jaken–- ;) And don't worry about mistakes, English is not my first language either, so I can fully relate to making accidental mistakes despite being fluent in the language (as you obviously are). Not to mention that you didn't make any mistakes!

**Angellips: **Thank you very much –blushes–. I especially liked hearing that you would still read it even if it wouldn't grow into a romance, and that you don't skip any part! It is indeed important for an author, I find, to occasionally hear something like that, so thank you :)

**Snowlock:** Thank you! Although in principle I agree with your advice (even if I used it a bit conversely in the top review note), the problem is that I don't find myself to be good enough to do it while retaining the general spirit of the story. I do keep inserting lighter bits, but inserting action or fluff would ruin the general feel of it (which is to be that of calm and peaceful years, and slow growth for all of them), unless I managed to find some non-intrusive way to do it. But this is what I don't manage to do so far, sigh. And I have to confess that although this is indeed my very first fanfiction (minus the first try of it) and the first creative thing I have written ever (minus some inane poetry at younger age), I do have years of obligatory courses on literature and literary criticism behind me, so any merit to this story is to be attributed to that, I'm afraid, cough, cough.

**Lili: **Thank you and don't worry about the length of reviews! The more detailed the better imo ;) And I'm very glad to know that you liked the story for more than romance and being Sess/Rin. And I agree about the slow growth of any potential Sess/Rin development, they just don't seem like people who'd fall for one another within one day ;)

**Msram79**: –blushes– Thank you! As you can see, I got a bit over the crisis, although it's still hindering my writing somewhat. Still, as long as it means I will improve in the long run, all is well! And I don't intend to give up on the story, even if I sometimes happen to take breaks from it ;). I'm also _extremely_ flattered that you liked the story enough to print it and share with friends :o I think that's one of the greatest effective praises, and a great encouragement too, that an author can get, so thank you very much:D

**Nenmeris:** –blushes– Thank you! And I do very much agree that what the readers would want shouldn't cloud over what I want from the story, but the problem is that once I write something, I can't be the judge of it, simply because I already know what I wanted to convey (a problem every author deals with daily, I think... sigh). I do have to say that it's not that I feel bad at writing in general, I feel passable when it comes to narration, but it's the dialogue and action that keeps pissing me off, so to speak, which is why I decided to specifically ask the reviewers for criticism on that:) And thank you greatly for the encouragement!

**RinoaHeart7**: Thank you, but I do feel obliged to tell you, in view of my recent writing crisis, that you will have to wait some more for the romance, and that I intend to take all the sweet time I want with it! ;)

**idril: **Hahaha, thank you very much for all the kind words! And I'm very glad to hear you don't skip any parts, since almost every single part contains something important! Not to mention that every writer wants to be read in full! ;)

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Wow, that has been a lot of reviews to reply to... Don't stop! Seriously!


	12. Chapter 12

Disclaimer: I do not hold any rights to Inuyasha in any form or way, nor do I make any profit out of writing this fic.

**Reviews:** As always, thank you everyone who decided to expend time on reviewing, especially those who expended a lot of it! I love reviews! –-has no shame— Particular 'woot!' to **Frenchiegirl** who submitted the 100th review:D

And since some issues recurred in many of the reviews, I set out (with great personal pleasure and total lack of self-restraint as always) to reply to those in one go.

First of all, on my continuing battles with my writing abilities (the score is around 100:0...). What I meant in talking about dissatisfaction with my writing style was not so much the style itself, i.e. the sentence patterns or modifiers used (although that could use great improvements too), but rather my abilities (or lack of thereof) to structure events properly. That being – how to make drama dramatic, angst angsty, romance romantic and humor humorous. It's not enough to just describe things as they go in my head, since for a right effect everything needs a proper build-up, context and structuring. Probably every writer has stumbled over this basic problem of being unable to read one's own creation 'afresh', without knowing where it's going, and thus being unable to see how it can be perceived by a reader. But to offer an example of what I mean (a simple one I'm actually beginning to grasp) – how to insert descriptions of visual content, that is descriptions of places and characters' appearances. Some descriptions are necessary, simply to fuel the reader's imagination, but too much is basically boring and usually drags. Personally, I find that I often skip lengthy descriptions, especially whole paragraphs devoted to nothing more but a description, without any humor, merit or meta-comments inserted into it. So instead I believe it's better to insert a simple sentence here and there and then build on it with casual modifiers. A reader's imagination is a very fertile gizmo, it can create a whole scene on the basis of just, for example 'brightly-lit corridor', without needing 'the corridor was long and narrow, winding along plentiful rooms like a snake through grass yada yada', or something. Unless a lengthy, or just detailed, description is useful for setting a mood or for action details, it's pretty much redundant. And too many of them usually make me yawn halfway through a story, only the most apt ones hold my attention for longer. Although naturally, it is very tempting to describe everything in detail, simply because probably all writers would like the readers to see what they see in their minds, but creative writing doesn't work that way, I find. It's impossible to make a person imagine the exact same thing you're imagining, it's only possible to give them pointers towards the general mood or setting.

But anyway, making 'angst angsty' and so on is a much more complicated issue. It's not enough to just say 'she was aching to the very core of her being'. Sure, this way the reader will _know_ that she was, but won't _feel_ for her. And my, somewhat pretentious, ambition is to make the readers feel for and with the characters. But to do that it's necessary to immerse the reader in a situation that would make them 'ache' too, and unfortunately, it's not simple at all, I find. Same with humor (and I have a rather 'dry' sense of humor, I have been told often) – most humor is based on contrasts, for example between what the readers would expect on the basis of what they know of the world and how it works (their 'ideal cognitive models' to use some linguistics terminology) and what is said or done in the story. But such a transgression against what is expected cannot be too striking, because the reader is too 'Eh?' to laugh, nor too subtle, because then it can drown in the action around it. So again, not easy at all. And sadly, although I have sat through many (obligatory) courses on literature and literary criticism, I have absolutely zero experience with creative writing, so I'm only learning those things now as I go along. Therefore, there's hope for improvement, but in the meantime, it's very frustrating to have something funny, cute or angsty in my head (I actually laugh at my own jokes, as sad as it is...) and find myself unable to convey it to the readers as aptly as I'd like to. Well, maybe someday.

On to a less personal topic – **oakzap425** asked if Inuyasha-tachi will ever return to the story and as **Sexysaxist** mentioned some readers have missed them, so once more I set out to elaborate ;) As I have mentioned once before, this fic in humongous in size, it comprises of something like 5 parts (of varying length) and currently I'm on part 2. The story of Inuyasha-tachi will only be revealed in parts 4 and 5, which also happen to be my favorite parts since in them most of the issues that are gathering between the characters and in the plot will be finally resolved. Even Inuyasha and Sesshoumaru will have some 'brotherly moments', although _not_ in the style of 'Oh brother how can I make it up to thee?' (...). I know that the removal of Inuyasha-tachi may seem as nothing more than an empty plot device, and it actually is a lot of a plot device, but it all started from my reading another fic and getting thus inspired. Only after that I found how useful the idea could be, for many various reasons. But it is – I hope – well justified by the plot and the like, so things will hopefully become clear in time. Unfortunately, since the fic is so long (it was supposed to be less wordy in my mind), there are many times when I insert a foreshadowing too early or at an irrelevant moment, for example the mention of Usumaru in Chapter 5 was too early, since the story will only be exposed within the next two or three chapters. So I think that once I'm done with the fic (it doesn't have any definite ending at this point though) I will rewrite it to be more coherent. But in the meantime, it means that there are many moments when things may make little sense, so do not hesitate to point it out to me!

**Review replies:** Since I have yet again taken up so much space (sic!) at the beginning, the personal replies to reviews are once more at the end of the chapter.

**Note**: This chapter is mostly Rin-centered and I intended to actually include the whole year of her stay in Urabe. But once I reached 20 000 words and still had a lot to insert, I decided to divide it after all, to avoid cutting out too much. What got already cut out, was for example an explanation of what Taisatou was doing with Shuukatsu on Okinawa, also because it made more sense in relation to the 'Men's talk' from Jiyuu na Kaze (to be reused here later on ;)). However, I did not feel like cutting out for example the Sumisawa family, because they grew on me a lot and it was also a practice in how to present OC's to the fullest while using just one or two paragraphs.

And I know that some readers were expecting a lot of cultural shock, but in the end I decided to focus mostly on 'feminine' issues, thus preparing the ground for the romance to follow. However, I tried to keep it concise, especially Kagerou's explanations, so I can only hope it still makes sense... Moreover, **D-chan3** wished to see Rin being rejected by humans, but it would defy the main point of her being there, that is her maturation. The only thing she could learn by being rejected would be a confirmation that humans are 'bad', and as dramatic as that could be, it would not add anything to her character. On which I rant some more in the General notes ;)

And great thanks to anyone who had actually read through the whole junk above, hahaha!

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**Language notes:**

_Liuhua_ – here Chinese female name meaning something like 'pretty flower';

_geta_ – Japanese 'clogs' – a platform sole propped up by two wood pieces running across the bottom of the sole; very useful for all the rainy seasons and generally for not getting one's feet wet or dirty. I don't think that high-born women were supposed to wear them, although it's very likely, but I used it anyway.

_tabi and zori_ – as mentioned before in Chapter 6, tabi are the Japanese socks and zori (or zouri) – the Japanese sandals.

_taisho_ – leader, chief

_Hime-sama_ – princess-sama ;)

_tennyo_ – a heavenly maiden; known to _Inuyasha_ fans from Movie 2;

_otera_ – Buddhist temple;

_omusubi_ – rice ball;

_ryouriya_ – restaurant, literally 'dish shop'. What I had in mind was one of those places that are often shown in _Inuyasha_, for example in Episode 16 when Miroku goes to check out the girl with soft skin and large eyes ;) I'm not sure if 'ryouriya' is the right term for it, since there are quite a few Japanese words for 'restaurant' and I have no idea about the subtle distinctions between them, so if anyone does have an idea about it, please let me know!

_izakaya_ – Japanese 'pub', meaning a place that serves cheap food and alcohol;

_ofuroya_ – a public bathhouse. As seen from the three last terms, most shop names in Japanese end in 'ya', and practically anything can be made into a name of a shop this way, just take the item name and add 'ya'. Very efficient!

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**Cultural notes**

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**Position of women in Sengoku Jidai**: Well, it was pretty much the same as in feudal Europe, so an 'ouch'. I tried to stick to all factual information I could find on the issue, but since I couldn't find everything I wanted to know, I had to embellish some, cough. Since describing the whole thing here would take up a lot of space, below is a link to a decent article on the matter:

www. gamingw. net /articles /102

It's a gaming site, but the article is good nevertheless ;) I would like to only mention here something that is mentioned both in the chapter and in the article – that in Buddhism a woman had to be first reincarnated as a man to enter paradise. This is _not_ true for all Buddhist sects and subgroups, but there were some that did hold such believes.

**Bathing**: As mentioned before a few times, the bathing culture in Japan is – and much more so was – very different than what we, as Westerners, are used to. Not only a tub was used for soaking in, not washing oneself in, and the actual wash-off was to be done outside, but also the shame of nudity aspect was practically non-existent. As described in the phenomenal article I linked to in Chapter 9 (for Rin's menstrual issues), before the 20th century the Japanese didn't have any inhibitions in regard to nudity – it was an everyday thing and thus in a public bathhouse men and women bathed together, without any divisions or problems. This led to hilarious issues towards the end of the 19th century, when Japan was 'catching up' with the Western civilization, and a lot of Westerners were coming to Japan. Naturally, for a Westerner from that time (still very Victorian), it was quite a shock and a serious offense against morality (although many Western men visited public bathhouses nevertheless, ehm). Thus, they often perceived the Japanese as barbaric and primitive because of it. And since at the time the Japanese government wanted to build a strong and 'respectable' nation, they introduced regulations against women and men bathing together and ordered public bathhouses to introduce separate sections for each gender. Naturally, not every bathhouse could afford it, so some devised an ingenious method of just dividing the bathing area with a piece of string. Thus, the letter of the law was upheld and morality was saved ;)

Of course, to a modern Japanese person, just like to a modern Westerner, this would be pretty much unthinkable to do, which is why, I believe, most 'historical' anime and manga, such as _Inuyasha_ or _Rurouni Kenshin_, downplay that aspect of history and have their protagonists behave in the way a modern person would (notice though that Inuyasha seems to experience no inhibitions about his nudity, like when he enters Kagome's room without any clothes on after an attempt of a bath with Souta). And for the same reasons I tried to do the similar, that is include some factuality about the matter, while at the same time trying to avoid anything that would be too bizarre and what would detract from the 'romantic' aspects of the story. (On that note, although today nudity is commonly perceived as erotic, in Sengoku Jidai it was clothing, not nudity, that was considered erotic, as strange as it seems.) So although I tried to retain the appeal of nudity for Rin and Sesshoumaru, there are also some more historically accurate mentions in the fic, such as that Kagerou and Shuukatsu bathe together without any qualms about it, or that in the bathhouse Rin visits in this chapter, there are some men as well, although not explicitly mentioned. And of course, that is why Rin and Sae often bathe together (like Kagome and Sango) and why Shippou bathes with whomever he sees fit ;)

Lastly, although a 'public bathhouse' is often associated with 'brothel' and although there were actually some bathhouses with 'extra services', the vast majority were just bathhouses for bathing proper, without any hidden subtexts. As to how a public bathhouse looks like, those who have read or seen _Ranma_ will probably know – it has a large tub or two (often the size of a small pool) and a lot of room around it for washing oneself before entering the tub. Moreover, since the Japanese always appreciated such 'naked companionship' (an actual term from a Japanese site, again, without any subtexts...), bathhouses were often used as meeting places, to be visited in large groups. Nowadays, most modern houses have private bathrooms, be it Japanese or Western styled, so public bathhouses are less popular. However, many Japanese miss the 'naked companionship' in the seclusion of their home bathrooms, so public bathhouses are still quite widespread and can be easily found pretty much everywhere throughout Japan.

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_Chapter 12_

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The people in Urabe were no longer that afraid of Sesshoumaru-sama, Rin noted as they walked through the town's streets. She could still remember that the last time they were here, people kept pointing to them, seemingly afraid. This time they were also getting a lot of attention, people kept looking at them and moved out of their way just like before, yes, but in a different fashion, somehow respectfully.

But, she thought, smiling lightly and glancing to Sesshoumaru-sama as he was walking beside her, she could understand why. Sae-sama told her that the daimyou's who used to claim ownership over the lands demanded high payments from the nearby villages, but everything changed when Sesshoumaru-sama disposed of them, because he refused to accept any kind of offerings from the humans. So right now the villages only had to pay minor taxes to Moshimune-dono, who was effectively governing the lands. And apparently, as Sae-sama had told her, this caused everyone to hold Sesshoumaru-sama in high regard.

She waved to various people, pleased that they weren't scared, although they still seemed to be keeping their distance. But soon they reached the tono and she remembered with full clarity the exact reason why they were here. This was where she would be staying for the whole of the next year, she thought, glancing around as they passed through the gates and walked on through the external courtyard. Well, she had to admit it was indeed a very pretty place, just like she had remembered it to be. It seemed somehow more intricate and elaborate than the shiro, especially the garden that she could see to the side, behind some minor buildings.

They stopped near the main entrance, and soon Moshimune-dono came out to greet them. She couldn't remember him all that clearly, but he seemed just as he used to be, only older and somehow less nervous.

"This is Rin," Sesshoumaru-sama said and she had a vague feeling he had said the same thing back then, "you will treat her as your own daughter for as long as she desires."

Moshimune-dono beheld them silently, feeling somewhat surprised. He had heard many stories about both Sesshoumaru-sama and Rin, the human girl that lived among the youkai, but he had not seen Sesshoumaru-sama ever since he had seen him first. Which only served to enhance the precarious feel of his own position. He acted as the lord of the lands, yes, he dealt with every and any official matter that required attention, be it signing travel permissions, regulating trade with outside lands, passing on judgments both on criminal offences and local conflicts, or attending official festivals and religious ceremonies. But he, like probably everyone else in the lands, had always been aware that in reality they lived on youkai lands.

It was not that it was a disadvantage, however, quite to the contrary. Sesshoumaru-sama was an almost ideal noble to have as one's superior – he protected the lands from any menacing youkai, and often also bandits, while not demanding any kind of payment for it and not interfering in the lives of the people in the lands in any way. And even though two years prior there had been a few attacks on humans by the black inu-youkai, it seemed to have stopped quickly and only minor youkai occasionally caused trouble now. But... Moshimune-dono always felt that Sesshoumaru-sama's reasons were not necessarily the same as his honorable father's used to be, and thus he never felt fully secure in his position. And, he added pensively, shifting his eyes to the girl of whom he had heard much gossip, her presence with Sesshoumaru-sama, and his current request, did little to clear away the confusion.

"Naturally," he replied, breaking his short reverie, and complying, of course, since he didn't have a choice to begin with, "it will be a great pleasure."

Sesshoumaru nodded to himself, satisfied with the proper answer.

"Should you not desire to stay here permanently," he said, shifting his attention to Rin, "come to the edge of the forest in a year."

Rin glanced up to Sesshoumaru-sama, slightly surprised that he would not be coming for her here.

"Un," she agreed nevertheless, and he turned to leave.

Watching him walk away towards the gates, Rin felt with sudden clarity that this was the last she would see of Sesshoumaru-sama for a whole year. For the whole of twelve months. It had been decided, yes, but...

"Sesshoumaru-sama," she called out and he turned his head back to her slightly, pausing, "... don't forget."

He didn't reply, just walked away, but she somehow knew he wouldn't forget. Sesshoumaru-sama did not forget and always kept his word, she felt, watching his white form disappear from her sight. Somehow reassured and ready to face that whole year, she glanced to Moshimune-dono and smiled a bit sheepishly, not really sure what she was supposed to do now.

"You have met Haruko before, I believe," Moshimune-dono said invitingly, leading her inside.

"Un," she confirmed, looking around the spacious halls and ornate rooms. She had been here before, yes, but she could remember the tono only vaguely, and was curious to have a look around it again. And to see Haruko-chan, whom she could also remember only vaguely. If she was to stay here for twelve months, she should make the best of it, she resolved, looking around some more.

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Haruko-chan had grown quite a lot, Rin found when Moshimune-dono had a servant take her to see Haruko-hime. She was now sixteen, soon to be married, as Rin learnt when they were getting to know each other anew. She seemed nice, she was all polite and somehow delicate, so Rin was having a nice time talking to her. But, she noted, observing the petite and pretty young girl carefully, Haruko-chan seemed somehow... shy and as if unsure whether it was alright to ask about what she seemed to want to know – about Sesshoumaru-sama and the youkai in general. Rin couldn't see why she would hesitate to ask about it, after all, she herself was curious to learn more about Moshimune-dono and life here. So she took up the subject on her own, which Haruko-chan seemed to appreciate. They conversed thus for some time, in the large spacious room overlooking a pond, until they were interrupted by Fujita-sama, who came into the room with another lady trailing behind her.

Fujita-sama looked very graceful and elegant, and seemed just as nice as Rin remembered her to be.

"Do you find everything to your liking?" she asked, in a gentle and soft voice, and Rin nodded, smiling. She was indeed finding everything to her liking. True, it's not like she wanted to be here to begin with, but Haruko-chan seemed to be a nice companion so far.

Poor child, Fujita thought, watching the girl before her. She had often wondered about the fate of the cheerful little girl who had come to see the festival years before, especially when she would hear rumors of 'the youkai girl' being spotted somewhere in the forest, in the company of a fox and a dragon. It wasn't good for a human girl to live with the youkai like that. Yes, here humans lived in peace with youkai, minus a few minor incidents, and in fact, they were indebted to the youkai for the peace their presence and sovereignty offered, but...

Fujita sighed inwardly, taking in the details of the girl. She was dressed only in one-layer summer yukata, was barefoot, her hair was unbound and unruly and her manners clearly said that she had not been raised to be a lady. The flute stuck casually behind her plain sash did not improve the image of a somewhat wild child either.

But, Fujita thought, it seemed that Sesshoumaru-sama was just as aware of the impropriety of Rin's situation and desired her to receive proper education. And if she was to stay with them, and be treated like their own daughter, as her husband has informed her, it would be her responsibility as a mother to provide her with the necessary education and instruction. She was not entirely sure what Rin's relation to Sesshoumaru-sama was exactly, but the simple fact that she was a ward of his could easily provide her with great marriage opportunities. The Western Lands were not too valuable in general; the terrain was hilly and thus farming was difficult, only Urabe and the villages along the coastline were more prosperous, due to the vicinity of the sea and the abundance of fish. But because of the sovereignty of the youkai, the lands were peaceful and no expenses had to be made on wars, which was an exceptional and extremely advantageous effect. Many young lords in the neighboring lands would undoubtedly be eager to take up an occasion to form an alliance with the powerful youkai daimyou. So if the girl presented herself properly, her prospects could be quite bright.

But, Fujita sighed again when Rin openly laughed out loud – while sitting only partially on her feet! – it could prove to be quite a challenge to teach her the proper way of a lady.

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The life in the tono, Rin established quickly, was quite different from the life in the shiro. First of all, there were a lot of servants everywhere, and she found it quite odd to have everything done for her. True, there were many people in the shiro too who were Sesshoumaru-sama's subordinates, in a way, but they were not servants as such, only members of the pack. The closest she had ever known to a servant was Jaken, but he served Sesshoumaru-sama, not her. She found it strange now that not only she would have everything done for her, but that actually, she was not supposed to do things on her own, at least not some things. She was also not supposed to thank the servants, as Fujita-sama had told her.

She had also been told that she was not supposed to wander around the tono as she pleased, but only stay in the part where Haruko-chan and Fujita-sama resided. She too was assigned a large spacious room there, even larger than her room in the shiro. It had a main room and an inner bedroom, and a very strange bed – a futon with thin and fluttering curtains around it. It could be an interesting experience to sleep there, she anticipated, but when she was left alone in the room for the night, it turned out that the experience did not make up for being all alone in the dark and empty room. She couldn't really even remember a time when she would sleep alone, other than sleeping on Sesshoumaru-sama's futon when he was not in his room, but even then she never really felt alone.

And now, lying under the soft covers, surrounded by the elegant curtains and the darkness, she found she did not like the feeling at all. She was a supporter of 'joyful skinship', as Shuukatsu-sama once described it, when Kagerou-sama told her that he had a dangerous habit of latching onto the closest thing in his sleep. Kagerou-sama illustrated the dangers of such a habit by telling her how once, the two of them and Touga-sama were journeying together and Touga-sama made the grave mistake of sleeping too close to Shuukatsu-sama. Thus, when the dawn came, Shuukatsu-sama was latched onto him firmly, muttering sleepily 'Oh, you feel so good, Liuhua'. It took half of the morning, Kagerou-sama told her, for Shuukatsu-sama to come to, after Touga-sama flung him across the clearing and through many trees.

Touga, Shuukatsu-sama stated indignantly then, simply didn't appreciate the concept of joyful skinship. But, Rin sighed, nestling herself under the covers, she happened to appreciate it, and at the current moment was missing the said skinship of a warm kitsune who would often slap her across the face as he twisted and turned in his sleep, and the general companionship of her other roommates.

She finally managed to fall asleep by imagining herself to be home, at the shiro. But when the morning came, she learnt that there were many other things she would have to get used to. She was woken up by the sounds of Fujita-sama entering her room, in the company of many servants who were carrying lots of cloth.

The folds and folds of cloth, she found soon, were her new clothes. Just like the ones that Haruko-chan or Fujita-sama herself were wearing. They were indeed very pretty and made her think of a book about the life at the court she had read once. She couldn't really understand all of the book, especially why the people in it acted the way they did, but had found the idea of being all ladylike and pretty to be quite interesting. So she didn't object when Fujita-sama had the servants dress her. But when the layers of clothing kept coming and coming, she discovered that pretty as such clothing was, it was also _horribly_ heavy and uncomfortable.

It wasn't all however. Once she was dressed, Fujita-sama told her that her hair would be done now and Rin was soon being groomed. It was another strange thing to have done to her, since everybody she knew kept their hair natural, without any ornaments or special styles. Not that it was surprising, as she had learnt long ago when Sesshoumaru-sama had cut off his hair, youkai couldn't cut off their hair permanently, its length and shape were invariable features of their human appearance. She kept her own hair shorter, since it was simply more practical, and Sae-sama actually envied her for being able to do so.

But she found now that it was not a good thing to do, to keep her hair only long enough to reach some past her shoulders. Fujita-sama kept sighing and shaking her head at how short and unruly her hair was. A lady should have smooth and long hair, she said. But her hair wasn't all that unruly! True, there were many strands of it that always kept sticking out at odd angles, but even Sesshoumaru-sama had shorter strands of hair around his face!

Fujita-sama would have none of it, however, and only urged the servants to make more of an effort. Rin scrounged her face in slight confusion. What exactly was the point of all those things...? It didn't seem appropriate for her to object though, since Fujita-sama seemed so sure of what she was doing. But when her hair was done and the time came for her to slip on geta – something she had never worn before and now found to be quite uncomfortable and wobbly – she decided to clarify her doubts.

"But why do I have to wear them?" she asked Fujita-sama tentatively, "And why should my hair be smooth and long...?"

Fujita-sama sighed again. "A lady should present herself appropriately. Being barefoot and dressed only in a yukata is quite unseemly."

Alright, Rin could understand that. But... "I'm not a lady," she informed Fujita-sama, since it seemed that Fujita-sama didn't know.

"But you ought to be," Fujita-sama replied patiently. "You are the ward of Sesshoumaru-sama and you should do your best to represent him appropriately."

"Represent...?" Rin questioned, unsure what exactly it was supposed to mean.

"A lady should not only obey the wishes of her father, husband or son, but also represent her household accordingly and conduct herself appropriately."

Rin was trying to digest the information, but Fujita-sama wasn't finished yet. "Surely," she added, "you do not wish to dishonor Sesshoumaru-sama?"

No, Rin was quite sure she did not wish to dishonor Sesshoumaru-sama. So as she was practicing how to walk in those new clothes and shoes, following Fujita-sama's instructions, she pondered the matter carefully. She had never thought about it like that before, never thought that her behavior was in any way important to Sesshoumaru-sama. Sure, she knew to not disturb him when he was for example talking with Satoshi-sama, and to do what he told her to, especially when it involved her safety, but... she had never considered that what she said or did in any way influenced what other people thought of Sesshoumaru-sama.

She had never even thought of herself as Sesshoumaru-sama's 'ward', she had never really put her relation to Sesshoumaru-sama into any context, she just... was there, with him. Just like he was always there, just... Sesshoumaru-sama. He was always there for her, whatever was the problem. True, he was very much not a talkative person, and he did not appreciate joyful skinship – perhaps he inherited the trait from Touga-sama, she wondered idly on the side – but it didn't matter. He always protected her, provided for her and cared for her. She didn't even need to think back to that time when she fell off the cliff and Sesshoumaru-sama was angry with her to know that he did. It had been quite silly of her to have ever even doubted it back then, although it felt really nice to have been reassured about it, just like it felt nice when Sesshoumaru-sama would for example tell her to put her tabi on. She had gotten used to wearing tabi and zori, of course, but it was still much less comfortable than wearing nothing, so she would always try to postpone the moment of having to don her winter clothes. Sae-sama would always chastise her for it, and she would pretend not to hear, in what had become a kind of a game for them. But when Sesshoumaru-sama would glance to her feet and then just say 'Put your tabi and zori on, Rin', she would do it at once, and it felt somehow nice to do it because he told her so. It felt nice enough to make her sometimes purposefully go barefoot to his room, just so that he would tell her to put them on again.

"You need to take smaller steps," Fujita-sama's instructive voice reached her and she was brought back to the reality around her. No, she decided firmly, making her steps smaller, she most certainly did not wish to dishonor Sesshoumaru-sama. And if representing him appropriately meant that she should wear those clothes and geta, and generally do the things that a lady should do, then she would gladly do them.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

However, Rin soon discovered that there were _a lot_ of things that a lady should – and shouldn't – do, and pondered the matter one afternoon in her room, watching the outside scenery from behind the ornate bamboo blinds.

Apparently, a lady should be properly attired at all times, should walk in small steps, should eat in small bites, should cover her mouth when she laughed – actually, a lady should not laugh out loud, she had been told, only smile, and then cover her mouth with either her hand or her fan. She should also keep her eyes lowered, should not interrupt, should not be loud, should not contradict, should be polite, should be obedient, should be pleasing to the eye and entertaining when so requested.

Those however, Rin added, frowning slightly, were only the general pointers. Each and every thing a lady should and shouldn't do, should or shouldn't be done in the correct manner, involving a lot of complex actions that made little sense to her. And a lady should also know a lot of things, like calligraphy, assisting in a tea ceremony or playing the shamisen or the koto. The flute did not gain enough of Kyumitsu-san's approval to be allowed.

Taking a few small and shuffling steps, Rin moved towards the small table in her quarters. She still wasn't all that good at walking properly, not only in those clothes, but in general, as Kyumitsu-san kept telling her. And Kyumitsu-san should probably know, since she was a very learned woman, who had taught Haruko-chan all she needed to know and who had even been trained in proper conduct at court, as she had been told. Kyumitsu-san had been very much dissatisfied with her manners, and had been very strict on her, when she and Fujita-sama would instruct her on how a lady should act.

Sighing, Rin carefully lowered herself into a sitting position at the table, mindful to keep her feet underneath her in the correct way. So many of the things that she was supposed to do or not do made little sense to her. She just couldn't see the connection between conducting oneself properly and covering her mouth when she laughed... smiled. After all, _everybody_ laughed, even Sesshoumaru-sama! And why was it that she needed to keep her eyes lowered...? Didn't it just make her likely to bump into something...? Although, she sighed wryly, considering the slow speed with which she was supposed to walk – never run, which was nearly impossible in those clothes to begin with – she would never bump into anything anyway.

And it had also begun troubling her lately why did Sesshoumaru-sama make her come here. Of course, she knew he thought that humans and youkai lived in different worlds, and that thus, he was trying to provide her with what he thought was right for her. But... she never wanted to come here, she never wanted to live with humans. She had thought that Sesshoumaru-sama simply didn't understand that, or thought that she would change her mind if she tried it but... recently, it occurred to her that maybe, Sesshoumaru-sama sent her here so that she would learn how to act appropriately, because she had been dishonoring him...

The thought first occurred to her when she had asked whether she could possibly _not_ wear so many layers of clothing. It was warm alright, despite the nearly winter weather, but it was _too_ warm, and _too_ constricting and _too_ uncomfortable.

"My dear," Fujita-sama looked at her in surprise then, "do you want to look like a crude village girl? I'm sure Sesshoumaru-sama wouldn't have wished it so."

The words had closed Rin's mouth and made her rethink the reasons why she was in Urabe. Perhaps, she had considered slowly then, Sesshoumaru-sama too thought her to be a 'crude village girl' and was ashamed of having her around...? Perhaps he wanted her to become a proper lady, whether she was to stay here or come back...? That sudden thought remained stuck in her mind, making her blush in embarrassment whenever she thought that she had been dishonoring Sesshoumaru-sama, and she doubled her efforts to do everything as a lady ought to.

And as days and weeks passed by she became much better at it. She could walk properly now, talk properly, eat properly, she kept her eyes low and her voice gentle and remembered to cover her mouth when smiling. Also playing the koto and assisting in a tea ceremony became much easier for her, even though there were still many details that kept escaping her grasp. But she found a technique that not only made her as calm and centered as she was supposed to be while practicing those things, but also filled her with contentment. Whenever she was doing some repetitive practice, she would imagine being back at the shiro, with Sesshoumaru-sama; going for walk with him, watching the stars when he was nearby, reading in his room. Those thoughts always made her feel nice and warm and urged her even more to do everything to please Sesshoumaru-sama.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Yet when almost three months of her stay had passed, and winter was giving way to spring, her faith in what was appropriate and what was not began wavering.

It all started during one of visits of Haruko-chan's friends. Haruko-chan's friends were a few girls from the samurai families who lived near the tono, and they would come over occasionally. At first Rin found those visits – in which she was to participate too – slightly awkward. The girls kept watching her very intently, and, just like Haruko-chan, seemed very interested in hearing about Sesshoumaru-sama, but were shy to ask about it directly. Which was the right kind of behavior, she had been told, because it was impolite for a young lady to be curious. But in time they became accustomed to each other, and she also found that when Fujita-sama would leave them on their own, they would become much more open and talkative, chatting animatedly.

The most frequent topic of such chats was marriage, be it the upcoming marriage of Haruko-chan or of some other of the girls. She found the subject to be quite interesting, since she had never really given much thought to marriage. Of course, she knew what it was, and that it was an everyday human practice. Even some youkai married, or rather mated for life, since youkai generally didn't perform any elaborate matrimonial ceremonies, like the humans did. But... she had never really thought of marriage in relation to herself. Even when she would go to watch Hiroshi, or whom she had forgotten somewhat, as she discovered, and would daydream about him, her thoughts had never really traveled past a talk or a kiss...

But now, as she listened to the girls talk so excitedly about marriage, it seemed to her that it was a very important thing to them. She wasn't entirely sure why, after all, neither Sae-sama nor Kagerou-sama were 'married', although, naturally, Kagerou-sama used to be mated to Taisatou-sama, Sae-sama's father, who had died when Sae-sama was still a little child. But now neither had a mate and they seemed perfectly happy with that. So she had asked the girls once why was marriage so important.

They looked at her in surprise for a few moments, before one of them, Naoko, replied.

"If a girl doesn't marry," she exclaimed, in a somehow 'it's obvious' voice, "she has to join an amadera!"

Rin knew what an amadera was, it was a Buddhist nunnery. But... why would a girl have to join it...? The girls continued talking about it, about how awful it would be to have to join an amadera, and thus she soon learnt why. It seemed that a girl either had to marry, or join an amadera, there was rarely a third option. It didn't make all that much sense to her, but there were many things that humans did that confused her, so she took their word for it. And, she had to admit, it really would be nice to have somebody to like, a husband, maybe.

But she was yet to learn the strangest thing about marriage. The girls often talked about Jiro-sama, Haruko-chan's husband-to-be. She heard that although he was only a second son of the Yamada clan, it was still a great honor for Haruko-chan, because the Yamada clan were descendants of the Fujiwara clan, and thus Haruko-chan's sons would also be descendants of the ancient and honorable clan. Curious to learn more about the whole idea of marriage and being in love in general, she asked Haruko-chan what kind of a person he was, and why she liked him.

"I am yet to meet Jiro-sama in person," Haruko-chan replied timidly and Rin blinked in confusion.

"But if you haven't met him," she began tentatively, unsure whether she hadn't missed something, "then how come you are to marry him..?"

It was the girls' turn to blink and Rin instantly felt that she had asked about something silly and obvious.

"My honorable father had chosen Jiro-sama for me to marry, years ago," Haruko-chan answered at length.

Rin felt even more confused. "But... how can you marry him if you don't know him...? If you don't know whether you like him?"

More blinking followed. "I trust that my father has chosen well for me."

Well, yes, Rin thought against her confusion, probably, Moshimune-dono seemed trustworthy, of course, but... She just couldn't understand how come Haruko-chan could marry somebody she had never met before. Yet it seemed that the girls didn't see anything strange about it, so she decided against asking any more questions, feeling that she was acting inappropriately as it was.

But the issue kept bothering her as the day carried on, and she kept pondering it on the side. It did seem nice to marry, especially considering how excited and gripped by the prospect the girls were. But... wasn't it about liking somebody...? Wasn't liking somebody and wanting to be with somebody the main reason for marrying...? It kept bothering her enough to make her ask Fujita-sama about it, when the evening came.

"The duty of a lady in marriage is to bring honor to her family," Fujita-sama told her when she asked why people married, "and it's the obligation of the father to choose the right husband for his daughter."

'Honor', Rin considered, dimly thinking of how the girls said that marrying Jiro-sama would be an honor for Haruko-chan.

"But," she asked again, still confused, "isn't marriage about liking somebody...?"

She realized at once that she must've said something silly again, because Kyumitsu-san, who was also in the room, looked at her as if she said that sun rose in the west.

"Personal happiness," Fujita-sama replied, with an odd look in her eyes, "always must give precedence to honor and duty."

It didn't explain much either, and Rin felt still confused and disoriented. But she didn't ask more, somehow feeling that she ought to know such things. Yet it wouldn't stop playing on her mind ever since then and she kept paying rapt attention to all conversations about marriage. And as another month had passed, the image became much clearer in her mind. A girl, or rather a lady, ought to marry. Not just anyone, however, but an appropriate man, from an appropriate family, whom her father would chose for her. If she preferred not to marry, she was expected to join an amadera. If she did marry, she was expected to honor and obey her husband, just like she had honored and obeyed her father, and deliver sons for her husband.

She could understand the concept of honor and duty, of course, but it still seemed... _strange_ to her that one was supposed to marry – and thus also do _that_ – with somebody they had never met. It just... didn't seem right to her, it was pointless and just... not right.

And even if the girl liked the man her father had chosen for her – why was she to honor and obey him...? And why would it be a dishonor if she didn't like the man and refused...? Wasn't it important to her father – and why only father? – that she was happy rather than that she was obedient...? Why was it so important to be obedient to begin with...? She had never been told to be obedient as such, sure, she did obey when Sesshoumaru-sama or others told her to do or not to do something, but it wasn't because it was her duty, but mostly because she trusted they knew better than her, being older and more experienced. Yet, nobody ever told her to just... be quiet and obey. Except Jaken, but she had learnt long ago not to take what he said too seriously, he always had some peculiar ideas that often got him in trouble with Sesshoumaru-sama.

So she kept watching the life around her even more attentively, trying to find some answers to her questions. Yet what she realized one day a few weeks later, during another visit of Haruko-chan's friends, made her only even more confused, stupefied actually. They were talking about marriage again and suddenly various bits of what they were saying linked together in Rin's mind. 'I hope father will allow...' said one of them, 'I fear that after we're married, Umito-san won't let me...'. said another, and Rin stared at them in abrupt realization, feeling various pieces of what she had been told, of how a _lady_ should act, various pieces that seemed odd and bizarre to her, link together to form a coherent, underlying picture. It was a _daughter_ that was to obey her _father_, a _wife_ that was to obey her _husband_, a _mother_ that was to obey her _son_. A _woman_ that was to obey a _man_.

They kept chatting and talking, laughing and smiling, and Rin's head was heavy under the onslaught of her newly found knowledge. Everything made sense now, starting from having to keep her eyes lowered to marrying a man your father chose for you. Only that it didn't make any sense at all. Why, she wondered, frowning in incredulity, why should a woman obey a man...? She could understand why a daughter would obey her father, or rather respect his wishes – it was good to respect you elders in general, they knew more, have lived longer and experienced more, so chances were, they knew better than you, especially if they happened to be youkai who had lived for centuries. But... why should a wife obey her husband...? Why did humans believe it so...?

She blinked suddenly, astonished by another thought. Was it only humans who believed it so...? Or did youkai too thought women to be somehow... worse than men...? No, she countered at once, she had lived all her life among the youkai and had never heard any such notions. But, the back of her head replied, Shippou-chan for example would sometimes say that he 'was a warrior who would protect girls in trouble'. He often said so when they would get in trouble together, but she never really paid any attention to it, since she indeed required protection, lots of it actually, simply because she was a weak human. But Shippou-chan himself required protection too, and so did Jaken, and she was _quite_ sure they were not females.

No, she decided firmly, it was not so among the youkai, just like it was not so that a girl either had to marry or join an amadera. But her mind countered at once with an assembly of facts she knew about the Western Lands. Sesshoumaru-sama was now the taisho of the white inu-youkai, before it was Touga-sama, Hourou-sama was the taisho of the black inu-youkai, Kisho-sama was the taisho of the grey inu-youkai, and all happened to be men. And Shuukatsu-sama, who was also something of a hanshu in the Western Lands, was a man too. And so was Satoshi-sama, Sesshoumaru-sama's in a way assistant, who dealt with most issues related to the pack. All men.

And, she blinked again, too preoccupied in her thoughts to even notice that Haruko-chan was talking to her, if Sesshoumaru-sama sent her here so that she would become a lady, as Fujita-sama told her, didn't he too think that she ought to be an obedient woman...? After all, as she had just found, that was one of the prerequisites for being a lady... So maybe Sesshoumaru-sama too thought that females were somehow worse than males... Maybe she had just never really paid attention to it before...

Her head filled with confusion, spurred by all the 'maybe's and 'why's, and laden by all the questions and unknown answers. It stayed with her as the days and weeks carried on, and she constantly dangled between what seemed right to her and what seemed right to everybody else. And it didn't help at all that soon after that, during one of the general lessons with Kyumitsu-san, she had learn that a woman cannot reach paradise unless she is first reincarnated as a man.

Thinking about Sesshoumaru-sama no longer helped her get through her days, not at all, it only filled her head with questions. Why did Sesshoumaru-sama send her here...? Did he really think that she had been dishonoring him? Did he think her crude because she had not been acting like a lady? Did he think her worse because she was a female? _Was_ she worse...?

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

The thoughts kept troubling her and she constantly felt confused about what was right and wrong, about how things ought to be, and how she would like them to be. Yet one thing was clear in her mind – she had no desire to stay with the humans, to live like she was living now. It didn't matter whether the youkai too thought women to be worse, whether they expected their daughters to obey and mate complete strangers. Even if, she'd rather have to be obedient there than here.

The greater was her astonishment when one late spring morning, Fujita-sama approached her while she was practicing playing the koto with Kyumitsu-san.

"I have great news for you, my dear," she said, sitting down next to them. "Yesterday, Nishizawa Natsuo from the north asked Moshimune-dono for your hand in marriage!"

Rin blinked, unsure if she heard right. What...? Who...? Frowning, she did recall some man called Nishizawa Natsuo who had visited Moshimune-dono a few times, but... she didn't even know him!

"Oh," Kyumitsu-san exclaimed, "Marrying into the Nishizawa clan, such honor!"

Rin looked between the two of them, blinking again.

"I can only hope that Moshimune-dono has agreed," Kyumitsu-san added, bowing to Fujita-sama slightly.

"He has indeed," Fujita-sama confirmed promptly, "he was quite pleased about it."

They continued talking about all the details, about when the engagement would be announced and when and where the marriage ceremony would be held. Rin stared at them in shock, unable to collect her thoughts that were scattered all over her mind, unable to think of anything coherent. But as they talked and talked, even about _children_, one thought overrode all others and she expressed it through the numbness of her mouth.

"But I don't want to marry him! I don't want to stay with humans, I want to go back to Sesshoumaru-sama!"

They turned to her abruptly, visibly taken aback by her outburst. Fujita-sama was the first one to collect herself and regarded her blandly. "Natsuo-sama has left yesterday already to ask for Sesshoumaru-sama's consent, and I'm quite certain that he will obtain it."

Rin felt her mouth open in shock. Sesshoumaru-sama wouldn't just make her marry! He had _promised_ her that she could go back to the shiro after a year here!

Fujita-sama rose to her feet and added even more to her confusion. "Unless you want to dishonor Sesshoumaru-sama with your disobedience, you ought to weigh your words more carefully." She left them after that, in a shuffle of small elegant steps, leaving Rin to stare after her with eyes wide with incredulity. That's right, she realized, if Sesshoumaru-sama gave his consent and she objected, she would dishonor him!

Kyumitsu-san cleared her throat loudly, signaling that she should return to her practice. Rin reached out to pluck at the strings numbly, too gripped by her stunned thoughts to pay attention to what she was really doing. She _didn't want_ to marry some stranger! She _didn't want_ to live like that! She wanted to go home!

But, she thought in sudden panic, if Sesshoumaru-sama agreed, if he _wanted_ her to marry that Natsuo-sama, would he expect her to obey...? To just say 'it will be an honor', which, as she had been told, was what the girl was supposed to say...? No! No, she countered at once, Sesshoumaru-sama wouldn't! He wouldn't just... give her away like that! Like... like a _thing_!

Yet as she kept playing the koto, botching every other sound and making Kyumitsu-san constantly click her tongue in disapproval, her own doubts came back to her to taunt her, to add even more to the sudden stuffiness of the room. Maybe she _was_ supposed to just obey, maybe it was the right thing to do, no matter how wrong it seemed to her...?

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

"You're not gonna believe it guys!" Shippou's excited and amazed voice tore through the sleepiness of the warm midday in the shiro as he burst into the room where Sae, Shuukatsu and Kagerou were.

"Believe what?" Sae prompted him invitingly.

Shippou didn't have to be asked twice. "Some guy just came over to ask Sesshoumaru to marry Rin!"

Sae and Kagerou stared at him quizzically in silence, somewhat bewildered by the concept of somebody wanting Sesshoumaru to marry Rin, and Shuukatsu plucked away the book that had been lying lazily on his face while he had been pondering its contents and looked to the kitsune just as pensively. "You might want to elaborate on that."

"What he's trying to say," Myouga spoke up puffingly from Shippou's shoulder, to which he had been clinging during their dash through the shiro, "is that Nishizawa Natsuo from the north had come to ask for Sesshoumaru-sama's consent to his plans of marrying Rin."

"Exactly!" Shippou nodded heartily, "And he's gonna talk to Sesshoumaru now, so come on! Lets' go!"

He dashed out of the room again, and Myouga's four tiny hands flapped about wildly before he caught onto the kitsune's clothes, muttering something about needless rush. Casting each other curious glances, the other three followed after them.

Sesshoumaru silently regarded the young human male before him. He was aware who the man was, albeit vaguely. Nishizawa's ruled the lands to the north of the Western Lands, yes, but there were many human daimyou's in the area and they came and went too quickly for him to remember them all. Not to mention that he never felt inclined to remember them to begin with.

Frowning slightly, he considered what he had just heard. The man attempted to make some polite small talk at first, but Sesshoumaru silenced him promptly with a well raised eyebrow. Apparently the human was quick on the uptake, because he wasted no more time on idle prattle and proceeded straight to the point. Which was that he desired to marry Rin and sought his consent on the matter, considering him to be her lawful guardian.

Sesshoumaru frowned again, untroubled by the fact that he was making the man wait in silence. That was what he had been expecting to happen, and it was the best way for Rin to rejoin her kind, yes, but... His frown deepened. It had been over five months already since he had deposited Rin in Urabe, and ever since then he kept feeling as if he had misplaced something. When he would be in his room and the sound of footsteps would reach his ears, the back of his mind kept expecting Rin to open the door and pester him with something he didn't care about. And when he would go out for a simple walk, he often caught himself absentmindedly glancing to his side, surprised to find nothing there. It was an irksome sensation, one similar to what he experienced whenever he would fail to grasp some important thought, or would forget to do something he was supposed to do, neither of which happened to him often.

But, he countered the annoying sensation, Rin had been around for over ten years. It was only to be expected that it would take some time for his mind to get used to the change and abandon its old habits.

"If she desires to marry you... " he told the man finally, pausing slightly when his thoughts unexpectedly flared with an image of brightly shining brown eyes, "... I see no reason why I should object to it."

The young Nishizawa bowed in reply, expressing his gratitude for the consent, and quickly left on his way, to return once the matter was fully settled, confirming Sesshoumaru's assessment of his intellectual capabilities. For a human, the man didn't seem too stupid, and thus he was satisfied with Rin's choice. She should be happy if she married him, he decided, frowning irritably when the image of her brown and bright eyes flickered in his mind again.

Outside the room, five shadows – one particularly tiny – tiptoed away from the wall they had been eavesdropping through.

"You guys think she's really gonna marry him...?" Shippou asked his companions when they had crept away far enough. It had never really occurred to him that Rin might not come back from Urabe. He was not entirely sure why she had gone there to begin with, but always assumed that she'd be back soon and everything would be like it was before.

But if she married that Nishizawa guy... He bit on his lip pensively, unsure what to think about it. And glancing up to the three youkai's before him, he found that they didn't seem all that sure about it either. Neither replied; Sae looked away with a slight frown and Kagerou and Shuukatsu only exchanged odd glances.

Well, he sighed finally, he'll have to wait and see for himself.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Ever since the morning, when she had heard that Natsuo-sama had asked to marry her, the hours blurred for Rin. Her head kept spinning and all the questions that had been troubling her lately only intensified in her mind, almost deafening her to the outside world. One thing stood most prominent among her thoughts and she kept returning to it over and over again – what if Sesshoumaru-sama wanted her to marry that man, the man she didn't know at all, let alone liked...? What if he really _did_ expect her to be obedient and docile...? What if he thought she didn't have a right to object...?

And whenever she would reach that point, something would twitch inside of her unpleasantly, accusingly. Sesshoumaru-sama never asked her if she wanted to come here, she just _told_ her to... She had thought that he simply believed that it would've been best for her and didn't understand that she didn't want to, but... what if he just _wanted_ her to and she was _supposed to_ obey...?

But... but he wouldn't break his promise, would he...? She was sure that he would always keep his word, that she could trust him...

Yet the doubts just wouldn't go away, wouldn't leave her alone. And the dour feeling that began clouding the image of Sesshoumaru-sama in her mind when she had first encountered such doubts only intensified, making her anxious and uneasy instead of warm and content whenever her thoughts returned to him.

When the afternoon came she found herself in the room overlooking the pond and the panorama of the town, with Haruko-chan and her friends. They kept squealing and chirping, obviously delighted with the prospect of another marriage, congratulating her on such a good match. They were just as sure as Fujita-sama that Sesshoumaru-sama would consider Natsuo-sama the right husband for her and that she would have to agree...

She was supposed to smile and thank them, she knew that, but it seemed too ridiculous, too preposterous for her to do it. Moving to sit next to the edge of the room, she focused on the view of the town instead of on their words. Town she had not even seen properly yet, she added waywardly, because 'it was unseemly for a young lady to wander around the town'.

She kept feeling as if she was standing over the edge of a cliff, about to fall from it, and there was nothing to help her, nobody to prevent her from falling. Up till then, whenever she was in danger all she had to do was shout 'Sesshoumaru-sama' and she would be safe almost at once. But this time, she thought in constricted apprehension, the bitter feeling inside of her intensifying even more, no help was coming...

And yet the moment she thought so, hope appeared on the horizon, or rather on the bridge that linked the two sides of the town. Right there, right then, as if brought in an act of divine intervention, Kagerou-sama and Shuukatsu-sama came onto the bridge. Something warm spread rapidly inside of her, all over, something warm and hopeful. They looked so familiar, so known, so... _home_, and her head was instantly filled with images of warm evenings in the sun room, of Kagerou-sama bringing her a Kemari ball, smiling, of Shuukatsu-sama making silly jokes and being defeated in shogi, of _home_.

She got up half-consciously, oblivious to the odd looks she was getting from the girls behind her, feeling that they would know, they would know what to do, they would know all that she wanted to know, they would make things _right_. And then she was racing through the corridors and walkways, colliding with people, tripping on her clothes, ignoring some distant cries of Kyumitsu-san who was scuttling after her. It didn't matter, it didn't matter at all!

She raced even faster and in no time burst out of the tono onto the external courtyard, where she had to stop, wheezing from having run in her lady clothes. But it was alright, she could already see Kagerou-sama and Shuukatsu-sama, they were walking up from the gates, untroubled by the guards who only kept staring at them with strangely stunned and staggered eyes. She waited for them, feeling herself smiling broadly despite being out of breath.

"Rin-sama!" Kyumitsu-san's reproachful voice reached her from behind, chasing away her smile, and she spun around to the woman, who seemed to her like a reminded of the bare reality. Her mind swirled with questions and doubts again and she stared idly at Kyumitsu-san's reproachful expression. Kyumitsu-san began saying something, scolding her for running like that, but her voice suddenly trailed off and her eyes rose towards something behind Rin.

Rin turned around again to find Shuukatsu-sama and Kagerou-sama right behind her, and to see one of the oddest things. Shuukatsu-sama was regarding Kyumitsu-san coldly, with a raised eyebrow, in a perfect replica of the look she had seen Sesshoumaru-sama fix people with a hundred times. She stared at him in amazement, thoroughly bewildered to see Sesshoumaru-sama's expression on Shuukatsu-sama's face, but soon found that despite the difference of the face that was employing the look, it was still just as effective as always. Kyumitsu-san gurgled something behind her and then scampered away.

"So," Shuukatsu-sama started casually, abandoning Sesshoumaru-sama's expression, "do you really want to marry Nishizawa Natsuo?"

"No!" Like she would even have to think about it!

Shuukatsu-sama seemed satisfied with her answer. "Good. Nasty tempers they have, the Nishizawa's."

But Rin wasn't paying attention to what kind of tempers the Nishizawa's had, being too preoccupied with the main source of her problems. "But," she began tentatively, unsure if she really wanted to know, "does Sesshoumaru-sama want me to marry him...? Does he expect me to... just obey and do it...? Would I... have to?"

"Hell no," Shuukatsu-sama started, but Kagerou-sama cut in without ceremony. "Your suitor came to the shiro today to ask for Sesshoumaru's consent, but all Sesshoumaru said was that if you desire to marry the man, he sees no reason why he should object."

A smile made its way onto Rin's face again. She knew what it meant; it meant that Sesshoumaru-sama left the decision to her! She felt that something dour and accusing that had crept into her thoughts of Sesshoumaru-sama recently peel away from his image in her mind, leaving her somehow light and warm inside. She should've never doubted Sesshoumaru-sama!

"But," Kagerou-sama added with a knowing smile, "we decided to come over and check if by any chance you haven't been made to believe that he wants you to marry the man. And that you should comply like a 'proper lady' should."

Surprised by her words, Rin glanced to her quickly, abandoning the warm thoughts of Sesshoumaru-sama. That's right, she thought, a 'proper lady' ought to just obey and comply, but... it wasn't right that she should! Even if everybody believed it, it just... wasn't right!

Remembering her questions about how it was among the youkai, she narrowed her eyes suspiciously at Shuukatsu-sama, the only youkai male available at the moment. "Does Shuukatsu-sama think that women are worse than men and should obey them?" It was only after she asked the question that she realized that if he really did think so, asking so straightforwardly was probably not a very 'proper' thing to do.

But Shuukatsu-sama only blinked with a slight flicker of amusement in his eyes. "Erm... not that I know of. Do I...?" he turned to Kagerou-sama, seeking confirmation.

"The list of your vices would take days to compile," Kagerou-sama replied casually, "but this one wouldn't be on it."

Well, Rin thought, it didn't necessarily mean that other youkai didn't think like that, but Shuukatsu-sama seemed like a good representative of the class and she felt somewhat reassured. But...

"Then why do humans think like that...? Why do they think that a woman should obey a man? And be all quiet and look down?" The questions seemed to flow on their own. "And marry the man her father chose for her? Isn't marriage about liking somebody? And should 'personal happiness always give precedence to honor and duty'?"

"That," Shuukatsu-sama replied, blinking amusedly again, "is a lot of weighty questions."

But before Rin could hear any answers, Kagerou-sama said that they should find some better place for talking than the courtyard, and that the garden seemed quite inviting. So they headed there, and Kagerou-sama and Shuukatsu-sama ignored all and every odd and somehow stunned look they got from the people around. Even Moshimune-dono got sent away by a casual wave of Shuukatsu-sama's hand. He didn't seem affronted, somehow.

"First of all," Kagerou-sama began, once they sat down on the soft grass under a tree, "I think you're giving too much credit to the youkai. Most often than not youkai females are perceived as worse – or rather inferior – to the males and are expected to be obedient, although not meek."

Rin took in the information, her heart sinking a bit. "Then... does Sesshoumaru-sama think like that too?"

"It's hard to say," Kagerou-sama replied, smiling, "You see, what the majority of youkai consider to be the most important is strength and power. If a female is strong, she's just as much a 'worthy opponent' as a male, it just doesn't matter then. But the strength of the females depends on the kind of youkai, so in some kinds the females are weaker and thus 'worse'. In many actually."

"Among the inu-youkai," Kagerou-sama continued, "the females are naturally weaker. But on the other hand, it was from the mother, not father, that Touga had inherited his taiyoukai blood. She was an exception, true, but was the taisho of the pack nevertheless. So if you want to know what Sesshoumaru's opinion on the matter is, I think you would have to ask him yourself," Kagerou-sama finished with a small smile.

Perhaps she just might, Rin nodded to herself, still somewhat weighted down by what she had learnt. "But why do people think like that...? It isn't true, is it? That women are worse than men, I mean. I don't think it is, but... if everybody thinks so..."

"Not everybody thinks so," Shuukatsu-sama cut in from where he was lying on the grass next to them, "it depends on the culture. I've seen some in which the men are completely at the mercy of the women. And where I come from, females were as strong as the males and rather muscled actually, a feature of all eagles. So when I first ventured into the rest of the world and found how soft and squishy the females there were–"

"We don't want to know," Kagerou-sama cut him off flatly. Although Rin was actually curious where he was going with it.

But her thoughts soon returned to the issue at hand. It was disappointing to know that it was the same among the youkai as it was among the humans, that females were somehow inferior. True, it didn't seem to her that Kagerou-sama and Shuukatsu-sama believed it to be so, and as Shuukatsu-sama said, it might've depended on the culture, but it was nevertheless not good news overall. Still, she was just as sure as she had been, if not more, that she'd rather take it among the youkai than among the humans. That matter settled, and a resolve to find out what Sesshoumaru-sama thought on the issue in her mind, she set out to clear the rest of her doubts.

"And how is it with marriage among the youkai? With mating, I mean. Do females have to mate whomever their fathers choose for them...?"

"It depends," Kagerou-sama replied, "arranged 'marriages' are just as popular among the youkai as they are among the humans, especially among the higher level youkai, for the same reasons as it is with humans – forming alliances and strengthening one's clan. Although with the youkai it's mostly about physical strengthening, that is having strong offspring."

"So," Rin summed up gloomily, "the female is either a confirmation of an agreement or a son maker..."

"Quite often, yes," Kagerou-sama agreed with her pessimistic assessment, "but the youkai world is not as structured as the human world, so it all depends on the kind of youkai and the customs they have. Nor are the youkai so bound by morality, so casual mating, without any lasting commitment, is quite frequent."

"For pleasure...?" Rin prompted and Kagerou-sama laughed. "Yes, for physical pleasure. Take Shuu here, he flaunts himself to every single female he meets."

"So not true!" Shuukatsu-sama eyed her archly, clearly indignant over the accusation, "I do not flaunt myself to every female! ... Only to the attractive ones."

Kagerou-sama was not amused. "Which happens to be nine out of ten for you."

"And how is it my fault that there are so many attractive females in the world...?"

They continued with the verbal spar, and Rin laughed to herself, watching the scene. It was a hobby of theirs, arguing without really arguing, and it somehow made her feel warm inside again, reminding her of home and of the many times she had witnessed them brandish their verbal skills against each other. Kagerou-sama won most of the time, simply because she could hold a straight face longer, while Shuukatsu-sama would laugh and thus forfeit the match. It would probably end like that this time too, she evaluated, noticing that Shuukatsu-sama's eyes were laughing already, so it wouldn't take long now.

Giving Kagerou-sama the time to secure her victory, she considered what she had heard. Yes, it had seemed to her like that too. Not that marriage was to be about alliances and sons, hardly, but that it had nothing to do with morality. She had grasped from the conversations of Haruko-chan and her friends that to them mating, well, the physical aspects of marriage, were to be done only with one's husband, and if they had any objections to not knowing the husband beforehand, they kept them to themselves. It was difficult for her to understand how they could perceive it so, but she had however heard a conversation between two servant girls, who were talking about boys in general, and they appeared to be more focused on the pleasures of such a relationship and less concerned about 'propriety'. Which agreed more with her own opinion, since it seemed to her that what two people did with each other was their own business, and only theirs. It also seemed to her that Kagerou-sama and Shuukatsu-sama agreed with such an opinion, even if Kagerou-sama was currently mocking Shuukatsu-sama about it.

Shuukatsu-sama laughed, clearly loosing, and Kagerou-sama turned to her again. "In either case, even though you don't want to marry that Nishizawa man, I think you should carefully consider the idea of marriage in general."

Rin eyed her dubiously. "I don't think I want to marry. I don't want to stay with the humans. I want to go back to the shiro and live like before."

"You can always do that," Kagerou-sama agreed, "but remember that then you would be giving up on certain things. If you choose to stay with the youkai, then more likely than not you will never marry. It is very doubtful whether you'd ever find a youkai mate, and just as doubtful whether you'd ever find a human who'd be willing to live among the youkai with you."

Rin was about to question Kagerou-sama's words, but a sudden memory of Ryouken stopped her. 'I would have to be stupid to take a human mate'. True, she realized with surprise, she had never seen a youkai-human marriage. Or mating. But...

"But Touga-sama married Izayoi-sama," she pointed out.

"Yes," Kagerou-sama agreed, "Touga took a human mate. But you have to remember that he was not only a powerful youkai who didn't have to depend on anyone, but also already had an appropriate offspring. By then, he didn't have to care either about alliances or children, not to mention that he was more open to the issue to begin with."

"But in general," Kagerou-sama continued, "youkai don't mate humans. They only sometimes do so casually – often leaving behind hanyou's nevertheless – and even less often permanently. To be honest, Touga and Izayoi were the only case of a lasting relationship between a youkai and a human I have ever known of."

Frowning, Rin weighted the information carefully. No, she didn't feel like getting married, especially not the obedient way. But... it was indeed nice to like somebody, so the prospect of never being able to do so was not really all that appealing.

"So I think you should explore the issue in depth before you make your decision," Kagerou-sama added and there was a distinctive and mischievous gleam in her eyes. "Just like you should try out other ways of living as a human. There's more to it than just being a hime-sama in a tono. So go see the rest of the town, find out what it could be like and remember that your decisions don't have to be permanent. You can always return to the shiro, at any time."

True, Rin noted, she didn't want to stay with humans, not at all, but... she had indeed seen very little of the human life yet. And since she was sure now that Sesshoumaru-sama didn't send her here because she had been dishonoring him or to have her marry, but rather, as she had thought before, so she would know what she was choosing between, it seemed advisable for her to find out more about human life. And she had to admit that she would've liked to see the rest of the town. But...

"I don't have any human money," she pointed out, remembering what she had been told by Fujita-sama. Money was 'dirty' and a young lady should not be handling it. She was quite sure she would get none from Fujita-sama and just as sure that she would need some if she was to go try out the rest of the town.

"Not a problem," Shuukatsu-sama replied, reaching under his armor, and she watched the spectacle in amusement, as always. Shuukatsu-sama wore different armor than Sesshoumaru-sama, his was much shorter, just like a grey band around his chest. It seemed much less constricting than Sesshoumaru-sama's, especially since – as she had learnt once when she had asked about it – it was not made of metal, but of dragon hide. The skin of a powerful dragon, Shuukatsu-sama had told her, was much sturdier than any metal. But it had become awfully difficult to get good dragon hide nowadays, he had added, which was why he held on to it, even though it was beginning to wear out in places. However, it always seemed to her that Shuukatsu-sama wore armor not so much for protection, but rather to keep things underneath it. So far she had seen him keep there his flute, a book – two books actually – now money and she could swear that once he hid an apple there, although how it fit in was beyond her, since the armor seemed quite tight.

"There," Shuukatsu-sama breathed in relief, finding the coins he had been looking for. They were beaded on a piece of string ran through their middles and tied into a ring, and she accepted them gladly, actually looking forward to seeing the rest of the town.

"And if somebody would attack you or the like," Kagerou-sama advised her, "Just scream 'Sesshoumaru-sama'."

Rin eyed her doubtfully. "I'm not sure if Sesshoumaru-sama could hear me from that far away..."

Kagerou-sama laughed. "Of course not. But your attackers wouldn't know that, and since Sesshoumaru's name is quite well-known around here, it should give you enough time to remove yourself from their presence."

True, true, Rin had to admit, laughing too at the simplicity of the idea, that could indeed work.

"And if anybody tries to convince you to 'conduct yourself appropriately'," Shuukatsu-sama added his own advice, "just say 'no'. And remember to make it loud and clear, it works best then."

Rin laughed again, a bit at herself. As she was somehow sure now that Sesshoumaru-sama did not send her here because she had been 'dishonoring' him, she felt somewhat silly for having believed that he would. If it had mattered to Sesshoumaru-sama whether she was a 'crude village girl' or 'conducted herself appropriately', he would've said so long ago, she could see that now.

They chatted some more for a while, since she was eager to ask how things were at the shiro. But it seemed that the only interesting thing that had happened there was that about two weeks ago Shippou-chan got stuck in the well. Apparently, as Kagerou-sama relayed to her, he fell into it while trying to catch a glimpse of a tennyo living in there.

"A tennyo...?" Rin questioned. She was quite sure that there was no tennyo living in the well.

"Shuu told him that the wailing sounds coming from the wellhouse are the cries of a tennyo who chose to live in the well when she fell in love with Touga," Kagerou-sama explained, dryly.

"It was a good story," Shuukatsu-sama defended himself but Kagerou-sama ignored him.

Naturally, Kagerou-sama continued, the sounds were just caused by the wind squealing between the cracks in the walls and then reverberating in the well, but Shippou-chan bought the 'good story' and kept peeking into the well, until he slipped and fell into the water far below. Sadly, he soon discovered that the stones were too slippery to climb them and the well was too narrow for him to float up. And since he picked a moment when there was nobody around, he had spent a good half an hour in there. It was Sesshoumaru-sama who had released him in the end, by simply throwing the drawing bucket into the well, so that Shippou-chan could climb the rope attached to it. But, as Shippou-chan had put it, with great indignation, 'he had the nerve to just stare blankly at first, even though the water was freezing cold!'.

Well, Rin laughed to herself, Sesshoumaru-sama did indeed often do it, just perceived the situation before undertaking any actions. But he always did help in the end, like when Shippou-chan got swept away by a river and down a waterfall once. Of course, Shippou-chan complained that Sesshoumaru-sama could've fished him out _before_ he plummeted down the waterfall, but she couldn't really see any reason for resentment. He was saved in the end, after all.

When the afternoon turned into evening, Kagerou-sama and Shuukatsu-sama left, offering to come over once more in two months or so, just in case, to which she agreed gladly. It would be nice to see familiar faces again during the remaining months of her stay, not to mention that one could never know what would happen when among humans.

She had seen them off towards the gates, and returning to the tono found that – for once – Haruko-chan's and her friends' curiosity overrode their politeness. They were peeking out from the tono and after the two youkai with the same incredulity and amazement she had seen on the faces of other people around here earlier that day.

"Was that really Shuukatsu-sama...?" Haruko-chan asked curiously, and Rin suddenly realized why it seemed so strange to them. That's right, she thought, remembering her first days at the tono, Shuukatsu-sama was something of a historical figure in Urabe. There were many stories in Urabe of how Touga-sama secured the Western Lands, and Shuukatsu-sama was sometimes mentioned in them too, she had learnt once, when she had been shown a thick book with the history and legends of Urabe, compiled by the monks from here for the Moshimune family. She found it funny to read 'history' about somebody she knew in person, and who seemed very much alive and not 'historical' to her.

"Un," she confirmed and the girls' eyes widened.

"But he must be _so_ _old_ by now!" One of them, Atsumi, exclaimed incredulously.

Rin blinked in a sudden memory. "No," she replied, struggling to keep her face straight, "he's but two hundred."

Shuukatsu-sama, she thought flippantly, leaving the puzzled girls who kept staring after her and heading towards her room, would be very proud of her. She felt somehow light and warm again as she walked through the corridors, somehow free and unrestrained. It felt good to have so many doubts cleared, although true, she had still many questions left. But it felt good to know that there were people she could count on when she needed help, people who would be worried about her. Yet the best it felt to know that Sesshoumaru-sama did not think her a crude village girl, did not want her to marry anybody, did not think that she was 'dishonoring' him. She shouldn't have ever thought that he would, she chided herself with a slight frown, Sesshoumaru-sama had never ever given her any reason to believe it to be so.

Noticing Fujita-sama and Kyumitsu-san who were sitting in a room she was passing by, she paused in her walk through the corridors. Now was just as good a time as ever to tell them that she would be not marrying anyone, Rin felt resolutely, regarding the two women. Judging from her expression, Kyumitsu-san still held fresh in her memory her encounter with the 'historical' youkai. Actually, Rin considered, remembering the scene, Sesshoumaru-sama's expression seemed to be a very useful tool for avoiding needless talks and explanations. Wondering briefly whether Shuukatsu-sama borrowed the expression from Sesshoumaru-sama, or the other way around, or maybe they both borrowed it from somebody else, like Touga-sama, she did her best to imitate the look.

"I regret to inform you," she told the two women, trying to make her voice and style matching, "that I will not be marrying Nishizawa Natsuo. Please notify Moshimune-dono and Natsuo-sama about my decision."

It must've been a good take on the look, she decided, since Fujita-sama and Kyumitsu-san only kept looking at her silently, blinking occasionally. Yet as she was walking away, she felt slightly guilty for being so standoffish. It wasn't like they were trying to hurt her, she knew that, they actually wanted the best for her, even though they had no obligation to do so. But what was best for them, for whatever reasons, was not good for her, even if they believed it so.

She pondered the matter briefly once in her room, wondering whether Fujita-sama and Kyumitsu-san, and Haruko-chan and her friends too, really believed that marrying a stranger from a proper family was an 'honor', or did they just have no other choice. It would be quite depressing to have no choice, she felt in a sudden spark of compassion, to not be able to decide one's own fate.

But such musings were soon replaced by thoughts of Sesshoumaru-sama and home in general, and she spent the evening feeling warm and content. Nobody came to trouble her, perhaps because the tono was still under the impression of the visit of the two youkai, so when the night came, she fell asleep still warm and content, laughing slightly at the memory of Shippou-chan's misfortunate adventure.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

As they were walking through the town in the evening, Kagerou glanced back towards the tono pensively, her thoughts circling around Rin. She had not been in the shiro when Sesshoumaru decided to send Rin here, but in general, she approved of the idea. Only that, just like years before, Sesshoumaru had not thought his decision through carefully enough. He probably wanted to provide Rin with a comfortable and pleasurable place to spend the year, or longer, should she desire so, but had not considered the formal rigidity of the 'noble' life and what effects it could have on Rin. Rin was not a naturally submissive girl, she could stand her own ground when something conflicted greatly with her views, true, but she also had a natural tendency to trust in those whom she considered 'nice', to trust that they wanted best for her and knew better than her. She was thus very susceptible to being made to believe that she ought to do something in such cases, especially if she believed that Sesshoumaru would wish it so.

So when that Nishizawa man had come to ask for Rin's hand in marriage, she decided to come here and check if everything was as it should be, taking Shuu with her as a means of avoiding unnecessary complications. Not that he needed to be convinced to come here, she thought, glancing to her companion who was currently busy befuddling random humans by waving at them cheerfully, a hobby of his. He probably could remember the circumstances in which they had met, the circumstances of an 'arranged marriage', just as clearly as she could. She originated from a dragonfly clan from Okinawa, a clan which considered themselves 'noble and ancient' and thus followed all those 'honorable' principles Rin had been so confused about, including arranged matings. So naturally, she too was to mate the male her father had chosen for her, and having been fed those concepts all her life, actually would've done it. But then she had met Taisatou and they fell for each other pretty much on the spot. Yet they were also young and inexperienced, so things could've gone terribly wrong when she had finally dared to announce to her clan that she would not mate Masakazu and had left them only to have Masakazu come after her, as was his obligation and duty since it was his honor that had been blemished the most by the refusal.

Fortunately, she smiled as they were passing by a man who had tripped and fallen to the ground, too busy staring at them to see where he was going, Taisatou had been on Okinawa with Shuukatsu, and Shuu solved the problem for them without spilling a drop of blood. Although in a style she would've never had expected from a 'hero to the rescue' operation. When Masakazu came after her and Taisatou was ready to fight him, Shuukatsu took over and before they even saw him move, he was spanking the man, literally. 'You shall not force yourself on women' he lectured him, one spank per each word, while Masakazu was trying to wriggle himself out of his grasp and save the remaining pieces of his dignity. The sight was so unbelievably ridiculous that as she was staring at it in incredulity, all the imprinted lessons on propriety and honor somehow... shed off from her and had not bothered her since. She was left alone after that, since her clan must've gathered information on both what family exactly Taisatou was from and on whom Shuukatsu was, and had never attempted to retrieve her again, apparently valuing their safety above their honor in the end.

Centuries had passes since then, and yet even though those of her clan who were more liberal to begin with had accepted her back, to her father she had always remained 'no child of his'. But she had never regretted her decision, quite to the contrary, she would've done the same every time. Yet, she thought, glancing behind towards the tono again as they reached the town's gates, it was not the same as deciding to live among the youkai when you yourself were a human. It was fine for Rin when she had been a child, it would be fine now and would probably stay fine for quite some time yet, but... what about in twenty, thirty years? How would she feel about it when she would be growing old and wrinkled while everybody else remained as they had always been? Would she regret being too old by then to rejoin her kind...? Would she grow bitter...?

Sighing, Kagerou turned back to the road before her. In many ways it would indeed be best for Rin, and for them too, if she stayed with the humans, even though they would undoubtedly miss her. Still, she countered, glancing to Shuukatsu again, although it was not easy, there were some ways to hold back time for a human.

"You know," she began her mission casually, "if she decides to come back to the shiro, things could get rather sour in a few years."

Shuukatsu abandoned his fun with the humans and looked down to her, nodding pensively. Yes, Kagerou thought, he was probably just as aware of the fact as she was. But she'd rather have him elaborate, she decided, raising a questioning eyebrow.

He looked away, frowning somewhat. "I can see what's on your mind, but what you're asking for is..."

"It borders on a miracle, I'm aware of that. However," she donned an innocent face, "you've been known to make miracles happen."

"You don't need to strain yourself into flattery," he laughed, "I like the girl too. Yet..." He paused again but she more or less knew what he meant; it was not that easy at all. And they both agreed that it was best not to get attached to humans, but... it was just very hard not to get attached to some of them.

They walked towards the forest in silence, both considering the options laid out before the fragile human girl they had just said goodbye to.

"We'll see, Kagerou," Shuukatsu said finally in what she accepted as a satisfactory answer for now. "After all it's not even certain whether she will come back," he added and Kagerou smiled to herself.

"Oh, I think she will," she replied lightly, glancing behind her again and thinking about the brightness of Rin's eyes during certain particular parts of their conversation.

Shuukatsu looked down to her questioningly, but she chose to only smile innocently. If he hadn't noticed on his own, then there was no need for him to know.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Although she had been left alone during the evening, it was not to be a permanent state, Rin found, waking up to the sounds of servants entering her room. It signaled that she was to get up and undergo the whole process of dressing and grooming again, but as she sat up on her futon, watching the servants pensively, she discovered that she very much did _not_ want to undergo it ever again.

They stood before her, waiting for her to rise, and she weighted her sentiments. As much as she didn't want to be buried under the layers upon layers of clothing again, it seemed somehow so impertinently... rebellious not to do it that she found herself faltering under the formality of the scene. 'If anybody tries to convince you to conduct yourself appropriately' Shuukatsu-sama's voice rang in her head, 'just say 'no'.' True, it was easy for Shuukatsu-sama to say, he was a thousand something year old youkai everybody was stunned to see, while she was just an average human, but...

Tentatively, she rose to her feet, gathering in her mind all the polite ways of refusal she had ever come across. "You may leave," she said finally, trying to keep her tone somewhere close to Sesshoumaru-sama's, "I will not be requiring your services today."

The servants kept looking at her, confusion evident on their faces. "Rin-sama...?" one of them ventured to ask, obviously not feeling sent away enough. Biting on her lip, Rin considered what to do now, until she suddenly recalled having employed Sesshoumaru-sama's expression on the day before, in the flightiness of the moment. It did work then, so...

Making her face as stern as she could muster it to be, she raised an eyebrow and fixed the servants with a firm look. It actually worked, she found in relieved surprise as they bowed and left.

"Hmph," she announced to herself, standing on the soft covers of the futon and feeling somehow still in 'Sesshoumaru-sama mode'. It was actually amazing, she decided, that something so simple, nothing more than a raised eyebrow, aloof voice and a stern face, could work so well. No wonder both Sesshoumaru-sama and Shuukatsu-sama used it, it was extremely handy indeed.

Making a note to herself to remember it well, she strode towards the clothes chest – chests, in fact – assembled in a screened part of the room. Rummaging through them for quite a while, she finally found what she was looking for – her own, personal, youkai made yukata! Fujita-sama actually intended to dispose of it at first, but she had insisted on keeping it, not understanding why would anyone want to get rid of youkai clothing. True, it was not as amazing as the yukata she had gotten once from Sesshoumaru-sama, the one made by the spider woman – Chushihou, if she remembered right – but it was still very warm, even on its own, and wonderfully durable. The one made by Chushihou was even more durable, as she had discovered when not long after she had gotten it the left sleeve caught a branch and ripped a bit. She had been greatly saddened to have it damaged thus, but Sesshoumaru-sama only reached out and took the ripped hem between his fingers. He held it for a moment, and when he let go the rip was fully gone, no trace left. She had been greatly bewildered by the fact then, not knowing that it was simply youki-absorbent, as she knew now. It was an exceedingly practical yukata, especially for traveling a lot, but when she had outgrown it, Sae-sama told her that an average youkai clothing, made by a spider weaver living in the Western Lands, would be enough, and she wore yukata's from that weaver ever since. They were still very durable, resistant to staining and actually softer than any of the clothing she had worn here.

Nodding to herself in satisfaction, she took off her sleeping yukata – it had three layers, for some reason – and put on her youkai yukata and a simple sash. It was as comfortable as always, she found, although she also had a slight feeling of being somehow... undressed, especially since her yukata only reached some past her knees. But after so long of wearing so much and being told so often that a lady should be properly attired at all times, it was only natural that it felt different, she told herself. Yet something was still missing, she found, frowning, and rummaged some more through the chests. It took quite some effort, but she finally managed to fish out what she was looking for – her flute!

She had missed playing it, she felt, straightening up, but as she looked down to the flute in her hand, suddenly her mind brightened up with the memory of how she had gotten it from Shuukatsu-sama. 'Keep playing until you find it', Shuukatsu-sama told her then, laughing for reasons unknown to her at the time. But now, as she stood in a human tono, dressed in a youkai yukata, her thoughts were all of a sudden illuminated by a burst of understanding, and she kept looking at the flute, realizing in perfect clarity what he _really_ meant by 'one's own melody'. Laughing slightly, she shook her head at how long it took her to get it. No wonder Shuukatsu-sama was also laughing when he told her that it took long to find it and that one had to play in many places. And she actually thought that the bench in the garden would be enough of a place!

Her lips still quivering, she raised the flute to play the melody that she had considered to be close to her own. No, it wasn't it yet, but it was not surprising at all since back then she was only searching for something pretty, not for something that would express her, and what she found important. To find one's own melody, she felt, enjoying the familiar sounds, it was indeed necessary to play in many places, to know what you wanted and _didn't_ want, what you cherished and what you had no interest in. And she had never really thought much about those things before Sesshoumaru-sama had sent her here.

And that, she thought, smiling as she finished playing and slid the flute behind her sash, clearly proved that Sesshoumaru-sama had been right in doing so, and that she had been wrong to object it so much. True, so far she hadn't found anything here that she would like to keep, or even less so anything that could tempt her to stay with humans, but at least she found out a lot about what she didn't want, and that was just as important.

Still smiling, she headed out of her room and down the corridors, but soon saw Fujita-sama, who was heading towards her room. Probably to talk to her about her behavior, Rin winced, again feeling slightly guilty for having been so brusque towards Fujita-sama on the previous evening. No, she had no intention of marrying Natsuo-sama, or staying with the humans – or being a proper lady for that matter – so she had to inform Fujita-sama about it, but... Watching Fujita-sama approach, she thought of how to do it appropriately and suddenly thought of what Sesshoumaru-sama said to Moshimune-dono when he brought her here.

"Fujita-sama," she bowed once the lady reached her, "I want to thank you for all your kindness and care, but I no longer desire to be treated like Moshimune-dono's own daughter."

Fujita-sama didn't reply, only looked at her with a strange expression.

"But if it's possible," Rin continued, "I would like to stay in the tono during the remaining months of the year Sesshoumaru-sama wished me to spend here." Not in the same way as before though, Rin added mentally, being quite sure now that she had no wish to be a 'hime-sama in a tono', as Kagerou-sama had put it. But she did need a place to stay for the remaining months, and it would've been nice to stay here, since the tono was a very comfortable place to live in, and Fujita-sama and Haruko-chan were nice companions overall. Not to mention that she had very little idea of any other ways of human life, since her memories of having lived in a human village, before Sesshoumaru-sama, were rather hazy in her mind, to put it generously.

Fujita-sama didn't reply at once, only kept looking at her with that strange expression. And perhaps it was just the light in the corridor, but it seemed to Rin that there was a tint of distant regret in her eyes.

"Naturally," Fujita-sama replied finally, "if this is what you desire."

She smiled at her lightly and Rin smiled back, bowing and thanking her, before leaving on her way again. As she walked through the corridors and walkways, ignoring the odd glances her sudden change of wardrobe was earning her from the people around, her thoughts lingered on the peculiar look in Fujita-sama's eyes. It was quite possible, she considered with a sigh, that Fujita-sama did not believe all that firmly in 'honor and duty' either, but simply had no other choice. She had never really wondered whether Fujita-sama married Moshimune-dono out of choice or obligation, although it seemed to her that it might've very well been choice, since they appeared to be a well-matched and caring couple. But even if, there were undoubtedly many things that Fujita-sama had never been able to do, things that a lady was not supposed to do.

Sighing again, she continued towards the courtyard and then beyond, towards the gates, pausing slightly before them. Her plan was to do what Kagerou-sama had advised her to do, that is explore other ways of human life. No, she had no intention of staying with humans, but she would like to be able to tell Sesshoumaru-sama that she had tried everything humans had to offer and thus knew exactly what she was choosing between. But... it was quite an expedition, as she was finding out now, to just venture on her own into a town full of strangers. Biting on her lip slightly, she regarded the road that was winding down from the gates and towards the bridge. It felt somewhat... nervous, to not know what she could expect in the town. But, as Sae-sama once said, quoting some old Chinese proverb, even the longest journey begins with the first step. Or something like that, she frowned lightly, feeling that she might've gotten it inaccurately. In either case, it was still just as true, and thus she took a deep breath, ignored the quizzical glances from the guards and walked down the road to the town.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

It was not that bad at all, she found, and pondered what she had learnt while snacking on an omusubi on a bench outside a ryouriya. She had been worried at first that she would be an object of interest as the 'youkai girl', as she had heard the servants call her whisperingly a few times, but it seemed that she wasn't really all that recognizable, despite having been seen with Sesshoumaru-sama, because apart from a few odd glances, she had not attracted any attention. So she had been wandering around the town untroubled so far, and thus learnt its basic structure. Towards the seaside, there was a number of boats in a cove, some fisherman houses – they had nets hanged outside, so it was easy to guess – and a lot of various fish smells. From there the town grew denser, with one main street along the river and many narrow alleys stemming from it. There was also a large square along the main road, next to the otera that she could remember from the time she had come here for the Tanabata, and around it a lot of various shops and stands, offering various goods, from meat and sea food through vegetables and rice to pottery and clothing. She had also spotted something called izakaya there, as she had gathered from the words of the people around, and the ryouriya where she had decided to attempt to buy something. She was not entirely sure how one got about to doing that, although she had some vague memories of having bought things here before. But back then she had one of Moshimune-dono's guards with her – his name somewhat escaped her memory, she found – and he had done it for her. Yet 'nothing ventured, nothing gained', as Myouga-sama would sometimes say, although how he could say it while being the awful coward that he was was beyond her, so she tried her luck and set out to buy a few omusubi. The lady in the ryouriya turned out to be very nice and simply picked the right coins from her hand when she wasn't sure which one was how much. They were a bit tricky, the coins, since there were various kinds of them, and each was apparently worth a different value. So she watched the people around her carefully, paying close attention to what and how they were buying, and was beginning to grasp the basics of the coins and the overall process.

It meant however, she eyed the string of coins tied to her sash, that Shuukatsu-sama had actually given her quite a lot, she could buy _loads of_ omusubi for it, but it was all the better. She still had a little over a half of her stay before her, so there would undoubtedly be many things she might want to buy. Actually, she considered, shifting her eyes towards a building further down into the town, there was one thing that she could use already. The building was an ofuroya, and to her knowledge it was a public bathhouse, where one could bathe when in need of a bath. And she happened to be in need of a bath indeed, since she had skipped her bath last night. Usually, she would bathe in the evenings, in the bathhouse in the tono – there were two actually – but yesterday she had been too caught up in her thoughts to remember about it, and since nobody reminded her, she had missed it altogether. Yes, she decided, finishing the last omusubi and thus satisfying her hunger for the time being, it was a good idea. So once more repeating Myouga-sama's words to herself, she left the bench and the ryouriya and headed to the bathhouse.

The main difference between a private and a public bathhouse, she found, was that the public one was much larger. And of course, that you had to pay a fee near the entrance, which she had done somewhat more competently this time. The man there also offered her bath supplies, since she didn't have any with her, so she got those too and headed towards the bathing area proper where she could see many people bathing already. There were two very large tubs there and a lot of room for washing oneself, which she had done promptly, and soon lowered herself into one of the large tubs. But as soon as she did so, she caught a familiar name being spoken nearby – somebody was talking about Sesshoumaru-sama!

It was a group of girls, she found, who were washing themselves near the tub, or rather were supposed to, but were mostly just sitting around, chitchatting and laughing. Glancing around casually, she moved towards the edge of the tub that was right next to them, trying to be discreet about it and to catch what exactly they were talking about.

And so she soon found that they were busy arguing over a very feminine issue, while being divided into two opposing factions, each of which supported different of the two youkai men they had seen recently. More specifically, they were debating whether Sesshoumaru-sama was more beautiful or Shuukatsu-sama more handsome.

Rin felt torn between her loyalties. In the frankness of her heart, she would join Sesshoumaru-sama's side, but it wasn't fair towards Shuukatsu-sama. Not only he had always been nice and kind to her, but he was actually very handsome, although she would say that he was somehow too... dark. He had black hair, always wore black and had a somehow darker tone of skin, as if he had a permanent suntan, and it was just too much of the dark in her opinion. The only thing she had always very much liked about Shuukatsu-sama's appearance was his lips, since, as she had observed almost upon meeting him, he had upturned lip corners, thus always looking as if he was half smiling already, which very much suited his character. But it was not enough to outweigh Sesshoumaru-sama, who, as she had always believed, was indeed very beautiful.

Yet listening on the laughing girls, she found that Shuukatsu-sama's faction was doing well enough even without her quiet support, so her conscience clean, she gave into nodding her approval of the various enumerations of Sesshoumaru-sama's qualities that were to win the debate. Yes, Sesshoumaru-sama indeed had very beautiful hair, she could easily testify to that, still owning the braid of his hair she had once obtained. Yes, Sesshoumaru-sama also had very beautiful eyes, they were the color of amber and were very nicely shaped. And he indeed carried himself beautifully, yes, especially in a fight, as she could clearly remember. She kept nodding, satisfied with such an appropriate depiction of Sesshoumaru-sama, but her attention was soon diverted by what one of the girls that supported Shuukatsu-sama countered with. Beautiful as Sesshoumaru-sama may be, she said and the others of Shuukatsu-sama's faction giggled their agreement, Shuukatsu-sama was the kind of man she'd _gladly_ keep under her kakebuton for many nights to come. Rin perked up her ears, knowing more or less what the girl was alluding to and finding the topic to be very much worth rapt attention. She still couldn't really see what the appeal of mating as such was, although true, it didn't seem as strange to her as it used to when she had been younger, and there were times, when she was watching Hiroshi from afar, that she would feel a want to be closer to him. She would imagine how it would feel to kiss him, she would picture the whole scene and what it would be like. It seemed a little embarrassing but... also very much appealing, leaving her feeling all warm and somehow tingly inside. But it still didn't seem as appealing to her as it appeared to be to other girls, so she was curious to learn some more about the particulars of the appeal.

Yet when the girls did elaborate, she found it to be about something she was not expecting to hear at all. One of Sesshoumaru-sama's supporters countered, saying that she would say the same about Sesshoumaru-sama and that she would _gladly_ switch places with that girl Sesshoumaru-sama kept around. Rin felt her eyes widen in astonishment when she realized what the girl was implying. It was the same thing that the monks had said, that she... that Sesshoumaru-sama...

"That's not true! It's not like that!" she exclaimed instinctively, turning to the girls, her cheeks burning in embarrassment. It wasn't true at all!

The girls glanced to her in surprise, silent for a short moment. "Oh!" one of them huffed excitedly, pointing a finger at her, and Rin suddenly remembered that she was supposed to avoid attention, not attract it like that!

"Oh!" exclaimed another and understanding quickly spread among them. "You're the girl!" Rin ducked into the water up to her nose, her mind anxiously searching for a way out. Should she just run for it...? Maybe they won't remember her... She was about to wade away hastily, but what one of them said next made her pause.

"And why not?" the girl who said before that Sesshoumaru-sama had beautiful hair asked, leaning towards her curiously. She was around fifteen or sixteen and was very pretty actually. "Don't you like him?" she asked again and Rin stared at her from above the water. What did she mean whether she liked Sesshoumaru-sama? Of course she did, he was Sesshoumaru-sama, but that had nothing to do with it!

"Oh, you're so bold, Kayo!" gasped another, and Rin very much agreed from her perch almost under the water. She was very bold!

"Don't scare the girl," scoffed another, the one that would gladly have Shuukatsu-sama under her kakebuton. She seemed older than Rin, around nineteen, and appeared to be something of a leader of the group. Her name was Naomi, as Rin had gathered. "So are you really the girl that Sesshoumaru-sama keeps around?" she asked, turning to Rin again. Not seeing much of a way out of it now, Rin nodded slowly, her nose dipping into the water. Maybe they wouldn't be that bad after all...

"So what are you to Sesshoumaru-sama?" Kayo asked again, confirming the assessment of her character as 'bold' and lying down on her stomach near the edge of the tub, to observe Rin curiously, while the other girls scuttled closer too.

Rin frowned lightly, unsure what to say. She wasn't anything in particular to Sesshoumaru-sama, she just... was. Fujita-sama said she was Sesshoumaru-sama's 'ward', but she wasn't entirely sure if that was the right term, never having really wondered about it. "I just am," she replied in the end, surfacing a bit. Kayo gestured at her, prompting her to elaborate, and Rin tentatively set out to do so. "Ummm... Sesshoumaru-sama saved me when I was a child and kept me around ever since."

"Such a romantic story!" a few girls huffed among each other, although Rin couldn't really see what was so 'romantic' about it.

"Oh, who cares about it," another one, the one who would've gladly switched places with her, waved them aside, leaning closer to Rin, "better tell us how does Sesshoumaru-sama look without that armor and clothes!"

A few more huffs about being bold followed, although it seemed that all were very interested to hear her answer, since they leaned closer to her too, but Rin didn't know what to say. She had never really thought about it, and couldn't really remember seeing Sesshoumaru-sama undressed. The only time she could remember clearly was when she had been around twelve or thirteen and entered Sesshoumaru-sama's room one morning to find him getting dressed, wearing only his hakama and putting on his haori. But she had been too awed by his hair when he pulled it out from under the collar and it spilled all around him, almost glowing in the morning light, to actually pay attention to how he looked undressed like that.

"I don't really know," she told them apologetically, and they did seem quite disappointed, especially those who had been supporting him.

"And Shuukatsu-sama?" Naomi asked, wiggling her eyebrows meaningfully, and the girls leaned towards her again. But this time Rin could actually offer them some information, although she was not really sure why they wanted to know. She had seen Shuukatsu-sama undressed many times, since he had a habit of going to the wellhouse first thing in the morning in the summer, dressed only in his hakama, to dump cold water on himself, a very peculiar habit she did not feel tempted to try out. Truth be told though, she had never really paid much attention to how he looked then, except when she noticed that he had a tattoo on his back and she hadn't been all that sure if it was a tattoo or a marking, since one could never know with the youkai. But now, frowning in effort, she came up with an appropriate description.

"He's very well-muscled," she informed them and some nodded to themselves in strange satisfaction. She couldn't really see what was there to be satisfied about in relation to somebody's appearance. True though, now that she thought about it, a boy's physical appearance did somehow matter, and she always found those tall and slender to me more attractive than others, but...

"Mmmmm," Naomi hummed to herself with an odd gleam in her eyes, apparently having more detailed knowledge on the matter. Perhaps, Rin considered, eying her carefully, she should use the opportunity and ask her about it, about some more on boys and such in general. But before she made up her mind, an older woman entered the bathhouse and began telling the girls off for lazing about. A rest day as it was, she said – Rin realized that it was indeed Sunday today – it didn't mean they were to loaf about all day like that. The girls dispersed, finishing their baths quickly, especially the two that apparently were the daughters of the woman, but Naomi and Kayo still didn't seem to be in a hurry. They only finished washing up and entered the tub too, resting next to her.

"So," Kayo started casually, "then what are you doing here in the town now?"

Rin felt a little shy to be talking to them like that. She never really had any female friends of her own age, except maybe Haruko-chan and her friends, but she never really felt all that at ease around them. But, she decided, observing the two girls near her, Kayo and Naomi seemed much more approachable and open, and quite nice overall. So she answered tentatively, telling them about how Sesshoumaru-sama sent her here so she could make her choice between living with the youkai and living with the humans. They listened attentively, asking more questions, without any trace of the timidity she had observed in Haruko-chan. No, they didn't seem 'ladylike' and docile at all, she felt, and it somehow endeared them to her and encouraged her to ask some questions of her own.

Thus she soon learnt that Kayo and Naomi were sisters, and daughters of a merchant who owned one of the shops near the main square. She also learnt that Naomi was already married, and felt rather surprised, in view of her earlier comments. Wondering if by any chance it didn't mean that Naomi too married a stranger, she ventured to ask about it, not really sure whether it wasn't rude of her, but it didn't seem to be. Naomi must've grasped the reasons why she was asking, and only laughed, saying that she loved her husband dearly, which was why she had married him, but it didn't mean that she couldn't appreciate the appeal of other men, even though she had no intentions of ever being a 'wayward wife'. Rin couldn't really understand her reasoning, but felt quite reassured to find that some people did indeed marry because of liking somebody and not just because of duty and honor.

They chatted thus for some time, but then the girls said that they needed to get back home for dinner and to help their parents around the shop and the house. And since she had confessed earlier on that she didn't really have much of an idea about the life of the humans, they invited her to come with them, and she accepted gladly. They seemed very nice indeed and it could be both educational and pleasurable to be friends with them.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

The Sumisawa house and family turned out even nicer than Rin anticipated, as she found when Kayo and Naomi took her to their father's shop. It was located in a building at the square, the shop was in the front, with a small storehouse adjacent to it, and the living area proper was behind it, even with a small garden behind the house, which, as she was told, was not all that frequent in a town. She was soon introduced to their parents, both of whom seemed just as nice as the girls. Hatsuyo-san, the girls' mother, was gentle and warm, and confirmed the girls' invitation to dinner, while Sumisawa-san seemed somehow both stern and decisive and yet at the same time kind and understanding, and when they all sat down to dinner, she established that she indeed liked them all. She also met Naomi's husband, Asato, who was actually quite handsome himself, and seemed to be a jokative person, as she found when he asked them if they had managed to gossip about all the men in the town yet, or have some been spared.

They ate the dinner – very delicious – in a bright and welcoming common room overlooking the garden, and Rin enjoyed herself very much, especially since it didn't seem to matter to them whether she was 'the youkai girl' or not. Kayo and Naomi relayed to the others whom she was and what she was doing in Urabe, but Hatsuyo-san only asked if she was doing alright so far, to which she nodded, smiling. Yes, she confirmed once again, watching them talk animatedly to one another, with only Sumisawa-san looking as if calmly resigned to the ruckus around him, they did indeed seem to be very nice people.

After dinner she helped the girls and Hatsuyo-san clean up, and then even helped around in the shop, enjoying the cheerful atmosphere around her and watching various people come over. When the evening arrived, she headed back to the tono, but Kayo and Naomi invited her to come over tomorrow too, or whenever she felt like it, if she had nothing better to do. And, they added, smiling mischievously, she definitely had to come to the ofuroya next Sunday for another 'girls' chat'. Because on Sunday middays, she found, the various girls from the area who were usually too busy during the week to idle around like that, would meet up in the ofuroya to talk about 'this and that'.

"Don't let them fool you," Asato cut in from behind Kayo and Naomi, "it's not 'this and that', it's _always_ men."

Rin laughed to herself when they scoffingly waved him aside, and promised to come to the ofuroya for sure. Saying her goodbyes and thanks, she left the Sumisawa house feeling much better about humans in general and returned to the tono with quite nice memories of her first day among the town humans.

She repeated the experience on the next day, indeed visiting the Sumisawa residence once more, after wandering around the town for some time on her own. The shop was much busier than yesterday, she found, and offered her help, spending another nice day in their company. They seemed just as nice as on the day before, and just as inviting, so she began repeating the experience almost everyday, until they all became friends to her and she hardly even noticed when another month had passed. It had been a very educational month however, and she now felt much more confident in her knowledge on humans, having asked the girls pretty much all and every question that came to her mind.

And thus she found that the lives of the heimin – the 'common' people, as opposed to the high-born people like Moshimune-dono, Jiro-san and so on – were quite different from what she had gotten used to in the tono. They were poorer, of course, and didn't have many of the rights that the high-born people have, most notably the right to travel freely around the country. Heimin, she had been told, belong to the daimyou of the lands and it's for him to decide what would become of them. However, Moshimune-dono was actually very liberal in that respect, and issued travel permissions to almost anyone who asked, which meant that they were mostly necessary only when one wanted to travel to a large town, where such permissions were often required. Thus, for example, Sumisawa-san often needed such papers, because the specialty of his store were novelty goods brought from large towns, and he sometimes traveled around Japan. Overall, the store offered a variety of goods, from rice through paper to tools, but what made it unique were the many items that could not otherwise be obtained either in Urabe – which was but a small town, she had been told – or in the Western Lands in general. They were mostly novelties – books and paintings, clothing and tools, jewellery and ornaments, and Rin had a very nice time inspecting them all. It was mostly Sumisawa-san's brother, she learnt, who traveled around, acquiring various goods, often preordered by somebody, but unfortunately he was a somewhat reckless person and occasionally would get himself in trouble, which was when Sumisawa-san would have to travel too, to get him _out_ of the trouble.

Sumisawa-san however, was a very stoic and composed person, who could hardly ever be caught out of balance and who followed his own beliefs. And that, she found, was the reason why Kayo and Naomi were so open and not docile at all. During the month around the town, she had paid special attention to the issue of obedience expected from women and found that although heimin women had much more freedom and general liberties than high-born women, they were still expected to be obedient to their fathers and husbands. They were not so confined to their homes, true, but the whole thing about the 'ladylike' behavior still applied, to an extent. Yet Sumisawa-san held a different opinion on the matter, and thus not only provided his daughters with all the education he could – which made a woman rather unattractive to most men, Naomi told her frankly – but also had not arranged marriages for them, opting to let them choose instead. And he proved to be a man of his word when Naomi fell in love with Asato, who was but a fifth son of a poor farmer family and owned pretty much nothing. The match was generally considered to be very disadvantageous to her, Naomi told her, and 'no father in his right mind would agree to it', as many people in Urabe had advised Sumisawa-san then.

But Sumisawa-san remained undaunted, and not only agreed to the match, but also offered to make Asato his successor in business, a very generous offer towards a boy who owned nothing and knew nothing about the trade. He did however set one condition, which was that Asato should prove to him that he was worthy of his daughter. He was to do that by postponing the marriage – and _any_ related pleasures – for three years and becoming Sumisawa-san's apprentice in trade. Yet Asato was not to be deterred by such trifle conditions, so when nearly a year ago the three required years had passed and Naomi was still 'intact' while Asato had learnt the trade, they were finally married, much to Sumisawa-san's satisfaction. And undoubtedly much to their pleasure, for as Rin had gathered, they were indeed a very loving couple.

And now they lived together with the rest of the Sumisawa family and both helped to run the shop which was a very family business to begin with. Even Kayo had her role in it, in being a 'kanbanmusume', that is, as Rin had learnt, a pretty daughter who stood outside the shop and attracted clients. It was a popular custom, although Sumisawa-san was not all for it, but Kayo wanted to do the job out of her own volition, taking great pride in her good looks. And, as she said, if a man was stupid enough to waste money only because a pretty girl wanted him to, he was asking for it to begin with. Rin spent many pleasurable hours outside the shop with Kayo, acting as a sort of a kanbanmusume helper, and often chatting about this and that. Well, yes, about boys, and very often about Sesshoumaru-sama, since Kayo was one of the girls that supported Sesshoumaru-sama in their ofuroya debate and Rin very much liked talking about Sesshoumaru-sama anyway. So she told Kayo all about how she had been revived by Sesshoumaru-sama – Kayo had been really amazed then – and all about their life in the shiro, about how Sesshoumaru-sama was like and about the many things he had done for her.

She had once also told Kayo that she had a braid of Sesshoumaru-sama's pretty hair. Kayo had been very envious of her then, but Naomi, who heard the conversation, had a different reaction, much more business like.

"Hmmm, that would fetch a nice price," she said pensively, obviously visualizing the possibilities, "We could even sell it in talismans!"

And as strange as that sounded, Rin found that it was a justified assumption, since there were many people both in Urabe and in the Western Lands in general who considered Sesshoumaru-sama to be in a sense their benefactor. It was just as she had thought upon coming to Urabe, the fact that Sesshoumaru-sama disposed of those human daimyou's years back had been greatly appreciated, and additionally, as she had learnt, his mere presence as the lord of the lands discouraged most warlords from trying to take over the area. Not that the lands were that much worth the trouble, she had been told, since it was too hilly and rocky here for profitable farming, which, she suspected, might've been the reason why Touga-sama had picked this region to begin with. In either case, she had no intention of selling Sesshoumaru-sama's hair, for any uses, but had been impressed with Naomi trade instincts. She was clearly a merchant's daughter, born and raised, while Rin had no such inclinations, even though she found helping in the shop to be very enjoyable. She had actually been helping there so much that Sumisawa-san offered to pay her for her time, but naturally, she declined. Not only she had often eaten dinner at their house, she replied, but also Shuukatsu-sama had given her more money than she actually needed, as she had found.

"Handsome _and_ generous," Naomi commented then, "nice!"

"I swear, Naomi," Asato remarked casually, leaning out from the storeroom, "you are a natural born geisha!"

Rin laughed at their antics, knowing by then what a geisha was. She was not entirely sure though if that was the right term for it, although Naomi was most certainly a natural born _something_ in either case. Yet an appropriate term had not yet come up in her conversations about boys both with Kayo and Naomi, and during the 'girl's chats' in the ofuroya. Asato had been right, she had found during those chats, they were indeed all about men. Not all were about some distant objects of attention however – although she had been made to reveal some more information on both of the two youkai competitors – most of the chats were actually about everyday boys, boys that the girls from the group liked and sometimes even planned to marry. It was not always possible to marry the boy one liked though, she found, and it pretty much confirmed her earlier assessments of how marriage most often worked. Even though the girls here were heimin, and thus were much freer than for example Haruko-chan, they were still usually expected to marry the man their fathers chose for them. It was much more possible however to marry the boy one liked, provided that he was an 'appropriate' kind of boy. 'Appropriate' meant that he was wealthy – or at least not poor – and of a good family. So thus, marrying a poor village boy, like Naomi had done, was hardly ever an option for them. Only those that nobody appropriate wanted to marry and who were getting on in years could sometimes marry whomever, but it was not an easy thing to do when you were considered unattractive to begin with.

Still, despite the many vices of marriage, it did seem that it was a very enjoyable concept to the girls. They also seemed to be more focused on the liking aspect of it than the honor and duty part and she found it to be much more like what it should be, in her opinion. She also found that they had a much more relaxed approach to what was decent and what was not. One ought not, she had been told, 'go all out' – meaning do the corporal union, as she gathered – before marriage, although it seemed to her that some might've anyway, but kissing was alright. And it appeared that most of them – even the two who were fourteen – had already done so, making her feel somewhat inadequate. She was nearing eighteen and yet the closest she had ever been to a kiss, she noted despondently, was the 'indirect kiss' Shuukatsu-sama had teased her about. Of course, by the same token drinking from the same cup as Shippou-chan counted too, but that was hardly a consolation. It's not that she _had_ to kiss, of course not, but...

Sighing, she pondered the matter on one of the cheerful middays in the ofuroya, idly listening to the girls. It was like Kagerou-sama had told her – living with the youkai she would most likely never have a chance to have somebody to like. True, Kagerou-sama also mentioned that youkai sometimes casually mated humans, but she did not feel inclined towards having such a passing relationship just to find out how kissing felt like. Or doing anything else one did with boys. She still wasn't entirely sure what the appeal was, and had actually confessed so to Naomi once, but Naomi only laughed and told her that she would know once she found that one right boy. And that was the core of the problem, Rin felt, washing herself absentmindedly, she would like to do that, find that one right boy and then learn all about kissing and other things, but none of the boys around seemed appealing to her. It was not all that bad however, if she was to give up on such things for good, but on the other hand, it would be nice to know on what exactly she was giving up. Well, she sighed again, she still had some time left here, so who knows, maybe she would find some boy she liked enough for it.

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**General notes:**

**Rin's character:** In relation to the obedience issue, personally I don't find Rin to be all that obedient as she is sometimes shown to be in other fics. Note that a) she practically ditches Jaken when he is about to tell her the story of Inuyasha, b) she didn't listen to Sesshoumaru when they first met, c) followed after him just because, d) attempted to lie to him about Kohaku, e) didn't listen at first in Movie 3 when he told her to leave, f) the whole of Episode 96 is about Rin doing things on her own, and most notably g) in Episode 166 Sesshoumaru tells her and Jaken to leave Kagura (who was being swept away by a river) alone, but Rin enters the river anyway, somewhat to Sesshoumaru's surprise (or maybe he's surprised that Jaken did it too, in either case I love the bit when it's Jaken who gets bonked for the fact they got swept away by the river too). Also, in Episode 162, she clearly defies the monks, even quite brusquely telling the monk to let go of her. Same in Movie 3 when she exhibits very clear convictions on what is 'right', in both somewhat naively telling Takemaru off and in collecting the rosary pieces for Kagome. And same with thanking people for help and the like.

So no, I don't think her to be submissive by nature, and my opinion is more or less expressed by what Kagerou thinks on Rin in this chapter. That is that Rin would defend her convictions when it comes to something important to her, but when it comes to everyday issues, she would trust others to know better than her. Like when Sesshoumaru tells her not to move in Episode 66, and she remains frozen until he allows her to move again. Or when he tells her stay somewhere and she does, despite thinking it to be boring. It also seems to me that she does very much want to please him and to always have his approval of her, but like in Episode 166 she wouldn't obey him blindly when his words contrasted against her own opinion.

However, I do admit that, as **Maore** noted, making Rin lash at the monks in the last chapter could've been too much, so perhaps I'll change that. Moreover, there may be some observable inconsistencies in her character in this chapter, but hopefully it is because I wanted it to be so, to show her still as in that 'peculiar stage of maturation' ;) I do know though that she might seem too naive and innocent for an almost 18 year old girl, but I also wanted to show that she never really had an occasion to be made to grow up among the youkai, since to them she's still very much a child. Not only because of the species difference, but also because to them those ten years would be hardly any time for somebody to mature. So she had a very peaceful and innocent life, without ever having to ponder any weightier issues.

But I did try to show that intellectually, she's smart enough to draw her own conclusions, understand abstract concepts and generally 'catch on' when faced with something new. Lastly, I also tried to show that she has a sense of humor, and can apply it to make humorous remarks of her own, not just laugh at what others say.

So overall, I hope that the readers will like Rin as I see her ;)

**Travel permissions**: I'm not entirely sure if travel permission had already been introduced in Sengoku Jidai, but I do think that they were used during the Tokugawa shogunate (the next 'era' after Sengoku Jidai). In either case, the point on heimin being owned by daimyou is pretty much accurate to my knowledge – the samurai even had the right to kill any 'lesser' person and not get punished for it in the slightest.

Moreover, I would like to note here that not all 'high-born' people in Japan at the time were samurai. There were also nobles as such, centered around noble families related to the Emperor line. At the time, Japan was ruled by two separate centers of power – one, the Bakufu, that is the military, samurai, center, and two, the Emperor, who was pretty much just a nominal center of power. However, the samurai, or rather the daimyou's, that is the ruling samurai, were then constantly at war among each other, hence the period is also known as the Warring States Era. And although in the timeframe of this fic Nobunaga is already rampaging around (he laid the foundations for unifying Japan), it would be only in some ten or twenty years (don't remember at the moment) that the Tokugawa shogunate (shogun was the chief of the Bakufu and thus effectively the ruler of the country) would come into full play. The period of Tokugawa shogunate is more commonly known as the Edo period (Edo was the old name of Tokyo to where the Tokugawa's moved the Bakufu center), and it lasts until the mid 19th century when the Bakufu as such is abolished. It is mostly during the Edo period though that the samurai culture reached its full swing (the code of Bushido and a lot of other such regulations and customs were created only then), while in Sengoku Jidai and earlier, the 'noble' culture originated from before the Bakufu was still prominent, so there were many nobles as such who weren't really samurai. And since I had Touga unite the Western Lands over 600 years prior, that was even before the Bakufu was established and thus Moshimune family did not originate form the samurai. Phew, that was long and obscure.

**Review replies:**

**Sexysaxist**: How can you say that! I'm an open review whore too! ;) My neglected muse had indeed been very much balmed though and I do feel somewhat better about not being a 'catchy' writer, so all is well that ends well. Or something like that. And on to the two reviews: Kagura will hopefully add even more to the story when I reuse her (it will be quite a challenge with all those issues, phew); Shuukatsu's contemplation was exactly to leave the reader going Huh? because it relates to something that is very much downplayed in Movie 3 and which is the bare reality of Sesshoumaru's actions, and is rather coldhearted indeed. It will be elaborated later on, but you do have a point there, so I think I might edit that bit.

As for the lemons – true, I agree with your opinion, very much so, but unfortunately I see the story between them as only reaching understanding after sex, not the other way around, so even without lemons as such, some 'bed scenes' will have to be inserted. Although some realizations on both sides also will be required, so a lot of issue juggling ahead... 0.0 Hmmmm, not an easy thing in either case...

I have followed with the general advices of writing as I see fit though, although it cost me three complete re-writes of the first part of this chapter! –shakes fist—

And as for the chapter 11 review – thank you very much for mentioning all those little things! Once more those were the exact effects I was going for, so I'm yet again very happy to hear that they had been achieved:D Shippou does have those sort of moments, doesn't he, like in one of his first episodes when he points out to Inuyasha that if they allow Naraku to collect shards in a ploy to just take them from him later, Naraku would only get stronger and Inuyasha is pretty much 'eh...?' Hilarious! And the issues between Sesshoumaru and Shuukatsu (both fatherly and enemy-like) will also be explored further since I agree, there's a lot of room for both being charming and somewhat dramatic. And maybe I should insert more Touga, but I think I'll do it only once more of the general past of Sesshoumaru is revealed, ooooooh! ;)

And once more, thank you for such detailed and greatly appreciated reviews:D

**Shadowkeepre**: It does indeed sometimes take a lot of effort to research, but fortunately I greatly enjoy it, so it's not that tiring, only frustrating when I can't find something. And hahaha, your sisters are very much right, not everyone can be thrifty!

**zee**: Thank you, although it's 'dudette' ;)

**idril:** Hahaha, thank you! I really wish I could post chapters more often, but unfortunately I'm only writing as I post, or posting as I write, and there's only so fast that I can write! And really, don't worry, if you have any critical remarks, I will more than appreciate it if you voice them! It's sometimes very difficult to see flaws on my own, ouch.

**Oakzap425:** Thank you for spending your new experience on this fic then! ;) I answered to the Inuyasha question (they will most certainly return to the story) in the long author rant at the beginning. And I'm glad to hear that the symbols were noticed:)

**RinoaHeart7**: Thank you, no problem and I tried to make the chapter as thought out as I could!

**Sesshomaruhasfluffytail:** Thank you, though I'm afraid that you will still have to wait for the romance proper for a few chapters. As for the snow – Sesshoumaru was symbolized by snow and winter, and Rin admired snow and winter, yet shook off the snow of the branches and anticipated spring. In other words, it's a foreshadowing that she will both 'defrost' Sesshoumaru and will want to do so.

**Tetsukon: **(Soul of Iron...?;)) Thank you! It is all the more appreciated since you're not generally a Sess/Rin fan, so I can take it as personal credit ;)

**evilteddybear: **Thank you very much!

**mystal: **Thank you! As you can see from the length of this chapter (huuuuge!) I decided not to worry too much about it! I tried to focus more on Sesshoumaru and Rin since otherwise it would be hard to retain the feel of continuity of a romance between them, but there will undoubtedly will still be a lot of interaction between other characters and more POV's. If I do post the other fic (I might include it here, I'm still undecided) I will most certainly let you know:D

**Tarwen:** Hahaha, thank you very much and I do indeed repeat that to myself, along with 'no mush, no drama!' ;)

**Maore:** Thank you very much! And true, I wholeheartedly agree that writing (especially non-profitable) should be pleasurable, not burden-like, although it's sometimes hard to do when I stumble over some more angsty pieces and it takes _days_ to structure them coherently 0.0 And 'when in doubt, eat', hahaha, I think I will make it a motto for Shippou! It suits him perfectly! As for Rin and the monks, I have rumbled about it in the general notes and thank you very much for taking the time to describe you impressions of it! And lastly, about Sesshoumaru realizing that Rin would be an 'old maid' soon – I did indeed intend to show that he cares for her and thus worries about her well-being, but I also tried to show that he's still not entirely aware of how much exactly her well-being means to him, and thus finds various justifications for his actions. So I hope it came out alright, even though I'm not entirely satisfied with Chapter 11.

**Anna's pastime:** Thank you:) And as you have mentioned, yes, for me the Sess/Rin part in more of an excuse to show the world that had somehow birthed itself in my mind than other way around. I also very much agree that fanfiction (and creative writing) in general is a great place to delve deeper into characters and their relationships. True, it's not possible to visualize the scenery as easily as it is with movies or anime, but on the other hand, no movie would ever allow such opportunities as inserting casual recollections or personal thoughts. So as always, something for something, hmmm. Well, in either case, thank you again:)

**Dazma:** Thank you:) As for my struggles with my writing style, I have ranted on it mercilessly at the beginning of the page ;) I am _very_ happy to hear that you find the story to feel gentle, because that's exactly what I wanted it to feel like, especially during those parts now! And finally, keeping a reader awake till 3 am is one of the best compliments, so thank you again! ;)

**Snowlock:** Thank you and I hope that I have managed to present some parts of the human view (the rest will follow in the next chapter). True though, it is not possible to please everyone, try as I might, although I don't think I'll try anymore. I'm not too sure about your opinion on the freshness of the material, I find that letting it hibernate for a while before I put it on paper usually distills the coarser bits and it structures itself more nicely. On the other hand, I do forget many good scenes in the process... Nothing is perfect as it seems ;)

**D-Chan3**: Thank you! In my opinion though, Tenseiga doesn't work that way and I will try to insert into the fic my take on its capabilities. Moreover, Rin's mortality is something I always wanted to explore, so that would go against it ;) And as for Rin and the humans, I replied in the chapter note.

**jess:** Thank you, I try ;)

**Lady of the Westlands:** Thank you and it's for her own good:o

**libi se mi psi: **I hurry to deliver! And such a long chapter too! ;) I know what you mean about trying to be perfect, it can be a serious drawback, but on the other hand, I often find that it's during reviewing that I get the best ideas for simple descriptions or for making something clearer, so it's a two-ended stick (so to speak...). And there are absolutely no limits on reviews, not too mention that personal input it in my opinion very important here, since we are all writers who are supposed to help each other out with reviewing, and personal accounts can help a lot:)

**Frenchiegirl:** Thank you, and hahaha, I did indeed intend to make Sesshoumaru a bit big-brother-ish, also later on for Shippou ;) And I'm very happy to hear that you like Sae, I liked her too the moment she appeared in my mind, although she will later on show that she can also be very decisive and firm! And thank you again (particularly so since you were the 100th reviewer:))! Oh, and I don't think it actually matters for which chapter one reviews, especially when a review is worthwhile as yours:)

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Wow, it took me 5 hours just to write all the notes... Thank goodness it's Sunday today!


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